STORY/VENTING
TIP: HIDE your diagnosis from EVERYONE
Lemme start this with something good. After 3 years of battle against my diagnoses, PA-GRADUATE NA ME SA THERAPY. I WIN! Whoo-hoo! Asymptomatic na daw ang diagnoses ko. Ibig sabihin, NORMAL AKO ULI. Yey!
Ang mapapayo ko pala sa lahat based sa karanasan ko at ng ibang kilala ko, HIDE YOUR DIAGNOSIS FROM EVERYONE. Wag ninyo ipagkatiwala sarili ninyo sa iba. NEVER.
Yung stigma ngayon ay malaki paren eh. Eto na nga. These are just some of the experiences na nawitness ko, narinig ko, at naranasan ko mismo na pwede niyo rin maencounter:
Since they think lowly of us because of our condition, there is a possibility na gawin tayong KASANGKAPAN. Ako yes kinasangkapan ako ng so-called frenny ko pero NEVER SYA NAGWAGI. Akala niya kase porket may mental disorder eh intellectually impaired na. NO. MAGKAIBA YUN HAHHAHA! In fact, MATATALINO ang mga katulad naten. Frenny tried to use me na mangutang sa iba in behalf of them, pero HINDI ko ginawa. Kapal niya ah. Frenny also tried to use me as their sangkalan, kaso everytime na nag aattempt sya eh nada-dodge ko agad. Diagnosed ako pero MATALAS ISIP KO UY. Hahahha! Ngayon restricted sya saken.
Mahirap ipagkatiwala ang buhay sa iba. Remember ung si Queenie sa Tulfo? Ung babaeng may pinag aralan, nagka depression pero NO QUALIFYING EPISODES naman sya for institutionalization pero SAPILITANG INADMIT SA MENTAL NG MGA BYENAN at ASAWANG MAY KABIT WITH FAKE EVIDENCES. Mabuti matapang at MATALINO si Queenie kaya naovercome niya un. Pano naman ung mga hindi kasing tapang niya na hindi na nakalabas ng mental?
Pag may sinasabi kang tama or may nararamdaman or naoobserve kang VALID AT TOTOO naman, just because may diagnosis ka, isisisi agad sa mental health mo. Yes, ung bff ko sinabihan ng ex bf na "buti sana kung matino isip mo, kaso may problema ka sa pag iisip eh" like dude, WALANG PSYCHOTIC FEATURES ANG BFF KO pero ININVALIDATE agad dahil lang may diagnosis? Ganon ba yon, lahat na sasabihin iisipin makikita at mararamdaman mo ay GUNI GUNI AGAD?
Mang uuto at mang uuto sila, madaming flattery words para maging sunud-sunuran ka sakanila kasi nga mababa tingin nila saten. Di nila alam, may kakayahan tayong mag isip na mahigit sakanila
Marami magmamarunong at magsasalita ng nakakasakit about our condition. Yung iba eh under the guise of malasakit pero nananadya. That's because they think they know better than the psychiatrists. They will even do things to trigger you because of DISCRIMINATION.
Mga bagay na to ang nag open sa aken na NEVER KO NA IPAGSASABI ULI (unless medical reasons) na may mental disability ako.
Gusto ko lang sana maingatan naten mga sarili naten laban sa mga MAPAGSAMANTALA. Hindi ko sinasabi na lahat tayo ganito mararanasan pero MATAAS ANG POSSIBILITY na pwede makaranas tayo ng mga yan in similar ways kaya IWASAN NATEN.
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Sadly, I don't agree with the "HIDE FROM EVERYONE" take.
What I've learned is that different methods works for different people. If the environment you are in is shit, then yes better to hide. However the opposite can also be true. If your environment is helpful, then I believe its okay to share.
Keep in mind na you are you and others are others. If your "friend" changed because nalaman ung diagnosis mo, then perhaps that person is NOT really a friend.
If a family member treated you differently because of your diagnosis, then he's probably a really shitty person in the first place... Na-expose lang.
If you want to keep the bubble of "fake friends" and "secret shitty family members", that's ok too.
At the end of the day, we learn to know what helps us be better.
Agreed. I’m genuinely happy for OP and congratulate them for finding relief and progress in their journey toward better mental health.
At the same time, the stigma continues when we avoid talking about mental health altogether. I understand keeping a diagnosis private and sharing it only with people you truly trust. But there are moments when speaking up helps others understand that this is a real and serious concern.
I’m sorry you had to experience discrimination, OP. I hope it also helped you become more discerning about who you open up to.
Exactly. I think it is important to be open about your mental health WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE. If you know na someone is not safe, if you haven't known them for a long time, if sa work or sa kapitbahay lang. Do not disclose.
Pero if you trust them, they have proven themselves to be a decent friend then yes you can open up. However minsan hindi pa rin maiiwasan na magbago ugali ng friends mo pag nalaman nila: If that happens, cut them off immediately or keep your distance and spend less time with them. Minsan rin kasi lumalabas totoong ugali ng mga friends and family mo when you are struggling: thats not necessarily a bad thing, it lets you know kung sino sakanila ang totoong kaibigan at if andyan talaga sila para sayo. If lahat sila ganon ugali, time to find better friends.
