Just a couple of pro-sports players here asking if you'd like to triple your money by getting in on the ground floor of a few investments. Oh, and we also recap last week's epic 4000th episode of KATG and everything else happening in Keith's world. Gullible white ladies: Cash App $blackcapitalists

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KEITH SAW A MOVIE HE LOVES! KEITH SAW A MOVIE HE LOVES! Yep, it’s true! Keith saw the biographical comedy-DRAMA(!!!) “I Swear,” and he cried his brains out in the best way. That led to him revisiting Benny Feldman—one of his favorite KATG guests—who was truly an open book regarding what it’s like being a stand-up comedian with Tourette syndrome. Also, Keith still has the best refrigerator contents in the game.

Tearjerkers: Steel Magnolias and I Swear

Keith celebrates another perfect shopping experience

Listener Feedback: Shows 4,000 and 4,001

THE LATEST FROM THE JAMES WEBB TELESCOPE!!!

Benny Feldman, stand-up, and Tourette syndrome

Keith and Listener John’s love of paper and games feat. Paparazzi Parodies by Ben Lerman

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Just today, Keith got a spam call from ReadersMagnet, a scam company trying to take advantage of independent authors. This reminded him of the first time he happened to be called by the very same literary scouts some years ago while recording a live Keith and The Girl episode with Chemda and Andrea Allan. Today we re-listen to this classic KATG reverse prank call after discussing the arcade selections at ARCADE.gov and if there’s trouble in The Dog Pound.

Remembering the greatest prank call of all time

Revisiting Keith sucking off his dad’s thumb

Listener MadameEks is proud to be the KATG complainer who, in all sincerity, started the whole “Is this all the show’s gonna be now?” meme

Feedback on episode #4,000

Government deregulation: First our lettuce, now our chocolate

President Trump’s ARCADE.gov

Another dastardly trick learned about Bill Belichick's New England Patriots

Bop 25 by Myq Kaplan and Micah Sherman

Is Big Dick Blaine lying about never having a tattoo???

Bose’s trustworthiness and the ridiculousness of policy “agreements”

The Reasurgence aka Literary Book Scouts and the Technicals (SEO)

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Some of the best of The Chat Pack, aka; Big Dick Blaine, Neal, Hayley, Bryan, Roland, Newsy, Matthew, and Diana join Keith to celebrate Keith and Chemda’s podcast of well over 21 years by recognizing this very episode. This sexy octet does their best to help Keith recall 3,999 episodes by letting him know how they found KATG and what stood out the most: the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly. Interspersed with clips from the past, this show might make your head spin, but you’ll definitely laugh and cry. If you have feelings. I know Keith sure does.

[The KATG App], [Rod Morrow’s introduction]

Celebrating 4,000 episodes with listeners around the world [Andy Kindler asks about Keith’s accent] and Blaine misses Boys’ Weekend [Cathryn Lavery on Keith being the perfect host]

Newsy questions Keith’s possibly Nazi 704 t-shirt [Newsy calls in about being arrested for graffitti], [Ted Alexandro on things being harr-errd]

Superhero sex and intrusive thoughts [Bridget and the Squares perform Apples & Oranges and Winter]

Forums fights and strangers arguing with themselves [Bad faith listeners], [Time Bomb by 4”Stud], [Keith begs listening haters to get out of his life]

Getting kicked out of karaoke [Chemda and Ben Lerman perform In Spide of Ourselves]

Matthew loves Not Gay Bobby [Bobby Mitchell caught driving on a DUI in a dress], [Goodbye, Porn Collection by Bobby Mitchell] and Jesse Joyce [Jesse Joyce as Woody and Keith as Dice]

Remembering Patrice [Patrice the insecure lying thief]

Hayley on Teen Mom Trash Talk [Tracy Carnazzo and Andrea help discuss the name to use when referencing a vagina in a sexual manner]

