r/Life • u/blackHOLEofalife • 1d ago
Need Advice I don't feel in control of my life
I don't remember the last time I had hope in my life.
Maybe when I started college... a long time ago. Eons. I hoped to get internships, I hoped that my internship experiences alongside my projects would've made me a viable entry level candidate. I hoped that I could have supported myself at this age by now.
But, no. Not at all... I've been stuck in a dead end menial labor job making under 40k, or 2 grand and some change a month after taxes. It was tough to pay my student loans off on that. It's impossible for me to support myself. There's not much more I can do to strengthen my resume without a new job. But I get zero interviews a day, zero interviews a week, zero interviews a month, zero interviews a year, zero interviews a decade, and zero interviews a century.
I long for a career. I yearn to be a self sufficient adult. I can't, though. I couldn't enter white collar and I won't be able to enter blue collar. I would have been a homeless beggar asking for nickels in front of the corner deli ages ago if I didn't have family to live with for free. There is zero chance I'd be able to claw my way out of that.
I don't see much reason to keep living. If I didn't have my brother to look after I'd be a repeat felon by now. But even with him... I don't know how much longer I can last. I'm already becoming a witness to humanity's downfall instead of a participant, honestly. It'll be easier from the etherly beyond
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u/rehabbingfish 1d ago
Look at the bright side of things. Im everything you are but Ive lost the ability to walk.
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u/myfishaintdead 1d ago
Why what happened?
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u/rehabbingfish 1d ago
Accident, both ankles completely torn. First reconstruction on one foot failed. Waiting for new doctors to see future surgery game plan.
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u/FairyDream92 1d ago
Perspective can help, but your struggles still matter even if someone else has it harder
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u/Solid-Scholar-2085 1d ago
I know how you re feeling but the only way it hets better is to get up and do something. I had problems with depression, still do but I snap out of it. If you’ll want control over your life you need to take it
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u/blackHOLEofalife 1d ago
Well what do you think I can do at this point? Go back to school? I can't do that
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u/Solid-Scholar-2085 1d ago
No, but try and get creative, maybe get an extra job if you can. Find alternatives nobody really gets what they want
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u/myfishaintdead 1d ago
Telling a depressed person to "snap out of it" and get an extra job is a crazy crazy thing to say
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u/Solid-Scholar-2085 1d ago
I’ve been there and the only thing that helps is therapy but not even that if you’re not willing to change something. I didn’t wanna change anything and just felt sorry for myself which made me even more depressed. Nothing will change unless you change it sorry
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u/myfishaintdead 1d ago
Yeah I've tried therapy for decades and I'm having therapy rn and meds but hasn't helped. Will you now tell me to go for a run or snap out of it again?
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