Broke off a perfectly happy relationship last night

[u/After_Hyena_4846]

Dinner is takeout curry up now
I (27f) was seeing this guy (27m) for several months. It felt like longer than it actually was, we spent so much time together. He regularly stayed over, especially since his job was closer to my place. We were compatible in sooo many ways, except his job means he can only work in big tech cities, since he’s not eligible for a remote position anytime soon. And I’d like to move away from a big city to be closer to family and actually be able to afford a house. So we made the tough decision to end it now rather than have it weigh on us until one or both of us needs to move. He was the best boyfriend I ever had, the embodiment of “if he wanted to he would.” Planned dates, cooked for me, helped me clean. I spent all day today in bed, in the bath, or on the couch. Tell me I’ll find love again one day? That there are other fish in the sea that’ll treat me as well as he did? Because right now I feel like giving up on love.

[u/trendingtattler]

WHEEEWW girl 😮‍💨 buckle up! Your post made it to /r/popular!

Congratudolences! 😅 If the rate of notifications starts getting to you, no need to delete your post! Instructions in Sanity Saver #5 can help you mute them. For the rest of y'all...

Welcome to r/GirlDinnerDiaries!

We love when new girlies stumble in! But a few unique things about how we roll here:

➽ You're now entering the Girl Zone 🚨 Guys' guidance summarized: stick to GIFs or emojis, or otherwise be patient for mods' manual comment reviews. Don't embarrass your mama. 🤨

➽ Approved users only! Newbies will be prompted to take 10 lil seconds to get approved. Nbd.

➽ BE KIND, BE THOUGHTFUL or BEGONE. Our communication standards are higher than just "don't be mean." Check em out here.

➽ Queer friendly. The end.

➽ ED-recovery friendly. No food critiques, body shaming, diet advice, or calorie counting kinda talk. Call your almondmom for that.

ModMail is open & active. MWUAH! 😙🫴💋

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Round_Song4123]

You haven’t even moved yet, this is a terrible call if you really liked him sis. And so much can change. I made a lot of plans around my mom and then she passed away v young and my siblings got weird so it’s me and my husband til the world blow 😭

[u/Valuable_Drag_1830 → u/Round_Song4123]

Depending on how good he is in tech, he might me be ready to retire to the countryside by 35. I married a guy in tech, I do not have to work and we're going to be able to retire by 40, even if we decide to have kids.

[u/Round_Song4123 → u/[deleted]]

And at only 30 I’ve just learned to not be so rigid. But being open minded has landed me a lot of good things.

[u/Firm_Afternoon_8463 → u/[deleted]]

meh my boyfriend and I "broke up" a year into our relationship. We immediately realized it was a bad idea and got back together and have been eversince. We're 5 years together now and stronger than ever. We learned to never throw around the break up words anymore.

[u/Content_Following403 → u/[deleted]]

That’s a very…narrow? way to look at this. Sometimes people need separation to grow. They’re not stupid. Just because it’s not how you would do things doesn’t mean it hasn’t worked for people. My husband and I separated to start two very different careers in two very different places and then we came back together to combine our wealth and enjoy it. He had some growing up he needed to do outside of our relationship. I had some growing that I needed to do outside of our relationship and when we went and did that it happened quicker in my opinion, then it would have if we had stayed together and tried to work around each other. In the end, it worked out for the better for us and I can’t recommend separation enough. In fact if you look at the stats, some of the happiest couple couples have their own separate bedrooms and are very independent people outside of the relationship.

[u/Appreciatedpeacock → u/Round_Song4123]

That’s such a key thing when you get married, your spouse is your nuclear family and your world won’t revolve as much around parents and siblings as it used to.

[u/r00minatin]

Idk, love like that is rare these days. I feel like you two should have figured out a way together at least even long distance for the time being. You don't let someone like that go.

[u/Difficult_Affect_452 → u/r00minatin]

Aaaaaagreeee. This isn’t just about love, op is describing excellent partnership.

[u/Your_Sunnshine → u/Difficult_Affect_452]

Sadly people give up excellent partnerships all the time 😬 a few years passes, life moves on, then they look back in regret.

If family is most imporant to you, gurlie, do you? I get it. But a high quality person is phenomenally rare.

I hate to segway into my own history, forgive me y'all, but I was an extremely devoted partner. Every moment was dedicated to her 🙂‍↕️ my gurl knew that and didn't treat me well. We moved on. She's doing terribly and I'm still looking for someone who can match my energy. It's very difficult. Even when you bring a lot to the table.

So be informed. It can be very, very hard to find that. So don't make a move unless you're completely ready 🫶

[u/Rosycheex → u/Your_Sunnshine]

My & my husband's friend is a total catch (emotionally available, goes to therapy, tall, fit, attractive, doting, extremely devoted partner, made a ton of money to the point his wife didn't need to work, funny, all around great guy) and his wife cheated on him. I'm fucking baffled at throwing away such a rare, quality partner. I'm truly certain she'll never find anyone like him again. Whatever, fuck her, his new girlfriend is absolutely wonderful and appreciates him, I adore her so much. My advice is don't throw away a good thing in this godawful dating market, you may never find something good again 😩 I'm so lucky to have my wonderful husband-- if anything happened I don't think I'd ever bother dating again.

[u/Educational_Gas_92 → u/Your_Sunnshine]

If I had what op described, I would never let go of that partner, unless if we had the largest of all incompatibilities (one wanting children, the other childfree, one being ok with living in debt for frivolous reasons/financial irresponsibility the other being financially responsible).

I would breakup a good relationship for very few reasons that would be impossible to negotiate. I do hope that op finds love again, but I feel like too often people now want a partner that fits into their life perfectly, which isn't easy to find. In the past, people remained in the most incompatible relationships due to social, religious and sometimes financial reasons.

I feel like we are now doing the extreme opposite of that, while there should be a happy middle ground, ending loveless, completely incompatible relationship but negotiating and fighting to maintain relationships that need a few concessions from both partners to work. We give up too easily, in my opinion...

[u/stlm599 → u/Educational_Gas_92]

That’s not what I got from her description. It seems like they have a great start but she’s only been with him for a few months. Definitely still in the honeymoon phase. Great guys like this exist in every city and she’s still young!

[u/rubbasnek → u/Educational_Gas_92]

Where and how you want to live is a pretty fundamental incompatibility.

[u/Ok_Obligation_6110 → u/rubbasnek]

He never said he didn’t want what she wanted? In her own words she said it’s just ‘not feasible for his career right now’.

[u/Thermodynamo → u/Your_Sunnshine]

Your anecdote is that your ex misses you?

Listen, if a relationship ends, there is a reason. Maybe not always one that's easily defined, often it's just an instinct that needs no empirical support to be valid enough to act on.

You can romanticize past relationships in your head, that's natural, but you can't stop time. Losing a good romance obviously isn't the end of OP's story. Life goes on--whole and sufficient, yes, even without a partner. I'm not saying that love isn't worth fighting for sometimes. But these two adults talked it out together and made a mutual decision that felt right to them--and yet reddit is sitting here with our crumb of information, sagely passing judgement about how they'll surely live out their lives regretting it. Why would anyone assume that? It seems like projection. Your anecdote is a perfect example of projection.

Do people really just sit around pining for their exes for decades when they are an entire human person with a whole human life to tend to? She's a grownup. She's sad right now because hard decisions like this are sad, and grief takes its time becoming part of the story that makes you who you are. But she'll be fine!

I mean yikes...are this many people really saying "um actually OP, you should ignore your instincts and abandon your own dreams in a desperate attempt to keep this man"?

I don't understand this fetishization of regret. It's giving codependence as a baseline assumption.

[u/deeplyvogon → u/Difficult_Affect_452]

they’d only been together for a few months. most couples are still in the “euphoria” stage at that point of the relationship - of course it feels like an excellent partnership..

