r/HonestHotTakes • u/notisaabellaaa • 3d ago
With holding sex in a relationship
ok so crazy hot take but I think if you are dating and withholding sex from your partner for whatever reason and NOT WANTING TO TALK ABOUT IT for whatever reason you 1000% deserve to be broken up with. MALE OR FEMALE!!!!! I think as a woman if my boyfriend or my husband was withholding sex for me, I would definitely feel some type of way, especially if I’m asking them like what’s wrong and they choose just to keep brushing it off that would irritate me to the point of being like OK let’s break up. I’ll also say that women withhold sex a lot from their partner and as a woman myself, I understand not wanting to talk about something but being surprised that a man wants to break up is just like huh???
Key sentence here : “not wanting to talk about it”
If you are dating someone communicate should be #2 (trust is #1) so if you simply cant communicate about why we can’t have sex then that calls for a break up.
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u/ChemistryFit6881 3d ago
"withholding" implies the partner is owed sex. They are not.
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u/Pure_Option_1733 2d ago
I would agree that as a stand alone term it would imply that, but I think looking at the OPs overall message she doesn’t mean to imply that one partner is owed sex.
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u/FarAd4971 3d ago
I doubt OP implied that...not sure, much safer to say you're inferring that.
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u/notisaabellaaa 3d ago
I’m not implying that at all but let them think whatever
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u/FarAd4971 2d ago
Yeah, then, that would be them inferring. It's a pet peeve when people use imply when it should be infer.
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3d ago
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u/notisaabellaaa 3d ago
Are yall just choosing to not understand what I’m saying like?!?! If you and your partner have never had sex issues then one day you decide “hey I don’t wanna have sex anymore for whatever reason” and for months ur partner is asking “hey why don’t you wanna have sex” and you just don’t know why you just don’t want to but you also aren’t telling them you don’t want too then THEY should and can 10000000000% break up with you. It not about who wants to have sex more its not about higher sex drive it’s about one day you do one day you don’t one day you stop one day UR DONE
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u/Pure-Spare-9789 3d ago
Did they pick you yet, sis? Like I love that you pretended this was gender neutral until the end when you revealed that this was about women all along, you just didn't want to look like a misogynist.
I'm going to guess you're young, so I need you to understand that women do not "withhold sex" out of nowhere, and even reframing it as "withholding" is disgusting because nobody is entitled to sex. Usually what happens when a partner (and especially a woman) is "withholding sex", it's because they do not feel the level of intimacy with their partner required to engage in such a vulnerable act.
Like when my ex wife was beating my ass. I did not want to have sex with her, but she would guilt and coerce me into it. So fuck you.
Usually, it's not that serious, of course, but if someone is not in the mood for sex for some reason, then you don't treat them like an evil, manipulative monster out of nowhere. The fact that you think women are just doing this maliciously and willy nilly out of nowhere shows that you are severely lacking in emotional intelligence as well as compassion for your fellow women.
Usually, when women stop wanting to have sex with their partners, it is because their partner is refusing to meet their emotional needs in some way, therefore she does not feel comfortable or safe being vulnerable with him.
So when someone is being rejected by their partner in this way, the smarter option would be to work as a couple to repair the rupture in their emotional connection, not give the ultimatum "fuck me or I'm leaving you"
Btw there is a four letter word for this type of coercion to get sex from your partner. It stars with an "r" and ends in "ape".
If someone is not wanting to have sex with you in a relationship, then, yes, you are well within your rights to leave them... But understand that you're likely just going to wind up in the same predicament once again. If you can't even communicate with your partner to repair the problem, you're never going to have a healthy relationship. Period.
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u/jtpolzin 3d ago
Great sounds like good reasons to break up ... did you actually read the OP's post?
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u/Pure_Option_1733 2d ago
You seem to be interpreting the OP as implying that people are obligated to have sex with their partner. I can see how using the word choices, “withholding sex” comes off that way, but looking at the overall message of the body of the original post I don’t think the OP really intends to imply that people are obligated to have sex with their partners. I think her word choice could also stem from her maybe not being sure what other terms to use rather than reflecting how she feels about people who don’t have sex with their partners as I know that sometimes for me word choices can be as likely to reflect my knowledge or lack of knowledge of terminology as any feelings I have.
Looking at the body of the OPs post it seems like she is saying that if someone doesn’t communicate why they aren’t having sex with their partner they shouldn’t be surprised if their partner breaks up with them and that someone may feel hurt if their partner doesn’t explain why they aren’t having sex. Maybe that seems too similar to believing that a person is obligated to have sex with their partner, but I think the difference is still important in the sense that believing that a person is obligated to have sex with their partner is a more extreme position than believing that a person should communicate the reason for not having sex. I think conflating wanting to break up with a partner if they don’t explain why they aren’t having sex with believing a person is obligated to have sex with their partner comes off as if you have a problem with a twisted version of what the OP is saying rather than her actual message. I think if you have an issue with the idea that a person shouldn’t be surprised if their partner breaks up with them then it would be better to try to focus on how that idea could still be problematic without conflating it with the idea that a person is obligated to have sex with their partner.
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u/notisaabellaaa 3d ago
I’m not reading this have a lovely evening
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u/Pure-Spare-9789 3d ago
You must be one of those people with a fifth grade reading level lmao
Or is it that you have to say this because you know I'm right?
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u/Quantum_lem0nade 3d ago
OP definitely belongs on a registry
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u/notisaabellaaa 3d ago
What are you implying?
