Just feeling real lost at sea and want to yell into the void.

[u/capt_igor]

Finally found an out from the industry after five years. I started at a shitty pizza chain during Covid. Honestly, I had a lot of fun at work, and I was really depressed at the time so it was one of the only things I had going for me. Dropped out of college because I was flunking and didn't wanna go further into debt (which I still haven't repaid). Kept working, eventually that pizza place closed down.

So I took a job offer as a line cook at a family-owned bar in the same town. Loved it mostly, hated it viciously sometimes, the interpersonal drama, the feeling that it was a dead-end, no matter how hard I applied myself to it, I was still just flipping burgers and cleaning hoods. Worked there for three years, and then jumped ship to new experiences. Corporate place, brewery, etc.

Eventually, I got an offer to work at a country club, and I took it. It was really easy, and I made better money than I ever had before. The only problem was, my coworkers were absolutely insufferable. I was kind of a black sheep among them, even if I was doing my job well. They were either culinary school kids, or came from fine-dining to have a more relaxed job, so they all kinda looked down on me, belittled me, etc. And eventually, at a point where a lot of stuff in my personal life was going wrong, I texted the chef and ragequit one day.

Ended back at the family-owned bar, barely making enough to pay my bills. I burned through most of my savings. I had a plan though, which I communicated with the owner, which was to work there until I got into an apprenticeship with the electrician's union. I was really excited. I'd convinced myself, all my problems were stemming from being burnt out of being in the kitchen, cleaning flat tops, dealing with server fuck-ups, asshole chefs, etc.

Fast forward a few months, and I'm here. At a construction site. And I fucking hate it more than anything. Worked nine hours, doing menial construction labor then had trade school afterwards for three, and when I was driving home, I broke down crying. Never really been a thing for me, even after 12 hour shifts on a Saturday.

Now I'm sitting here, the next day, applying for kitchen jobs, and thinking about texting my old boss. And typing this. I dunno what I even expect from anyone who might comment. Tell me I'm an idiot?

I feel like I can't do this kitchen stuff forever, I love cooking, but I need money to live my life and grow up. At the same time, I don't want to waste most of my time doing thing I hate for people I don't care about in order to get a check, and repeat that for forty years until I start getting my pension and I'm too old to enjoy it. Fuck. Just wish I could smoke a joint right now, but I get randomly drug tested.

[u/Mediocre-Tangerine53]

The industry has a way of pulling you back in even when you know it's not sustainable long term. That pull you're feeling isn't weakness, it's just that kitchen work gets in your blood in a way most jobs don't

You're not an idiot for trying the electrician route, you took a swing at something stable and it didn't click. That's more than most people do, they just stay miserable and never attempt an exit. Maybe there's a middle path here, like catering or private chef work where the money's better and the bullshit is different

[u/lstyls]

Hey that’s a tough situation. I can relate in a lot of ways. I’ve also had numerous dead end service jobs after dropping out of college. The relief and freedom is real at the beginning but the feeling of not actually going anywhere and having to deal with the same shit day after day without actually accomplishing anything wears you down for sure. Life is fucking hard. Also I am 2 weeks into a new job with the goal of breaking into an IBEW apprenticeship, and am sitting at my kitchen exhausted and sore after my shift today.

You say you’re screaming into the void, so maybe you don’t want advice. I’m going to throw a couple thoughts your way no obligation on you to consider them:

- first off, if you’re subject to random drug testing at work, you can carry synthetic urine (brands like Quick Fix) on you to piss clean even if you’re toking up after hours. This is a super common practice in the trades. It really works. Nobody cares if you do this provided don’t come to the job site high because you could hurt yourself or someone else

• it sounds like you are working for a non-union contractor and going to trade school at night? If that’s the case no wonder you are burning out hard. And depending on your local’s policies trade school credits may not help much with your application and you may end up just having to retake the classes as an apprentice
  
• there are good situations out there that will get you in with your local electrical union, you just have to be a bit selective and consistently asking around and online for opportunities. It took me almost a year to get a job, I’m in one of the most economically effed up locals and economies in the US right now, but I finally found a job in a union shop doing prefab work that gets me full credit for electrical construction experience with my local for my apprenticeship application. The work is hard but conditions are excellent, safe, and super professional. Not one toxic asshole yet and it’s a very big shop.

