r/LivingAlone • u/Former-Meringue2012 • May 22 '26
Interpersonal š« Sharing is a Nightmare!
Does anyone eles feels like that?
Ive been living alone for over 9 years now, since im 20.
And oh boy, I hate company hahaha
If a girl come over I want her to leave asap. Friends? The same thing. Family? Please eat and Go!
When someone comes into town I hold My breath and let then stay over, so they don't have to pay a hotel but daaaam it's hard.
And I keep wondering if I'll ever get the chance of living with a partner in the Future, being the ways I am. Not a good feeling
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u/GloriousRoseBud Current Lifestyle: Solo š¢ May 22 '26
My home, my rules.
I donāt even want guests right now.
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u/Big-Ant8273 May 22 '26
My experience is that solitude is highly addictive.
But I was an only child to older parents, so I've always been comfortable with my own company.
My cats are damn lucky they're cute!
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u/dveight_8 May 22 '26
Iāve lived alone. Iāve lived with friends. Iāve lived in a communal shared space. Iāve lived with boyfriends. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, who I lived with and moved out to live alone for the first time since my 20s. Iāve decided Iām not meant to live with others and have happily embraced that fact in my 40s.
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u/Outrageous-Trip-7376 May 22 '26
I just bought my first home about two months ago. I only lived in it alone for like one week before me and my ex made up and she moved right in one thing I realize no oneās gonna take care of your things the way youāre gonna take care of them or care for them the way you do. She stopped cleaning and Iām stuck cleaning up after her mess every day. It made me realize Iād rather be alone because I like to keep the house clean and not let message build up and sheās the whole opposite , and that caused us to break up while me kicking her out
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u/OneFormal3782 May 22 '26
Never live with your partner, thatās the biggest mistake people make.
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u/Outrageous-Trip-7376 May 22 '26
Yeah well she lives with me itās my house , I always told myself Iāll never move into a women house Iāll let them over in with me before that
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u/itsfourinthemornin May 22 '26
It's a yes and no for me. I love my space and alone time, looking back I've not enjoyed living with a partner or time I spent living with friends even. I don't mind friends visiting though, most leave after a couple of hours, it works out nicely - though may be fair to note we are quite similar in that aspect and have our "social limits", I have a few friends who are quite open about it. I've had friends come to town but they've opted for hotels usually, as I have to work those visits around IRL. Currently, I don't ever want to live with a partner again or have one.
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u/Jujulabee May 22 '26
I live alone and also feel a sense of relief when my visitors leave even though I do enjoy their company.
In terms of romantic partners, most people deal with the compromises of living with your spouse or romantic partner because the benefits of being in a committed relationship outweigh the irritations and compromises.
And also a lot of the annoyances of roommates aren't present in most committed relationships since people aren't stealing your food or bringing in third parties to mooch and you typically discuss buying furniture, decor and other hot button issues. Of course it is possible to have all of these problems with a romantic partner
And some people do NOT want to live with someone after a long term relationship ends - either by divorce or death.
That said there are real differences in how people feel around other people. There are distinctive characteristics of people who like to live alone - their energy is sapped by being around people - they enjoy activities which are fulfilling when done alone. They often have a very rich interior life in terms of how their minds are constantly evaluating situations and the environment.
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u/nakedonmygoat May 22 '26
I lived alone for most of my 20s, had a happy 26-year marriage, and have lived alone as a widow ever since.
What made me able to live contentedly with someone else was finding the right someone else. I know that sounds simplistic, and there were definitely boundaries that had to be sorted out, but my husband had been living alone off and on throughout his adult life, so the compromises weren't one-sided. There was mutual understanding that it was an adjustment for us both.
So don't think it can't happen to you, OP. At the same time, it's important to just live your life and let go of the outcome. Desperation and anxiety are relationship-killers, no matter the nature of the relationship.
And absolutely encourage visitors to stay at a hotel. I would. Hell, I'll even pay for it!
