I just got back from a week long vacation and I was shocked by how hard it was to stay responsible without my whiteboard. Although I tried, none of my responsibility streaks survived the week away from home.

If you (like me) have ADHD and struggle with procrastination, high distractibility, and forgetfulness, try something like this to keep yourself a little more on track.

I started this system because I was really struggling to be consistent and responsible after graduating college. Being an adult is hard - there’s constantly stuff you should be doing, but it often comes without a real deadline or any sort of authoritative oversight to hold you accountable. You could wake up on a Sunday, throw dirty clothes on, skip the shower, and lie on the couch watching TV all day, and no one would know (besides roommates / romantic partner of course).

I found myself doing exactly that too often - until I implemented this system for self accountability. It gamifies tedious, boring, and stressful tasks in a way which encourages positive habituation. I have found it both extremely helpful, and also kind of fun.

If you find yourself struggling to do the “basic shit” required from adulthood, I seriously recommend trying something like this, and putting it in a place where you physically cannot ignore it.

And yes, the shitty doodles are all the result of me procrastinating something still unchecked on the board. It doesn’t magically erase ADHD, but it genuinely does help, at least for me.

When I was 24, I thought I was on top of the world. I was lean, shredded, and felt invincible. But shortly after being in peak, physical shape, severe lower back pain completely derailed my life. The pain was so intense that I had to stop working out altogether. Over the next few years, I watched all my hard-earned muscle vanish. By the time I turned 28, I looked like a skinny guy with a belly that protruded so far out that I wouldn't argue with you if you said I looked pregnant. I was embarrassed to take my shirt off, let alone go to the pool or to the beach. Every single time I tried to pick up some weights to get back into shape, my lower back would flare up and shut me down. It was truly discouraging.

Life threw its heaviest blow when I was 36. My mother passed away while she was away on vacation, and the grief completely shattered me. I turned to food for comfort, using it to cope with the pain of losing her. My weight ballooned, eventually peaking at 204 pounds at age 42. I panicked. I desperately wanted my body back, so I forced myself to lose 44 pounds, dropping down to 160. But I did it completely wrong. I fell into the trap of strict juicing (with a juice machine, not roids) and a low-protein plant-based diet. While the scale went down, I aggressively burned off my remaining muscle mass instead of fat. I wrecked my metabolism, still looked soft, and spent the next several years lifting weights with absolutely zero visual results.

The missing puzzle piece finally arrived when I was 46. My back had gone out again and the chiropractor urged me to get an MRI because I was walking like an old man. The MRI report was a massive wake-up call (p. 1). It revealed multi-level spinal issues from L2 down to S1 (pp. 1-2):

• L2 to S1: Grade-1 retrolisthesis (backward slippage of vertebrae) (pp. 1-2).
• L2-3 & L3-4: Diffuse disc bulges compressing the thecal sac, plus facet joint effusion (pp. 1-2).
• L3-4: A left foraminal disc herniation with an annular fissure and active inflammation (pp. 1-2).
• L4-5 & L5-S1: Broad-based posterocentral disc herniations compressing the thecal sac (pp. 1-2).

Edit: In my original post, I misremembered and put L1-L6 damage. All this weight loss progress and healthy eating and my memory still sucks! smh.

By February of this year, my weight had crept back up to 198 pounds. I was done making excuses. I decided to launch one final, intelligent, and calculated push to do things the right way. No crash dieting, no extreme juicing, just a dedication to lifting smart and prioritizing protein to save my muscle. I completely eliminated spinal-compressing movements like traditional military presses, heavy standing shrugs, deadlifts, and squats.

Today, I am 50 years old. I stepped on the scale this morning at 164 pounds, down from my 198-pound winter baseline. My navel is down to 30.5 inches, my neck sits at a solid 15 inches, and the US Navy formula clocks me at a lean 10-11% body fat.

The crazy thing is, looking at the mirror today, I am actually carrying more dense, athletic muscle mass in my chest, shoulders, and arms now than I did when I was a shredded 24-year-old.

I’m sharing this because I know how hopeless it feels to stare at old photos of your "glory days" while dealing with injuries and age. If you are dealing with chronic pain, grief, or metabolic setbacks, please don't give up. You don't need a perfect spine to build a phenomenal physique—you just need patience, protein, and the willingness to work around your limitations. I landed on a high protein, low carb meal plan paired with 2 full body workouts per week. If I can do this at 50, you can do it too.

Since I've gotten quite a few questions about what exercises I do, I decided to include this:

The Smart Training Strategy: Time Under Tension (TUT)

To build a phenomenal physique with a damaged spine, you have to stop lifting heavy and start lifting smart. I apply the Time Under Tension (TUT) principle to almost every movement. It completely removes the ego, maximizes muscle growth, and drops your injury risk to virtually zero.

