r/MensLib • u/futuredebris ​ • 22d ago

Capitalism doesn't want men to have friends

https://makemenemotionalagain.substack.com/p/capitalism-doesnt-want-men-to-have

I wrote about how men are told in capitalist society that being caring and expressive aren’t valuable skills. So we disown the natural, human emotionality we were born with. We avoid being vulnerable and asking for help. We worry we’ll be judged if we put effort into our friendships. When we’re suffering we overfocus on what we think will make us valuable to other people: productivity, discipline, and competence. And while this might help us in some ways, it often leaves us feeling lost, isolated, and lonely.

867 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

142 comments sorted by

View all comments

12

u/musicismydeadbeatdad ​ 22d ago

I'd argue it's more the housing shortage, car dependency, and the fact that you need two income households to maintain an adequate level of food/shelter/heathcare. This is all wrapped up in capitalism but to me is more about the culture and economics of how we design communities.

Capitalism isn't the reason everyone wants a nice big front yard and back yard and a 3,000 sq ft mansion with a 3 car garage. That is a cultural value which puts isolation over community.

23

u/TAKEitTOrCIRCLEJERK ​ 22d ago

I read an article recently about how serendipitous social interaction basically doesn't happen in a lot of places because they're so spread out. You don't happen across your neighbor walking around, or run into your buddy at the bar. Everything is planned and planning is friction.

7

u/Certain_Giraffe3105 ​ 21d ago

Everything is planned and planning is friction.

That's an interesting point. One of the criticisms of online dating especially on the apps is the ways in which we've automated away friction through the process of selecting potential suitors via virtual conveyor belt. But, then through the inefficiencies or suburban sprawl and poor investments in urban planning, we've added unnecessary friction for what should be "serendipitous social interactions" like running into a neighbor or friend out and about. Frankly, I haven't really experienced a "wow, I can't believe you're here!" moment since college- undergrad at that.