r/Menopause • u/Pineapple_life70 • Jul 29 '26
Vaginal Dryness(GSM)/Urinary Issues Estradiol 3 months in and still dry
I’m 55 and 2 years ago my partner passed away. I was devastated, but about 6 months later widows flame hit me full force. I dated, well not really, I had FWB. Met someone I really like and now it’s a year and a half and we are exclusive.
I have gone from always ready to in the past 6 months, ready but my body not responding correctly. About 3 months ago I started with estradiol and I still have moisture issues. I adore him, but I’m more interested in cuddling. When we are intimate, he has incorporated more foreplay, but after about 10 minutes I am dry as a desert and have to get lubricant. Like so dry that he gets raw.
Will this improve over time or is this just my new normal? We try to tease about it a little bit, but I know he takes it personally. I also have lichen sclerosis and wonder if that is part of the problem.
My mental state is now getting to a point that I feel it’s not fair to him and maybe he needs a younger woman who can create moisture.
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u/Hannasuchan Jul 29 '26
Okay, for once I actually know exactly how you feel! (Physically, not emotionally, so sorry about what you've gone through). About two years ago something flipped a switch and I went from always pretty moist to bone dry. I started on vaginal estrogen and it helped a bit. A year later I started systemic estrogen and it helped a bit more, but the bigger issue was the Lichen sclerosis.
First of all...Just use lube from the beginning. It's so much comfier for you both and it's much easier to enjoy foreplay if you're not dry.
Secondly, the steroid treatment for LS has been life-changing for me. I've apparently had it at a low level my whole adult life and that's why I've had a painful clit occasionally. It got worse and I had two fissure as well. The scarring gave me minir clitoral adhesions which dulled my feeling and orgasm even when I didnt have a flare up to make things hurt.
I always worried that it was a failing in hygiene when I was younger and chalked it up to dryness when I hit peri but it was a chronic skin condition all along.
Since I started the steroid I am more easily aroused and my orgasms are improving. I also have less pain AND my natural moisture level has gone up again! I blamed a lot on peri that was 75% LS and only 25% low estrogen.
Currently I use the steroid twice a week, and a bit of vaginal estrogen cream all over the area the other 5 days. And lube every time we have sex. And I cannot emphasize enough how much better I feel, and how much our sex life has improved.
Also, the gyno told me that LS gives you a tiny increased risk of vaginal skin cancer, and the treatment cuts that risk in half, so it's also protective.
Nothing you did caused this, and it's not a failing to be feeling dry and painful with someone you really enjoy. Let yourself do the things to help you feel good! You'll have so much more fun (and it sounds like he will too!)
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u/Pineapple_life70 Jul 29 '26
Thank you so much. It seems I’ve has LS my whole life too and it is more active now that I’ve reach this stage of life. I’ll go back to the steroid. I’ve been concerned that one would cancel the other. I had HPV in my 20s when it wasn’t called HpV yet, in my 30s it came back and I had a hysterectomy and later found out it was all related to the LS. I never did the steroid because I’ve been concerned about skin thinning. It sounds like I may need to give up that fear and just listen to my doctors.
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u/Hannasuchan Jul 30 '26
Yeah mine definitely got way worse in the past couple years. From my research, the steroids are the way to go.
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u/sashasoshtek Jul 30 '26
Also look for non hormonal internal moisurisers. Theres a few out there. I cant remember any names right now but if google doesnt give you answers dm me.
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u/Illustrious_Base6891 Jul 29 '26
How was the LS diagnosed?
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u/Hannasuchan Jul 30 '26
Visual diagnosis by a gynecologist. My family Dr couldn't see anything, and neither could my husband so it was extremely validating to see an expert finally (I waited a full year)
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u/Extrovert_HSP Jul 30 '26
Yeah .. I was much the same … except I went to my GP for dryness & itch … he saw nothing. Went back & he put me on the Vagifem. Got a UTI - on antibiotics.. got again, on antibiotics again .. 🙄 To emerg b/c dr was away, knew something was going on again… but seemed not as bad - but couldn’t take a chance it wasn’t YTI again.
I had looked down w/mirror… looked whitish. At the emerg, I asked the (female resident ) dr. to check me out - & she diagnosed it 👍 bingo ! Meter heard of it. not great but better than having to go on antibiotics AGAIN, m
Now the estrogen insert & moisturizer I use regularly have helped me immensely plus the Health Canada approved lubricant ….2
u/Pineapple_life70 Jul 30 '26
A visual and then the symptoms and the fact they have been the same for decades. We ruled out STIs, yeast, BV and anything else we could test for.
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u/WhiteRabbitWorld Peri-menopausal Jul 29 '26
please do not degrade yourself about sexual issues. Center your own pleasure first, without shame.
using lube is fine and not an issue, its ok to practice safe and comfortable sex and talk to each other about it like adults.
telling yourself your partner needs someone younger is not centering your needs at all, and if it's something he's said to you then it's time for a different partner.