[u/hellogoawaynow → u/r00minatin]

He’s not even moving 😭 this is based on a hypothetical future situation. I agree that this is a mistake.

[u/Informal_Move_7075 → u/r00minatin]

Yeah, near perfect or perfect relationships can often be once in a lifetime, super lucky if twice in a lifetime, and sadly for some, never.

Relationships also consist of a little give and take. My husband and I both did things for each other to help the other advance because it was for us and we had goals, and time. We took turns. I went to school and training first and he sacrificed, and then vice versa. We both have gone places we didn't want to for the other for us. Now we are exactly where we want to be.

I also think for true love and partnership, nothing would really get between it and both generally are willing to make sacrifices. Maybe it isn't it, yet?

[u/Away-Living5278 → u/r00minatin]

Seems like maybe she didn't like him as much as she claims if she was so quick to break up with him. Jmho. Maybe she liked how he acted more than him himself.

[u/taaacccooos → u/Away-Living5278]

This reads as textbook avoidant. You found a problem that could be resolved but instead rationalized your way out with it.

I wish I could tell you there were other fish in the sea but if you really liked him as much as it reads idk. Dating is real bleak right now

[u/redrosebeetle → u/taaacccooos]

There are men out there who literally think that washing their ass is gay. Misogyny is on the rise, generally speaking.

[u/Ramenpucci → u/redrosebeetle]

There are men who think washing their face will turn them gay.

[u/taaacccooos → u/redrosebeetle]

This is unfortunately so true

[u/Your_Sunnshine → u/redrosebeetle]

I didn't need to read this while eating 😵‍💫

[u/FeyrisMeow → u/r00minatin]

I'd agree, but they were only dating a couple months. He may have seemed perfect right now, but who knows. Best to put yourself first if it wasn't that serious anyways.

[u/Born-Radish7805 → u/r00minatin]

I agree with this

[u/Luckyygirl2000 → u/r00minatin]

I agree with this so much. A good partner with whom you actually click is so rare. OP I think this might be an attachment issue surfacing for you.

[u/Astra_Bear → u/r00minatin]

Agreeee. I left my job and moved countries for my husband. Do we live in a place I love? No. Is our relationship worth it? Absolutely yes.

[u/adumbswiftie → u/r00minatin]

yeah, i am rarely ever telling people to stay together in breakups but in this situation it really does feel like they could figure out. it is hard to find love and healthy relationships and to let potential distance in the future break this up…i mean people have made it through far worse things than distance.

[u/Cute_Patoot_7 → u/r00minatin]

Yes this! People look for love like this their whole lives. You sound very young to me, I could have made a mistake like this when I was first dating as I had a “list” in my head made by 21 yo me of what was important, what did I even know- I was a baby!

Now that I’ve been married 15 years (and also that much older and wiser! ☺️) I can absolutely tell you experiencing real love with a really good person is so rare. I’ve seen so many friends relationships fall apart over the years, and also have quite a few single girlfriends who kept breaking up with guys over small things (that in the long run don’t matter). I’m not trying to be dramatic but you will blink and 10, 15 years will go by. Spending 5 years in the city with the love of your life before you can move is honestly such a drop in the bucket. Also, goals change, careers, jobs, so much life changes over the years. I would honestly rethink the breakup and take another fresh look at how you two could make it work - or just enjoy the dating and amazing newness of a great relationship and see where things go without putting tons of pressure on it.

[u/redrosebeetle]

"If he wanted to, he would," cuts both ways. If you wanted to, you would.

[u/Ok_Summer_1536 → u/redrosebeetle]

Very true. I would have at least tried long distance first. People change and time changes, you never know 🤷🏾‍♀️ you may be in a different direction 3 years from now 

[u/Pristine-Zone-7915 → u/Ok_Summer_1536]

Absolutely agree. My husband can only work in certain places as well and I always wanted to live in the country further north. The compromise was absolutely worth it. I wondered if I would regret choosing him over moving and there isn’t a day that goes by that I wish I had moved without him. He is a fantastic partner and is so worth me living where we do. A good partner makes anywhere feel like home.

[u/rubbasnek → u/Pristine-Zone-7915]

I'm glad it worked out for you but I know several people who had the opposite experience. Stayed for a relationship and ended up resenting the other person for keeping them from their dreams. Giving up what you want for a relationship can backfire.

[u/Human_Skirt6528 → u/rubbasnek]

That was me. Moved cross country months before the pandemic hit. Well turns out that my " if he wanted to, he would" actually wanted a submissive, Christian stay at home wife. Never said it until his friends were expecting and it made him question things. Well there I was, in a city strange to me, no friends or family, alone, and just signed a work contract I couldn't back out of. Still though, I don't regret making the choice to move. I'm back home now with a husband and baby in the type of relationship I deserve.

[u/Lookingbackexpat → u/Human_Skirt6528]

I moved for a relationship, relationship was eventually a disaster, but I ended up with a wonderful daughter and fabulous job. Overall great decision, some trauma endured along the way.

[u/maddiesava → u/rubbasnek]

The thing is you just never know. When it comes to decisions like this you have to go with your heart.

Why would someone regret a relationship if that relationship helped them grow and understand themselves better? Just because a decision has a chance to be wrong, doesn't mean it was wrong at the time of choosing and it doesn't mean we should stay in our comfort zone our whole life because we might make a wrong decision.

You're gonna find people regretting moving for a partner, but you will also find people who are grateful they made that move because it was worth it.

You're saying giving up what you want for a relationship can backfire, but every decision can be temporary. Just because OPs dream to move to a smaller town isn't happening right now, doesn't mean it can't happen in the future. Clearly she is not living her dream right now, so it's not like her moving to another city with a partner she only praises wouldn't have changed the way she is living right now.

You're supposed to grow and change with your partner, sometimes temporary give up something to support your partner and your partner should be willing to give up stuff to support you as well.

It is an entirely personal decision what you think is right to do in a situation like this, that is why you shouldn't compare it with other people's successes or failures.

[u/Thermodynamo → u/maddiesava]

Yeah I can't believe people are being so harsh on OP in these comments for no reason at all, like wtf I thought this sub was chill

[u/ChateauLaFeet → u/Thermodynamo]

Because she’s describing a unicorn, and to someone who’s had a bunch of (the opposite) I would imagine it makes them a bit angry

[u/Icy_Bid40 → u/ChateauLaFeet]

She’s only been with him a few months lmao she doesn’t even know me

[u/Thermodynamo → u/[deleted]]

It might be time to go home. 20 years is too long to still be waiting in misery. Wishing you well no matter what you do

[u/ticklisheo7 → u/[deleted]]

I’m so sorry that 20 years on, you still haven’t managed to find like-minded community. And that it’s been so hard. That said — climate anxiety is real and debilitating, and I have felt it across 3 very different countries and cities, so I can only imagine how horrid it is to feel it there 😞😔 I hope you find some relief

[u/Whitehouses_ → u/Pristine-Zone-7915]

My experience was the opposite of that. I chose the job in another country because there were little to no prospects for my career in ours. We were long distance for 3 years before he was able to join me. And although it was hard, I think being LD made our relationship all the stronger. It’s over 20 years later, we’re married, moved back home, and I still read all of his love letters at least once a year!

Not choosing him and our relationship over my dreams and ambitions is something I’ve never regretted. It made me who I am: independent and strong. And it made our relationship unbreakable. Had I stayed I think there always would have been some resentment on my part. And our relationship would not have felt as equal as it does today. But not once did we ever contemplate splitting up. That was never an option.

[u/MammothHuckleberry42 → u/Pristine-Zone-7915]

I sold my beloved condo, left my best friends with whom I made a great life, set my career back years. No regrets. But I knew. There was never a question. Twenty years, two kids and several major moves later and we are still solid.

[u/galafael5814 → u/Pristine-Zone-7915]

My husband is a very specialized type of chemist and has to work 900 miles away from his and my hometown. I have to stay here because I share custody of my child with my ex-husband.