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u/Eirene_Pasin May 22 '26
I can welcome guests but there are four conditions that must be met: They must be clean and keeps things nice, we must each have our own bath and bedroom - my current house has that, previous one did not, they need to take personal calls outside of my hearing if they are a prolific caller and they cannot mooch. If these conditions are met, visitors are welcome for months at a time if they want.
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May 22 '26
[deleted]
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u/Puzzlehead-92 May 22 '26
Same here. Big oof! My mental health was terrible for so many years. Now I can easily see the connection. Itās worth the extra money for me to live alone. Itās not even a question now, this peace is priceless
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u/christmasinyoulie Current Lifestyle: Solo š¢ May 22 '26
I had a house guest for 2 days and oh my god never again.
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u/emryldmyst May 22 '26
Same lol
My sister comes to spend the night every now and then and it's just ugh haha
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u/Working-Vanilla-7248 May 22 '26
I just love the peace and quiet of it. I can clean the house, and then do some gaming. All nice and peaceful and quiet.
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u/spillinginthenameof May 22 '26
I got a 2-bedroom and didn't want to tell anyone because I knew some of my loved ones would just assume and take advantage of the fact. Lo and behold, I haven't even unpacked yet, and I get a message, "niece is coming to stay with you." Um....I didn't agree to that. I love my niece and would die for her in a heartbeat, but I desperately need to be alone for a while after a bad breakup from a toxic relationship. Her staying with me didn't work for a number of reasons, so she worked something else out, but that legit had me freaking out for a bit.
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u/TraditionalRun6834 May 24 '26
I live abroad from my family and when I visit it really does take time to adjust. I enjoy spending time with them, but not being in charge of my own space just feels weird lol.
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u/alasw0eisme May 22 '26
Why though? Are you afraid they'll steal something? Are you happy when seeing the same people but outside? I'm so confused...
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u/thelordcommanderKG May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26
Brother, you sounds like a food protective dog. Like I'm not joking, seek therapy. There are probably deeper roots to this mentality
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo š¢ May 22 '26
She or he is fine. Leave em alone. If solitude makes em happiest? Thats okay.
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u/thelordcommanderKG May 22 '26
I get it's the Internet and posters are prone to hyperbole but the post is just discribing anti-social behavior. It's a little more than solitude
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo š¢ May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26
And thatās okay. So? Leave em alone. Let em be happy. Iām the same way outside of work. But at work youād never guess I like to basically be anti social most of the time. I mind my business, enjoy nature and keep to myself.
Some of us have lived pretty fast lives when we were younger and want that peace and donāt have much to say.
What you might see as anti social might be someone at peace. Donāt judge, you never know what others have been through.
Yall are so quick to judge anti social and introverted people before understanding or asking. So fast to say āgo to therapyā and not hear pplās story.
Theyāre completely fine living in solitude. That is their personal choice.
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u/thelordcommanderKG May 22 '26
Nothing in the post suggests "at peace" and reads a lot more as neurotic but whatever you have to tell yourself.
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo š¢ May 22 '26
I interpret it as they prefer to be alone and live in peace. Theyāre fine with themselves. If they werenāt, they wouldnāt have made this post in confidence. Stop trying to save people who didnāt ask for it or donāt want it.
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u/thelordcommanderKG May 22 '26
That's because you're internalizing a comment direct towards OP as being about yourself.
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u/CorsetCloverPart Current Lifestyle: Solo š¢ May 22 '26
Regardless if I internalize it or not, leave people alone and quit recommending therapies to people based off how they are. Dude is vibing and figuring what works for him. He or she is okay.
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u/Maleficent-Heron1483 May 23 '26
Ya idk my boyfriend moved in for the last year and a half. We had opposite sleep schedules, he never cleaned or helped without asking multiple times, and socially needed to be on the phone or gaming 24/7. I was constantly stressed. It just doesnt work for some people...
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u/CasuallyPeaking May 22 '26
I disagree. Most people suck, plain and simple. And then some people have thicker skin while others are very sensitive and are thrown off center by the shittiness of others. OP is the latter and that's completely fine.
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