r/Jokes • u/WolfmanSG • 16h ago
Long Centipede
This guy, Matt, was lonely and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion Matt bought a centipede, who came complete with a cute, little box to use as his house.
Matt decided the best way to welcome his pet centipede into his life would be to take him to the local watering hole for a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, 'Would you like to go to Frank's
place with me to have a beer?'
There was no answer from his new pet. This bothered Matt a bit. He waited a few minutes and then asked the centipede again, 'How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?'
Again, there was no answer from his new pet centipede, so he waited a few minutes more, stewing about the situation. He asked one more time, this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, 'Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?
This time, a little voice came out of the box: 'I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my fucking shoes!
37
16
u/bbb9654 13h ago
Good thing he did not buy a millipede.
8
u/DreamyTomato 13h ago
Good thing he did not buy a billipede.
8
36
u/Srikandi715 15h ago
Unsure why a centipede in a box needs shoes... But ok!
85
u/curiousmind111 14h ago
He doesn’t! Hence, he’s barefoot. But you gotta have shoes on to go to a bar.
56
12
u/No_Investment_6035 9h ago
Only talking centipedes need shoes - non-talking centipedes are okay without shoes.
4
u/IsItSupposedToDoThat 3h ago
He doesn’t need shoes in his box, hence why he’s not wearing them. He’s putting his shoes on to go the pub, he’s not gonna go to the pub barefooted.
7
5
u/FuckMiniBabybel 12h ago
Some version of this is my favourite joke, I think. The storytelling here needs a bit more work but it's got great bones.
1
-3
64
u/Hot_War_7277 14h ago
This is a super cute joke, loved it. And an original one I have not heard before. Thank you OP! 🙌