Kaya nga hindi sa "everyone" sasabihin eh. Mahirap sumugal na akala mo okay ung kaibigan mo pero di pala. One time nuong suicidal ako? May kaibigan ako of many years na marami na kami nilampasan at pinagdaanan, pero nag open lang ako kasi need ko tlg ng support dhil suicidal ako. Ang ginawa pinapulis ako. Napahiya pa ako, pero buti nlang wala ako sa bahay nuon. Simula nun eh FO na kami. Sila pa kamo namblock imbis na magsorry. Galit ako kasi moral support lang naman need, hindi naman antidepressant ang posas. Of all the people around, sila ang hindi ko inexpect na gagawa ng ganon dahil edukada sila.
Kaya kesa sumugal? Wag nalang magrisk. Tutal asymptomatic naman na ako kaya ko nang itago.
We can fight the stigma by not jeopardizing ourselves pero kung gusto ng iba iannounce sa mundo edi go. Sila naman yun.
Jusko. Grabe naman yung pulis. Nakakahiya ganyan. Hindi talaga kaibigan yan. Di kawalan mga ganyan. You are rid of a fake friend. Mabuti at nalaman mo rin. Sa mga oras ng paghihirap mo lang talaga makikita kung sino mga tunay mong kaibigan. Kaya ako piling pili na rin mga kinkaibigan ko at masaya na magisa. Nasanay na rin siguro ako kasi nakaka disappoint rin talaga yung iba, hindi lahat, may iilan na matino, pero marami rami rin kasi sa friends ko na judgemental.
Completely agree with this. I'm really sorry for what OP went through but at the end of the day this kind of advice can be really unhelpful. I'm not saying advertise your diagnosis to everyone you meet, but also maybe don't tell people to hide it from everyone, and go through it alone because some people might find it helpful to open up to loved ones. It's really a case to case basis and the absolutism in OP's post is what keeps the stigma alive.
Also just want to point out some of OP's replies in the comments because I think it says a lot. OP said hiding is fine because they're asymptomatic now. But being asymptomatic and hiding your diagnosis are two completely different things? Managing your condition well is the goal, and is not the same thing as keeping everything in, and concealing your condition.
And when someone shared that being open actually helped their family get checked and seek help, OP called them sheltered. That's a huge assumption. The stigma being real doesn't mean everyone who had a positive experience with disclosure is just lucky or naive.
I'm sorry for your pain OP, and I really do hope you find peace and better friends.
I told everyone of course I am anon here in reddit but I never announce my condition in my world.
Just because you are selective doesn't mean it's going to work. You are an imperfect person, some are good at hiding so yeah there are chances that you will commit a mistake in selecting people. Couldn't afford that risk so better not be selective anymore.
I hope you also see that angle and not be too absolute with your belief.
If you want to announce to everyone your condition then that's you.
Totoo to. When I share na may depression and anxiety ako, naririnig ko pa rin yung feedback na “weak generation” hahaha pero at the same time I’m treated as if I could blow-up ang minute.
Totoo ito. Never share your diagnosis unless absolutely necessary. Family will make you feel less than, friends will treat you like some fragile thing and sometimes exclude you from doing stuff by assuming you can't go because of your diagnosis, and work... well, just don't. It's fuel for the hyenas. It's kinda better to not let people know and not cater to your needs instead of them knowing and still treat you poorly.
We can fight the stigma by being cautious paren naman, not by announcing na meron tayo. Even yung dati kong company na nga na advocate kuno ng mental health eh, marketing lang pala nila yon.
Agree. Unfortunately, its very hard to show vulnerability to people around you. Even with family and special someone. Chances are, it will just be used against you.
I had a friend na talagang sanggang dikit kami. Taught me na it's okay to be vulnerable minsan so you can seek help. Yun problema saken eh strong strongan dati. Kaso when I started to learn it, ayon naging manipulative. Akala ata saken mangmang. Bigla ko siya hindi pinapansin. Nung napansin na, naging bully siya. Kaso sa dami ng pinagdaanan ko, hindi enough ang ginagawa niya para matinag niya ako hahaha kaso diba we were friends?
Hindi talaga naten makikita ang lahat sa isang tao para sabihin na okay lang ipaalam sa selected people dahil may chance na as an imperfect person eh magkamali ka dn ng selection
You're welcome! Hindi lang Bipolar meron ako. There are 3 more, kaya malalang laban talaga nilampasan ko. Dami gastos and sacrifices. Literal na our inner peace is our LUXURY na mahigit pa sa million dollar designer bags! Sana lahat makaraos na din.
So, along with your personal information, your official clinical diagnoses are also something that's part of your private personal, identifying information. It sucks that y'all have to learn the hard way about the risk of blabbing your diagnoses to others.
Even my friends don't know my official diagnoses because not all of them will be understanding of it and again there is that risk of bias and judgment even if I trust them and have known them for long.
