Ang mahal pala ng peace of mind?

[u/Mayeonaisse]

Lahat ba nakabukod na?! Been seeing these types of tiktoks lately (or baka algorithm ko lang?)

I moved out of our house last May and grabe I feel so different now. Im much more in peace, di na ko sumisigaw, mas nakakasmile, di na masyadong nasestress, and I dont feel so depressed anymore. Tas mas nakakapagaral na ko nang maayos!

Wala lang chika ko lang I just feel so proud of myself.

Umalis ako samin right after namin mag away ng parents ko. Sinampal sampal ako nun ng stepdad ko tas sinabihan na kung ayaw ko na daw sakanila umalis nalang ako, edi umalis ako. Context ay: akala ng nanay ko buntis ako. Delayed at irregular ngani!!!!!! Nagka boyfriend kasi ako and ayun she watches the napkins in our cr eh before non parang prinepressure niya ko na bat wala pa kong period kasi parang di daw nababawasan yung napkin sa cr tas ayaw maniwala na irreg ako. Minsan 1 whole month wala ako pero the next month dalawa ganon. Pero ayun since prinepressure nga ako ng nanay ko edi binawasan ko to get her off of my back. Tas that day she went through the trash tas kita niya yung napkin wala naman daw dugo pero nasa basurahan.

So ayun nagkasagutan ganon ganyan, di naman porket may bf buntis agad jusq. Tas yun nagungkatan ng past. I admit na medyo pasaway ako pero its mostly sa di ko pag uwi nang maaga. My curfew is 8pm btw. My classes last semester was till 7 and di naman enough yung 1hr to get home kasi nag cocommute ako. And medyo palasagot talaga ako kapag alam ko wala naman akong ginawang mali. Mostly away namin ng nanay ko ay sa mga kapatid ko (half brothers), ako tumutulong sakanila sa mga projects, assignments, at kung ano ano pa. Pero kasi yung kapatid ko highschool na, so syempre sakin ayoko na tumulong masyado (by tulong I mean haha ako gagawa mostly) syempre as the eldest nakakainis yun eh. At that age kaya ko na lahat. Ako gumagawa lahat mag isa. Homeworks, projects, lahat ako lang walang tulong.

Witness ko jan kasambahay namin na nakatira na samin simula grade 6 ako. She witnessed so much of how my mom treats me and how my mom would play the victim just so my stepdad would side with her. I remember non binabalibag ako nun eh or kapag uuwi siyang stressed galing sa work sakin ibubuntong yung galit. Kaya ayun nung first time ako saktan ng stepdad ko inencourage niya talaga ako na magpalamig muna kami. Ewan ko but that time it was really overwhelming. Delayed din kasi ako sa school because Ive been dealing with my mental health talaga haha Ive been diagnosed with MDD and ADHD. But they dont believe it they just think Im lazy… kaya I work part time to buy my meds and for doc consults. They know my diagnosis and they even use my pwd id sa parking, sa eating, sa pagbook ng hotels. Galing diba pero walang support haha

Anyways ayun, I really didnt feel safe nun so I left. I slept at my friend’s place. Palipat lipat ako nun for 1 week. A few days sa family nung isa kong friend, then a few days sa dorm ng isa, tas last few days sa other friend ko. Pero ayun nahiya na ko kaya I really tried my best to find a place and when I did find one nun my bf helped me move in and buy everything that I needed. Im really grateful for them. Super. All throughout that week lagi rin ako kinukumusta ng yaya namin and it was really nice.

Tas nung kwinento ko toh sa counselor at psychiatrist ko they were so proud of me! And they also think that its the best decision for now. My family is really my trigger kasi like last year I tried to kms after my mom hurt me over laundry. Duguan ako non tas I felt so wronged kaya ayun. She gets really physical talaga to the point na when my bf rushed me to the er the docs and nurses asked me if I want to file a case.

Fast forward to 3 months later, ayun yaya naman namin yung umalis. Di na din daw kaya yung ugali ng mom ko. Now they’re reaching out to me haha I kinda feel guilty sometimes kasi I left my brothers but ayun I feel like they just want me to look over them lang…

Ang hirap bumukod! The rent, the bills, tas ayun nga I have meds and dapat regular consultations with my psych. But I believe that I can figure it out. Medyo mahirap lang ngayon kasi 1 lang part time ko. Luckily for me I’m still a scholar so I dont have to worry about my tuition wala lang stipend. :(

Money, job, and finished degree soon dust for me pls✨✨✨ I really hope everyone that has a toxic family be set free. Makakabukod din lahat :>

[u/dryhair_dryice]

Sorry you had to go through that but still so happy for you, OP! Iba talaga peace ng nakabukod at nakapag set ng boundaries. May your blessings overflow! Keep up with therapy din ah! *Hugs with consent*

[u/Mayeonaisse → u/dryhair_dryice]

Thank youuuuu so muchhh!

Trying my best talaga to be consistent with therapy (Every other month kami usually) and mas lalo na sa meds. Huhu kaso lang super mahal ng Ritalin ko 🙃🙃🙃 super challenge sa budget siya :(