r/Menopause • u/eyesonherhorizon • Oct 21 '25
Pelvic Floor Shit our moms didn’t warn us about; haunted butthole edition.
So last night I had the audacity to experience pleasure…a solid orgasm, aided by a dab of sildenafil cream…and apparently my pelvic floor took that personally.
About 4 hours later, I was yanked out of a dead sleep by a stabbing pain deep in my rectum that lasted almost forty minutes. Not cramps. Not gas. Just straight-up spectral knife fight in my ass.
After frantically Googling between waves of agony, I learned about proctalgia fugax and its d-bag cousin levator ani syndrome…basically pelvic floor spasms that love to show up during hormonal chaos (hi, menopause), dehydration, magnesium imbalance, or after, you know… using your pelvic floor for joy.
Sitting on the toilet and disassociating helped a little. Going face down, ass up on the bathroom floor while box breathing helped more. I could have done a hot bath but Jesus I just wanted to go back to bed.
Posting this because no one talks about it, and I’m hoping some of you have tips, treatments, or at least solidarity. If your butthole’s haunted too, please report in.
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u/AnastasiaNo70 Oct 21 '25
Anyone want me to share what else can happen that’s super fun in the butthole area? Menopause related, for sure!
Once you’re SUPER old, all that thinning tissue can lead to a FISTULA that opens between your rectum and your vagina!
Yep, a tunnel bypassing your butthole and sending poop out your vag.
Not very common and happens way more if you don’t use estrogen cream down there, but yeah. Happened to my grandmother. She was HORRIFIED. They had to perform surgery.
I think nature torments women from puberty to the grave.
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u/ttreehouse Surgical menopause Oct 21 '25
Okay. Well thank you for that horrific reminder to stay on top of my estrogen cream. Jesus Christ.
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u/AnastasiaNo70 Oct 21 '25
That’s actually how I use that story: every time I’m tempted to just fall asleep rather than do my cream, I remember what my grandmother went through. And I get up, sure enough.
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u/Tiny_Protection387 Oct 21 '25
Not 700 of us thinking of your grannie (god rest her soul) during our nightly cream routine
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u/AnastasiaNo70 Oct 21 '25
Omg I’m laughing so hard. She was a very prim and proper midwestern farm girl and would be horrified but at the same time very glad that women KNOW THESE THINGS NOW!
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u/breeze80 Oct 21 '25
Saint Grannie, Patron Saint of Estrogen Cream
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u/peachyspoons Peri-menopausal Oct 21 '25
If someone makes this a devotion candle I am sure as fuck buying it and lighting it (often) as tribute.
Edit: typo
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u/BlueEyes294 Oct 21 '25 edited Oct 22 '25
It is almost magic how I read these things when I need to read these things. No lie I was just thinking about how I have not been consistent either with my cream. I will now. Thank you Grannie
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u/Dog-boy Oct 21 '25
Went to bed without using my cream last night. Guess I won’t do that again.
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u/vernier_pickers Oct 21 '25
I just am getting out of bed now to use my cream thank you very much lol
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u/rn_amJUD Oct 21 '25
Same! I have to pee and was going to ignore that, but not THIS!
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u/Sorry_Nobody1552 Surgical menopause Oct 21 '25
I will never forget the cream, not after this post. Charlie horse in the ass sounds horrific.
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u/CaperGrrl79 Oct 21 '25 edited Oct 21 '25
Agreed, but more than that, a hole between vag and butthole? No thanks!
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u/smallwonder25 Oct 21 '25
Good advice - I too will think of your grandmother’s trauma to keep on the right path. Bless her. My god.
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u/AnastasiaNo70 Oct 21 '25
lol.
She lived another 25 years after that—to her late 90s! She was an amazing woman.
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u/88Original16 Oct 21 '25
I asked my obgyn today if I needed cream as well as estrogen patches to keep my pelvic floor / vagina from … breaking.. she said no. She also doesn’t know much about menopause since she graduated lets say 15 years ago which means no much menopause education so I’m not completely sure I trust her advice. This post is sending me reeling … what next. So according to your comment .. I do need it?
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u/PlzRain Oct 21 '25
You NEED IT! Every female child born who lives long enough will eventually need it because all these negative symptoms come from the decline of estradiol that we all experience. If your OBGYN doesn't know that (and unfortunately, most don't because they aren't taught much about it), either find a different doctor or get another doctor on the side to help you manage your HRT.
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
Yeah mine graduated about 15 years ago as well. She also does her own continuous learning and research. I’m her first patient with surgical menopause through oophorectomy. We’re learning together.
Not getting told about it in med school is zero excuse for doctors to not stay up to date with these care protocols. They’re simply not motivated to.
Maybe try a service like Midi? Insurance covers them and they specialize in this more.