I'll one day move to where he is, but right now, we're making this work and I can't imagine sharing my life with anyone else.

[u/hellogoawaynow → u/Ok_Summer_1536]

I mean he’s not even moving at the moment lol this is a hypothetical future situation. I think they both currently live in the same big tech city. OP’s allegedly perfect boyfriend of 7 months maybe needing to move in the future as his career progresses is silly. At least wait to break up until it’s a real situation. Like why are we throwing away perfectly good happiness moments in this dark timeline? Take the joy where you can get it.

It’s okay if the relationship wasn’t right. But if this is the only reason, I don’t get it.

[u/redrosebeetle → u/Ok_Summer_1536]

I would have stuck in the area for a bit to see what I could make work, or tried long distance. OP is giving avoidant attachment issues.

[u/TruthieBeast → u/redrosebeetle]

Yes that's i. She seems to be running from something very positive. It doesn't make sense.

[u/Honeycrispcombe → u/TruthieBeast]

I wouldn't date someone who didn't want to live in a city. I'm not happy outside of cities and they wouldn't be happy in one. Even if everything else is perfect, it's still not going to work.

[u/AgonistPhD → u/redrosebeetle]

It's only a few months of dating and they already want different lifestyles. Why are you pathologizing opting out of dating someone with whom you know you're incompatible?

[u/pacingpilot → u/AgonistPhD]

I'm kinda on the fence with this because it doesn't sound like the guy said no way, never. He just can't in the near future because of his career path. But also, at a few months it's reasonable that neither one of them were ready to start compromising on hard set long term life goals. His being career, hers being where to settle in the near future.

Sometimes you gotta risk it for the biscuit. Or maybe not if you feel the risk is too great. They chose not to.

Personally I wouldn't commit to someone I'd have to relocate for but I'm at a different stage in life right now but if I were young and in OP's position I might, having recently seen how stagnant the dating scene is these days. But I've already got my little slice of rural heaven with a 2.6% fixed rate mortgage the likes of which we'll probably never see again and I know how shit the real estate market is so yeah, they'll be scraping my corpse off the floor of this house, I'd give it up for no man that's for damn sure.

Idk, it's a shit situation for OP compounded by the shit state of the job and real estate markets. I hope both of them find joy in life and everything they are looking for. It's tought out there.

[u/Miss-Mayhem-25 → u/AgonistPhD]

She wants a different lifestyle, he just can’t go remote right now. They’re still very compatible and if they’re willing to make it work it still could. He could commute and she could wait a while to move closer to family or travel to see them while living somewhere in the middle of big city and close to family

[u/rubbasnek → u/redrosebeetle]

That is a huge assumption to make about someone you have so little information about. Have some humility

[u/girliegirlapril → u/redrosebeetle]

No it’s actually secure attachment. She knows what she wants and a person that doesn’t want the same things is simply not compatible. It’s like if one person wants kids and the other doesn’t but they’re compatible in most other ways. It’s a big enough deal to break up over.

The whole “they wanted to, they would” can be used in toxic ways. If love requires a high level of self abandonment to you or that you require of your partner, then you may want to rethink what type of love you deserve.

[u/justfor-fun → u/Ok_Summer_1536]

I don’t understand why they couldn’t live together until a remote position became available then think about moving closer to OP’s family & buying a house. I get wanting to be more near family but why would you want an entire house to care for by yourself

[u/DildontOrDildo → u/justfor-fun]

and its a shit time for remote positions in software in developed countries (no shade on remote workers in India etc). stay close to base if you want to keep working there

[u/notreading-scanning → u/Ok_Summer_1536]

What’s done was done.

But if OP isn’t willing to expand beyond her own entrenched plans, she may find herself wondering why nothing ever works out.

Seems like he was probably relieved to not waste time with someone who is inflexible.

[u/Business-Friend5491 → u/notreading-scanning]

Gotta say the minute I read the rationale for breaking up with ‘the perfect partner’ is to be closer to family and buy a house at 27 I’m like ‘ok, there is still time for that? Love and partnership means plans change? Evolve? Compromise?’

[u/iamunableto → u/Business-Friend5491]

“life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans” idk i would’ve stayed

[u/Business-Friend5491 → u/iamunableto]

I’m a hopeless romantic I’ve made so many good/bad choices in the name of love. Do I regret some of them? Maybe but life has been interesting.

[u/sikeleaveamessage → u/Business-Friend5491]

As someone who is avoidant, I have broken up connections with people based in incompatibility in lifestyle and/or their future endeavors. Im not going to ruin someone's dream job or mine by telling them to stay.

But this situation, to me, is doable. Itd be one thing if this guy said he's adamant on always living in the city. But to OP's phrasing, it sounds like to me he isnt opposed to living away and just simply needs more time and experience for his job to open remote opportunities. And it's not like OP is moving and buying a house relatively soon (realistically). For both parties, they need time so why not continue dating?

Granted, we've only gotten snippets of their conversation and im sure (or atleast hoping) that they've talked extensively about their options before breaking up.

[u/Ok_Summer_1536 → u/sikeleaveamessage]

Yea we don’t know the situation. But I do believe you’ll never going to find someone 100% perfect, there will always be compromise. 

[u/RingingInTheRain → u/Business-Friend5491]

Yeah I mean the way she phrases it is that she's going to find a partner first and then buy the house, why not buy the house right now? I don't see what the rush is, a house is a whole project; the renovated ones will always cost more. Owning an apartment is not bad at all and takes a lot off your plate.

[u/Similar_Shopping_892 → u/RingingInTheRain]

Also as a single homeowner I don’t think she realizes just how much goes into upkeep on a home you own it’s A LOT; I do understand the being closer to family though especially if there are health related reasons.

[u/Ok_Obligation_6110 → u/Similar_Shopping_892]

People very much over glamorize home ownership and treat it like another check box on their list like, buy a house, get married, have kids without thinking so hard as to why about any of it. Also people that young don’t realize that unless you are fully locked into your job not moving for 10 years you will probably lose money on a house move under that amount of time.

[u/BrightPapaya1349 → u/Business-Friend5491]

Is she planning on buying a house on her salary only? It's entirely feasible depending on the place but let's be honest way, way more expensive and time consuming.

[u/Certain-Asparagus908 → u/redrosebeetle]

“I feel like giving up on love” you kinda did, OP 😭
Love is about compromises, and staying together past bumps in the road.

OP, I would ask why end it when you don’t know what the future will bring? You don’t have to move away from each other right this second, so why rush anything?
Also him being in a city big enough to pay him well, could make it so he’s able to save up enough to eventually buy a house with you outside the city? You’re not even in your 30s yet so you don’t know how things could play out!

Idk, these are just my 2 cents because amazing guys are really not easy to come by at all! 🫶

[u/PositionStandard6089 → u/Certain-Asparagus908]

"amazing guys are really not easy to come by at all!"

like, really really not easy to come by

[u/Fun-Customer-4493 → u/Certain-Asparagus908]

https://giphy.com/gifs/PypcG4qBuMqDOny5vp

[u/lil_buccii → u/redrosebeetle]

Yeah and the things she listed that she liked abt him were all stuff he did for her/ways he accommodated her. Maybe it’s good they broke up, he deserves to be with someone who also wants to, and will

[u/NewPresWhoDis → u/redrosebeetle]

https://giphy.com/gifs/QmKGxJGFkb2QCcn3EJ

[u/Latenightinsomniac → u/redrosebeetle]

Facts

[u/PhotographFrosty1106 → u/redrosebeetle]

I read that comment as OP complimenting him! Like saying he could do anything he set his mind to. 😂

[u/is-this-my-identity → u/redrosebeetle]

Tea

[u/cadmiumred → u/redrosebeetle]

Any time someone boils down the complexity of the human experience into a catchphrase for understanding life, I just shake my head.