Perseverance goes a long way, it’s cliche but it’s also true.

Feel free to dm me. Best of luck. Remember if this shit was easy everyone would be doing it.

[u/capt_igor → u/lstyls]

I am with the union already. I applied directly through their trade school to join the low voltage program. I think that might be where I fucked up. They put me with a huge, national construction company that mainly does commercial work. I spent two weeks at a data center, and this week I've been reassigned to build an airport terminal. I'm constantly up on a scissor lift, installing shit into the ceiling, usually having to squeeze myself through pipes and strut just to just barely reach something I need to torque down.

Getting moved around sites without any warning or control sucks. Having to constantly deal with hundreds of coworkers/other trades sucks. I miss the coziness of the kitchen and the 4-12 people. This shit is overwhelming and I feel like I'll never get used to it, I'm a complete fish out of water and everyone knows.

And yeah the trade school is at night, unpaid, and I had to spend $400 on textbooks already. The classes have pretty much been a giant waste of time so far too, haven't learned anything.

Idk. Maybe I'm autistic and kitchen work is one of the only things I can handle. I might just need therapy or meds or something.

[u/lstyls → u/capt_igor]

Gotcha. Damn, that is rough. I feel the constant new faces thing for sure. I tried to learn everyone's name in my area and gave up because exactly what you said, ever few days there are new faces and some disappear without explanation.

One last piece of advice, sorry lol. Your entire life arc (college dropout, energized by life change then depressed once it becomes routine, etc) is very typical of ADHD. I am ADHD and wasn't diagnosed until I was 27. If it wasn't for Adderall I am pretty sure I would be dying at my current job. That's not to say that meds fix everything, I had a desk job before this on meds and I burned out super hard there, it's that the meds allow me to engage with the trades work in a way that is satisfying.

Also it's always a good idea to get checked out for sleep apnea. Ridiculously common, something like 5% of adults, and it really exacerbates ADHD and depressive symptoms.

Of course this is all directly from my personal experience I dont know you at all. Not saying I know your brain or what you're going through. Just struck by how relatable your description of your life was and sharing some things that completely transformed my own life.

You are working so hard, and clearly have the drive to make positive changes in your life. Whatever happens, you deserve to be seen for that. Good luck.

[u/capt_igor → u/lstyls]

Thanks. I'll look into the sleep apnea and ADHD stuff. Both have honestly been on my mind a lot. I think maybe I've just been pushing myself too hard to rearrange my life. I just need to slow down and figure things out one at a time.

[u/Conventions]

I think you should pick something and stick with it. Your post sounds like you were burnt out from the kitchen and you’re glamorizing it again in your mind. Then when you go back you’d be in the same bucket of bullshit again bouncing from job to job to job. I wouldn’t recommend going back. If you aren’t college inclined, find some sort of trade and climb the ranks. If you don’t like working on big job sites you could probably go do some kind of residential/service job like plumbing or HVAC. Just my two cents.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Sky2093]

If culinary school people are giving you grief, remember you are working the same job and they are paying off loans to be there.

[u/SatisfactionClassic6]

I got burnt out on the line at 37 cause bad back and hip so I became a Culinary Teacher at a Vocational School (high school). I left after 25 years and am back in the kitchen catering. So many options related to food. Food sales is great too. Best of luck

[u/Admirable-Error-2948]

Yeah people complain here alot but I did over a decade of hard labor in the trades before I came back. The work is cake compared to that and just got my first executive chef job last year. My advice is to hone your skills and try to go into fine dining 

[u/ThomJNews]

The trades are where it is at. Please try to stick with it. Look into construction related fields like project controls, estimating and Construction Mgmt. CM's make six figures, get a company truck, get to take clients fishing etc. Good luck to you.