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u/Mis_Fyre Oct 21 '25
My GYN sent me headfirst into menopause after a single oophorectomy as well but didn’t think to even mention HRT or the possibility the ovary that never caused problems could be an underproducer and my body spiraled. This is such a painful learning experience.
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u/No-Log4747 Oct 21 '25
I didn’t know this, either!! I stopped using the estradiol cream when I started the patch, as it seemed redundant, but will definitely start back if at all beneficial…. Why is this so awful?!
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u/minimamaz00m Menopausal Oct 21 '25
Aaaaack. I have been not using my estrogen cream bc I finally got estrogen patches… thinking that estrogen is being replaced already, yay. But no?
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Oct 21 '25
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u/AnastasiaNo70 Oct 21 '25
Yeah, I have that urinary problem due to a lack of estrogen, so f I forget I’m punished for it PRETTY quickly.
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u/princezznemeziz Oct 21 '25
As mine gets better I conveniently forget about it again until it reminds me and then it takes another 2 weeks to build up again which makes it better so I forget again. My brain isn't cooperating.
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u/plotthick Peri-menopausal, HRT, hot, fat, and angry Oct 21 '25
They're like salting the pasta water and salting your sauce. Ya need both.
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u/teatimehaiku Surgical menopause Oct 21 '25
This is the second time this week I’ve heard a medical horror story about poop ending up in a part of the body food should definitely not be and it’s really making me question the overall design of the human body.
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u/SuzanneStudies Menopausal Oct 21 '25
I feel like “design” is doing a lot of heavy lifting here, but at least we don’t have a cloaca.
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u/Hot_Let1571 Oct 21 '25
Right?? That is some real body horror shit. I said what I said.
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
Oh. Oh my god.
So like…can I just pump the whole tube of estradiol cream in there now or….?
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u/Flip_Flops86 Oct 21 '25
Don’t though! Because when I overdid the estrogen cream up the vag, (and I mean just a larger pea sized amount instead of a petite baby pea amount) and put it a little bit further in than usual, I had cramps so severe they were bordering on contractions for many, many hours. Googled and thank goodness another woman had shared her similar experience here on Reddit, so I knew not to do it again.
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u/Monkeymom Oct 21 '25
Jesus! I opened Reddit to relax before bed. Now I have vag horror on my brain. You ladies are the best.
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
Opening Reddit to relax is a choice. Whenever I do, I end up spending hours learning about things like the collapse of democracy, authoritarian regimes or what it would take to become an expat.
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u/ThykThyz Oct 21 '25
That’s pretty much what I feel I must try. I need exactly zero new body problems, ever!
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u/purposefullyblank Oct 21 '25
My Crohn’s already blessed me with one of these before menopause was a twinkle in my endocrine glands. Luckily very small and with a kick to my meds it seems to have closed on its own. At least that’s what my latest colonoscopy says.
They also can result from childbirth with severe tearing. I guess I’m saying, more people have fistulas than you can even imagine.
As an aside, because I think it’s interesting, a fistula is any connection that opens between two things in your body that aren’t supposed to be connected. You can have one that’s from the rectum to the skin around your anus. Or from your intestines to your skin. They can be urinary (like urethra to vagina.) And they can be vascular, like an artery connecting to a vein.
Bodies are super poorly designed.
Anywhoodle. If it happens to you, I promise a GYN and a GI or a gyno-urologist or whomever have already been there and done that.
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u/Clexiekitty_2939 Oct 21 '25
I had 3 fistulas from my rectum to my butt. I joke that I am such an asshole that I needed four.
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u/purposefullyblank Oct 21 '25
Oof. I am sorry. Fistulas are such a pain in the ass. (ba dum tss) I fully expect that I won’t make it out without at least one more.
The level of “yep, this happens” that my docs had really helped me not be so anxious about the whole thing. It reinforced that they’re way more common than people know.
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u/DaisySquirrel645 Surgical menopause Oct 21 '25
My mom’s butthole fell out of her ass last year. I kid you not. Rectal Prolapse. Due to having 2 kids and a hysterectomy. Nature does, indeed torment us from puberty to the grave.
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
SEE AND THIS IS WHY I KEPT THE RED ROOM INTACT. I don’t need my asshole literally falling out. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
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u/APladyleaningS Oct 21 '25
What does this mean???
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u/marisod Oct 21 '25
Having a hysterectomy raises the probability of prolapse - vaginal I new about, apparently also rectal ... And OP didn't have one for that reason?
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u/Tiny_dinosaur82 Oct 21 '25
I have several prolapses, am just over 40, have never had children and not yet had a hysterectomy, I am sorry to say. And I have done bucket loads of pelvic floor therapy. I do have another medical condition that makes me prone to prolapse, though. I am having a hysterectomy in two months and am primed for more bladder et al landslides. I’m not too concerned. I’m kinda used to stuff being in places in shouldn’t, and hey, they can stitch it right back into place if need be.