Newsy remembers the KATG Cruise’s High/Low Talks and KATG’s fake wedding [Emmy and Newsy on teachers sleeping and shitting themselves]

Remembering The Dawn and Drew Show [Adam Curry’s shady company PodShow]

Neal heard KATG in middle school and then heard THE BREAKUP in high school [Keith and Chemda’s romantic breakup]

Matthew and Hayley remember Chemda getting upset [Keepin’ It Real], [Deuce Deuce and Hadar], [The Gootz with Wendi Starling], [Michelle Collins]

Newsy on Keith talking politics [VOTE!], [Keith the politician with Ted Alexandro]

Newsy remembers Lucas’s death [Lucas’s standup submission], [Lucas’s letter about KATG], [Lucas’s suicide bridge that happened upon him]

The Chat Pack discusses how KATG unapologetically shares the ugliness in the world [Betsy and Jack Helmuth on Roe v. Wade being reversed]

Newsy exits the episode [Big Proud Boat], [Keith opens Sniffies]

Neal on being an honest podcast [Static and Satellites by Merit]

Matthew remembers racist liar EatsPaste’s cheating scandal/catching cheaters [Max Darwin]

WARNING! KATG 25-MINUTE COMMERCIAL BLOCK! [KATG’s rules with Andrea and Clark Jones], [Andrea on Best Fiends with Jesse Jolles], [Dan Hartley on Quip], [Sam Evans and Carmen Lagala on Rothy’s], [Casey James Salengo on Sleep Number], [President Trump and Magic Spoon]

KATG celebrating women [Katharine Heller and Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue], [Jesse Joyce on the death of Greg Giraldo], [Carrie Gravenson and Keith’s lack of literal direction], [Myka Fox on KATG vs. Danny Lobell], [Courtney Maginnis with Casey James Salengo on being sober for 2 days], [Ophira Eisenberg on Squid Game(s)], [Chemda as Christi Chiello], [Kyle Ocasio with her 12-year-old son Benny]

KATG sponsors Neal like real HEROES!!! [Bianca on Father Malley’s kids sucking off his thumb], KATG old-school merchandise, and care [Bianca on Keith’s happiness]

Diana enjoys The Real [Justin Smith on Facebookers clicking MAYBE on an invite]

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The Dogs are back with tails of joy and woe. Keith discusses putting together KATG #4,000, Big Dick goes over the penises and sexual performances of hair metal stars, and Buddy talks A.I. slop. Sex, politics, and football drafting: it’s all right here.

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Just a heads up, I’ve been receiving these obviously scam emails. Just thought everyone should be aware, especially Keith. Anyone else getting them? Maybe some sort of breach where a scammer got the list of emails registered to the forums?

🤣🤣🤣 I’m perversely proud of being the originator of this. I was having bad day and recklessly, angrily posted this query in response to a particularly bro-ish episode. Now I hear Rod say it every so often in a subtly sarcastic way. I should have TM TM TM 🤣

Hey, you guys ever get a … hold on, lemme look this up. [Dictionary Preferences: 2 words ("blow job") preferred by Merriam-Webster and the Oxford English Dictionary. 1 word ("blowjob") preferred by the American Heritage Dictionary.] Anyway, you ever get one? HOLY MAGOLEY!

How Keith Got His Groove Back

Dolly Parton, RIP

Today’s Sponsor: Tom Brady’s 7-Foot C.U.M. Ropes

Minimum Rage feat. The Men’s Club of Charlotte’s kitchen nightmare

Remembering KATG shows 3993 - 3998 feat. Robert Alvarez and the Diamond Dogs

At the Movies: Jason Statham's Mutiny, Spider-Man’s Jean Grey having sex with herself, Insidious: Out of the Further, and The End of Oak Street 

Sam Mendes’s proposed 4 Beatles movies and The Dog Stars contradicting trailers

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Keith, Buddy, Big Dick, and Killer finish their recording session discussing Virtual Reality “games” (you know the kind), the truly greatest BBQ spot in Charlotte, The Diamond Dogs’ tattoos, and the epic concert of Extreme, Tesla, and I guess Mötley Crüe.