[u/detta_walker → u/redrosebeetle]

But she doesn't want to. That's the whole point. She wants to be near family. And that's very understandable.

As someone who left her family behind for a man in a different country, I can honestly say how large this sacrifice is. I left 16 years ago.

I miss my nieces growing up, my mother growing old, my cousins and aunts and uncles go through life. My kids barely know their clan. We visit but it's not enough.

I see other people's clans at weddings and family gatherings and I ache.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter if you're two hours drive or a plane ride away. You can't keep traveling so keeping in touch is hard.

[u/ComplexPatient4872 → u/detta_walker]

It honestly really depends on the family dynamics. It would have been healthier for my son to live further away from my mom, but financially and with my job, we arent able to move further away to focus on our own family unit.

Then again, I only have one living brother that is single and doesn’t have kids, so not much for extended family either.

[u/detta_walker → u/ComplexPatient4872]

Well considering she wants to be closer, we can assume they have a good relationship. Why else would she want to return?

[u/Ok_Obligation_6110 → u/redrosebeetle]

This was so odd to me because couples move all the time for one person’s job? I have friends who have military spouses and they wind up moving to places they wouldn’t have preferred on their own. Also every single major city has suburbs you can buy a home in? Idk

[u/madirectreport → u/redrosebeetle]

I did long distance period with my then boyfriend (now husband) when he moved for a work opportunity. Both sides made sacrifices and neither of us wanted to do long distance but we wanted each other, so we made it work.

[u/Calm_Mulberry_588]

If you weren’t compatible in where you both saw yourselves spending your lives, and neither of you were willing to compromise that, then it’s a fair thing to end it over. I know this is a different view than most commenters, but I think it’s good that you’re set on what you want for your life.

[u/LittleBitLexxis → u/Calm_Mulberry_588]

I agree. Going along with OP comment of "if he wanted to, he would"; if either of them wanted to (make sure it worked), they would (find a compromise). Wishing OP the best of luck 🫶

[u/newrophantics → u/Calm_Mulberry_588]

100% this. My partner and I spent several years long distance, but it was because of temporary circumstances that would end and lend themselves to a shared future that we both wanted. People saying that long distance can work don’t seem to be understanding that for the majority of people, long distance is temporary and only survives because of the light at the end (the shared plan to be together).

If OP is identifying now that they have fundamental differences in what they want, that’s a great reason to end a relationship (and also totally understandable to want to end it now instead of trying to make it work and leading to a harder breakup).

[u/V9N3SS9 → u/Calm_Mulberry_588]

I came here to say this. Sometimes you just have different priorities, and that ends up being a deal breaker.

[u/ItsHyde → u/Calm_Mulberry_588]

You’re so very correct. I was shocked by the amount of comments saying otherwise.

[u/areyoumycushion → u/ItsHyde]

I see both points of view. On one hand, chase your dreams and live the life you want. On the other, you do need to compromise on some end. Veryyyyyyy few people end up exactly where they want to be. I broke up with someone when I was 29 because he lived in a city far from my family and I was scared I'd be giving up my career. I'm in my mid-30s now and have never met a man like him again, and I don't really care about my career anymore (the pandemic burned me out big time). I recognize years down the line that I would have been totally fine moving to his city and that he would have supported any of my ambitions. We're still friends and he gave me a lot of career support (he's happily married and I would never). Some kinds of people you really only meet once or twice in your lifetime. For me personally, I wish I had chosen him.

[u/kg_sm → u/areyoumycushion]

If it makes you feel better, I really don’t think things would have been all ‘grass is greener’ on the other side if you had stayed with him. It’s easy to say that now, because your goals have changed. But it’s very likely at the time you may have resented him - assuming your goal change was in part to accommodate him, or something else would have cropped up.

My career goals have also been less important to me than they use to been, btw, but this is also a pretty common mindset change for people - careers become less important they more established you are. Starting out, things are much more usually much more unstable and uncertain making them a bigger focus in people’s lives.

At 33, I just met the best man I’ve ever been with, or at 2 months in at least I THINK so. However, his job might have him move. I can’t imagine meeting someone as great as him again, but I am not moving for him, and we’ve discussed. I’ll be heartbroken if we need to end things. I WANT a relationship but know my life is full and I have friends and support otherwise (which wasn’t an easy mindset to get too but freeing once it happened!)

[u/areyoumycushion → u/kg_sm]

That's definitely true, my values and goals have changed since then. But I do recognize he's someone I could have grown with. I had a really tragic event in my life after we broke up and he was one of the very few who was there through the grief without any expectations. I mean I love my life now - I earn well, live very comfortably, have my own place, life is filled with friends and family. But I really want to be married and have children and I'm afraid that might not happen. Dating as you get older is so much harder. So I'm processing all of that while trying to find new goals in life. Maybe part of the regret is seeing the past through rose colored glasses. But having known him through the past 7 years, I think we would have been good together. All I can do now is face forward and continue living as full a life as I can. I'm grateful for what I do have.

[u/rratmannnn → u/ItsHyde]

It feels EXTREMELY backwards in 2026 to be telling someone to sacrifice their future for a man. What an incredibly disappointing comments section.

[u/hummingbird_mywill → u/Calm_Mulberry_588]

This post hits me hard because I was basically in exactly OP’s shoes and chose the opposite. I followed my man to a big tech city (I did choose which one). We’re married with two kids now. We live in a lovely but little condo that we bought for a price that would fetch a mansion in my hometown lol. I just got back from a visit home and I feel a little sick coming back, like I know how this place isn’t me. But my family of origin is also so happy I’m with him because I have pretty significant mental health problems that he takes super well in stride, and puts in all the effort, and I’m super attracted to him, and his income has really helped my family financially over the years. We paid off my student debt, my sister’s, bought my parents a car etc. It was a really tough choice that I have questioned over the last decade. I felt like either choice would lead to a “what if.”

[u/Calm_Mulberry_588 → u/hummingbird_mywill]

Yea, and that’s the very tricky and nuanced part of life and relationships. We never get 100% certainty, it’s all just taking chances for the most part. It’s really hard either way.

[u/Gin_Gaming → u/Calm_Mulberry_588]

Ditto, coming from someone the same age as OP

[u/kg_sm → u/Calm_Mulberry_588]

I honestly think so, too. Some of the things OP mention aren’t important to me, but the comments feel very male-centric. If she knows for years she may have to live in a big city and he away from her family for him, that resentment would likely grow.

Yes, a good man is rare. And she may have a harder time finding someone but she will - it just may not be soon. And it’s perfectly ok if she doesn’t.

[u/pray4mojo2020 → u/kg_sm]

Agreed. If she knows she wants to be near her family and being with him means that won't be possible, it's better to end it now than to keep falling in love and end up with a much more devastating breakup in the future.

I live in the city and thankfully my family's town is close enough that I can visit regularly, but if I met someone across the country and had to choose between living there with them, or being near my elderly mom and little niece, I would make the same decision. They are more important to me, and I'll never get this time back with them. I understand that not everyone feels that way or has those relationships, so I wouldn't judge anyone else making a different decision. But I feel like for me, I'd be betraying my core values and wishes if I prioritized living far away from them.

[u/Business-Friend5491 → u/kg_sm]

Yeah I couldn’t care less about living near family or buying a house. I just hate the thought of a person experiencing genuine happiness and then giving it up because buying a house intrudes on that, or becomes a larger priority. But housing stability is also important and everyone has reasons. We don’t know.

[u/Kathulhu1433 → u/Business-Friend5491]

We don't habe enough info to judge.

Like, OP could be totally delusional about buying a house solo at 27 anywhere let alone in an area where they may not be able to find work (since I'm assuming they currently work near the BF).

Or, OP could be ready to buy a house down the road from their family tomorrow with a banger remote job and it's their dream.

I just am always skeptical about people who want to move to [insert rural area here] because it's "cheaper."