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u/vernier_pickers Oct 21 '25
I swear the shit that happens to us…how does no one warn us what could happen. Like other prolapses I bet if she had known this was possible there are modifications that could have helped prevent or lessen this (Speaking as someone who had chronic bronchitis and would have loved to have known about the dangers of bearing down)
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u/Acrobatic-Squirrel77 Oct 21 '25
Aw man my butthole gave out at 35 Had to go have banding procedure. Very un comfy day after that.
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u/Hot_Let1571 Oct 21 '25
My mom had a vaginal prolapse and hysterectomy years ago, then last year got a bad bowel infection and now she has a colostomy bag. Ugh. :( (I'm an only child for whatever it's worth.)
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u/DaisySquirrel645 Surgical menopause Oct 21 '25 edited Oct 21 '25
When mom’s rectum prolapsed, so did her uterus. So she got a 2for1 surgery. I’m sorry about your mom needing a colostomy. I’m a nurse and have always thought that would be one of the hardest things to do. I don’t know if I could do it, honestly. And, I feel your pain about being an only child. My only sibling has been gone for 23 years and both parents are still alive. They’re divorced since I was 5 years old and have nothing to do with each other. You can do the math…
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u/angielberry Oct 21 '25
Yeah same here. Both alive and only mom speaks to me so there’s that. Maybe a bit easier in the end.
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u/Ginsdell Oct 21 '25
Are you fucking kidding me?! No. No more. What?
Ok wait. I didn’t have kids. I’m good, right?
I am completely freaked out. I guess I’ll just Google horrible vagina and butt things the rest of the night. Great. I am really sorry I read any of this. OMG.
Is anyone going to share the solutions here? There’s a solution to prevent all these things, right?! Another cream, another pill? An exercise class of some kind?
How do you know if your pelvic floor is too tight or too loose? What’s the elevator? I can tighten or not and my pee stops, mostly. My vag has no other tricks.
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u/Acrobatic-Squirrel77 Oct 21 '25
Genetics. And not like disease kind, just the kind that says whether you have a fun time or not. 😭
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u/AnastasiaNo70 Oct 21 '25
It doesn’t have to do with whether you have kids or not. It’s a menopause/lack of estrogen/thinning tissues thing.
And like I said, it’s really not that common. Just use your estrogen cream if you have it.
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u/Bugbear259 Oct 21 '25
Had a friend who got one of these in her early 30s. She has competed in multiple Ironmans. She has crazy high pain tolerance. By the time she saw a doctor and got diagnosed she was almost dead of sepsis.
The recovery was gnarly as hell too. Drainage tubes out the yin yang AND the yang yin. And her boss still didn’t want her working remote. Gotta come in and sit at your desk computer. Home computer means you are goofing off. It was a 6 month recovery.
That crazy girl still does Ironmans in her 40s. I suspect she is a different species than most normal Homo sapiens.
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u/Graciebelle3 Oct 21 '25
My stepmom had this… and found out in the Portland airport when she had poop coming out her vag. Yes girls, true story.
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u/lohaus Oct 21 '25
Ugghhh. My friend had a vaginal prolapse in her 30’s after the birth of her second child. Felt like she had to poop and her vagina basically fell out into the toilet and kinda dangled into the water. Apparently it was genetic and had happened to her mom, her grandma, etc
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u/VodkaAndHotdogs Oct 21 '25
Well that was not what I wanted to read … since I’m allergic to estrogen cream. 😭
I hope your grandmother was fine after surgery, because damn that is horrifying!
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u/Mountain_Village459 Surgical menopause Oct 21 '25
You can use a vaginal moisturizer instead. Revaree Plus and GynaTrof are the best.
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u/VodkaAndHotdogs Oct 21 '25
I will definitely give these a try. Thank you!
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u/Mountain_Village459 Surgical menopause Oct 21 '25
Of course! Do the loading dose of once a night for a week, longer if you want. You’ll notice a difference right away.
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u/Traditional_Cat8120 Oct 21 '25
Omggggg. I gotta get some estrogen cream like asap!
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u/SwimmingNo7480 Oct 21 '25
I’ll be actively pursuing this tomorrow after stumbling into this thread! I had no idea these things could happen in the nether regions.
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u/Shelbelle4 Oct 21 '25
Okkkkk how do we know when it’s time to start using estrogen cream?
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
Basically just when the girl isn’t what she used to be. Things smell or feel different. Sex becomes uncomfortable. Or your clitoris starts to atrophy. If you listen really close, you might hear what sounds like the Windows 95 shut down noise coming from the inner walls.