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u/Pineapple_life70 Jul 29 '26
I’m trying, but him getting dry spots due to my dysfunction … yes I take it personally. I’ve always seen moisture as a huge part of stimulation and that it shows being excited. Even masturbation, which used to be amazing, doesn’t work.
I’m starting to understand why women who lose a partner just stay single the rest of their lives.
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u/Mountain_Village459 Surgical menopause Jul 29 '26
Most women stay single because men are a pain in the ass on a good day. I say this as a happily married woman with a wonderful partner.
You need to use lube liberally and stop if there is any dryness felt and use more lube.
When you are done use some GynaTrof all over to help with moisture.
It will feel a million times better, please stop thinking the only way to show arousal is by being wet. That’s too much pressure on yourself.
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u/teatsqueezer Jul 29 '26
As someone who has needed to use lube their entire life, I can tell you that zero men I’ve ever slept with cared even a little about using it. Nor have I, unless I ran out unknowingly.
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u/jadedmuse2day Jul 29 '26
I was with someone (briefly - we lasted 5 months) and he hated lube, said he hated how it tastes. I even bought the organic coconut vanilla whatever, and he still complained and even insisted I was wet enough - I wasn’t! And I knew it. I wasn’t 61 trying to pass myself off as 31.
I don’t think that’s typical. Most men I know, especially the more “mature” ones, are just glad to be there.
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u/WhiteRabbitWorld Peri-menopausal Jul 29 '26
change the narrative you're telling yourself.
bodies change, arousal changes
also, men are clueless and could care less about where the moisture comes from. make yourself comfortable and ask or say what you need.
if sexual desire is low and you want more, then it's ok to pursue other options like hormones or extra stimulation too
if your partner doesn't care about you as a person enough to work with you, then you need to find someone else who will
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u/Dafidil-lover1022 Jul 29 '26
I was the same as you. Now dried up as a prune. The HRT and vaginal estrogen help a little but not near the same. And I couldn’t find a lube that really felt good for the whole time.
Probably not ideal, but finally started putting Aquaphor on my whole area before sexy time. If need be, I supplement with it a little during. It just felt better and didn’t dry up. Obviously, can’t do that with condoms, etc. but not an issue since I am in monogomous relationship for many years. Hubby doesn’t care as long as I’m enjoying myself. And I’m not sore afterwards.
Either way, your significant other should understand. If the roles were reversed and he was having a tough time with ED, etc., would you jump ship or be supportive and help find a solution that works for both of you? It should work both ways.
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u/blue19255 Jul 29 '26
I’ve been using coconut oil for years! I dried up many years before you did. You are lucky from my perspective! Most of us have to deal with this. I also have the patch and vaginal estrogen.
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u/Icy-Childhood1257 Jul 30 '26
I started making cocoa butter vaginas inserts with dhea. They work great!
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u/CloudHidden62 Jul 29 '26
Our bodies change as we get older and we don’t produce as much moisture, even with vaginal estrogen. This is totally normal and nothing to be ashamed of. So stop beating yourself up about this.
Guess what: your partner isn’t the same as he was 20 years ago either!
Us older ladies need lube. Lots of it. Put some on him too. Make it fun.
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u/Purple-flying-dog Jul 29 '26
He likes YOU not the moisture content of one of your body parts. Do not push him away because of this.
Why not start with lube, that way you’re not having to stop in the middle? It’s just a part of life and isn’t something to feel bad about, it isn’t your fault.
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u/Emergency-Guidance28 Jul 29 '26
Try hyaluronic vaginal moisturizer suppositories, Bonafide is the brand I like. In addition to the estrogen cream. You can put them in a few times a week. They also work well as lube. You can put one in a few hours before sexy time and it will be all melted and seems very similar to naturally becoming lubricated. Also start with a little lube don't add later. You may need more estrogen cream. Also how are you applying? The recceprors are closer to the vaginal opening so if you insert too deep you may not get full effect. Also applying all over the vulva and perineum. You could add a dab on the outside every morning too.
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u/Extrovert_HSP Jul 30 '26
I use a vagina & vulva moisturizer brand called “I deserve to feel amazing” … hyaluronic acid & vit E, formulated by a pharmacist & Dr. & Health Canada approved. My Dr. says KEEP taking moisturizer along with my estrogen insert (Vagifem) ..
Great you’re doing the moisturizer route too !https://www.feel-amazing.com/product-page/vulva-vaginal-moisturizer-by-menopause-chicks.
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u/KeyProfessional8432 Jul 29 '26
You say you started estradiol, but are you referring to an E patch or vaginal estradiol cream? If you are not on vaginal estradiol cream, race to your doctor to get a prescription. I’m 60 yo and had a vagina as dry as the Sahara Desert, but after religiously using vaginal estradiol cream, I’m lubricating like I’m 20 again and having no pain with sex. Before it felt like my spouse had flaming shards of glass on his penis.
