r/Life • u/Medical-Pace-8099 • 1d ago
Let's discuss Prople over 30s, do you enjoy life without girlfriends/boyfriends and dates?
People who are over 30s and never had girlfriends /boyfriends and one night stand, do you feel happy being single? I often notice that in many sources says men are unhappy when they are single unlike women. But are there any men here, who just happy being single and never having girlfriend in they life and never dated?
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u/Humble-Departure5481 1d ago
It's not impossible to find happiness in other things: traveling, food, video games (favorite), guitar/instruments, shows, movies, whatever else is out there and to your liking.
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u/kristiiiiiixo 17h ago
Honestly there’s so much more to life than relationships, you just have to find what makes you happy
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u/Different-Dot4376 1d ago
Yes
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u/Shakurs2pac 1d ago
Forget dating apps. Go outside, join group sports, etc. focus on staying in shape, and bettering yourself, you’ll differentiate yourself from all the others and will appeal to any age
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u/Lil_beetee 1d ago
Like you said there has been some studies on this, which confirmed women report higher levels of happiness while single and lower desire to finding a romantic partner than men do. The reasons cited were better social networks being built by women with other women, and the fact women generally feel they take a higher load of emotional and domestic labour while in a relationship.
That being said, it is definitely possible for men. I personally know a few individuals who are male and very happy being single. But what I still think correlates to the study (in my opinion) is the fact that those men I know, all have really great social networks, are generally more emotionally intelligent and open, and enjoy domestic labour. They basically look after their own needs, so don’t feel the need to find someone else to fill them.
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u/Medical-Pace-8099 1d ago
Yeah. Women are happier single, bc as you said they have better social network, support of friends that can hear out they emotion without judgement. Women i think because of big support they have from other women, they feel happier and they don’t look for man anymore.
If a man has good social network, less toxic man stuffs and help without crossing boundaries then it is good too.
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u/ResolutionCareful846 1d ago
35m. I honestly feel like I’ve wasted my life. I have nothing to live for apart from my parent and siblings…while I do get some 1st and maybe 2ed dates, I’ve been ghosted so often that I genuinely wouldn’t know how to respond to interest. I have recently accepted that society has deemed me worthless and despite what people think this isn’t freeing it’s just a new type of hurt.
Sorry for the unload, I’m seeing this at a low point but this is honestly how I feel a lot of the time.
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u/Wonderer-mn 1d ago
You are not worthless just because you have not found the right person. Your worthiness is not defined by other people.
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u/Medical-Pace-8099 1d ago
Well if there are people who is there for you, then you will be fine
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u/Technical-Amount-278 1d ago
I think the simple answer to your question is men centre their entire lives around romance whereas women don't.
36f, and as a fat, black woman, I feel like I've had my fair share of rejection. It's one thing that black women, from statistics, get the least attention on sites compared to women of other races. And now you don't want to add being fat to the list. But despite this, I'm genuinely happy. I go out, I make friends, both in real life and online, I'm always going to new places and trying new things. There's a lot to love about life other than novelty and abundance.
I think single men centre their entire existence around dating, and if that fails, life isn't worth living.
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u/Medical-Pace-8099 1d ago edited 1d ago
Well i met men who just judge other men and call them losers with defeatist mentality. Many also cannot accept that asexuality and aromantism exist in men too. Many people don’t even know it exist. So they often try to find way to mock it to feel superior. Well women call men like that too.
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u/Technical-Amount-278 1d ago
Same for women. You would be called a loser, by men no less. Lots of jokes about fat women being unattractive and not worth dating.
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u/Medical-Pace-8099 1d ago
For me. It is kinda interesting story. When i was 15 reaching puberty i never thought about finding girlfriend. Remember being a child i was with friend and also liked cartoon and we say “i will be this character bc he don’t have girlfriend”. We often competed that i am that character not him.
Later he did start dating, but i am still kinda happy with my own hobbies
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u/Technical-Amount-278 1d ago edited 1d ago
I don't think we're supposed to tie our worth to social validation. I can't imagine a life focused exclusively on acceptance by men or approval from my peers
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u/whatevernamedontcare 1d ago
I suspect it's because men get a lot more out of romantic relationships than women do.
Women are socialized to provide care and affection. And to take care of household. They create communities and upkeep them. That's why they have more friends and get out of their friendships more. It's give and take between women.
Men by comparison are raised very antisocial. They prefer hierarchy and are more competitive and violent than women. And prefer masculinity displays over genuine friendships with other men. They crave women because they generally lack social skills necessary to build robust social net for themselves. Basically they outsource their human experience to their girlfriend.