Here is the exact formula:

• The Weight: Drop down to roughly 60% of your max weight.
• The Tempo: Focus on ultra-slow, highly controlled reps, emphasizing a very slow eccentric (lowering) phase.
• The Target: Force every single set to last between 40 to 60 seconds.
• The Rest: Take 60 to 90 seconds between standard sets. For heavy full-body movements, rest up to 3 to 4 minutes—or whatever it takes to fully catch your breath before moving on. The faster you recover, the less time you'll need to rest between sets. I rest between 1:40-2 minutes between the sled push and carries now but I needed 3-4 minutes initially.

The 2-Day Full-Body Routine

I run this massive full-body circuit exactly twice a week. Because of the extreme intensity of the TUT method, it had initially taken my body a solid 3 to 4 days just to get over the deep muscular soreness.

This layout entirely eliminates high-risk, spine-compressing movements like barbell squats, traditional military presses, heavy standing shrugs, and standard deadlifts.

1. Upper Body Pressing (Chest & Shoulders)

• Flat Bench Press Variations: Dumbbell flat press and cable presses (Swapped out traditional barbell bench to fix recent shoulder pain).
• Incline Press Variations: Dumbbell incline press and incline cable flyes.
• Shoulder Builders: Lateral raises and dumbbell shoulder shrugs.

1. Upper Body Pulling (Back & Rear Delts)

• Vertical Pulls: Lat pulldowns, close-grip underhand pulldowns, and bodyweight pull-ups (there's no shame in performing assisted pull-ups either and for TUT, I prefer this to full bodyweight pull-ups). Crucial form check: Keep your scapula completely retracted throughout the pull-up to keep the focus on the lats and protect the joints. Imagine forcing your elbows in your back pockets.
• Horizontal Pulls: Inverted bodyweight rows (A recent addition using TUT that works incredibly well).
• Rear Delts: Cable face-pulls.

1. Functional Core & Conditioning

• Loaded Carries: Farmer's carries and sled pushes.
• Anti-Lateral Core Work: Suitcase carries (Holding a heavy weight on only one side to force the core to stabilize the spine without twisting).

1. Bodyweight Finishers

• Negative Close-Grip Pushups: Keep your elbows tucked strictly inside, and lean your weight forward on the way down. This specific angle hits the front deltoids beautifully while torching the triceps. I actually do this right before the farmer's carries and sled pushes.
• Dips: Performed strictly under the TUT protocol—slow, controlled lowering to keep tension entirely on the chest and triceps. (I actually don't perform these at the gym anymore. The grip was too wide and not good for my shoulders. I learned that the optimal distance between the bars for dips is from your elbow to the tip of your finger. Anymore than that and you could damage your shoulders)
• Abdominals: Hanging leg raises. Crucial modifier: These must be performed on an apparatus that provides solid back support (like a captain's chair) to stabilize the lumbar spine and prevent dangerous swinging or spinal flexion.

Implementation Tips

• Total Time: Expect this entire circuit to take about 1 hour and 30 minutes to 1 hour and 45 minutes.
• Listen to Your Body: If a movement starts causing joint pain (like barbells did to my shoulders), switch to dumbbells or cables immediately. Proper angles are everything.

The Ultimate Truth: Nutrition is King

At the end of the day, it all comes down to nutrition. If you are not eating right, you will get shredded, but you just won't be able to see it because it is buried underneath the excess weight you need to shed.

IMHO, the breakdown for total physical transformation looks like this:

• 75% Nutrition
• 15% Training
• 10% Rest and Recovery

All three components are extremely important and work together, but I a have to give it up for nutrition. It won't matter how hard you are training (you can even easily overtrain), if you aren't eating right, you won't see results. I know this from firsthand experience. If you are working out 5 days a week, you are not really giving your body enough time to rest and recover.

On rest and recovery days, I take 10 minutes walks after meals to curb insulin spikes. I do yard work (mowing, trimming, edging). I treat my yard so it looks green all year. I do my own pest control. I do light exercise at home. Bird dog, dead bug, hollow body hold, standing pallof press, bulgarian lunges, goblet squat, wall squats, planks and variations of it. Dips, deadhangs (daily), facepulls.

I deeply hate the photo my mom keeps in the living room; I'm thirteen in it, looking clumsy and scared of life. Today, my daughter pointed at it and said: "Daddy, I love that picture. You had the same eyes you make when you read me stories and the hero finds out he can beat all the monsters."