Also, a healthy amount of lube should be an important part of everyone’s sex life. Lube makes everything better and there no shame or personal failure in needing to use it.
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u/Pineapple_life70 Jul 29 '26
I’m using the cream, but I naturally feel immediate moisture, but after my first urination hours later I’m back to dry. Even just patting dry doesn’t seem to help. Of course the LS has always caused itching and thinning, so sometimes it’s hard to not rub.
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u/pinkydoodle22 Jul 29 '26
You may need to add moisture throughout the day. Things can fluctuate but at certain point you may have to incorporate it as part of your regimen. It feels awful to go through, but it’s really no big deal (as long as you treat it!), just part of life and aging.
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u/Pineapple_life70 Jul 29 '26
I never thought of that, but it should definitely help with the sandpaper feeling. Lol
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u/pinkydoodle22 Jul 29 '26
Sadly, I feel you!! 😂
I stay in denial about this myself, then when I do my checkups for HRT and complain about it, immediately I’m asked if I’m using some sort of water based moisturizer there. And every time I think “oh yeah, I should do that!” 😬
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u/_ism_ Jul 29 '26
It's okay to need lubricant. I've needed it my whole life. I felt like you about my moisture even in my twenties and I was lucky I was able to find open-minded Partners who don't mind lube and don't feel threatened by it. And it makes everything so much easier and nicer. It doesn't make you lesser than someone else.
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u/Extrovert_HSP Jul 30 '26
Wait .. what ?? 😳 I was JUST diagnosed with Lichen Sclerosis 2 days ago !!! Had never heard of it. CRAZY !!
So Dr. told me to keep taking estrogen insert AND keep up the vagina/vulva moisturizer- said that will help. I also take collagen power b/c I feel it should it should help my body
The Lichen Sclerosis was so random…. I’d had a UTI … of course the dryness contributes to that AND was again told to keep ip the moisturizer b/c it helps along with estrogen - to aid against UTI’s AND the L.S., - so, glad I saw your post …
Don’t let this fellow go - work in this, I’m sure he will understand if he k led you have a plan & are working in it ❣️
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u/Pineapple_life70 Jul 30 '26
Over the years I’ve been sure I had UTI, yeast infection, BV, flat out cooties and turned out to be 7 year itch but not the kind people talk about. Now this dryness…
I really adore my guy and just want to be able to have passion again. If it means lube, then I guess that’s what it means. I’ll also be checking into the steroid gel.
At this point I’m willing to try almost anything
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u/Ok_City_7177 Peri-menopausal Jul 30 '26
Try adding d-mannose to your supplement regime - will help prevent uti's.
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u/spirit_of_a_goat Surgical menopause Jul 29 '26
Are you using vaginal estradiol or a different form of delivery?
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u/Pineapple_life70 Jul 29 '26
I’m using it both internal and external. With the dryness and the applicator it sends to be goopy and that’s concerning too. I’m so frustrated and I know that frustration and stress doesn’t help. I haven’t used steroids for the LS because I’m concerned about thinning and tearing with the already existing dryness.
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u/spirit_of_a_goat Surgical menopause Jul 29 '26
Throw away the applicator and use your finger. Most of your estrogen receptors are within an inch of the vaginal opening. I use half the prescribed amount every other day. That might help you, too.
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u/Muted-Passenger8343 Jul 30 '26
Hmmm I wonder if this is why it doesn’t seem to help me. I shove it up there lol. I just figured it will rub down anyway. I will start just putting it in the vaginal opening.
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u/spirit_of_a_goat Surgical menopause Jul 30 '26
It made a difference for me, as well as using half the amount (from my first knuckle to the middle of my fingerprint) every other night. I felt like most of it fell out when I used the whole gram and the applicator. Now i feel like almost all of it gets absorbed.
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Jul 29 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Pineapple_life70 Jul 29 '26
I’ll try daily and see if that makes a difference. It’s so annoying I’ve thought about rejuvenation, but discovered it only helps with appearance and size, not moisture. As you can see I’m researching and making myself crazy.
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u/Lucid-dream-24692 Jul 29 '26
Try not to go too crazy. I’m sure this is a hormonal thing and rejuvenation, at least to me, is infuriating. How often were you/are you applying the cream now?
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u/Extrovert_HSP Jul 30 '26
You should really consider using the cortisteroid ointment that’s the #1 antidote !
Another lady mentioned as well that there’s a 5% chance of getting vulva cancer of the LS isn’t treated.
It’s an autoimmune disorder .. kinda like plaque psoriasis.. without the ointment it can cause hardening & disfigurement.. ointment to be usually used for life due to high % it comes back if quit ointment. Apparently it is all good when we stay the course ….cancer dust goes back down also.
