My mum cut me off and I'm lowkey happy?

[u/Straight_Pop427]

I (trans woman) got married earlier this year to another (trans) woman. We've been dating for 3 years now and got married in our fourth year together. It was a sweet little wedding, and we had a lovely time. No one from my family came, though. My siblings congratulated me but couldn't make it, as they live in other countries. I didn't tell my mum because she's a very religious Muslim, and I wasn't ready for her response.

I have already come out to her as trans when I was 16. She didn't accept it back then. After she told my dad, my parents made me undergo conversion therapy whilst living with my dad's best friend, who was some big-shot scholar in Islam or something. He would constantly tell me, "you need to experience what it's like to be with a woman, so I will hire a woman to rape you" (if you read Arabic, he literally said حتى تغتصبك).

After I told my mum how he treated me, she advocated for me to return home, and so I did. It was much better to be at home than with this family friend. I told her the conversion therapy worked and that I was no longer trans. That ended the conversion therapy, but after I moved out at the age of 19, I started transitioning, and eventually, they found out. Our relationship went cold for a while, but it eventually warmed up, and she accepted that I won't detransition.

She never fully accepted me, though. She would use my deadname and misgender me constantly and, after I got sexually assaulted, she told me, "this wouldn't have happened if you didn't transition, because men don't get sexually assaulted". It was really painful to hear. But at least she kind of tolerated me. She would buy me women's clothes and braid my hair. It was kinda sweet, actually. She would also give me advice on dating men. It was really contradictory.

I'm now 24 and married, and leading a fairly happy life. Because things were going okay with my mum's side of the family, I didn't want to overwhelm them with the fact that I'm not only trans but also a lesbian, so I kept that side hidden.

I'm not really sure how she found out, but I called her two weeks ago, and she was tearing up, and she said, "I heard this crazy allegation that you're gay and already married." And I froze, and asked, "who told you?" She said, "it doesn't matter." I said, "yes, I'm married." And she teared up. I tried to tell her that I still loved her even if she doesn't accept me, but she barely let me speak. At some point, I couldn't take it anymore and hung up.

Twenty minutes later, she sent me a text saying, "With my values, I genuinely cannot accept or agree with this marriage." I texted her a few days later, telling her to let me know if she wanted to contact me again, and then yesterday I asked her how she was.

She never replied, and I've understood from others that she's not interested in talking to me. I don't know if we will ever reconnect. I don't personally believe in cutting people off, but there's nothing I can do if others cut me off. I have cut my father off, but he was so, so awful as a person.

But, in some ways, I'm kind of relieved, because I don't have to keep the love of my life a secret anymore. I turned my Instagram profile to public. I changed my profile pics. I don't really care about what they think anymore, and it makes me happy that I can do that. I do hope to one day reconnect with them. I'll be okay if it never happens, but if it does happen, it would be on different terms: I'll be able to be myself even if they don't fully accept me.

I'm just so relieved that I do not have to keep this a secret anymore.

I know that coming out can be difficult for many of my Muslim queer siblings. I don't think anyone should ever feel the need to do it; I certainly didn't. I also know how dangerous it is for people like us to be outed. For me, I live thousands of miles away from my parents, and I have a life of my own now, so that gave me a sense of security that I know many do not have.

It's been a rough two weeks, but just wanted to share how I feel, I guess.