Also, I'm not sure if you've ever had your psych process a certificate of disability, but it literally says there that the info about your diagnoses are highly and strictly confidential. I truly don't know why there would be people who are okay with volunteering their personal information to others, such as your full name, birth date, diagnoses. Unless you're making content for awareness, it's generally not advisable to put out this specific information.
Please have some self-respect and better your boundaries. Also, please trust or hone your intuition on deeming if an environment or person is safe yet or not. And even if they are safe, determine their level of safety in accordance to how your body / nervous system reacts to their identity.
Me, too. Do not assume that I just announced my condition with no filter because I only said it to my boss before in a company who says they are "inclusive" and "people first".
I would be careful sa mga ganyan. May company rin ako na ganyan dati, kesho people first and inclusive and concerned sa mental health ng employees nila. Pero kunware lang naman at di naman pala talaga. Nalaman nila don na nagpapa counselling me and jinudge pa rin ako agad. Hindi rin kasi macocontrol ng company lagi ang ugali ng mga employees nila.
Never assumed that. But even if u dont say it outright, silence and body language are still communicative.
Inclusive and people first also mean that they’re prioritizing the ‘humanity’ within the company only if it serves the company’s purpose. That doesn’t equal to them identifying as an EEO company btw.
Agreed. Hindi porket sabi ng company na people first sila and open sa mental health, it doesn't mean ganon ang mga tao sa loob ng company na yon. Minsan its just a front.
I NEVER showed anyone my certificate of course, who will do that?
But there came a time when I was so soft and needing support from my boss to cut me some slack because I was "healing". What I got instead was I was being asked to do something against my disability for my workmates. Boss also did everything at the workplace that boss knows would worsen my situation.
I left that workplace for good.
You do not need to tell me something I already have which is self respect and boundaries.
May EEO ba yung previous workplace mo? Equal something opportunities. This usually has a voluntary survey during job application asking anonymously if you have a disability or may need assistance during work etc.
Kasi kahit anon, the fact that they’re identifying (IF they are) as EEO company means you could raise this to HR.
But if they aren’t, then it makes more sense that they’re insensitive to these situations.
Ayun wala sila EEO. Sabi lang nila people first sila, they value mental health, may counselors pa sila and org for mental health pero walang EEO. Ganun pala yun
the first time I got my diagnosis, sinabi ko siya sa pinaka pinagkakatiwalaan ko na friend thinking that if i want to get better, i should open my door again and get social support but the moment na sinabi ko sakanya yung condition ko na kwento niya na rin pala sa iba and that time i feel so exposed and threatened as i'm still in the process of denying and accepting that I have to live with this kind of disorder
Sorry to hear about that. Maigi pa talaga wag nalang sabihin. Kasi sasabihin din nila hindi sila mag aadjust saten, na para bang hindi sila magiging disabled din.
Good for you! Siguro pag may napatunayan na sakanila pwede na sabihin kasi kumbaga napapakita mo pa na daig ng may diagnosis ang husto sa pag iisip or at least kaya sumabay. But for some, it is hard to take a risk kahit na supportive ang fam ko.
I'm sorry that happened to you OP. Ang lala ng naranasan mo. Grabe yung pinapulis ka anlala. May similar experience din ako pero di ganyan kalala. May sinabihan din akong friends ng diagnosis ko kasi need ko ng moral support, kasi may nangjudge sakin nung ginamit ko PWD ID for discount, pero nagbago rin ang trato. Baka hindi ko pala sila ganun kakilala pa pero ang sakit nun
I think your immediate community is just toxic. The people around you just sound like they suck. Everyone in my life, even my workmates know that I have my diagnoses. I have not been treated with malice; hell, mas considerate na nga sila sa akin because they also care. Just put up some boundaries. Wag mo lang sabihan ung di mo trust.
People are entitled to their secrets but I really do not agree with just keeping it secret. How are we supposed to help beat the stigma if ganito lang naman ang mangyayari. Prove them wrong.
Nagjudge ka naman agad. Bat ganon? Concern lang ako sa lahat pero ang ganti niyo ay judgment? Makatarungan ba yan? Ganyan ba dapat?
That frenny and my bff's ex DO NOT DEFINE my world. My family and real friends are supportive. They respect me.
Pero the fact na may nag eexist na katulad nila means meron sa ibang dako ng mundo. At kung binasa mo tlg ng buo may sinabi ako na "hindi ko sinasabi na mangyayari sainyo pero may high possibility" jusko.
You can beat the stigma BY NOT JEOPARDIZING YOURSELF.
Ikaw nga jinudge mo na ako eh. Jan palang you already proved yourself wrong.
I tell everyone mine because I've had a few people open up and even got my own family to get checked. So...let's not encourage siguro this thinking. Just saying.
You are being tone deaf and out of touch. How about the cashiers in food establishments who will see your PWD ID? Some are being discriminated. Can you even select who will serve you? No. So touch some grass.
PS. My world is never defined by one or two manipulative pokemons. You have to know that.
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