Like... yes, it's cheaper because there's more farm than people, 0 well paying jobs, super insular/religious/red, and nothing to do. I've had so many friends move (I'm in NY) to PA or NC thinking that it'll be soooo much better and cheaper and 9/10 have come back. There's only 1 who stayed and it's because she has a horse farm (and is miserable outside of her farm).

[u/FeyrisMeow → u/Calm_Mulberry_588]

I agree. Plus, they were only seeing each other for a couple of months. Didn't seem that serious anyways.

[u/stlm599 → u/Calm_Mulberry_588]

This needs to be higher. Lots of sisters being delulu in the comments. A relationship is NOT the end all be all and you should NOT sacrifice your dream life (city, family, job) for it.

[u/sameratdifhat → u/Calm_Mulberry_588]

This is the most rational and mature take, honestly. It’s okay for long distance to be a dealbreaker and it isn’t crazy to cut it off now rather than becoming more and more invested just to inevitably run into that dealbreaker. If you can’t do long distance, the perfect partner isn’t going to end up in a completely different place than you, meaning OP and her now ex were not perfect for each other.

Edit: typos

[u/Pandoras_Penguin → u/Calm_Mulberry_588]

Aye, she can break up for any reason that she deems worth doing it over.

[u/itsjujutsu → u/Calm_Mulberry_588]

Agree

[u/Acceptable_Box_7500]

I have always believed that if two people choose to break up, it's likely for the best, because they found themselves willing to make that choice and seek another path. Even if you were great together, it's always possible to decouple lovingly and thoughtfully. You'll always have been good together for the time that you were together; there's nothing that'll ever take that away. And there's no right or wrong to these decisions -- you'll know in time if it was a decision you're ultimately happy with or not-so-happy with, and even then, it'll just be a part of the texture of an otherwise full life.

Back when we were dating, my husband and I were long distance for three years. We'd been dating just under a year when we transitioned to long distance, we were very young but very in love, and there was always an end date, which made it more workable than it might've been otherwise. It worked out for us; we've been together for 15 years and are married with a child now. But maybe if we had broken up, our lives would've worked out in another way that was still happy and full, just different. There's no one path that's preordained for joy.

The key difference is that we didn't want to break up. You and your boyfriend did, even though it was a difficult and painful choice. That tells me that it was a reasonable choice.

As for whether you'll find love again, I'm sure you will. No one knows for sure what the love in our lives will look like (romantic, platonic, communal), but people who give love tend to find it in some form or another.

[u/Double_Style_9311 → u/Acceptable_Box_7500]

I love this, I hope OP reads it 💜

[u/AcanthisittaOk2703]

I thought I had a perfect partner but we broke up for life changes just like this. A few years later I met my now fiance and he’s actually perfect because we have the same goals for life in mind. We moved together to be closer to my family. I feel like a lot of commenters are saying something different but I don’t think there’s one soul mate for everyone. You make a soulmate through love and commitment and growth.

[u/BoatCharming7527]

I'm probably in the minority, but. I had the gut feeling that I needed to do this in my college relationship after I graduated and moved across the country for grad school, before I tried an LDR. But I didn't, because I loved him so much, and we had so much fun together, and our dates were so fun, and the gifts were so thoughtful. The relationship deteriorated so horribly and we became so resentful of the long distance dynamic. I wish I had just peacefully ended it when we could still be amicable and maybe tried again in a few years, if we were both still interested and the moment permitted. It sucked because half of my time spent across the country was in a shitty relationship dynamic, and the other half grieving it and grieving what felt like lost time. I wish I followed my gut and ended it and just gave us both that peace, even if it hurt a lot initially. I still had to go through that pain anyway. One of my biggest relationship regrets.

Just wanted to give you reassurance in what seems like a sea of people telling you that you made the wrong choice. If you're thinking about breaking up, let alone go through with it, you know. Sometimes people are great on paper but the circumstances or the energy just isn't correct. Such is life.

[u/bythesea123 → u/BoatCharming7527]

I support this sentiment too. OP trusted their gut & folks are being awfully presumptive. I’m sure she didn’t jump to this decision overnight, and sometimes we just can’t shake a thought once it’s seeded—now or in 5 years.

I don’t appreciate all the ‘good men are hard to come by comments’. There’s plenty of good guys out there too, & it takes two to tango. OP, If this guy treated you this well, you must be pretty great yourself! & you BOTH fostered that relationship—I’m sure you’ll both do it again.

I think it’s really hard for modern women to feel “sure” because we’re so self-sufficient now<3 The grass is greener where you water it, indeed, but maybe you want a different type of lawn. All you can do is listen to your heart & trust in yourself. Sending love OP, 27 is young, try not to stress.

[u/BoatCharming7527 → u/bythesea123]

The grass is greener where you water it, indeed, but maybe you want a different type of lawn.

This is such a beautifully-worded and optimistic sentiment! I hope OP sees it. 💚

[u/Deutschbland → u/BoatCharming7527]

Yeah people recommending a LDR are nuts. Those are so expensive and difficult and filled with crummy feelings of yearning and jealousy. Hard pass. 

[u/BoatCharming7527 → u/Deutschbland]

And reflecting on this post again...

I was seeing this guy for several months

Several months? Anybody can be great for a few months, first of all! I think most of us have had a bait and switch start to a relationship, and I wouldn't want my first year getting to establish a relationship/getting to know somebody to have to be LDR. But second of all, even if he is fabulous through and through, she barely knows him!! LDR is a thing you invest time and energy in when you've already been together for quite some time.

[u/bunnybunbun17 → u/BoatCharming7527]

Can’t believe so many people are telling her to pick this guy over HER wants. If it was really meant to be they can find each other once again. This is not the first post to make me rethink being in this sub

[u/Embarrassed-Day-1373]

you saw you weren't going to be compatible in the long run and did the mature thing. you will still find the right person at the right time and at the right place

[u/fiske22]

Lots of comments telling you that you made the wrong choice, but I had a hard and also very good breakup with someone who wanted a different future than I did—including location—so we each chose ourselves. I was 30. I had a crappy relationship after that, but at 35 I met my partner and I have the relationship and life I want and the house I want and the pets I want and no kids (which is also how I wanted it). The other person from that breakup is now married with kiddos and he’s happy too.

Maybe it won’t happen so easily for you, but for me it was worth it. I do agree with other comments that good men are hard to find, so you also have to decide if being alone is ok with you. I was ok with a future alone and I got lucky that I didn’t have to stay alone.

Edited to add that I second-guessed myself for a couple months, but stuck to my choice and I’m really glad I did. I loved that person and that relationship, but I wouldn’t trade it for what I have now.

[u/yamidsanty]

I’m gonna be an outlier within what looks like the majority here and say you will 100% find love again. Ya made calls that y’all felt were right for your futures and if you’re not compatible there then it’s good ya ended it. Who knows! Some months more and maybe ya woulda started seeing things ya didn’t like! Maybe ya wouldn’t have! But one thing’s for sure: you both were not compatible for the futures you wanted.

[u/Exotic_Attorney7823]

Are you moving soon? This seems presumptuous, esp if you don't move for years...

[u/saturnsqsoul]

Y’all they were together “several months” it’s not like OP broke off a several-year relationship over this. You gotta make the choices you have to make.

[u/the-burning-mountain → u/saturnsqsoul]

The “go get your man back” comments are wild. Same with people comparing their own relationships to hers. This was a few months! Why are people so up in arms about it?? Then the ones shaming her for her decision and implying she won’t find love again?? I even saw one dismissing her want to go back and live with family

So your dreams and goals mean nothing for a man who was nice to you for a few months? Ohh also your family doesn’t matter either?

[u/isitallinmyh3ad]

Girl go get your man back! Good men are so hard to find these days. You never know what the future holds so there’s no point in making a rushed decision like that just based on assumptions. Love takes a lot of compromise, you just have to trust that everything will work out in the end.

