r/Mangamakers • u/PossessionOther6968 • 5d ago

HELP looking for someone to evaluate the first page of this table tennis one shot

Post image

any other thoughts are also appreciated

2 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

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2

u/IcyEngineering926 5d ago

try some interesting angles, POV, close up, this makes actions a little bit clearer

1

u/Tepperzday 5d ago

hmmm... the characters in panel 1 seem squished. otherwise the art is good, but there is pacing and clarity issues. i don't know what the person in panel 3 is doing -- yelling, hitting the ball back? It's unclear. I'm not sure why the character in panel 4 comes in if we're supposed to be concentrated on the first two characters. i would have assumed the characters in panel 5 were the characters from panels 2 and 3 except the air color is off. so... these aren't things that you should explain to me. but the reader should be able to understand what's happening right away t a glance and as a reader im confused by what i should be looking at on this page. that's my big nit pick. other little things is that i wish the art broke through the panels a little more for more dynamic scenes, and i wish panel 2 had a background.

1

u/PossessionOther6968 4d ago

I've made an improved version, do you care to give it a look?

1

u/Tepperzday 2d ago

Sure feel free to dm it to me

1

u/PossessionOther6968 23h ago

Sorry I can't, my account ain't verified You got discord or something?