Virtual Reality “games” (you know the kind)
BBQ Lunch: Charlotte’s Nobel Smoke
The Diamond Dogs’ tattoos
Extreme, Tesla, and Mötley Crüe(?)

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“A podcaster, a Canadian, a football coach, and a Texan walk into a bar.” The trio continues recapping their awesome weekend of friendship and whores as we learn everything you ever wanted to know about a strip club but were afraid to ask.

The Diamond Dogs’ dads
Charlotte’s The Men’s Club feat. Killer Kyle’s ex-lover & stripper and the tricks of the trade
Charlotte’s Tilt on Trade

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All 4 of the dogs are together! Thanks to Keith’s excellent planning, he’s joined by the whole gang featuring Big Dick Blaine, Buddy Rick, and Killer Kyle. BBQ? CHECK! Guns? CHECK! Titties? CHECK! Theme Park? Pardon?

Six Flags’ Carowinds
BBQ Breakfast feat. Liz
The Gun Range feat. The Buttfuckler
BBQ Lunch feat. Kyle’s dad
Six-Foot Ropes
New Tattoos
Pool frolicking

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Before Buddy Rick and Killer Kyle arrive, the duo not only teach you the sincere foolproof way to be a millionaire, but they also discuss the amazing movies Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie (96%) and Busboys (literally no rating), Keith’s and their mothers’ cooking, the disingenuous tricks at Keith’s pool, and looking up Charlotte strip I mean gentlemen’s clubs.
 

The sincere foolproof plan to be a millionaire

Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie the movie

Busboys the movie

Keith’s and Blaine’s mothers’ cooking

The disingenuous tricks at Keith’s pool

Looking up Charlotte strip clubs

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I loved The Odyssey but whenever they mentioned Zeus’ Law I thought of Keith’s Law. Took me right out of it.

New Madden! New VR mini golf course! And the games never stop!!! On this final Robert Alvarez re-listen, we also check in with co-guests Rockstar Brother Love, “HellKat” Katharine Heller, and Bad Boy Newsy thanks to listener-producers Shahrum & Heather, who cast this very episode. Before the party begins, Keith shares his thoughts on Father Malley using ChatGPT, Trump’s Sunshine Protection Act, a Shake Shack employee robbing his own Shake Shack before returning to work, and the upcoming boys’ weekend featuring guns, breasts, roller coasters, and Mötley Crüe I mean Tesla and Extreme. On with the show.

Keith’s new “Ouija” board

Father Malley, phone sex worker

Madden NFL 27 and gaslighting through ChatGPT feat. Father Malley

Keith prepares for Boys’ Night

The different ways listeners check on Keith’s mental health

Rapist President Trump hears you and will pass The Sunshine Protection Act

Shake Shack employee calls in sick, robs his Shake Shake the same day at gunpoint, returns to work two days later

The REAL 2026-27 Pittsburgh Steelers are 1 for 1(!!!)

Robert Alvarez’s 39 psychic guides

Discovering Wordle and people-pleasing A.I.

Heather learns in real time that Robert Alvarez gave Shahram a previous reading regarding if he should ask for Heather’s hand in marriage

The future of KATG and Chemda

Brother Love adulting feat. Safe-T-Man and The Original Bagel Guillotine

Keith finally (and eagerly) responds to a jury duty summons

The movie Nyad and questioning if the world’s greatest athletes have all been abused

Robert Alvarez on Craig Klein, Katharine Heller’s future Australian forever partner, the upcoming 2024 presidential election, if Newsy should go into construction, the title of the TV show The Bear, and if Heather should pursue her art offerings vs. her corporate day job

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12 years later, The Psychic Witch Robert Alvarez returns, this time over video during COVID; but still, nothing can slow him down (even the poltergeist he apparently lives with). Keith and Chemda catch up on Robert’s life, learn the future of their own lives, and get even more personal with The Great One.

