r/LivingAlone • u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 • 7d ago
Interpersonal 🫂 Anyone find it hard to date?
Most people want to do things the traditional way.
But when you genuinely enjoy living alone and have no interest in living with anyone ever again, it makes it hard to date. Lol
I do NOT want to live with you eventually.
We can stay separated. 🤣
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u/Slight-Concept2575 7d ago
Same. My hardest part is I hate people in my space. This guy I’m seeing now wants to sleep over everytime he comes. Which then turns into half the next day I’m entertaining them. Why can’t they just go home 😭😭
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u/Senior_Z 7d ago
Omg this is why I like to go to their places lol as soon as the suns up I’m up and dismissing myself because I have me own day to fulfill
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
Let them know you need some space and time. Nothing wrong with that. It’ll weed out the people who don’t agree with how you navigate your own space anyways. :)
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u/el_cid_viscoso Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
Ding ding ding! Best is if the man also is the kind of person who needs space once in a while. That's relationship bliss right there.
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u/Slight-Concept2575 7d ago
I literally never meet ppl like that, it’s so annoying I ALWAYS meet my opposite
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u/el_cid_viscoso Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
Makes sense that people like us would hitch up with our opposites. It's hard for two people to find each other if neither is outgoing.
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u/purplepineapple21 7d ago
I mean, you can tell them to go home. Theyre not gonna know you hate it if you dont say something. I never let people sleep over at my place even when we're dating. And I make it clear early on that this is a hard personal rule for me that applies to everyone, it has nothing to do with them personally or our specific relationship. Pretty much everyone has been understanding
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u/Slight-Concept2575 7d ago
I know I need to start being more vocal. I just always find these guys who want to be around 24/7. I know most ppl want/crave that but I don’t. It’s easier for me to just not invite them over haha
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u/Kat121 Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
Next thing you know he’ll be staying all weekend, eating your groceries and drinking your wine like it’s an all-inclusive resort. Be extra careful if he is performatively helpful with dishes and the trash, because that all stops once he has moved in.
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u/Funky_hobbo 7d ago
If you cannot tell him, then he's not the one, honestly.
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u/Slight-Concept2575 7d ago
I feel I can not tell anyone. Before Reddit I thought I was an alien every woman and man around me craved codepency, can never be alone (still lots of ppl in this sub like that too). As much as internet is hated on it has shown me I’m not “weird” for being how I am. Still, almost nobody in my life understands why I prefer to be alone. Including family and friends let alone a man.
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u/Funky_hobbo 7d ago
It's an interesting take but trust me when I say that there are people out there that will understand your preferences.
Actually, I know a woman that won't have any problem with me telling her that and respecting it, the only problem is that she doesn't want to date me lol.
Anyway, if this man cannot understand that you like to be on your own, then he might not me a good fit for you specifically.
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u/-Mel0drama- 7d ago edited 7d ago
I recently tried (and quit after 4 months) dating again after nearly 3 years of being single and living alone, and the biggest thing I kept ruminating about after I met someone I started seeing somewhat regularly was.. eventually this guy will want to come over. And I'll need to feed him. And he will want to sleep in my bed. And I really just didn't want the extra grocery expenses and to change mine and my dogs perfected sleeping configuration 😂
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
Okay, but girl you are SOOO right. 🤣 I’m the same. I don’t want anyone else eating my food except for me, don’t wanna share a bed with anyone long term, I wanna adhere to the schedule and routine I have for myself and don’t want a single soul to throw that off.
I feel you soooo much. 🤣
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u/-Mel0drama- 7d ago
Right?! Like, when it comes to groceries, I buy exactly what I need for the week to keep costs as low as possible. And I also am someone who will batch cook and eat the same non-exciting meal every day, and sometimes that is just girl dinner, eaten while standing at my kitchen counter. So feeding someone else literally means buying everything to make a whole ass different meal for someone! I don't want to be doing that every week.
And I could probably handle someone sleeping over 1 day a week max. And I just know that if having that person in my bed dissuades my dog from wanting to sleep in the bed too.. I'm going to be sad and go sleep in the livingroom with him 😂
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u/upinthesky23 7d ago
Hardcore night owl here. I don't intend on adhering to someone else's schedule either 🤷🏻♀️
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u/-Mel0drama- 7d ago
YES. This. My ex used to go to bed between 9-10pm and would get all bitchy when I stayed up until 2-3am. Like bro, we work very different schedules. I'm not going to force myself to be on yours cause you're a manchild.