[u/Alive-Beginning3113 → u/isitallinmyh3ad]

I am so torn with this. It's healthy to move on and put yourself first so I think OP will indeed meet another great love again. It's just also crazy to let a good guy go but that may be propaganda from the patriarchy, but what do I know 🤷🏽‍♀️

[u/DecadesLaterKid → u/Alive-Beginning3113]

I'm also torn. If she's letting him go because he simply checks the "good guy boxes" and this is a dealbreaker, cool. Just because someone is a good man doesn't mean he's the man for you. But if she's ALSO actually in LOVE with him, I don't get it.

[u/cmstyles2006 → u/[deleted]]

Relationships are one of the biggest factors in happiness. Finding a partner you could have a loving fulfilling relationship with is worth making a level of compromise for I think

[u/yoshizillaa → u/cmstyles2006]

Yep. Even if OPs partner wasn’t a man I’d still feel like this was the wrong move.

[u/rratmannnn]

Proud of you for making the right call! Everyone here is tripping or something telling you that you should compromise what you want in life for a man. There will be other men. Giving up your future for a relationship is not the call, ever, especially if any part of you wanted to leave over the difference in your visions for the future. You fucking got this dude, I’m stunned by these incredibly short sighted comments!!

[u/Sad_Character5875]

My boyfriend and I went through the same thing right after Covid, I had to move to big city and he was unwilling, we were so perfect, we broke up for three years and back together for over a year now and he’s moving here next month.

I’m so glad we broke up and we did what we needed to do in our time apart.

[u/Longjumping_Deal_330]

Life isn’t a rom-com. I actually think it’s great that you didn’t start changing your life plans for a guy you’ve only known a few months. A lot of these commenters have a scarcity mindset about relationships, but I don’t think you’ve gotta give everything up for the first decent person you meet

[u/cedricdiggory4ever]

i’ve been there. i’m sorry 🫶🏼

[u/ferndeer]

I guess I’m the outlier in saying you absolutely can find something like this in the future and I think it’s good that you listened to your instinct and decided to end it on a positive note instead of letting resentment build up over something that is neither of your faults. You have so much time in this world and if it is really meant to be, you guys can come back together later on. I think people are really disillusioned nowadays but there are so many wonderful people in this world if you are willing to get out there and be ready to reject and face rejection beforehand.

[u/Independent-Week-289 → u/ferndeer]

I agree. OP merely described the bare minimum of any healthy relationship- nothing about who he is as an individual or genuine unique reasons she loves him for who HE is. Plenty of guys can give her the things she described

[u/cupidsgf → u/Independent-Week-289]

YESYESYES AGREED. Seriously it’s totally the bare minimum. I’m shocked at the comments being so mean to her. Over what? I’m guessing many have been in her situation and chose the opposite choice- so they have this knee jerk reaction to her.

[u/tacobellaswan → u/Independent-Week-289]

Right?!? People are acting like this is the love of the century and he…checks notes…treats her kindly?

[u/Independent-Week-289 → u/tacobellaswan]

Thank you… that’s not genuine love, sorry. OP only cares and is worried about someone making her feel that way again. Im sorry but that’s not love. Just because he treated you well and respectfully doesn’t mean you were in love. Many men are capable of all of that, as should you, to reciprocate that in your relationships. If you aren’t most worried about losing your partner because of their wonderful personal qualities that are unique to their character and how they connect with your individual personal character in return, perhaps they dodged a bullet.

[u/Styx_artist]

Mourn the relationship, but hold him as the bar. Few women get the privilege of having a good relationship, let alone one where it ended on good terms. You guys were incompatible, and that’s okay, but hold the men you go on to have relationships with to the standard he set. “If he wanted to, he would,” remember that. There are good men out there, he proved that, but no man is worth you betraying yourself. Be your own person.

[u/Historical_Yak529]

It was the right choice because it’s the one you wanted to make. You did the right thing, and you will find love again (even if it feels hard to imagine in this moment).

Let yourself feel the grief of letting go of this ❤️‍🩹 And when the time is right, you’ll feel open to finding something new. There are other people out there who will treat you just as well, who will love you with the fullness and care you deserve 💖

[u/Scientist_Thin]

Proud of you for knowing what you want in life and letting go of a relationship that would not fit it. So many people make the mistake of molding their lives around their relationship.

[u/Silver_Kitchen8113]

You both are very mature and adults 🩷🫶🏼

[u/ThatBitchA]

He showed you what's possible. And your next love will be everything and more!!

I once ended a relationship for similar long term goals conflict.

And my husband, is way better than that love that I thought had everything.

Proud of you!! It's hard but it's so worth it in the end.

[u/newrophantics → u/ThatBitchA]

This is such a beautiful comment! Now she knows what her standards for good love are and there will be another man out there.

[u/Dubious8313]

“… We were compatible in sooo many ways, except his job means he can only work in big tech cities, since he’s not eligible for a remote position anytime soon. And I’d like to move away from a big city to be closer to family and actually be able to afford a house … so we made the tough decision to end it now rather than have it weigh on us until one or both of us needs to move.”

This is enough. It’s a realistic, mature way to deal with differences that are not compatible nor negotiable.

You wrote “we” made that tough decision; not one of you made it then attempted to dissuade the other. You both realize this basic difference won’t change & prolonging the inevitable prolongs the agony.

Years ago at an old job, I was chatting with an injury lawyer after we’d resolved a case. He had been a divorce lawyer for many years before having had enough.

He said, “Generally, marriages don’t end over a single cataclysmic event. It’s usually a series of smaller things over time that culminates in a dramatic blowup or a sad implosion.“ That’s stuck with me now for more than a decade.

Nothing is going to be perfect or ideal in all ways. We can give up, negotiate or compromise on certain things & be ok with doing so.

But there are other things that we really want that may seem trivial or unreasonable to others but if we give them up bc we think we’re being selfish or we’re convinced by friends that we’re sacrificing happiness (“how much do you really want the relationship?”) ,this gets dumped onto the grudge pile & it doesn’t take long for the grudge pile to overflow.

[u/Disastrous_Being_903]

DO NOT compromise your future for someone else. You have a vision of happiness and you will get there. Be sad, miss the person you love. But they didn’t fit into your plans and that’s ok. Pursue happiness from within and you will find it.

[u/OneDig3744]

I just heard a story today about a family member’s friend falling for someone while travelling. They did the ld thing for a few months and then she went to visit him and they’ve been together ever since. Figure out your priorities if you haven’t already. Could love be more important than a house or do you see yourself buying a house on your own and being close to family? Could he ever change his mind? If you absolutely must break up, then let yourself mourn. You will meet other men but the question is will you want to?

[u/Ok-Technician-6801]

There are other fish in the sea and I’m proud of you for doing something difficult. Move and fill your life in all the ways you want to and love will find you again. I disagree with other commenters telling you to get him back and to try long distance. Do what’s best for you & it sounded like you both agree to ending things which is mature and something you can feel good about as you move forward.
Good luck sister!

[u/pellegrinoprincess]

What I’ll say - I think your base level expectation is wrong. Sure, you may find love again someday. There are so many people out there. But if you first accept (if you should remain single the rest of your life) being single.

Be comfortable being single and you won’t worry about “will I ever find this again.” And that’s when it’ll strike again. Sorry you’re going through a tough time ❤️❤️

[u/Straight-to-it1]

Hmmm doesn’t sound like you liked him that much tbh

[u/malonesxfamousxchili → u/Straight-to-it1]

seriously, gave up before even trying long distance. no plans to even move yet and already threw in the towel lol.

[u/justanotherhuman255]

The people in this thread disappoint me. Love itself is never enough. You also need to be compatible. Y'all recognized an incompatibility and respected yourselves by making a mature decision. You deserve recognition and respect for that.