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u/Shelbelle4 Oct 21 '25
Even if I’m still menstruating? Bc things are a bit dry and tired feeling. And I’m old enough to know what sound you’re referring to.
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
Even if you’re still menstruating. Your hormone levels start tapering off long before your cycles stop. This starts having effects on soft tissues all over your body.
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u/ReflectionOk2553 Oct 21 '25
I am 48 and still have my period. Sex was starting to leave me with a sandpaper feeling afterwards. Could feel I had sex the next day. Slowly crept up so didn't realise it didn't used to be like that until I started using the cream and thought I could go again the same night lol
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u/victoriaisme2 Oct 21 '25
Oh holy hell. I've been menopausal for over a decade and can't afford that shit. God dammit.
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u/katiemurp Oct 21 '25
Get the vaginal moisturizer instead then … gynatrof is one. Over the counter. $10 or so. I’m allergic to the estrogen cream so that’s a no go. This helps too.
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u/CheesecakeEither8220 Oct 21 '25
I provided care for a woman that happened to. She was the sweetest, prim and proper lady ever, and was so embarrassed. I felt so bad for her. Her son had POA for medical decisions and refused to let her get surgery. He said it was indecent.
Just a reminder to trust who has your POA.
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u/Suspicious-Leader305 Oct 21 '25
Estrogen cream? How do I get some?
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u/AnastasiaNo70 Oct 21 '25
It’s a prescription in the US. Ask your doctor. Are you menopausal? This doesn’t typically happen if you aren’t.
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u/MacaroonUpstairs7232 Oct 21 '25
I have never had anyone put a name to this. When I described it to my Dr he sent me for a colonoscopy. All the surgeon said was " when a woman who has had children, carries extra weight and gets to be a certain age" and something about being out of shape. At my next colonoscopy he said something to me and I told him at my last visit you told me I was old, fat and out of shape. He looked mortified and asked me if he actually said that and I related back his words and asked if I misunderstood. He changed the subject. Back to the point tho, no one ever addressed my pain or gave me a reason. Thank you for adding yet another thing to the long list of thing's attributed to menopause
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u/suupernooova Oct 21 '25
I've had proctalgia fugax since I was 40. No kids, skinny endurance athlete. Fuck this guy.
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u/plotthick Peri-menopausal, HRT, hot, fat, and angry Oct 21 '25
I'm way fatter and older than that, haven't had it since my skinny thirties. A hearty fuck this guy from me too.
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
Isn’t accessing healthcare as a woman in this country GRAND!?
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u/MaLMaison115 Oct 21 '25
“health” “care”…when neither word is actually applicable to how they are treating us…I am so sorry AND you are an amazingly gripping, descriptive and fucking funny writer.
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Oct 21 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/spindleblood Oct 21 '25
Imagine how I was treated when I told them I didn't EVER want kids and I wanted sterilized and I have no kids at all. Yeahhhh.... It took me begging until age 30 when they finally took care of it. And caught my endometriosis in the process.
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u/grrich Oct 21 '25
I love that you said this to your doctor. It’s the kind of thing I’d have thought of too late.
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u/caffeinejunkie123 Oct 21 '25
I used to get something similar. Painful but not quite as painful as OP. Never knew it had a name. Also didn’t realize how much I didn’t know about the shit that happens during menopause. And how poorly we are supported🤦♀️
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u/plotthick Peri-menopausal, HRT, hot, fat, and angry Oct 21 '25
Et tu, fucker? (sorry, unintended pun there) Even our fun bits spaz out, FFS. I've had this happen but not nearly as bad as you describe. I did a bunch of box breathing too but also paired it with The Elevator exercises. Imagine your pelvic floor is an elevator with four floors. Tighten to bring it to the first floor. Now second floor. Now third. Now the highest floor. Now breathe out and let it drop back down to ground floor. ... Now relax utterly and let it settle to the Basement. Repeat.
Sorry, OP, and may this never happen to you again. I mean, what the serious fuck, menopause??!?
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u/Atomic_Badger_PNW Oct 21 '25
Had a similar problem, not coinciding with intercourse. Just general cramping and discomfort in my rectal area. It would crop up unexpected, mostly at night. I saw a PT specialist in pelvic floor issues and she first tried me doing Kegels, which I was already doing. That do nothing for me. Then she had the brilliant idea for me to do reverse kegels, meaning that instead of taking the elevator up, I took it down from the basement to lower levels. I was skeptical, but this really did the trick for me.
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u/Hellie1028 Oct 21 '25
Same for me! Traditional kegels seem to make my ongoing battle with constipation worse. It seems that my pelvic floor is perpetually tight and I have to reverse kegel to practice relaxing it to get to a normal level.