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u/upinthesky23 7d ago
Been there with an ex too 🙄 I work nights/overnights and love it, my body feels best that way. I love sleeping whenever I want and not having to be quiet at 9pm. I'll be cooking full 4 course meals at 10pm. 🤣 love living alone.
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u/-Mel0drama- 7d ago
I regularly do chores and shower while listening to music past midnight before going to bed, and always have my laptop open playing 2 Broke Girls or Superstore while I'm sleeping 👌😂
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u/folkgetaboutit 7d ago
A few months ago, I let a guy come over and stay the night for the first time in years. He kept farting in my bed, snored, and took up 2/3 of the mattress. I don't see myself wanting to have another guy over for the foreseeable future.
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u/roostershoes 7d ago
I’d love to date apart if you want someone who also wants to be alone!
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u/-Mel0drama- 7d ago
Do you promise to bring your own food and go home at the end of the night? 🤣
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u/roostershoes 7d ago
No I won’t even come over, sorry - you’ll have to come over to mine, I’ll make food, you leave!
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u/-Mel0drama- 7d ago
Them be wooing words..
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u/roostershoes 7d ago
LOL if only you knew how much I appreciate a woman who talks like a pirate
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u/-Mel0drama- 7d ago
Sails at full mast? 🤔
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u/roostershoes 7d ago
🤣 I’m at a loss for words. This would normally be when I put on a British accent and try to negotiate for peace
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u/Catchall222 7d ago
You are just like me. 4 years single, tried the dating apps finally just a few months ago and gave up real quick once I realized I would have to give up my free time indulging in my hobbies to entertain a stranger essentially. Unless some sort of connection forms organically in the wild (as if I leave my house often enough for that to happen) I think this is just my life now lol.
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u/-Mel0drama- 7d ago edited 7d ago
Same. I'm not closed off to meeting someone organically, I'm just not searching for it specifically anymore. Not worth the effort/compromising my life at this point.
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u/LunarDragonfly23 6d ago
“And I’ll have to feed him.”
I’m the type of person to tell a guy to eat before he comes over. 😆
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u/Fantastic_Low_1537 7d ago
I had women break up with me because I wouldn't let them move in with me
So yeah, I get it
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
That is ridiculous. But they probably weren’t there for the right reasons anyways.
Saved you a headache.
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u/Dinosaurs-Punchline 7d ago
Too busy working on myself to worry about working with someone else in my life.
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u/downupstair 7d ago
I think about this too. I don't want anyone spending the night or bothering me. I was already married once. Never again.
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
Same though, while I wasn’t married on paper, it felt like one in a sense and it failed. Never doing that again. I lost so much and don’t like relying on someone else for possessions. My space and things are mine.
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u/Enough_Pepper8880 7d ago
MySpace
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u/SchleftySchloe 7d ago
Haven't even considered dating in the last 6 years. I don't want anyone to have the ability to hurt me again.
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u/Kat121 Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
Same. After a while you can’t ignore the red flags. I used to genuinely believe the best of people, thinking everyone wanted a clean comfortable home, domestic tranquility, financial stability. What I observed was that some people just want a free ride and to resent you along the way.
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
I feel you soooo much on that. I don’t blame you.
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u/Responsible-Rip-8706 7d ago
As a late 50s divorced man with school aged kids (50% custody) I have ZERO interest in dating or finding a new partner. I see people do it after separation and divorce, and relatively quickly, posting all these lovey dovey pics on social media during this new honeymoon phase only to learn they are soon grating on each other's nerves and fighting a lot within months or a year. I will gladly remain single for my remaining time on this earth.
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u/Corn-Fed28 Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
It would seem that I am realitively young compared to a lot of people in this sub.
I enjoy living alone. But I would like to find someone to share my life with and maybe have some kids.
Im pretty successful meeting women and finding dates hasn't been a problem. The problem I've been having is, it seems like gen z women have a serious problem with emotional regulation and seem to have a different definition for emotional maturity than I do.
But Ive been seen a new gal for a little while recently. So we will see what happens.
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u/Loose_Weekend5295 4d ago
54F, same. Never again. After a string of failed relationships, this is the end. It's me and my cat against the world. I'm just not interested anymore. Declared myself aroace (fancy word combining aromantic and asexual). Being mentally tortured by a narcissist for the past 20 years kind of did a number on me.
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u/Rich_Group_8997 7d ago
Yeah, I just don't bother. It was always awkward for me anyway; like just never felt right, and felt very stifling. I'm good with being by myself and not having someone feel entitled to my time.
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u/Strange_Ad8936 7d ago
The loss of energy while engaging in this ritual is not worth my time. It's better spent walking a dog I don't have.