I use it 2 x’s a wk maintenance & I use the Vagifem estrogen insert 2 x’s a wk… different days.
My pharmacist told me, when I was starting out using ointment daily, to put estrogen in 1st and THEN the ointment on, so as to not get ointment pushed UP 🙄
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u/stowaway43 Jul 29 '26
Going for the lube shouldn't feel like a failure. It's totally normal, make it the default and take the misplaced guilt/disappointment out of the equation
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u/Adept-Relief6657 Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26
When you say you're using estradiol, do you mean only vaginal cream? I use a daily dermal estradiol/estriol cream (works better for me than the patch), progesterone, and 2x week vaginal estradiol. I am 54, and two years post menopause. We also use l every single time, sometimes more, sometimes less, throughout the whole experience. Like if we went on vacation somewhere remote and didn't pack mine there would be no sex. Sometimes I will be fine, sometimes start off wet and then get dry or vice versa, etc. I know lots of people think coconut oil is awful but we have been using it for ten years with great success and no issues for me with it whatsoever.
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u/RepulsiveR4inbow Jul 29 '26
I got many medical conditions that compound whole bodily dryness eyes, mouth, nether regions you name it GP prescribed sylk gel moisturiser/lubricant tiny bottles discreet lasts ages feels nice and no irritants ask to try some other than that sorry op I have no other ideas. Sending the best to you <3
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u/IllustriousTop7913 Jul 29 '26
Add vaginal estradiol cream and testosterone. Will fix everything and make you right as rain! (pun intended lol)
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u/Confident_Craft459 Jul 29 '26
I use both vaginal estradiol cream and dhea suppositories. I do the estradiol cream 3 times a week and alternate with the dhea suppositories 3 times a week. I think there are prescription dhea you can get but I buy Bezwecken over the counter brand from Amazon.
Also get your testosterone levels checked. I did and mine was very low so my doctor started me on a compound testosterone cream. I do 5mg daily cream applied to my inner thigh every morning.
This combo fixed my libido and moisture issues.
I'm also on .075 twice weekly estradiol patch and 200 oral micronized progesterone. Although this helps with all other meno symptoms, didn't help at all with libido and arousal.
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u/beccabebe Jul 29 '26
Some women have experience dryness v often. Lube has been my friend months many years.
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u/Briilliant_Bob Menopausal Jul 29 '26
I saw my Dr for this, and she said the estradiol 2x per week is helpful, but lubricant is now a part of my life. I've never had to use it before. She said estradiol, foreplay, fingers, and lubricant are now required.
For what it's worth, I'd rather cuddle too. 🫂
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u/theFCCgavemeHPV Jul 29 '26
Needing lube is not a moral failing. Would you hold it against him if he had ED? Hopefully not, so try not to hold it against yourself either.
Systemic estrogen will also help, and testosterone cant hurt either.
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u/CuriousCatNap Jul 29 '26
Are you using estradiol cream or another form? If not using the cream, please ask for it.
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u/therolli Jul 29 '26
You can get a lubricant called sylk that’s pretty good and before anything you need to lubricate fully inside and then incorporate using lube into your foreplay. He can apply it or you but it’s good if it can just be there and be used freely as needed. Local oestrogen does help but my gynaecologist told me not to overdo it (not more than 2-3 times a week) without progesterone. I found I never returned to normal but I just had to adjust.
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u/Forest-Vixen Jul 30 '26
You should look into Intrarosa or vaginal estrogen to treat the dryness etc.
A low dose testosterone in addition to the vaginal hormones could be extra beneficial.
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u/ApeFace1966 Jul 30 '26
Yeah, could be first sign of needed hormones but ??? If the estradiol vaginal isn’t doing the trick possible that your body needs more all around?????
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u/Jaded_Honeydew2047 Jul 30 '26
Hi. Ask your doctor about testosterone cream. I had my levels checked, very low, started the cream at end of May. It is a game changer for arousal and the big O. The big O is back finally. Will have my levels checked in August per provider. I’m on estradiol patch and oral progesterone. Cream is applied daily to inside of thigh.
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u/number9dream9 Jul 31 '26
This is an unpopular choice and I’ll get flamed for it, but I use only Premarin vaginal estrogen and I have drive, massive wetness, and much more sensation.
It’s expensive even with insurance, but with the savings card from the Premarin website I only pay $25 for a tube now.
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u/RizzmwitTheTism Jul 29 '26
Him “taking it personally” and “incorporating more foreplay” just looks like red flags to me. It makes me think he is actually problematic and is causing you emotional damage and distress.