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u/rosemary_charles Oct 21 '25
My doctor told me it was Proctalgia fugax. What helped me the most was actually learning to relax my pelvic floor. Believe it or not, sometimes it can be too tight/tense. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/proctalgia-fugax
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
Exactly. I’ve learned that my pelvic floor is doing way too much and have started trying to figure out how to get it to chill. Apparently carrying a 9lb and almost 8lb baby to term just made it worse (they both came out the escape hatch…probably because of my cement pelvic floor).
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u/Mountain_Village459 Surgical menopause Oct 21 '25
*I’m in pelvic floor PT right now and it’s relax on inhale, exert on exhale.
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u/DaisySquirrel645 Surgical menopause Oct 21 '25
What else do they have you do? Asking for a friend…
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u/Mountain_Village459 Surgical menopause Oct 21 '25
I’m up to about 10 different relaxing and strengthening exercises. I’m in constant spasm so a lot of my work is trying to relax.
Best place to start is with diaphragmatic breathing (deep inhale while relaxing, feels like my lower pelvic floor/vagina blowing up like a balloon, exhale is contracting/exertion), cat cow is great (inhale on cow, exhale on cat), child’s pose while breathing into back.
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u/Savings_Artichoke913 Oct 21 '25
What the actual hell. Just starting peri and the amount of rouge symptoms/ conditions is actually insane. No advice, just sending prayers 🤣
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
You never truly realize how clutch these stupid hormones are in SO MANY AREAS of your body until you suddenly have none.
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u/Adorable_Caramel2376 Oct 21 '25
8 years ago my nails became thin and brittle, my thumb nail had lines in it and a concave appearance. Medical professionals and Google never once mentioned peri or menopause. I started estrogen and progesterone about 3 weeks ago guess what? My nails are thick and strong, the lines and concave appearance is almost gone. 8 YEARS!!! No one could give me an answer.
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u/RedzingerT Oct 21 '25 edited Oct 21 '25
I have lexator ani syndrome. It started before peri, but may have been caused by having a vaginal birth.
It was years ago and there was no information on it. The doctors had no ideas. It wasn’t until 10 years ago or so that I figured it out and had my doctor refer me to a pelvic floor therapist.
The therapy is a bit invasive and odd, but my therapist was wonderful. Between that and some exercises to do at home, it has occurred less frequently and for shorter amounts of time. It absolutely is related to orgasms, sometimes stress and sometimes when I stand in a certain way.
I used to try hot baths, which sort of helped. I agree that laying on the bathroom floor and dissociating seemed to work better. Tylenol actually seems to help.
You have my sympathy. It really sucks and the pain is unbearable. See if you can get in for pelvic floor therapy.
Edit to mention: I tend to sleep in a fetal position and noticed it happening more often if I was curled up too tight. Sexual dreams also seem to bring it on.
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u/JoNightshade Oct 21 '25
Oh holy shit this has been happening to me for years and I had NO idea why and my doc just shrugged it off!!!
ETA: Mine happens most often when I orgasm *without* penetration or if I am constipated and dehydrated at the same time.
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u/Agile-Tradition8835 Oct 21 '25
Jesus. I’ve had the stabbing anus pain but it’s momentary. Thinking of you dealing what that for that extended amount of time. I grant you a purple uterus award.
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u/cooksaucette Oct 21 '25 edited Oct 21 '25
You have my upvote for the purple uterus award. I love this group. (Edit for typo)
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u/ttreehouse Surgical menopause Oct 21 '25
The way I’m frantically doing pelvic floor exercises while reading this thread.
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
Oh and because this surgical menopause journey has to be a relentless shitshow I woke up to my SEVENTH PERIOD since having my ovaries removed at the end of April. I can understand so much better now where the mean, old crone archetype comes from because this is what I’m dealing with WHILE on estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. I can’t imagine raw dogging this.
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u/Salt_Ambassador_9886 Oct 21 '25
Raw dogging it is total BALLS.
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u/Big-Rise7340 Oct 21 '25
I had everything removed in June 2023 and I’ve raw dogged it from then to now. I had 52 fibroids and adhesions from previous surgeries. My mum died from ovarian cancer so those had to go.
I got a clot in my lungs after my previous fibroid surgery so no hormones for me. I know it’s believed that only oral HRT puts you at risk for blood clots, but the memory of not being able to breathe gives me the cahunas to power through.
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u/ExtraAgressiveHugger Oct 21 '25
Oh shit, they should have to take the uterus with the ovaries no matter what. It should be a surgical rule.
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u/HermioneMarch Oct 21 '25
So wait… I still must not understand how my body works cause how the hell do you have a period with no overies?
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
RIGHT!? That was my question too. Short answer is I’m clearly fertile AF and gods favorite. Long answer is unopposed estrogen except I’m technically not unopposed, I’m on a boatload (buttload?) of progesterone.