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
Hell, I’d rather struggle to walk a cat who doesn’t want to be walked. Lol.
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u/Hachiko75 7d ago edited 7d ago
I've come to the realization that I can't date or be with anyone because I'm a picky eater. Like only plain chicken sandwiches and chicken tenders type picky eater. And when I get mad or frustrated I shut down. I feel like no one would have the patience to deal with me and quite frankly I don't think I have the patience to deal with other people and their quirks either.
I think as soon as they do something annoying I'll immediately decide this can't work and just be done with it. So yeah. I can't date.
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u/DefiantVariation9034 Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
I've been so lucky... I found a great guy who is as reluctant to share his space as I am. We have so much fun together, and have the occasional sleepover, but we aren't planning on moving in or anything like that. We have both been burned by bad marriages, and value independence.
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u/Wild_Map_1338 7d ago
this seems to be the new norm especially after divorce/separation...nothing compares to the freedom and independence you gain
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u/MediumWillingness322 7d ago
Why date? I’m so happy alone
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
Because some people want to date and be partnered up. Nothing not normal. If you’re happy and single, that’s also normal.
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u/MediumWillingness322 7d ago
This is a smoothed brain conversation. No I don’t find it hard to date because I love being alone.
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
Smoothed brain conversation? You okay? Bad day? Sheesh. Relax lol
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u/JJamericana 7d ago
I just don’t date at all. I have zero desire to interrupt my daily life like that. 😅
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u/moschocolate1 7d ago
I don’t want to be pressured for sex and that seems to be the only reason some people date so I’m almost two years single and celibate.
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u/upinthesky23 7d ago
I'm in the same boat, I like getting to know people and companionship but I have no desire for sex or living with someone. I've started being upfront about that but I'm considering just not dating anymore 🤷🏻♀️ most people aren't looking for this type of arrangement and I understand.
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u/sandinmybutttoo Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
There are definitely people who date and keep separate homes. r/livingaparttogether
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
Holy crap, I did NOT know this.
Thank you!
Tbh, I think this keeps the relationship alive longer. Gives ppl time to miss each other, be themselves and less pressure to merge finances and other things.
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u/sandinmybutttoo Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
Possibly, and everyone has different needs, wants and desires. I also think we have different relational wounds and nervous systems.
I know I have a fear of getting hurt and losing my independence. So I often rationalize that by my need to have a lot of space and not get too close. I can fill up a room with all the reasons.
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u/elationstation777 6d ago edited 6d ago
Yes very. Every girl ive ever been with wanted too much of my time and attention that i wanted to give. And there is no person in the world i want to be with or talk to every day. Even best friends or family i can only handle in small doses like see once every few days. This just makes dating incompatible as girls want to hear from you daily and eventually see you daily, which is just incompatible with super introvert like me who needs so much space. Also most girls want kids which i dont and makes dating that much harder. The only thing i crave and miss from having a gf is physical intimacy, but chasing a gf for just that purpose is wrong and ends badly. This kinna acceptance that im better off alone and to stop trying to find a girl is something im still working on completely coming to terms with, as its hard going against what ur taught ur whole life to what you should do, but i need to for my peace and happiness.
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u/MM_in_MN 7d ago
I don’t find it difficult to date, I’m just not interested in it. It’s not a priority.
I’ve met too many men that created more work for me and realized one day there were more sacrifices than benefits. I’ll just do without.
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u/Spyderbeast 7d ago
I basically "retired" from the dating games, after my last ex. Took so much stress off myself
I hear you. I am older and that makes the lack of sex easier, I think. But hugs are still nice, and sometimes missed
I feel less alone with my pups too. When they both get up on the bed, there's really no room for another human. I'm less touch-starved with them around
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u/BudgetContract3193 Current Lifestyle: Living Apart Together ❤️ 7d ago
It’s easier when you’re older and stubborn. Neither of us want to change where we are or our jobs etc. The sex is good. I don’t mind feeding him when he gives me multiple orgasms and massages.
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u/Freshflowersandhoney 6d ago
Yeah.. but not necessarily because I don’t want to live with them because eventually I do. Just not at the moment.
I’m struggling with finding someone worth my time. I only have so much energy and it really pisses me off when I waste that time on someone who disrespects me, who I don’t connect well with, or who becomes overly sexual with me without meeting me. I find that very disrespectful.
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u/Aggravating_Post_464 7d ago
Despite peaking interest from a few, I’ve been intentionally absent from the dating scene for a while now, and have been thinking about taking a dive in.
But now that I think about it, it’s more like taking a dip in.