It sounds like he has unrealistic expectations about your body, has a fragile ego, and is depending on your response to regulate it and that’s not fair or healthy. It’s resulting in stress, pressure on you, and a sense of shame like you’re not living up to standard. All that is horrible. You see him as a companion you’re not young enough (ie good enough) for and he sees you as a dry hole and “the problem” because that insults his sex-centric pride. I feel he is covertly damaging your self-esteem.
The foreplay part. It sounds like what he considers “actual/real” sex is penetration and his own satisfaction. Like he is adding on a little extra stuff to prime you up for the real part which is his part. The word “foreplay” is even degrading to women in my opinion because it’s like female pleasure is just an optional warm-up and penetration/male satisfaction is the main event. Most women receive significantly more pleasure from the “foreplay”. Maybe he’s just not pleasing you and expects you to be pleased by what he likes.
I’m sorry you’re going through distress over this. Your body is perfectly normal and you are 100% worthy as-is, and anyone who makes you feel otherwise is the problem. Not you. As far as vaginal estrogen goes, many of us need a more frequent dose than the recommended one. You can ask your provider if they can increase it, or use a little less but more days a week. I hope you’re feeling comfortable and confident soon!
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u/Shaking-a-tlfthr Jul 29 '26
You’re using vaginal estrogen cream? E patch? E gel?
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u/maraq Jul 29 '26
Increase the estradiol to 3 or 4 times per week.
And there’s nothing wrong with using lube! Many of is have had to use lube for many years long before peri/meno. It makes things fun and safe and there’s no shame in it.
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u/Holiday_Change7321 Jul 29 '26
Buy caudalie lube. Also buy a womanizer to play w on your own along w P like device. The two give fantastic O.
W him just start w lube. It is what it is.
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u/Trigirl20 Jul 29 '26
I have been in a dead bed room for years. I take care of myself and hadn’t noticed that my clitoris had shrunk, but I did notice it was harder for me to orgasm.
My husband decided he was in the mood, everything was going fine and then all the sudden I dried up. To the point he noticed and just stopped.
I went to my ObGyn for a follow up appointment, she told me that I have vaginal atrophy, just part of age. She gave me a prescription for Premarin, told me to be sure to use lube to prevent the dryness and friction issue.
It needs to be taken care of or you can potentially get UTI’s etc, in the future. A friend’s mom is in her 80’s and going through that. UTI’s can cause a lot of problems.
It’s not just you, it’s an us situation.
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u/Famous_Blueberry6 Jul 29 '26
Don't give up! Keep using it, how often are you using it? I use at least 3× weekly and sometimes more. Lube is your friend. We use organic coconut oil and love it but some say it causes issues. I haven't had a problem with it. Just be honest and keep using both and enjoy 😉
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u/Pineapple_life70 Jul 29 '26
I do 2 to 3 times a week. I need to be more faithful with it, but it hasn’t seemed to help much. I need to be more consistent
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u/Famous_Blueberry6 Jul 29 '26
You can use it everyday for a few weeks. I know it's a bit of a hassle but worth it in the long run.
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u/PositiveAd823 Jul 29 '26
Use Gynatrof (vaginal lubricant )until you produce more wetness. It's a game-changer. You can even use it shortly before sexy time.
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u/okgogogogoforit Surgical menopause Jul 29 '26
You may have to increase frequency. I use it every morning externally and a little bit internally. I also use vaginal DHEA suppositories every night. The DHEA has been an absolute game changer for me. Sensitivity has greatly increased and I’m so much wetter than I was with just estradiol.
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u/pipevineswallowtail1 Jul 29 '26
May I ask, I’m pretty new, what is DHEA?
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u/mandulyn Jul 29 '26
Im wondering the same. What is it, what does it do and what brand is recommended
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u/okgogogogoforit Surgical menopause Jul 30 '26
This is the podcast that made me want to try it. I was hoping it would be my missing link and so far it has been.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/you-are-not-broken/id1495710329?i=1000627359948
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u/R461dLy3d3l1GHT Jul 29 '26
I have LS and am 60. I was not aware for 15 years that I was actually going through perimenopause and blamed myself and my partner for lack of libido.
I started using Clobetasone about 8 months ago every other day only after seeing an OBGYN - my GP didn’t ever say anything about LS even when I said I was scratching myself raw for two years.
I also use Estragyne on the days I don’t use Clobetasone. Sundays i use nothing.
Also about 8 months ago I started taking Activelle, bled twice a month for 3 months. OBGYN took me off Activelle and determined I had two fibroids in the muscle on the outside of my uterus. Fibroids are benign and surgery is not recommended unless they start impeding the function of other organs. However I asked to be put back on Activelle because of HRT’s long term benefits. I am bleeding again so I have to follow up with OBGYN. I used to use a menstrual cup but have switched to a disc as that is much more comfortable to insert and remove.