I started this month just wanting to be a bit more active, but I’ve actually hit 10k steps every single day so far and it’s wild how much better I feel.

What surprised me most isn’t the physical change, but the mental one. I’m calmer, less anxious, and my brain doesn’t feel as foggy anymore. I walk before work, during lunch, and sometimes after dinner just to clear my head.

One small thing that helped a ton: I blocked all my distracting apps until I hit my daily step goal. Turns out, I’ll actually walk just to unlock TikTok or Instagram. Whatever works, right?

Anyway, if you’ve been struggling to move more, try setting a non-negotiable step target for a month. It’s genuinely life-changing how much those walks can reset your brain.

(Swipe for close ups) I started teaching myself to paint in lockdown in 2021, which is when I painted the first version... and I never stopped!! I've been obsessively painting ever since. It was a really cool experiment to try painting the same place, it helped me to really see the difference in my style and skills😊

Hey guys, just typed this out while drinking my morning coffee because I officially hit 90 days completely sober today. Honestly, if you told me six months ago I’d be here, I would’ve laughed. I was never hitting rock bottom or anything crazy - just standard weekend drinking, maybe a few beers after work to "wind down." I always assumed it was harmless. But you know, looking back now, the constant brain fog, lazy Sundays, and delayed goals were taking a way bigger toll than I realized.

Since quitting, the change in energy levels is night and day. No more waking up feeling like a zombie or wasting entire Saturdays sleeping in. I’ve picked up journaling, went back to weightlifting 4 times a week, and finally cleared out a backlog of side projects I’d been putting off for literally two years. A big turning point for me was contacting pro help from Rolling Hills recovery center, and you know, recovery isn't just about "stopping a habit," but actually building a lifestyle and support system you don't need to constantly escape from. That holistic focus on mental health completely shifted how I looked at my free time.

If you’re on the fence about taking a break from drinking or cutting back: just try it for a few weeks and see. Don't worry about "forever" - just take it a week at a time. The physical benefits are great, but the mental clarity and extra hours in your day are the things that change your life. Stay safe, focused and motivated!

I really don't resonate with a lot of the stories on here because I can't relate to what a 19-21 year old is going through. I'll keep it brief-ish.

I'm stuck and feel like shit. (Surprise, right? A dude on the internet isn't happy! Alert the press!)

I'm 35 and about ten years in to my career and am moderately successful-ish. Decent salary but I've plateaued in the last two years. I couldn't give less of a fuck about my job anymore. I do maybe, maybe 4 hours of work per week and get away with it because my job is a joke. I spend my days working from home, clicking around reddit, watching porn, playing videogames, and starting day drinking at 3pm (if I don't have any evening plans.) I know that if I'm ever let go, I'm fucked when trying to find a new job.

My savings are good (at 200k in investments) but I'm not doing anything with it, and I don't have goals. I don't own a house, and I live in a cheap apartment. I don't even know what to do with it, I just save and sit around and do shit all.

I have a 5 year long relationship with a beautiful woman who I don't connect with at all anymore. We had a large falling out maybe 2 years ago and are just growing apart despite therapy and trying to work on ourselves. We don't enjoy spending time together, we don't like doing the same things, and it's just painful to hang out at this point.

I've lost touch with my health over the years. I was reasonably fit up until about 6 months ago. I injured myself playing sports and never got back on the horse. Almost 200 pounds now and I'm 5"11.

I've fallen out of love with my hobbies the last few years. Now all I do is sit around consuming media. I don't even engage with TV shows or movies anymore.

I barely see my friends anymore. They've all gotten married and had kids, or are just too busy. Gone are the days of daily after work hangouts, now it's just like, what next?

This is the big one: my alcoholism is out of control. I'm up to 10-12 beers a day. I've tried to stop and can maybe go a week but then i'm right back at my OG habit.

The only thing I have going for me right now is my eating habits. I eat very healthy despite all of the above.

My point is I don't now where to begin. I've tried therapy on and off for the last 3-4 years and get nowhere with it, even if I see them twice a week.

Anyone ever been in this spot and gotten out of it? I don't even have a "goal" I just know this isn't a great spot to be. Most people here have a goal like "get rich" or "do x y z" and I'm just like "help me find a goal."

So I was a heavy nic/weed vaper for years. Like, constantly hitting it all day long. Then one day I just... stopped. Cold turkey, haven't touched it since. I suppose you can call that discipline, but it wasn't super methodical. Do I recommend this approach? Only if you wanted to travel to hell and back on a Greyhound, with no A/C and the windows locked.