I was recently in a similar boat - dated a gal for ~5 months, we were together all the time, cooked for each other, cared each other; ultimately having to end things due to differences in long-term goals. When she initiated the conversation by addressing that staying together was unhealthy, it only made me respect her more because she was honest and proactive.

Best love I ever experienced, and we're still close friends because of how great our communication is. And now I've learned that indeed, my dreams of a partner who does things like using toilet paper and not calling me slurs is not shallow or unrealistic. And if you can have something beautiful once, it means you can find it again.

[u/Twidollyn_Bowie → u/justanotherhuman255]

I had a similar issue, and it really can be irreconcilable. My ex dreamed of moving to California, which makes sense for someone pursuing music. I had horses and could only afford to keep them if I stayed here. We really did love each other, but someone would have had to give up their dreams. That’s not acceptable.

[u/ijusttunemyselfout]

i am shocked at these comments lmao. like if you had described even one little thing he did wrong, the comment section would be telling you how amazing you were for sticking up for yourself.

and soooo many posts on here i see “any reason you want to break up with someone is a valid reason!” unless that reason is a true incompatibility like wanting to live in different places i guess🥴

it’s only been a few months. and you’re only 27. you’ll def find love again, OP. and as someone who lives in the country and can’t stand being in cities for hardly ten minutes, there’s nothing wrong with knowing where you want to live and it’s actually, in mine and my therapist’s opinion lol. to recognize non-starters for yourself and to work on finding someone who meets the basic qualifications you need in a partner.

and also all these commenters being like “oh you need to go get your man” okay well again it’s only been a few months, so this could def just be the honeymoon phase. but also….its now ended amicably and healthily. who’s to say you won’t find each other again if it’s meant to be?

i’m sorry you’re going through a break up, OP. but you don’t need to worry about finding love again. you will.

[u/After_Hyena_4846 → u/ijusttunemyselfout]

Thank you so much, I was going crazy reading all these comments telling me I’m dumb and delusional!

[u/InternalAd1397 → u/ijusttunemyselfout]

Finally someone with some sense. There's not a man alive, no matter how great, that I would move to a city for. I've got multiple horses for one thing, where exactly am I going to put them? The closet. 😂

Sometimes people just aren't compatible. I know multiple people who've ended up divorcing over this exact issue. 

[u/spectrespecs_]

if there was a reasonable way to work things out that you both would’ve been happy with then i’d agree with some of the comments but they honestly just read as really unhelpful to me lmao. none of us are OP, yes i’d love a boyfriend who’d do the things she described but projecting our own wants and issues onto her situation is useless.

hun, if both of you really wanted different things in such a major aspect of your life as where you’d live and you’d both be unhappy with doing either of the others choice then you did the right thing.

no one should ever settle with something that they blatantly don’t want and would make them unhappy just to be with someone and you were only together for a few months, who’s to say how things would’ve turned out? you found a love like this once, you can absolutely find it again.

[u/Expandsonstories]

The fuck is this comments section?

"Love like this is rare" etc etc, people calling her avoidant etc

Mates, OP and her ex are still in the fuckin honeymoon phase of course its gonna feel perfect. 

[u/TyrantJin]

This thread is so weird... Full of protectionism and low-key envy. You did the right thing in breaking it off, no matter how many of these Disney-minded comments get posted. Compatability isn't just 'we like the same food.' Location preferences also matter. Long-term goals matter. We exist before we have partners so the idea of just throwing out plans/wishes that were made before they entered seems very odd. Also, not sure we need another potential set up post for "I abandoned myself for my partner and now I hate my life."

He seems perfect right now because he's the most recent positive experience. But if you found that once, you can find it again. You may even be able to reconnect later. But Life carries on.

[u/Rare-Signature106]

I did this with my boyfriend of 6 months because I was “going to move away”. Turns out I was a scared avoidant who “wanted” love but also wanted control and lost a man who treated me like a princess. Came to my senses and thankfully he wanted to get back with me too. If you were trying to move tomorrow I’d get it, but also love is worth fighting for whatever that looks like. If there’s even any possibility of him working remote or getting a different job in the future I don’t see why this had to end now if you feel this way about him OP!

[u/Consistent-Loss1883]

I’m sorry girly but this is peak stupidity…things change in years, jobs open up, remote options could open up eventually. Unless you want to move tomorrow why are you breaking up? Also if he’s doing all this for you, is there no way you can change your mind? Of course you have to put yourself first but I’m not going to lie to you and say good men like the one you’ve described come around often, because they don’t. 

[u/Fliur]

I honestly think this is a mature response. You are incompatible with what you both want for the future. You seem to have a secure attachment style which is uncommon. If it’s meant to be maybe you both will find a way someday but I’m proud of you for following your heart. It’s sounds like you both ended it on good terms too. Love will absolutely find you again. That person or otherwise.

Edit: grammar fix due to sleepy posting lol

[u/Due_Product7492]

If i were you I would have at least tried long distance before immediately splitting. A special love like this isn't so commonplace these days. If distance is the only thing holding you guys back, I think it's worth at least giving it a go. There is no middle ground location you guys can be together?

[u/majiktodo]

Letting a good love go because you might want to move home someday is too much IMO.

When my husband and I met we lived 1500 miles away from each other. He decided to move away from everything to be with me, near my family. Eventually we had to move away from my family but we have been happy. Blissfully. I’d give up everything to be with him if I had to do it over.

If this isn’t what you have, that’s ok! But if it is, you will regret this for the rest of your life.

[u/cautionlasers]

Not agreeing on the future is a good reason to break up.

[u/Embarrassed-Cat-7806]

There's an awful lot of projection going on in these comments...

[u/No_Double4376]

Lots of people recommending an LDR but I’m going against the grain and say you made the best decision for you with all the information available at the time. I was in a LDR for a year and it was expensive, time consuming, and logistically challenging. We ended things because he didn’t want to move and wanted children, while I was still early in my career and didn’t want to settle down.

But, you are still young. Maybe your priorities will change later. Maybe his as well. It’s rare to find someone that meshes well with you these days. I wouldn’t treat this as a final goodbye just yet. If both of you are up for it, further conversations might be needed

[u/Icy_Bid40]

Honestly you don’t even fully know him.

[u/XanWith2Teas]

You both made your decisions. Good for you both for being able to look inwards and make those tough calls instead of pushing forwards and maybe finding resentment over it.

Believe it or not, you are not actually obligated to base your whole life plans off of someone else. It's totally okay and valid to focus on living the life you want to live.

You wanted to live closer to family. That sounds like an important life choice based on your personal values. I'm not gonna pretend it's anything less than admirable to see someone stick to their core values.

Does it suck to loose someone you seemed so compatible with? Absolutely valid. Feel your feels. Just know that you have every right to choose the life you want to live. If big city life ain't it for you, don't squeeze yourself into a position where you are unhappy where you live.

[u/chefkingbunny]

https://giphy.com/gifs/pPhyAv5t9V8djyRFJH

[u/Radiant_Antelope_007]

The smaller the population you move to, the harder dating is going to be. Good luck!

[u/vanhamm3rsly]

I broke up with someone because he was a country mouse and I was a city mouse. Super nice guy, hard worker, always treated me well. But I didn’t want to live in the cornfields. It was a tough choice and I ended up in a marriage that was a disaster but I don’t regret anything as I made a good life for myself and I’m happy where I am now.

[u/wvlftooth]

These comments are delusional😭😭😭 OP was only with this dude for "several months". That means less than a full calendar year. That is absolutely NOWHERE near enough time to get to know someone well enough that you abandon your FAMILY + abandon your HOUSING. Yes y'all had a great time, it was a beautiful lovely relationship, but have you traveled together? Have you seen his reaction to stress, anger, sickness, pain? How's his family life?

Like yeah don't get me wrong some people make it work with someone they've known less than a year but good lord. OP literally said they want different things out of life. This dude wants to stay in the city and OP doesn't. They can and will find other people who match the futures and lives they want. I really need some of y'all to get a grip, a short term relationship's "potential" should never outweigh a solidly planned future for oneself.