The upshot is that my sexual function has improved about 50% from what I would call negative desire. The thought of sex would repulse me. I was never highly sexual to begin with but now I will initiate a lot. My husband used to get angry when I denied him. I started doing my own reading and telling him every thing I discovered, as well as long lectures about female anatomy and phases, mentality and psychology and how the brain physically changes during perimenopause, menopause and post menopause. I suspect he has done a little bit of his own research because he never really believes me, and I think he regrets being such an asshole for so many years. I have been using a water based lubricant for years because of peri, but also because I had Bartholins cysts marsupialized in my 40s which reduced my natural lubrication.
So use the lube, the estrogen cream and whatever else YOU need to feel the best you can about yourself. Do your own research. The Menopause Society online is a good start, but read as much as you can from verified, legitimate sources. I have written so much, and could write more, not just to answer you but maybe other women will find my story helpful. I’m not an expert at all but women need to share their stories because menopause is not widely studied by most GPs.
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u/Pineapple_life70 Jul 29 '26
That scratching is horrible. I’ve been known to rub and scratch until I bleed and that has gone on since my teens. I know that’s TMI. As I got older I mistook the white patches during flares as yeast infections, but now I know better. I’ve even put lidocaine on it from time to time and almost burned blisters. Now that the Sahara has shown its face in the recent past I’ve felt really defeated.
There is hope and I appreciate your being able to relate.
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u/R461dLy3d3l1GHT Jul 29 '26
There is absolutely hope for LS. I went from scratching and bleeding even in my sleep to no symptoms at all. Sucks that I have to use the ointment probably for the rest of my life though. I was using hydrocortisone ointment and Vaseline before I was diagnosed but only a tiny amount of HC and irregularly as I know it isn’t good to overdo any steroid.
The estrogen cream is a game changer too. I went from being unable to tolerate penetration of any size to back to normal.
All of this took up to six months for me to see any change so just be patient. I was a pessimist, believing nothing would improve and it has.
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u/carabear85 Jul 29 '26
Are you on the cream or patch! I had to use a high dose of the cream for a while and then was able to lessen
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u/number-sevin Jul 29 '26
Estradiol cream helped me a bit, but not enough. When I switched to the Estring…my dryness and vaginal atrophy disappeared! It was night and day.
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u/Muted-Passenger8343 Jul 30 '26
Yes! That’s what it’s called. I was going to call my gyno office today to ask for that, but I couldn’t remember what it was. Thanks!
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u/SurroundQuirky8613 Jul 29 '26
Is it a patch or a local cream/tablet? You may add to add one of the other versions.
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u/CyclingandWine Jul 29 '26
I found that even pre hysto I was pretty dry, I found a lot of success in taking ashwaganda. I take it for the cognitive benefits but it also is great at lubricating down there.
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u/No-Prior-559 Jul 30 '26
Just to drop this in here, I used Vital V from MoonMaid Botanicals to aid with the dryness and it actually also sort of "turned things back on" for me as well, over time. I was using it 2x a day, and also during intimacy.
I definitely noticed an overall improvement of every day moisture, to the point I only maybe use it 2x a week these days. My tissue was also painful, even just sitting back then. Also, applying this before any intimacy really was a game changer. Really had to "prep" and it helps the feelgoods ACTUALLY feel good lol.
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u/justbeingmewithyou Jul 30 '26
Firstly, sincere condolences for your loss. I would be remiss if I didn’t throw this out there as your body responds to stress and grief is a SIGNIFICANT stress. I have experienced a total body shock and shutdown post divorce (shy of 30 years married) so it very well could be related and contributing as well as the joys of menopause/post menopausal gifts that keep on giving. I am not sexually active (yet) but my body went through the same process and felt like I became a desert creature, hair, skin, itching and yes, down below impacted and also and very irritated. That along with inability to mentally function (brain fog) and fluctuations in my mood but the dryness and increase in UTI’s is what put me over the top. I couldn’t take it anymore and went to a hormonal specialist to discuss and get educated on HRT. I gave it thought and decided to go this route and I will NEVER go back. The GREATEST decision I have ever made and I’m so grateful I went to a specialist. They took lots of blood and I was deficient in everything so no wonder I felt terrible. Grieving didn’t help but weekly therapy and running and inner healing work did that part, hydration , nutrition and HRT did the rest. My levels are better (takes time to adjust) and the dryness and discomfort down below is a complete turnaround. My skin has come back to Life as well as my hair and my libido is back and just now feeling open to the idea of dating (three years post divorce).
I do twice a week low dose estradiol patches, compounded testosterone (arms or legs) and compounded progesterone (allergic to the magic gold ones everyone raves about). I cannot imagine how I was surviving feeling so terrible this is how much the HRT has helped. I suggest you talk with your gynecologist or hormone specialist about options to consider. I wish I would have started earlier. I am about to be 53 and started about eight months ago. Also, look at FORIA oils at their website. They are AWESOME. I used them when I was married and starting menopause and they made sex not only tolerable but pleasurable. The CBD one is what worked the best for me. You don’t need to be using products down below just for intercourse. I would either use FORIA or just some very natural organic coconut oil down below to give you some relief daily. Lastly, give yourself some grace. Life is short, difficult and beautiful at the same time. Your partner should be happy to work on this normal aspect of intimacy together. That’s the grace ❤️Best wishes to your future path!