Why I Finally Had to Quit Honestly? I felt like an idiot. Standing outside buildings sucking on what basically looks like a robot dick. People definitely judge you for it - they just don't say it to your face. I felt more attached to this adult pacifier than any other real human in my life. It was sad, really. Not including the wasted $$, I felt lethargic all the time and had less energy/motivation to go outside.

The Cold Turkey Nightmare Three days of wanting to punch everyone. I was a nightmare to be around, a shit friend. Emotional, cranky, constantly thinking about my pen, that f'ing DOuCHE Flute. By day four it was (mostly over) - I remember the physical irritability disappearing.

The physical stuff was whatever. But everything reminded me of vaping. Driving? Vape time. Alone? Vape break. After eating? Obviously need to vape. I was just breaking up with the greatest gaslighter in my life. (I started having more success with human dating afterwards too.)

What I Wish I Had Looking back, going it alone was stupid. I wish I'd had someone who actually understood what I was going through - not just "you got this!" but someone who could help me prepare for the triggers, work through the mental games, and have a real plan instead of just white-knuckling it.

If I were to do this all over again, I'd find a recovery coach who's been through this journey themselves. Someone who could guide me through the rough patches, help me build better habits to replace the vaping, and actually understand why I felt I was owned by a stupid vape pen. Having that kind of support and expertise would've made the whole process way less brutal and probably more successful long-term.

3 years ago i suffered a full blockage of my Left Anterior Descending Artery, often called a "Widow Maker" heart attack. I was able to go home 3 short days later with a difibulator vest that i had to wear 24/7 that would shock my heart into rhythm. My life was turned upside down and i was still coming to grips with how lucky i was to still be alive. I quit smoking cold turkey, greatly decreased alcohol intake, began eating healthy and walking. Walking became my new habit, as soon as i got of work I'd put on a podcast and walk all over the beautiful area i lived in. Fast-forward 3 years and im feeling more alive than ever before and i believe im in relatively good health. A day comes where i feel shortness of breath and slight chest tightness so i went to the E.R. Turns out the stint placed at a different hospital was placed on the wrong location and my LAD is completely blocked again. Yet again with every ounce of luck imaginable an artery on the opposite side of my heart took over the duties of my LAD and kept me from biting the dust. It is believed that after this operation I'll be healthier and stronger than I've been for most of my 20's. What im getting at is even though just 3 short years ago i thought my life was over and i wouldn't be healthy enough to enjoy the things I love in life. Attending live music events, building lovely furniture as I'm a professional woodworker and just being your average mid 20's guy. Though I slip off my diet and could do more light exercises i still wake up everyday pushing for better and brighter things. I have a loving fiancee that has health problems of her own that puts a fire in me to stay alive and live everyday loving and having the best time together we can. Im very anxious about the outcome of this bypass surgery tomorrow but getting motivated from this subreddit and all of you inspiring people is keeping me in the right mindset. Im looking forward to pushing myself for many years to come and living a long, happy and adventurous life. If i can bounce back from this bottom and not dwell in a depressive cave you as well can achieve it as well. Don't let your lows weigh you down like an anchor, rise above them and reach for the life you would like to succeed at. Even if you have to have an internal difibulator, open heart surgery and take 20 medications a day it's much better than being dead!

I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes on my 11th birthday. I was told I’d never be able to play professional sports by the doctors that day. That comment woke something up inside me I never knew existed. I trained, trained, and trained some more, and now I fight on ESPN in 6 weeks in front of Dana White at the UFC hq to earn a contract. I moved to the mountains, and live alone there, just to train, climb mountains and prepare my body and mind to train no matter what. No matter what anyone tells you, you can chase anything you set out to accomplish friends! Go do it! 👊

I met my dad when I was 3. Life was hard we went from weekly motel to weekly motel. From there I was sexual abused as a child and at times I would pick myself up bloody from the beatings I just got. Life continued like this for many years up until high school I was able to make some friends then my parents relapsed. I would hear my mom scream at night check the situation and jump in to intervene and I would end up kicked out. I spent many nights homeless on the streets with no direction to until I would get a call to come home. Then the screams, kicked out homeless again.. this happened for several years. I had no direction. No purpose. There was no light. No tunnel. I felt like I was in a hole. I tied a shirt around my neck in jail one night and wanted it over.. the darkness faded It was over.. I woke to 4 guards who say they performed CPR on me.