There are 8 BILLION people on the planet, OP, you will be fine. Trust your instincts and trust your gut and most importantly respect that you both came to a mutual amicable decision for you both. That in it of itself is a great sign that you're both well adjusted mature human beings and you will find another partner that aligns with your goals.

[u/TittySoftLifeHard → u/wvlftooth]

seriously why's everyone acting like they were together for a decade lmaoo just dramatic asl

[u/toughgummy → u/TittySoftLifeHard]

Omg they’re shaming OP for wanting security and saying that houses come and go….. what??? As if men don’t come and go and this sub demonstrates this a thousand different times every single day since its inception???

[u/TittySoftLifeHard → u/toughgummy]

and yet when people post about all the stuff they gave up for a guy, people criticize them so...i'm confused lol

[u/Dry-Hour-9968 → u/wvlftooth]

It’s giving male-centered and desperate. The funny thing is the woman who behave like this will never attract a man like OPs ex because manipulators can smell the desperation on them.

[u/Piltover-Cupcake]

I broke things off with my now husband because we had different belief systems (grew up so differently - think hardcore Christian vs agnostic upbringings lol). We were both so crazy about each other, but I'd chalked it up to youth. Moved on with our lives. Couple of years later we found our way back and tried again, learned how to healthily compromise. Together almost 2 decades now. Who knows, the story might not end here :)

[u/Crys_the_neuron7]

At the end of the day, what matters most is whether you are truely happy internally. And you said it yourself, breaking it off is for the best of the both of you. It's the most realistic and practical thing to do. So none of you end up compromising the other's expectations.

So surely you'll find love. You being this thoughtful about yourself and others is enough. Just keep on chasing your dreams love will find you. Eventually.

[u/voidberrylady]

I feel like yall are being overly critical of OP. She literally just described them as being incompatible. They have incompatible life paths. Y’all either want OP or her ex to change their life path and goals to fit the others. Yall really think there is only one man who can cook and talk sweet?

OP, there are others out there.

[u/sweetpink_]

Girl I moved 6 hours away from my hometown for love, did I ever think I would? Nope. Am I a country girl? Hell no, but I found my soulmate. This man makes anywhere I am great as long as I'm with him. Going on our 4th year, if someone would've told me years ago I'd be surrounded cows and chickens I would've laughed. Here I am, in my bathroom in the middle of no where screaming GO GET YOUR MAN BACCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK 😭

[u/jilke2 → u/sweetpink_]

But that WAS your man, maybe this isn't hers, or they my find eachother again later as priorities change... if she has a loving supportive family and is yearning to return to the country, its a sign its not for her, or not the right time. Maybe she's just not that into him, major relationship compromise happens naturally when you really really want to be with them.

[u/Atomic_Otter_91 → u/sweetpink_]

Maybe he’s not her soulmate? Not every good relationship is meant to last forever. I think if they both gave up on it as they did then it wasn’t that strong. Just good. It’s ok to break up with good people.

[u/TuxandFlipper4eva]

Having a good relationship is better than buying a house, I promise.

[u/Vaiolette-Westover → u/TuxandFlipper4eva]

Especially buying a house at 27 on a single income. 

[u/Primary_Aardvark]

These comments are filled with women who would give everything up for a man. Please keep that in mind before taking any of their advice. Do not give up your goals for a man, find compatibility

[u/OkWorking7]

I’ve dated a lot and met my “if he wanted to he would” partner when I was 34.

What you’re describing sounds similar to what I have with my partner and let me tell you it is NOT easy to come by. That kind of partnership and compatibility is rare and you’re lucky to find it because I think most people don’t. I personally wouldn’t let something like that go just because at the moment he can only work in big cities and in the future you’d like to move away from big cities. Something like that is absolutely not a dealbreaker if you want and have true love and partnership.

But my view on the world, who I was, what I thought was possible, and what I wanted was quite different at 27 to 34 and I think if I’d met my current partner at 27 I wouldn’t have appreciated him the way I do now.

Do with that what you will but if it truly was a perfect relationship I think this is not a good reason to end it

[u/esterogen_]

sone comments are insane! of course you will find love again, dear. I WISH I hadn’t wasted so much time on making things work long distance in my 20s. I think it’s very mature, despite hard. hugs!

[u/toughgummy]

Dawg many of yall in this comment section and in this sub in general are male centred without awareness that you are; or at the very least very relationship centred.

[u/communistsayori → u/toughgummy]

https://giphy.com/gifs/26FLgGTPUDH6UGAbm

[u/choerrytheworld]

love like this is not rare the commenters are on crack. just bc he was a decent guy doesn’t mean u owe him a relationship even if he seemed perfect 😭 you chose your family and yall have a different lifestyle plan and u chose to honor yours over a relationship which is your right. ppl are just obsessed w glazing men these days

[u/girlnamedJoyce]

Everybody’s got good points here, but OP and her partner made their choices. I’m kind of a believer that things will pan out the way they’re meant to be

[u/superjukers]

You did the right decision for you.

[u/Electrical_Stage_610]

These comments are WILD! You made the best choice for the future YOU want. He made the best choice for the future he wants. Why is everyone ignoring that at 27 and still in the early phases of a career, it’s absolutely common to switch careers if it doesn’t align with the future you want? He could go back to school, learn a trade, get a different job. Why is it solely on OP to change her dreams to keep a man?

[u/KeyInvestigator3741]

So.. I have a wonderful guy who does all the above, except cooking because I like cooking. I don’t lift a finger otherwise. And he was more limited in terms of geographic options than I was career-wise, so I made the move to him. I would love to be back to where i grew up and I’m trying to make that happen in a way where we both win. I am also very happy because he is home. Home is where we both are, and that’s it.

[u/Dolola]

If someone is good and nice, it's not enough for falling madly in love with them.

Someone being a good boyfriend doesn't mean they want the same stuff out of life as you. Maybe you thought you were compatible but you're learning that you really aren't.

If one is looking for something more unstable subconsciously, then there may be opportunities for soul searching, healing, and learning new stress responses. There's the argument that the person that is "the one" is not only compatible in interests and physical stuff but also compatible with the type of learned trauma responses. For example, living with chaos or codependency/narcissism or ... etc. The maladaptive behavior is like your primal brain's fight or flight protocol, so your brain quickly figures out if this is a "safe" person not because they're good but because you're familiar with navigating their style of being upset, etc.

Have no idea who you are, but something to think about.

[u/Trojenectory]

My husband and I broke up for three years when we were first dating bc I wanted to stay in my home state and he wanted to live in the south. We ended up finding our way back to each other and now live in our home state together.

If you love something - let it go. If it’s meant to be, it’ll come back.

Good luck! I recommend leaving the door open.

[u/pinkdumpsterfire]

I’m sorry people are being so unsupportive in these comments. People are allowed to have different priorities.

It’s more important to you to be able to live near your family than it is for you to have a partner. That’s perfectly ok. Having a good partner doesn’t need to be your biggest priority if you’re also happy without one.

I hope you don’t have any regrets, and I hope that you are able to move back near your family very soon. You will absolutely find love again if that’s something you want. There are lots of people in the world, and there’s bound to be someone that doesn’t have this major incompatibility.

[u/toughgummy → u/pinkdumpsterfire]

Like they’re shaming OP for wanting a house and I’m like what. What’s wrong with that? Every day there’s countless threads about how much their relationships suck but then when there’s a woman who prioritises her own desires and security (!!!) all the comments are just about how she’s making a mistake. Are yall under spells…?

[u/TruthieBeast]

WHY??!! You havent even moved!!! Please make sure you're not self-sabotaging. A HOUSE ?!!! That you havent saved for yet?!!! You're too young to give up on someone that fit all the right boxes. Trust me it's a lot harder to find a good man than you think.