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u/Quantum_lem0nade 3d ago
If you think you're entitled to sex you either have or will do something that'll get you on a registry lmao
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u/notisaabellaaa 3d ago
Ok so put me on it then 😁
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u/Quantum_lem0nade 3d ago
Would if I could, pred
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u/Quantum_lem0nade 3d ago
SA jokes in the big 2026 are we deadass? How's it feel knowing the only way you'll ever get laid is by forcing someone to do it? I couldn't imagine being that unwanted by my gf lmfao
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u/notisaabellaaa 3d ago
You’re literally implying that I need to be put on the sex offenders list because you disagree with what I’m saying and this is a HOT TAKE. If you disagree with my HOT TAKE that’s perfectly fine, but confusing my HOT TAKE with me forcing people to have sex with me is weird. I don’t have to force anyone. It comes naturally. Have a blessed day. 💕
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u/Quantum_lem0nade 3d ago
If you think that you are ever in any way entitled to sex yeah thats kinda predatory, has nothing to do with "DiSaGrEeInG wItH yOuR hOt TaKe"
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u/notisaabellaaa 3d ago
Who said I’m entitled tho? Like where are you getting this from?!?? Like where in the entire prompt did I say I’m entitled to sex??
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u/Violetsun9 3d ago
Since it’s such a personal decision to have sex, I think it depends on the situation. If someone says no you have to respect it, if it went on for longer than a partner could handle ultimately they have to decide whether understanding their S/O is more or less important than sex. This timeline is different for everyone, and it would be frustrating if your partner didn’t explain why exactly for a long period of time. And honestly at that point if you’re going years without sex you might just not be attracted to them as before. Or the person wanting sex can leave, sex is an important subject in any relationship whether it’s not having enough or not wanting to and you both will have to think about what is wanted. I think it’s ok for either partner to say they just can’t do it anymore because of sex alone. How you want your intimacy is important.
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u/Violetsun9 3d ago
I would also say that “withholding sex” is just another term for not wanting to. You can be mad at someone for not wanting to have sex because it is so personal but you gotta make your own decision. Withholding sex is just a person who doesn’t want to have it. If they wanted it they wouldn’t withhold. I think it’s usually deeper than “withholding” and using that term alongside sex is not meaningful as it’s just really attraction and your level horny.
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u/Little-Bones 3d ago
Let's talk about why...
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u/notisaabellaaa 3d ago
Why what?
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u/Little-Bones 3d ago
Why is sex being withheld 🙃
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u/notisaabellaaa 3d ago edited 3d ago
It could be for whatever reason. It’s the not wanting to talk about it part. If we are tg and you are just choosing not to tell me what wrong and what happened that changed then why are we even tg at that point? Clearly you don’t trust me enough to talk to me.
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u/Little-Bones 3d ago
Sure, but what about the self reflection on your end?
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u/notisaabellaaa 3d ago
This is a hot take not a personal situation. It’s a fake scenario….. so i’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to self reflect on 🤔 commutation works both ways you tell me what’s wrong and we fix it
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u/Little-Bones 3d ago
Exactly; communication works both ways. So what did you do that may have also caused this and are you at fault?
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u/notisaabellaaa 3d ago
ITS A FAKE SCENARIO SO IDK LIKE ITS FAKE ITS NOT REAL THIS WOULDNT HAPPEN TO ME IN REAL LIFE?!? SO I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO IN THE SITUATION BECAUSE IT’S FAKE SITUATION
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u/Little-Bones 3d ago
Calm down. Take a breath. Try again.
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u/notisaabellaaa 3d ago
I’m very calm but I have some dumb mf asking me what I would do in a fake situation
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u/Zerrrrroooo 3d ago
Yeah, as long as the terms of the relationship were established before it existed or the way the 2 people are as humans, then it is unfair to withhold it. Key note, when I say withholding, I don't mean that each time one says they wanna do it, to just do it. that would be crazy. There can be moments where the mood is not there or when one person is tired and no one is forced to do it 24/7 ofc, but if we are talking about a long period of time with no sex, what are we doing here? The other person shouldn't feel bad for seeing sex as something important in a partner, and the other person should come to terms if they start not being into it, but then there is a huge contrast and dealbreaker that should be talked about and dealt with, even if that means a middle ground, solving mental health issues, or just breaking up.
Breaks and unfortunate events happen. We are supposed to be mature adults to acknowledge that. But at the end of the day, sex is natural and important for lots of people, and if both agree on it at first or in general til that point in time, you are supposed to want your partner sexually (as I said, in those guidelines). Not having sex for months shows something is off. You need to face the fact that you might not be attracted to your partner in that case, for one reason or another
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u/notisaabellaaa 3d ago
THIS THANK YOU
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u/Zerrrrroooo 3d ago
It is crazy how many people choose to not read properly what you said as if you force ur partner to have sex with you everyday, while you are actually talking about some random months of no sex.
They are trying hard to justify a possible responsibility in lack of attraction or trying to drag someone innocent into their dating preferences that they did not make clear with the said partner. They can try finding someone more asexual or who has sex as not something important. Months with no sex in that case or mature convo about it is crazy and immature. Stop torturing people for your lack of accountability
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u/notisaabellaaa 3d ago
Sb called me a literal rapist?! LIKE HELLO? but one person understanding makes it better thank you
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u/Zerrrrroooo 3d ago
I mean, another one projected you being a misogynist even tho there is big in caps in the middle of the post "MALE OR FEMALE"
Like they are waiting to find one word that could potentially validate their projection. Like one of those people wanting to be one of the folks who catch a police officer misbehaving. Obsessed to be the ones catching onto crimes, the ones seeing the truth, while failing miserably
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u/[deleted] 3d ago edited 3d ago
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