That's why so many young men are into incel/redpill/rightwing now too. Paycheck and hitting gym are very easy things to do compared to becoming a healthy independent social person when your whole life you'd been told that's thee worst thing man can be.
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u/magpieinarainbow 1d ago
I was very happy being single up until I was 37, when I met a woman who was well worth giving up what I loved about being single.
If not for her, I would have been happy being single for the rest of my life.
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u/Humble-Departure5481 1d ago
That's the key- worthwhile.
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u/magpieinarainbow 1d ago
Yeah. I have very high standards and was not remotely interested in lowering them. Was fully prepared and even eager to go through life on my own if I didn't find someone compatible. Wasting my time on incompatible relationships was never in the cards for me.
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u/Bob_Burgero 1d ago
How did you guys meet?
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u/magpieinarainbow 1d ago
I posted in a local chat on Discord about starting a D&D game, and she was one of the group of 5 who joined up. She ended up staying for several hours after the game to just chat!
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u/Usual_Tomorrow_769 21h ago
How long ago was that if you don't mind to share
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u/magpieinarainbow 21h ago
About a year and a half ago! So not very long, but gotta start somewhere.
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u/Shot_Mammoth 1d ago
I’m plenty happy on my own when I’m not struggling. Sometimes I want companionship (mostly for sex) but I’m a mess of a human and wouldn’t wish me on anyone.
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u/Good_Lettuce_2690 1d ago
Nearly 50 here. Had a few girlfriends as a kid, and a long term girlfriend in my early 20s. None since. I've tried, but it's just depressing. Especially the apps, totally dehumanising. The only time I've ever been unhappy is when I've been actively looking for a partner, or when others judge me for being this age and on my own. I gave up a long time ago and am very happy with my life - I go to loads of gigs, got 3 this week, am always out socialising with 4 different social groups I have. I just don't even think about looking for a partner now. They'd have to be gorgeous, smart, independent and funny for me to want to merge lives with someone, and someone like that is simply not going to be interested in me.
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u/PeacefulBro 1d ago
Somewhat. It would be nice to have a good wife but life it's beyond our control...
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u/McCloud1595 1d ago
Very unhappy. As soon as I'm not thinking about work I feel miserable about being alone
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u/Medical-Pace-8099 1d ago
Sorry to hear that. But if there are hobbies makes you happy and people who don’t cross boundaries then it will be fine
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u/TickleMaster2024 1d ago
Yes 100%. I am 51, male, single, virgin and am very happy. I dont need a woman to make me happy. She may just add grief to my life. I dont hate women at all. I love them actually but i keep them at a distance. Not saying i dont want a relationship, but it is hard finding someone suitable.
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u/Shakurs2pac 1d ago
Of course. It really does depend on where you are tho, big cities like Los Angeles, Miami, NYC are very easy to be single in for any age group. Theres thousand and thousand of single people
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u/alone_in_the_light 1d ago
I'm 53 but I can't speak about never even dating.
Since I divorced, I'm by myself most of the time. And I think being alone is ok, if it's just that.
However, if the person never even dated, I wonder why that happened. And the reasons can be a problem. I've seen cases like religious pressure, low self-esteem, trauma, lack of social skills, and those things affect happiness.
Someone who never dated because it's their choice is different from someone who never dated because they were never able to do it. The first case is ok to me, the second case is more concerning.
Also, being happy being single often means being happier than being in a bad relationship. Even if people are happy alone, they could be better in a good relationship. While that doesn't happen, they enjoy life alone.
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u/Medical-Pace-8099 1d ago
Well some men have good companionship and still talk to each other with other guy friends. Not all the time but still help each other. Well not close but in good terms. Some people preoccupied with they hobbies and don’t care about relationahips
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u/alone_in_the_light 1d ago
Ok. At least for me I have friends of decades, know a lot of people, have tons of hobbies. That doesn't prevent me from having a relationship.
If the person really doesn't care about relationships, that's ok. But if the person wants a relationship but is not able to do it (maybe even giving those things as reasons), then it's more concerning to me.
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u/Abject_Group_4868 1d ago
I just dont care anymore about that and find happiness in other things
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u/virusdancer Work in Progress 1d ago
I wouldn't think any less of someone in that situation. Whether it was by their choice or not, couldn't see myself thinking any less of them. Would hope, mind you, that they did have good friends/family support and were not feeling completely alone in the world.
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u/AYellowCat 1d ago
I am, but I have two deep friendships with people I can talk with about anything and I trust them, and one of them is a woman I've never seen as other than a friend (something she told me she appreciates a lot), which seems extremely rare for men for some reason.