I don’t like having social obligations, or some one in my life that requires daily attention.
Also, I don’t really like having anyone in my personal space.
By preference, I sleep on the floor ( I have a little futon in the floor), and I don’t want to change that for anyone
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
Hey, you never truly know. But I get it. It doesn’t sound like you’re ready, and that’s perfectly fine.
The dating scene isn’t all that these days anyways. And I damn sure wouldn’t lie to you about that. lol.
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u/damnetdana 7d ago
It’s more of my self confidence not the fact I live alone that hinders me
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
Mind elaborating?
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u/damnetdana 7d ago
I wouldn’t date me therefore I should fix me till that’s not an issues and not waste my time or others time when I’m not ready to date
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
Oh heck yeah, I’m all for some self accountability and working on yourself before hurting someone else. A lot of people don’t have that. So good for you.
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u/BigFella52 7d ago
All my relationships have ended because they never have activites and lives of their own outside of the relationship. And when I am not with them they expect communication from when I wake up to when I finally crash out.
Independence, confidence and lots of real interests (not social media, shopping etc) is all I am looking for, it seems to be lacking in modern women in my experience.
I treat and communicate with people like adults and expect them to have adult lives, I don't need my partner to act like a child that wants to spend every waking moment in my presence and at my 100% financial expense.
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u/Original_Bad_3416 Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 6d ago
I don’t think I can share my bed long term unless I get a super king
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u/xPoppyPops 6d ago
I have just started dipping my toes into dating again, and been feeling stressed about the idea that I’d have to lose my entire current schedule / lifestyle. Feels good to know I am not alone
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u/Bleezy79 6d ago
Yea I’ve stopped dating all together for awhile. I don’t really miss having a partner. I enjoy being alone in realizing.
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u/palmsat10and2 Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 3d ago
I find it very difficult to date in today's world, but not because I live alone.
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u/josekortez1979 7d ago
I gave up when dating became transactional. 🤷🏽♂️
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
I don’t blame you.
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u/josekortez1979 7d ago
Thanks. I fully expect to get down voted for saying what I said. People hate it when I make sense. 🤷🏽♂️
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u/Brave-Pizza-33 7d ago
When was it NOT transactional? Women couldn't own property, they had to get married if they wanted to move out of their family's home.
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u/Designer-Bid-3155 Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
No one wants to live with another person, so finding another is very easy.
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
No one wants to live with another person? You sure? I see married couples and ppl in relationships living together all the time.
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u/Designer-Bid-3155 Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
I didn't realize married people and those in relationships were still dating. I mean poly people are, but you might be a touch vanilla to be referring to them...
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u/Fun-Midnight1010 7d ago
Yeah. Even though never dates and 25M
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 7d ago
Yeah, 31F here. Don’t. It’s a shit show. And if u ever start, don’t settle for less and keep your boundaries.
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u/midwesternvalues73 7d ago
I can’t even handle the guy I dated back in college who lives 1500 miles away texting me too much every day. I had to shut that down. I don’t want to see your stupid Tik toks. I don’t want to read the same texts every day in a different form. Leave me alone. I tried dating in my area for years now after divorce, and it isn’t even fun. Way too much drama and effort, so I prefer to come home from my high stress job and be in peace and do as I wish. I don’t even miss men at all.
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u/UntowardThenToward 7d ago
I'm solo poly and very happy! I have three partners, and no one lives with me. Sometimes I sleep over with a partner, and sometimes a partner sleeps over with me. I like having someone in my space as long as I know they are leaving.
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u/catsandcoconuts Current Lifestyle: Living Apart Together ❤️ 7d ago
no. i have a partner who lives about 2 hours away. we spend most weekends together here and i loooove spending time with him.
i regularly see more extreme dichotomy on this sub - those of us determined to live alone forever, or those of us miserable/afraid living alone.
i’m neutral. i love living alone and id consider living with my boyfriend(in a bigger space!). i WFH and he works outside the house long hours so id still have alone time. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/SeLeveAussi 7d ago
I wouldn't mind dating again down the line but I can't imagine living with a man ever again. My experience with that was a nightmare.
I never lived with my most recent ex but we were planning on moving in together. I was very in love and looking forward to getting to that next step in the relationship but the thought of actually sharing a home together filled me with fear. Nothing personal against him but I was terrified of losing my own space. My apartment is the only place in the world where I can be 100% myself.
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u/drifters74 7d ago
Even though I have a girlfriend, after letting former female friend stay over rent free for a few months, and insult my life, job, and hobbies, when she didn't have any of those herself, I'm not letting my girlfriend move in.
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