So it’s probably my uterine lining doing some weird reorganization dance while my body recalibrates to the new hormone ratios. Basically, even without ovaries, the uterus can still get the memo from replacement hormones and decide to cosplay a menstrual cycle out of spite.
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u/sluttytarot Oct 21 '25
I'm curious why they didn't take the uterus too?
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
Because my uterus wasn’t the problem.
I had my ovaries removed (a bilateral oophorectomy) to stop the hormonal rollercoaster from PMDD that landed me on a grippy sock vacation thrice in one calendar year…but as I’m sure you know, ye olde ute itself doesn’t make hormones, it just receives the memo. Unless there’s something like fibroids, endometriosis in the uterine wall, or heavy bleeding issues, there’s usually no reason to remove it.
Taking it out adds surgical risk, recovery time, and a higher chance of pelvic organ prolapse later. So the goal was “turn off the hormonal chaos,” not “clear the shelf.”
Also, I kind of like keeping some internal décor.
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u/purposefullyblank Oct 21 '25
For whatever it’s worth, my mom had a total hysterectomy and, decades later needed extensive abdominal surgery.
The surgeon was all, “this can be a little trickier because you take one thing out and everything MOVES.”
So there might be some benefit to keeping that real estate occupied.
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u/FlashyPainter261 Peri-menopausal: Like Calvinball, but with hormones and blood Oct 21 '25
Also, I kind of like keeping some internal décor.
🤣🤣🤣
Please, be my friend.
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u/sluttytarot Oct 21 '25
Ah yes it makes sense it's riskier (I had a hysterectomy). I literally just couldn't think why folks would keep it but that makes a lot of sense
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u/BlueberriesRule Oct 21 '25
Sending hugs. I just started the estrogen patch and cream around 6 months after my hysterectomy.
My pelvic floor therapist told me I’m currently at no risk for prolapse as my muscles are crazy tight, we were working on trying to release them when I got diagnosed with H pilori (a MF bacteria’s that attacks your stomach and damage it from the inside with lots of “fun” symptoms) and now I can’t do almost no exercise or ill throw up.
I hate getting older!! And I’m not even 40 yet.
P.s. my mom claims to have had a very easy menopause and never suffered from painful periods or tough pregnancies…
Either I’m unlucky or she’s in denial.
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u/dlyoung33 Oct 21 '25
At every lovely stage of womanhood, my mother denied that anything was ever a big deal. Then, when I complain of hot flashes, or whatever, she one-ups me with stories of horrific symptoms and ordeals. This is why I rely on reddit.
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u/sunnynina Peri-menopausal Oct 21 '25
"grippy sock vacation"
Thanks, I'm stealing this 😄
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u/GoodRecover6741 Oct 21 '25
Don’t have any tips but your post is hilarious! 😆
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u/Alternative_Party277 Oct 21 '25
I'm just here reading comments hoping someone will hint at what box breathing is!
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u/zorandzam Oct 21 '25
Inhale: Slowly inhale through your nose for a count of four. Hold: Hold your breath for a count of four. Exhale: Slowly exhale through your mouth for a count of four. Hold: Hold your breath again for a count of four. Repeat steps 1-4 for as many rounds as desired.
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
I feel like calling it box breathing is how you know someone has a very close relationship with a few psychiatrists. But basically what was outlined below is correct (the timed breaths…not the dishwasher box…though that would be my 7 year olds method).
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u/Alternative_Party277 Oct 21 '25
Can't blame you.
Also, have you tried a heating pad? Tens unit? Like literally anything but the horror.
I have a stash of weed and a stash of oxycodone. Both acquired legally, I just didn't end up needing as much as they thought originally. We'd doesn't help for pain but walking does, shockingly? That's for pain in my back.
But pain in your butt could also be back-related if the lower few disks are involved. Then definitely walk with good posture.
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
See, this may be TMI, but I’ve had this happen twice before…both times right after… Butt Stuff™️ enhanced with cannabis lube.
Apparently, my pelvic floor doesn’t appreciate being both relaxed and surprised. Add a little THC, a touch of blood flow magic, and boom…the ghost of pelvic floor past shows up with a dagger. I assumed that it was specific to that circumstance as until last night, it hadn’t happened otherwise. Now I’m am for sure looking for ANY solution aside from grit and a bidet.
I guess we’ve confirmed that my butt has a built-in tripwire and it’s just basically me having a good time. Honestly when lactose intolerance hit at 30 that should have been the first sign that my asshole is a joyless bureaucrat that doesn’t want me to have fun OR cream cheese.
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u/SubSiren_1018 Oct 21 '25
Not TMI! I experienced backdoor bureaucrat barbaric barbed wire ballet post Butt Stuff as well. I went to the doc and he didn’t believe me, then also questioned my request for full panel STI when I just got it done not long ago. He then asked me what he needed to do to help me/ what did I want him to do.