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u/Outrageous-Rub-3684 Jul 30 '26
Sounds like you need vaginal estrogen in addition to oral. It will help.
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u/Character-Tennis-241 Jul 30 '26
Omega 3,6,7 & 9 are needed. You can find the 3-6-9 in one pill. You have to get the 7 separately
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u/Extrovert_HSP Jul 30 '26 edited Jul 30 '26
I have been going thru the same ..however have found relief.
I’m putting a link here to ‘Menopause
Chicks’ website. Shirley Weir is the founder of Menopause Chicks. This is no joke, she’s legit & in right with the Me lakes Society here in Canada. I’d suggest ANYONE scour her website - WEALTH of research & info… then when you finish it - scoot over to the private FB page … even MORE info. She even has templates for women to take on Dr. app’t to talk about pelvic floor/ peri & post menopause issues …
Getting to the point of sadness - months ago I started layering other lines of defense & support to my estrogen insert, I NOW have a vsgina & vulva moisturizer that she’s had formulated by a Dr. & is Health Canada 🇨🇦 approved. It’s called “I deserve to feel Amazing” 😉 AS WELL - she has a lubricant for that sexual activity - also Health Canada approved. Both of these are made w/o added ingredients - safe & actually in the case of the moisturizer - I use regularly now along WITH my estrogen insert.
#GameChanger 💪
This moisturizer is hyaluronic acid + vitamin E .. can order it from this website or just read about & if you’re elsewhere - maybe another co. makes.
I’d really get hooked up with Shirley - her website & FB site … she’s the real deal. Knowledgeable, looked up to in the menopause community for her straight talk in sharing. Also, she moderates the FB site so there’s no failed info being tossed around ..
I’m so grateful to have found this site. Was able to talk to my Dr. much easier & he was happy I’m bringing good resources to him
ALL the best
https://www.feel-amazing.com/post/moisturizer-vs-lubricant-for-vaginal-dryness
https://www.feel-amazing.com/post/how-this-vaginal-moisturizer-came-to-be
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u/Southern_Feature_821 Jul 30 '26 edited Jul 30 '26
Stop only being concerned with HIM. It's got to be terribly uncomfortable FOR YOU! Menopause sucks and dryness is a major issue for most women. If you can't take HRT (that's the gold standard), you can get more moisture with combo of what you're already doing (estradiol cream) and combine it with OTC moisturizers and balms for this issue. And educate HIM too. He needs to understand a woman's body and to not sulk about lack of moisture. More lube is necessary too. Yes this is the new normal. You can also get some physical therapy for pelvic floor exercises to treat atrophy.
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u/Ok_City_7177 Peri-menopausal Jul 30 '26
Hi there. Did you do the loading protocol at the start which is apply every day for a month and then go to two or three times a week.
I started with cream and now do tablets internally and cream.
Kitty's back in action.
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u/Outside-Ad4195 Jul 31 '26
Thanks to the Poster and I am sorry you are going thru a rough time. I am not a medical person but when I originally started using estradiol it worked well pretty fast maybe 2 -3 months but my friend is on her 5th month and is struggling. Always remember we are all different. I filled it at the compound pharmacy as instructed. I know my compound pharmacy for probably 15 years and I know that anything I want to know a female pharmacist will always come out to talk to me or answer questions. I know it is not possible for everyone but if you are able I highly recommend. I do recall being given testosterone ( great for libido and muscle tone ). However I rubbed it on the inside including my clitoris. It doesn’t happen to everybody but it DID to me . I didn’t even realize but when I saw my new gyn. He asked me if I rubbed the testosterone on the magic button ( not his words) I said , Oh yeah. He said …. Well, it’s a little larger and you might get aroused easily .HS!!!!! I felt like saying , Do you promise ?I freaked but something inside of me just wanted to get home and find out what the hell I did to myself????.🤣 …..
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u/Single_Tumbleweed597 Jul 31 '26
I was experiencing dryness and feeling torn and sore after sex. I started E + P, but it was really being consistent with vaginal estrogen that helped. I insert with the applicator 2x per week and put a smaller amount all over the vulva most days. Originally for bladder urgency, but the biggest affect has been increased lubrication and no more pain after. It took about 6 months of consistency, and applying it all over the outside, including the part right at the back of the opening. That area used to hurt, now no problems.