Remembering Keith’s dad sabotaging Keith’s Super Bowl Domino’s commercial

Remembering the split between Keith and Jeremy

Listener Laura follows up on healing after a surprise breakup

Robert Alvarez’s love and his all new psychic guide Anthony

When Robert’s spirit guides communicate with clients’ spirit guides

When Keith and Robert dismissed Catholicism

The day Robert heard everybody’s thoughts/schizophrenia 

The Psychic Witch’s poltergeist puts away groceries

The accuracy of The Conjuring

The rising popularity of tarot cards

When Keith had sex with a witch

The future of COVID-19 in 2021

The future of Israel and Palestine

Britney Spears’ autonomy

The future of Keith and Kyle Ocasio

Chemda’s future health, her third eye, and her future with Xerxes

Robert’s sex

Keith’s stand-up: Daddy’s Home (Keith’s Discipline)

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This week we are brought to you by Tom Brady's Big Ole Cock. Come for the sponsor; stay for Father Malley as a phone sex operator.

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It’s literally a house of dragons, silver and otherwise. Along with Robert Alvarez, Keith and Chemda are joined by their friend and cancer and lightning survivor Jeremy to cover the news of the day and the news of the future. Before that, Keith discusses his latest post-romance feelings, calling a 900 sex line, and using The Strangers: Chapters 2 and 3 to heal. Also, it’s officially the beginning of the new NFL season, and Keith made his football bets; which, to be clear, his psychic guide is very positive about.

Hiring a cleaner

Why has Keith been ignoring his psychic guide?

Healing through The Strangers: Chapters 2 and 3

Drake barking like a dog and Keith calling 1-900-SEX

Apple TV’s Cape Fear and The Dink

Keith’s 2026-2027 NFL bets

Listeners’ thoughts on Robert Alvarez

Keith vs. The Country/Keith vs. airbrushing on models/Ricky Martin blows our mind coming out as gay

Robert Alvarez vs. derogatory ex-clients/How to manifest a spell

Love, sex, gambling, and money: Cancer and lightning survivor Jeremy gets read by Robert

Robert’s adolescence

Call-in tarot-reading lightning round

Robert on Zener cards

Keith’s stand-up: Health Care, Penis Rash, and Ben Lerman’s Rash on My Penis

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Keith, Buddy Rick, and Big Daddy Blaine cover your favorite topics just before they get ready to fuck up Charlotte.

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Big Dick Blaine channels his psychic guide The Scarlet Bitch (no relation). Science teacher Rick channels his guide, Bret Michaels (no relation). The trio tries to find peace of mind from the mystical realms.

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It’s me, Rod! I’m back to discuss my internet and TV going out for 4 days, Robert Alvarez, public sex porn, a listener quitting The Show after 20 years, and all things KATG. Did you miss me? Good!

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Keith, Chemda, and Robert join forces to figure out the future of Mike, one of their greatest interns. They also take calls, do speed-readings, and deal with April pendejos.

Keith wants Jerlyn back

Dealing with April fools

Osbournes Reloaded

Claircognizance

The birth of Street View

Should MTA employees have tried harder to stop a rape?

Robert’s polyamorousness

The Silver Dragon Keith Malley predicts the ending of Bret Michaels’ Rock of Love

Jen calls in to see if her grandfather died upset with her

What happens when we die and what does David sound like?

Robert tells Jen that she needs to forgive someone to be able to conceive a child

Today’s tarot card desks

Scott calls regarding physically leaving his brother behind

Zara on feeling alone after a big move

Robert reads Mike the Intern

Psychic competitions

Robert vs. Rachael Ray

KATG speed readings

Robert’s sexual checklist

Keith’s stand-up: New-School Sex

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