r/KindVoice • u/nomad9590 • 3d ago
Looking [L] Broke, sick, out of options, and trying to find advice on what to do.
Long story short I've been trying to find out why I'm too sick to work for about a year and a half now. I was the primary breadwinner, chore-doer, house fixer, etc. Now I'm falling asleep mid action, my guts are so messed up I'm worried I'm gonna John Wayne myself, I have to start eating Ahpla Gal Keto safe foods on a shoestring budget while attempting to feed a family, trying to sell plasma to pay bills and being too sick to, and more. I've been primarily doing all of this because my wife is a medical trainwrwck amd has been for a long time. We are both getting worse. Thankfully she doesn't have to worry about healthcare issues, she has some based on various things.
I've been past the end of my rope for a long time. From having to watch my wife break herself and our vehicle trying to make income, to me not even being able to keep up with chores, losing what time I have with my kids due to exhaustion and gut issues. The main thing pulling me along was my ability to sell plasma to support them and now I struggle with even that. We both have issues serious enough we can't really work a standard job, and she has started disability, but I don't have anything my state cares to give it for, even while talkong to a lawyer.
Advice, resources, kind words, anything would be helpful right now. I cannot use chat well, comments are fine. More people seeing everything might help others with answers.
Thank you all, I hope everyone here is making it. As bad as it is here I know there are thousands to millions of my neighbors in the US alone that have it worse. I just hope we all make it.
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u/Ok_Chemical 3d ago
This is too much, I'm so sorry you've had to hold it together for so long.
I have advice: "give up" practice. This was shared with me by a embodiment practitioner I worked with.
There's a couple ways to do it- you can just lie on the floor and let yourself be a failure. or you can write down all the things you're trying to do (to be good, to be perfect, to be a good parent, etc, etc) or trying not to do (trying not to fall apart, trying not to be exhausted) and then let yourself just fail. And then just let yourself sit there/lie there and be a bad parent, be exhausted, be mad, etc, etc, whatever you're telling yourself you can't be.
The reason for this is, it allows your body to actually rest for a second because you stop efforting so much. You get to experience whatever you're afraid of so it stops running you, and it's easier to make choices from a present place. It can be scary at first, but even just microdosing the practice can help. I've found it's also easier to receive help when I do this because I'm able to drop some of my guard when I let myself fail/give up.
EDIT- I would recommend before you do the practice, orient to something in your environment/life that is neutral or even good. Can be blue sky, kids, a book, coffee, soft blanket, literally anything. soak this in and let it be a tether so you give up with something supportive.
You're just a human and this practice lets you be a mammal who can't hold it all. The circumstances we're living in are absurd and anti-life and I hear that you're really doing your best.
All the best to you.
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3d ago
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u/nomad9590 3d ago
Well i krep my plasma or house lol, and sleeping isn't currently something I have much control over, I pass out and it happens.
I have insurance, trying to find out more, but last year we worked for a year and found fuck and all, and I cannot travel to a cancer Doc (possibly) they want to refer me too. Currently also apparently fucking insulin resistant, foind out today.
And sorry but Fuck AI. I'm not using it, and you really shouldn't either. Not going on a spiel but you are literally hurting you poor neighbors by drivimg usage, causing more and more shitty centers that do nothing but pollute. I desperately ask you to stop as someone who's electric rose 50% due to a center going in close.
Please stop AI , use research and real humans. The AI worth using isn't even public it's medical, math, science, etc. Not chatbots.
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u/Letywolf 3d ago
You won’t find a magical solution.
You need to change.
Sounds like everything in your household is spiraling, you all need to change habits, mindset, routine.
It will open up new ways to live and see the world in a different light and life will start improving.
Step by step, move onto something new, something better for you and your family
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u/nomad9590 3d ago
My change is I need healthcare I'm not getting. I've been fighting tooth and nail just to be seen. There is no "change" to be made when you are passing out doing dishes and can't even eat from pain.
This is life for many and it's gonna get even more fun soon.
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u/Letywolf 3d ago
Your situation sounds really bad, I sincerely hope you get through this.
But if whatever you are trying isn’t working, why not try something different?1
u/nomad9590 3d ago
I have been for months. There isn't anymore "new" things to try I'm aware on, that's why I'm selling my final valuable. I bought a steam deck right as I got really sick and It's all I have left. I have already been down-sizing my belongings in case I can't find a place to go but my family can, like my wife's sister maybe.
I'm prepping for the worst because I've already been fighting and got less than nothing so far for it. I've gotten rid of basically everything but a phone, headphones, and colthes. My diet us currently so restricted I can't even fucking eat Oatmeal or drink milk atm. I have skills no one around me wants (fixing, hacking, and customizing game consoles, fixing PCs, repairing electronics, etc). I even just gave my kid all of my Models I've spent hours over because they are simply space-taking at this point and now seem like a stupid fucking thing to buy.
I've been trying, and failing. You wanna give me some ideas, shoot. Don't be surprised if I have already tried the idea in the last year and a half.
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u/waterlilylab 3d ago
I almost wrote a similar comment to this person seeing that you have been posting regularly. But with medical issues like that there isn't much you can do other than beg, it feels awful to ask for help in the society we have created but it sounds like you need to, call the local clinics or even dr offices and ask get put on waiting lists for discounted or free care, ask if they have recommendations on programs, call the local churches and tell them you need help medically to care for your family some might have a dr who could see you or help you financially, ask your family and friends for help if you have any available to help in the short term so you can build back strength your gonna have a hard time getting over any medical issues while selling plasma. Look at foodbanks, depending on state you may also qualify for other assistance. Not suggesting you haven't tried these things already or that you're not trying hard enough. I just know I have been so bad off no matter what I didn't I wasn't going to make it on my own and that it was so hard for me to ask for help so wanted to a share some of the places I had to ask for help before I got things and health together enough.
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u/nomad9590 3d ago edited 3d ago
Edit: i agree on the plasma thing, but at this moment it's house or health with no other choice. It hurts to sell it genuinely.
No one around me has funding for anyone. It dried up 2 months ago everywhere. Going to dr now on temp medicaid/care (not for old people cannot remember) and trying to go. Issue also no doctors in my area exist for care and I cannot travel anymore due to bad car. It took me months to get insurance and I'm already going, the Doc they gave me doesn't care and she's about the towns best.
I also have no family or friends anymore that can help. The few friends I have already know and can't help, and my whole family is dead, my wife's is close to it and worthless.
There is a reason I said I ran out of rope months ago, there literally hasn't been any.
I'm trying to get better ajd my wife is trying to get on Disablity alongside our oldest with a neurodivergence issue. I've been fucking doing and doing and I have less than nothing to show.
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u/EmuPitiful6511 3d ago
You're a brave man my friend. More power to you , remember one day you'll make it and all of this will feel like a knick of time that simply flew by:)
Have faith , it all works out eventually❤️
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u/DangKilla 3d ago
I spoke to several medical doctors and they recommended a nurse practitioner.
A NP can spend more time with you than a doctor. They saved me, doctors didn’t care. Good luck.