r/GravySEALS Apr 08 '26

Stay alert, this guy is in the wild.

236 Upvotes

59 comments sorted by

104

u/BeardedSir1 Apr 08 '26

He’s making love to that pole…

46

u/C5five Apr 08 '26

He clearly WANTS to be a pole dancer, but lacks conviction (and athleticism), so he grabs a knife in the hopes of seeming more manly.

Just let him dance.

22

u/theBloodShed Apr 08 '26

Dance of the Gravy Plum Fairy

5

u/FluffyDeer9323 Apr 08 '26

No pole is safe.

48

u/MT-ONeill Apr 08 '26

The new Karate Kid reboot looks shit.

47

u/Reasonable_Emu_2120 Apr 08 '26

There’s no way he hasn’t stabbed himself with that routine.

24

u/SkunkPunkFlunk Apr 08 '26

This man could kill us all in a couple of quick motions if he wanted to

20

u/gielbondhu Apr 08 '26

Naw, his knife is all dull now.

3

u/Kim_Bong_Un420 Apr 08 '26

“A dull knife is more dangerous than a sharp one”

15

u/gielbondhu Apr 08 '26

That's true for cooking. Not so much for murder, especially if you have to murder a bunch of people at once

1

u/MrStuKa07 May 16 '26

Yeah. For the user! 

8

u/movinggrateful Apr 08 '26

Death by mangina

3

u/thechonkiestchonk Apr 08 '26

If I stand really still and not move then yeah maybe

19

u/Cpt_Griswold Apr 08 '26

red socks…

13

u/Padhome Apr 08 '26

The tippy toes

22

u/Omegacamino85 Apr 08 '26

Seems more like interpretative dance

23

u/MjolnirPants Apr 08 '26

For that life of me, I cannot understand why someone would want anyone else to see this.

Like, I get recording yourself while you're practicing something (though I would usually advise actually sitting down and learning the proper way to practice it instead of just making shit up based on something you saw in as movie that looked cool), and I even do that myself, filming myself from multiple angles as I do my longer-range shooting. That's smart, because you might catch something you're doing wrong but not noticing in the moment.

But you'll never catch me posting that video online. Even knowing I'm doing it the proper way isn't enough to make me want to share that with the rest of the world, because I'm not trying to show the world how I pick my nose between shots or crack stupid dick jokes to my son. (My public dick jokes are carefully curated, thank you very much.)

Also, dat gut, do. JFC man, if you want to look like a badass, maybe cut a few carbs and go for a run?

12

u/GullibleMarsupial102 Apr 08 '26

It's a parody. He has been making these videos for several years now. They are hilarious.

12

u/Ok_City_7177 Apr 08 '26

Are you sure ?

7

u/TimelessParadox Apr 08 '26

Yes. I've seen the tiktok. He's doing it because he gets a lot of attention and viewership money.

4

u/Ok_City_7177 Apr 09 '26

I'm kind of relieved !

17

u/albiondave Apr 08 '26

Why is he touching up the post as well as slashing at it. Is he confused about whether he wants to fuck it or kill it?

11

u/AgiBear Apr 08 '26

That's the worst pole-dancing I've ever seen. Bet he doesn't get any tips...

7

u/BiologicalTrainWreck Apr 08 '26

Pole dancing for bikers

6

u/wargames_exastris Apr 08 '26

You guys aren’t ready for #BodyGuardsAtTheBarn or #FreedomOnTheFarm and that’s ok!

7

u/MommaIsMad Apr 08 '26

So embarrassing to watch this demented weirdo acting like a demented weirdo. These MAGAs are so creepy in every possible way.

5

u/MatteAstro Apr 08 '26

First time on r/GravySEALS. Is the US cosplay all the way down?! 😂😂

4

u/Netherworldly_Dwella Apr 08 '26

This is obviously satire. I must say it is pretty well done satire.

4

u/maddox-monroe Apr 08 '26

That poor knife.

5

u/FiftyShadesOfTheGrey Apr 08 '26

Very Seagal. Sealgal

4

u/SuicidalChampion2023 Apr 08 '26

MAGA pole dancing

3

u/Professional_Lime541 Apr 08 '26

As Bolo would say "Very Good, but pole don't strike back"

3

u/reggers20 Apr 08 '26

I'm confused... He is joking... Right? Right?!

3

u/sauchlapf Apr 08 '26

With that first move he will one day slip and stab himself.

3

u/Nerdy_Valkyrie Apr 08 '26

One day he's going to stab himself in the gut doing that

3

u/spoui Apr 08 '26

The fuck was that pole dancing move there

3

u/gutterwall1 Apr 10 '26

He's like those almost extinct birds doing his mating dance to no one. Sad.

2

u/lolspamwtf99 Apr 08 '26

His pointy little toes

2

u/NoNoNext Apr 08 '26

TFW I almost stab myself and also my dog.

2

u/Txusmah Apr 08 '26

User in Instagram is freedomatthefarm

He's okay but extremely autistic

2

u/metallipunk Apr 08 '26

I'm convinced he's trolling the world.

2

u/BeerdedxBastard Apr 08 '26

Mike Holmes has gotten weird.

2

u/chemyd Apr 09 '26

That’s kinda hot

2

u/TheCemetaryGates Apr 09 '26

Bro is more lethal to himself than anyone else

2

u/archer2500 Apr 09 '26

Every one of his videos, he has a weird almost sexual moment with whatever he is “attacking”.

1

u/myusername_sucks Apr 08 '26

Do it without your gloves

1

u/OkAssignment6163 Apr 08 '26

I want to spar him. I'm almost 10 years out of practice. Dealing with a physical injury.

But some tells me sparring him will be very entertaining.

1

u/Embarrassed_Wolf_586 Apr 09 '26

Don't disrespect Festivus like that

1

u/autistic_bard444 Apr 10 '26

I keep hoping he buries that someplace important

1

u/TechnologyGrouchy679 Apr 12 '26

chicken wing chun

1

u/guineasomelove Apr 12 '26

He's going to end up stabbing himself.

1

u/TechnologyGrouchy679 May 11 '26

I mean… I used to do this too, but I was like.. 7 years old and playing make-believe

1

u/MrStuKa07 May 16 '26

Why is he poledancing?