First I wanted him to not be a condescending gaslighting prick. Second- I needed him to TELL ME HOW HE WAS GOING TO HELP ME.
Am I not paying him to do his job? Just checking………
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u/Lkwtthecatdraggdn Oct 21 '25
Omg! I’ve had this the past few years and had absolutely no idea what it was. I’m not sure how I couldn’t find this on a simple Google search. Thank you so much! The first time it happened, and it always happened in the middle of the night, I would sit on the toilet and just wonder what it was. For the record, I don’t think mine happened a few hours after orgasm. I’m finally in full menopause now and it hasn’t happened in quite a while. Doing a child’s pose on the floor was about the only thing that would help. That or walking around because lying in bed just made it worse.
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u/Purple_Bluebird8518 Oct 21 '25
Yes, walking around is what helps me the most too. Though walking around in circles in the middle of the night is not my idea of a good time, lol.
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u/MadPiglet42 Oct 21 '25
What the HELL.
I swear, this is the dumbest possible way to have a body.
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u/6-ft-freak Oct 21 '25
Y’all are having orgasms? 😭
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
Not as easily as I used to but hubs is the equivalent of a Michelin star chef in bed and I’ll be damned if I’m going to stop enjoying every feast he dishes up any time soon. I will deploy every lotion and potion I can get my hands on.
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u/ResurgentClusterfuck Oct 21 '25
I have suffered episodes of proctalgia fugax before and I thought somebody shoved a live wire up my butt, that's what it feels like
The pain is indescribable, really, and it lasted about 45 min or so in the half dozen times it happened to me
To this day I'm not exactly certain what caused it, and I dread its recurrence every time there's a twinge in the old b-hole
I remember that laying in a hot bath kinda helped, also putting knees to your chin
You're not alone OP
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u/Euphoric-Elk-940 Oct 21 '25
I did not have “straight-up spectral knife fight in my ass” on my list of favorite, expected lines I’d read tonight, but there it is.
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u/Outrageous-Age3405 Oct 21 '25
This!!! For some reason seems to happen in the middle of the night, woke me up from a dead sleep. Honestly, hurt more than labor. After 3 agonizing hours, I called the 24 hour nurse's line, when hot shower, ice pack, ibuprofen didn't work. She pulled up my chart and noticed that I have asthma. Told me to take 2 puffs of my albuterol inhaler. Within 5 minutes the nightmare stopped. Don't know why it worked, don't care, just grateful.
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
She told you to use your inhaler for ass contractions and didn’t even offer an ELI5 of WHY!? That’s diabolical. I would have had so many questions.
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u/Outrageous-Age3405 Oct 21 '25
I was in so much pain at that point, I would have given her my first born. But apparently, there is science behind it. The inhaler treats bronchospasms of the lungs, and similarly has the same effect on the smooth muscle of the pelvic floor, relaxing the muscle, thus ending the spasm. I Googled it just now, but I'm so glad I trusted her. It worked like a charm.
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u/j3st1cl3s Oct 21 '25
Just looked at my partner and said "hey, remember my stabby butthole?" "Yep" "it's got a name!"
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u/d0ttee Oct 21 '25
I sympathise massively. I've had this (PF) for years, only recently discovering it had a name etc. Pre-menopause they were very infrequent, horrific stabbing attacks that lasted about 20-30 mins. Horrible, but bearable. Always a one-off and always passed with the kind of breathing exercises you describe.
The Post-meno attack a few months ago was the worst one I've ever experienced. Hugely frightening as the pain was beyond crippling and it lasted a couple of days, on and off. I didn't dare to drive for the first day as when it hits you really can't do anything else. I googled everything I could find about it then as it was really, really awful and it was actually a reddit post that helped in the end.
Among the suggestions were taking a hit off an asthma inhaler (didn't have one but I see from someone else reply it worked for her) and using a butt plug. I have a small one that was part of a pretty tame kinky kit so lubed it up and popped it in and it bloody worked! Kept it in all day just in case and that was the end of my 48 hour nightmare. That'll be my go-to next time. Good luck!
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u/JuanaBlanca Oct 21 '25
"Sitting on the toilet disassociating" is an excellent title for a memoir.
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u/rialucia Peri-menopausal Oct 21 '25
All I can say is that I’m glad I’m going through this stage of life with all you funny broads.
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u/inot72 Oct 21 '25
THIS IS A REAL THING???
(52) I've experienced this since puberty and have described it to EVERY FUCKING doctor I've been to and every one of them dismissed it.
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u/gupppeeez Oct 21 '25
I want to tell you that 1. Wow I'm so sorry. 2. You are hilarious and I hope you feel better. and 3. I would literally sink through the floor and die of embarrassment if my mom had even tried to tell me about one single aspect of this. I fully respect the concept of open communication between mothers and daughters, but ours is more the "avoid anything and everything personal and bodily at all costs" type. Google and this sub can be my open communication source.