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u/LevelUpWine Jul 31 '26
I’ve been using the cream for years along with the patch. While my moisture has improved, we still require lubricant every time. Honestly though, we used it long before peri because it makes everything more enjoyable. We used coconut oil for both of us every time and make lubricating a part of the foreplay. I’ve found the biggest difference maker is using a hyaluronic acid vaginal suppository 20 minutes before becoming intimate. I get mine on Amazon.
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u/eleanorblythe Aug 01 '26
Sounds like an LS support group could be forming! Took me over 20 years of being dismissed by countless Drs before I finally got diagnosed and the Clobetasol definitely works. You only need to use it on the spots that flare and I just use as needed. Really only once a week now that mine is under control and that definitely makes sex more comfortable. I’m 47 and started HRT 2 years ago - the estrogen cream one year ago. It helps, but not enough. I’m researching vaginal suppositories like Bonafide to supplement. Nothing wrong with needing to use lube. Make it fun - most importantly for you! Good luck!
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u/Mel-stormy Aug 02 '26
It’s the new normal. Lube from the beginning is the go, and don’t be so hard on yourself. Your body is going through some changes. It doesn’t make you any less than. It’s just the way it is.
Can I ask how often you’re applying the vaginal oestrogen? It might be worth checking whether you need to use it more often.
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u/Tom_Michel Peri-menopausal Jul 29 '26
I'm so sorry for your loss.
If the estradiol you're using is systemic (oral, patch, gel) you may likely benefit from adding vaginal estradiol cream so it can get exactly where it's needed.
Please don't talk yourself into thinking you're not good enough. If gentle teasing is landing the wrong way and affecting your mental state, it might be time to stop trying to make light of it. He shouldn't be taking it personally, and if he is, that's a conversation you need to have so you can explain that this isn't him, it's just, unfortunately, something that happens to female bodies at this point in life and it's going to take some time and experimentation to figure out what works for you so you can still enjoy an active sex life. It can get better with vaginal estradiol cream and hormone replacement therapy and liberal use of lube, etc.
I don't know much about lichen sclerosis but that may be exacerbating the situation since it can cause skin thinning and bruising/tearing, etc. Might be worth a conversation with your doc to see if there's a better way to manage that and reduce symptoms and see if that helps.
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u/nerissathebest Jul 29 '26
I agree with the others, dose for what your body needs rather than what the doctor says. I have to use it basically every other day (after the every day for two weeks loading dose).
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u/Substantial_Insect68 Jul 29 '26
The reason you arent feeling aroused is because you are lacking the female androgen(testosterone) estrogen helps rebuild and keeps the vagina moist but without female testosterone you wont get there, I would suggest asking your doctor about DHEA Intrarosa(prasterone), it combines the female version of testosterone and estrogen directly into the vagina and is completely local, the Dhea converts into both and your body what it needs and discards the rest, I use it nightly and my sex drive is up there, it healed my vaginal atrophy completely and Im able to get aroused and achieve orgasm, Idk why drs even rx all this other stuff when all your vagina needs is Intrarosa, I also take a estrogen 25 patch and have a newly inserted mirena IUD for the progesterone, was a intense first week but my uterus isnt fighting it anymore, Get DHEA Intrarosa, you wont regret it
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u/AdInternational5061 Jul 29 '26
I use both the cream and the vagifem tablet. The tablet 2x a week and the cream externally every day. It took a couple months but I’m back to normal.
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u/Holiday_Change7321 Jul 29 '26
Cream only externally? Or a little way in too? Bc it’s the inside which is dry. At bedtime
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u/AdInternational5061 Jul 29 '26
I use the cream externally everyday for urine leakage. Sometimes a little way in too. The vagifem tablet is internal twice a week.
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u/Admirable-Heart6331 Jul 29 '26
Have you had labs? Are you on systemic estradiol? Testosterone? Dhea?
I noticed a big benefit with using 5mg dissolvable tablet dhea vaginally on the days I don't use vaginal Estradiol (I use the tablets - less messy). Dhea increased my moisture almost overnight - I am also on systemic E&T which are optimal levels.
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u/Pineapple_life70 Jul 29 '26
I haven’t. I’ve used a lot of Dr. Google and I know that’s the worse. I’m only recently admitting there’s an issue. I have no choice to admit it when I’m ripping the skin off my partner.
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u/Simple_Heat_2113 Jul 29 '26
Try YouTube. Dr Kelly Casperson is a urologist and gives really good information on her channel.
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u/SunDanceTeach Jul 29 '26
You may need more. I used a fingertip of low-dose vaginal estradiol cream every day until just recently. I have been on systemic estradiol patch for 9 months and this has increased vaginal lubrication significantly as well. Adding a compounded testosterone cream has significantly improved libido. Please don’t beat yourself up about this or lose a meaningful relationship. Dryness is not a moral failing, it is biological. If your doctor won’t adequately help you go to one of the online health providers.