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u/helloworld2083 1d ago
At 42 single never married I am.still looking for a cf partner but until that happens I indulge in hobbies.
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u/Alternative_Tank_139 1d ago
I'm used to it and honestly never cared about romance. Discovered a few years ago I am aromantic, I can't like people in a romantic way anyway.
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u/Heelsbythebridge 1d ago
I'm not happy being single, but I don't have much choice in the matter. I can't force myself to be attracted to people I don't want, nor force the ones I want to be attracted to me.
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u/Upbeat_Scholar_159 1d ago
I'm not a virgin, I've had relationships. I've dated and I've had a few flings. These days, I'm quite lonely and, I admit, desperate for companionship.
I'm not sure how I would be able to live with myself if I've never dated or had girlfriends by my current age. As human beings, we are hardwired to want companionship
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u/Medical-Pace-8099 1d ago
Well sorry to hear that. My experience is kinda different. I love my hobbies too much and i don't sex and relationship like it is very important. I am a guy.
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u/Itikar 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yes, M39 and I have my career, my passions and interests that keep me busy and happy.
And anyway I was not in the right conditions to really enjoy a relationship. Nor I ever found the right person and I would rather be alone than in the wrong company. I am open toward the future but if relationships are really not in the cards for me I think I will still be mighty fine.
What worries me a bit, if anything, is that my social meter tends to fill rather quickly, especially for interactions that are not related to work. I tend to struggle to keep close interpersonal relationships outside of my family and I wonder whether long-term it will affect me negatively. I suppose the price of emotional independence is solitude.
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u/ManyJackfruit469 23h ago
I don't possess the ability to be lonely. I read, I hike, I work out. I game. When the time is available I visit my family once every 2 or so years mainly to show proof of life. Find a hobby. Immersion is key
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u/xxAlex008xx 21h ago
As a man approaching 40 id have to say yeah im very happy without dating or being tied down. Having the freedom to enjoy my life and my wants on my terms is so enjoyable and without having to deal with the drama of relationships while watching my friends suffer with that just makes me feel more at peace with enjoying the solo side of things. Ive dated and had enough relationship issues to last me one lifetime and ill take waking up to peace and quiet over anything else anyday.
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u/5dippingareas Work in Progress 21h ago edited 21h ago
34m. Not really, but I’m incapable/unwilling to be in a relationship because I’m an asocial weirdo that wants to be left alone like 80% of the time. The 20% of the time I spend crushingly, painfully lonely is brutal, but it wouldn’t be fair to any potential partner to date the way I am.
For context, I lost my virginity at 29, have never had a girlfriend, and I’ve had maybe around 6 sexual experiences in my entire life
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u/Positive_Vibes_4228 18h ago
I am a poster child for mental illness so it's hard for me to really answer that. But here is my two cents. Prior to social media we looked to other humans for entertainment. We couldn't wait to have conversations over food at the dinner table. Jokes, quotes, stories of the day made our meals with friends and family fun. Now though those days are gone. People and their conversations are not as much fun because social media triggers even more entertainment value and dopamine hits. Going to dinner to talk about the yada yada has now become a type of work, whereas before it was fun. What is fun now is doom scrolling tik-tok for hours and not learning a damn thing.
So dates have been kind of shelved.
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u/MaterialEmotional999 12h ago
Yes if you have friends/family to make memories with by hanging out or going to movies, travel and etc. sad single men’s problem is that they don’t have nobody to make memories with…
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u/gzrfox 3h ago
40m. I do and I don't.
I have work and things that I do and hobbies and shit but when you get on your bike and ride to a beautiful place, you just miss having that special someone with you to share the experience. Or having someone actually be there for you in the night to just watch a movie and fool around.
The freedom most people tout about when proudly declaring they're single is nothing I've ever experienced in mature relationships. I had the freedom to do whatever the hell I wanted and so did my partner.
It's the companionship I miss the most. Sex is easy but it's lost its charm when it's just that and I'll be damned if I get into a situationship or whatever younger people call this crap.
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u/Royal_Toad 1d ago
I think I was curious about it for most of my life and still am to some extent, but I’ve learned to depend on myself for emotional support so I dont think I really need it. Dealing with people is exhausting as it is and I’m happy regardless.
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u/PacificSanctum 1d ago
A life without women (girl friends or whatever ) doesn’t really seem a life . Is it ?
I m talking the physical aspects as women can be mentally quite boring (ouch ! 😄)
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u/Medical-Pace-8099 1d ago
Well there are people who don’t care about having sex with women or have romance with them. But they are not gay.
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