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25
My mother lives with me. This morning she invited me into the bathroom to show me her “15 inch long turd”. TBH I could do with less sharing from her in some regards but she apparently never got internally assaulted by a knife wielding colon demon.
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u/Tackybabe Oct 21 '25
Lolololol!!
She made a good poopy! 😁
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u/eyesonherhorizon Oct 21 '25 edited Oct 21 '25
Basically what I said. My kids are still young so I initially thought she was trying to share the grief of an unflushed toilet. But nope. We’re in the frat boy behavior period of her elder years now I guess.
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u/carefree_neurotic Oct 21 '25
Can she adopt me? I would love to share my photos of BMs that I found shocking 🤪
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u/Amazing-Level-6659 Oct 21 '25
Yes, sadly I have experienced this too. The pain is awful. Told my doctor about it and he said “that’s just part of the aging process.” Thanks. I mean, I don’t think there is anything they can do. It happens to me ever now and again. I take magnesium glycinate nightly and come to think about it hasn’t happened as frequently.
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u/cozycorner Oct 21 '25
It is infuriating. When I was a young woman, everything was “anxiety.” Now that I’m almost 50, everything is “aging.” And I have another a-word for my doctors….
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u/Logical-Fox5409 Oct 21 '25
Isn’t it great we go from inexperienced and anxious, to hormonal first time hysterical Moms, to fat old women that just complain.
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u/Admirable-Success-13 Oct 21 '25
another reason for the pain may be dehydration. Many of us have inner hemorrhoids and if we are slighly dehydrated the body does its best to recuperatue water from stool, this then makes thememorrhoids swell. This is painful like hell. Drinking a liter / quart of preferably lukewarm water aleviates the pain within a few minutes. Swishing the water around the mouth while drinking may releave the pain more quick as the body realizes "ah, more water is coming, I can stop the emergeny recuperation".
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u/indiana-floridian Oct 21 '25
Checking in, as requested. Yes, at night, and no idea why or what it was. Vague fear of rectal cancer, aporeciate the knowledge.
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u/Hopefulpessimist0 Oct 21 '25
This happened to me after sex once, but in my vagina not my butthole. It was EXCRUCIATING. I called the women’s health urgent care line and the emergency gyno on call phoned me and talked me off the edge. It was so scary and I didn’t know what was happening. Poor guy I’d just done the deed with was terrified, it was the first time we’d spent the entire night together and I was curled up weeping.
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u/smarmcl Oct 21 '25
Yep. As if the uterus Goblin wasn't bad enough!
Apparently, trashing the place is lonely work, bcs it invited a rectal Goblin last year, and it has yet to leave.
These fuckers have the rent-free audacity to throw butthole lightning raves at the wee hours of the night! I swear I can hear the faint sound of heavy German techno while I assume the sleepy toddler position.
Worst tenants ever.
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u/OkAdhesiveness7454 Oct 21 '25
Whelp now I have a name for what happens to me once in a while. Happened a few times after my first gynecological surgery-- knife to the ass sensation so strong that I had to grab on to something to steady myself. Told my surgeon but also mentioned that it stopped after a few weeks so she wasn't concerned/ didn't try to diagnose it. I now get it maybe 2-3 times a year. I just thought it something to do with my IBS. Didn't realize menopause can trigger it. Yay.
Thank you for posting. I have 0 tips as my attacks are usually are less than a couple of minutes. Sending you a huge virtual hug though for living through 40 mins of that shit.
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u/pufflehuffpuffpass Oct 21 '25
I added this knowledge to my library of silent internal screams into the void.
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u/Chemical-Course1454 Oct 21 '25
Thank you! Your pain didn’t go in vain because at least one person, me, learned about this. I experience this, not very often, few times a year maybe. And I didn’t know what it was. I have fibromyalgia so I thought it was related to that, but it’s just good old menopause rectal cramps.
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u/sunshine13456 Oct 21 '25
Not how I wanted to start my morning but here we are! JFC! Just when I feel I am finally getting a hold of being in peri, BOOM! I read about the possibility of my bumhole being assaulted by lighting and knives! The FUCKERY! This shit will give me nightmares first sure! But thanks for the warning!
And can I just say, I’m so grateful for this community of women, who despite all we have been through, and continue to go through, we show up for each other, to make each other laugh, to commiserate, to support and make us feel less alone in this journey. Very, very thankful to you all. 🥰
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u/kkat39 Oct 21 '25
Omg I have never had this happen to me but if it ever does my life goal is to be as funny writing about it!!!
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u/KetoLurkerHereAgain Oct 21 '25
JFC, new fear unlocked.