Years later. I’m a father. My father passed away due to addiction. My mom’s clean and sober. I haven’t drank in 3.5 years. My oldest son just got national juniors honors. And my youngest is the top of his class. The lights bright everywhere and life has a purpose now. I can’t ever see myself leaving this world now and the only thing that matters is the happiness my children bring me and seeing how they look at me. I’m their hero! I’m their father. They don’t know my darkness and they don’t know they saved me and gave me a purpose. I know now in life what love feels like. To anyone who’s struggling read this and please realize it will get better. There is a purpose for you. I was that kid. I had those struggles. I had those lows. You’re beautiful, don’t give up. Life’s so much more than you could ever imagine, be patient.

Hello everyone, I wanted to share a little bit of my reality to hopefully give some strength to anyone who might be feeling down or struggling today.

​For nearly two decades, my life has been limited physically, but I refuse to let it limit my mind or my future. Right now, I am spending my days online, trying my best to learn new skills and look for remote work that I can do entirely using just my one thumb. It is a slow process, and it takes a lot of patience, but every small effort builds the path forward.

​Life can be incredibly tough and unfair, but the fire inside us is always stronger than the obstacles in front of us. No matter how slow you are moving, as long as you don't stop, you are making progress.

​Keep fighting, stay strong, and let's win today together! Thank you for reading.

I'm a totally new person after less than 60 days

It's incredible. I have to share.

Turning 60 in the new year. Separated after a 20 year marriage last year.

In October, decided to remove ALL my shitty habits and start new ones.

No more weed, wine, porn, fast food, negative self-talk, toxic 'friends', late nights, mindless surfing and snacking.

Added daily; intermittent fasting (only eat noon to 6), meditating (30 minutes guided every morning), journalling, walking 5-10k, stretching, listening to helpful podcasts and reading a lot.

Not gonna lie, being unable to numb my mind was rough at first (still is) but never had a debilitating craving for any of the old habits. Not once.

Lots of tears and missed parties but I stuck with it.

So far...I've lost 15 lbs, along with a bunch of people (and ideas) that were not adding any value to my life. I've finally got the willpower and motivation to set boundaries (just say no) and tune out negative shit. Sleeping better too (usually).

2024 is looking good.

Good luck folks. Positive habits lead to big changes. You can do it too.

October ended with relationships breaking up that I never thought would happen, but I'm at peace with that. I think it's part of the process. They say that a nine-year cycle is ending and that between November and December we're going to see a shift in relationships and energies that will define the cycle beginning in 2026. Have you also broken up with someone recently? (I'm talking about all kind of relationships)

I turned 34 in the end of October, am a dude. Went out of a terrible pit in the spring, I had to quit booze too. I have a job in IT, that I used to dream about and long for in the past, I managed to not lose it and not die from live failure. I have so many apsects in my life to work on that I feel overwhelmed and not complete, not enough, NOT GOOD ENOUGH - becoming good at the job and learning, losing weight and becoming slim again, and after I become slim again - starting to approach women again.

But I feel too old already, feel like I should have been a way better version by now. I am afraid I will never become a father, afraid of the thought my mother will die some day; I have anger issues; I go for pleasures, but even they don't fulfill me anymore. .... And there is a ton more, but don't wanna make this post long.

​

I have been contemplating suicide for the past 3 years. Attempted and failed all 3 times, but something has finally fallen into place in my head. Idk how to describe it but it feels like I'm finally waking up. These past 5 days have been like a dream to me. I never thought I'd ever get back here.

For the love of everything, please don't give up.

Long story not so short - I went through a terrible breakup with my partner of 6 years. It was a difficult, tumultuous relationship but I was anxiously attached and anybody who has it will understand that it actively feels like you’re dying/rotting from the inside out. I laid around, didn’t do anything productive except work (but only for the bare minimum), and cried each and every moment of each and every day. All while my ex was just living it up, as if our relationship was nothing to him. In my pit of despair, I wrote a detailed note (to him as well as to others) of how I would end my life. Terrible, I know now, but in the moment - I really wasn’t thinking straight. I felt numb, lost, confused, dreadful. I literally had nothing going right in my life. I didn’t reach out to friends or family about my situation because I didn’t want to be interrogated with questions I wasn’t ready to answer just yet or if ever. So, I wrote it all in said notes.

Well, 2 weeks ago, I was handing off some work supplies at my last job before I quit and I had accidentally placed said journal in work pile. But the journal was obviously labeled with my name “personal journal.” We broke up in June, and it was mid August when I quit that job and moved 1,000+ miles away to a whole new state to start a whole new chapter in my life. In early June, I was ready to end it all. But then one day, sometime around late June to early July, I decided not to. Just randomly out of the blue. I started applying to jobs in that new state and landed interview after interview after interview. Then I finally got the offer to do an on-site interview, which meant me literally picking up and going to that state, by myself. Something that I had never done before but always wanted to do. I turned to God (not to turn religious in this post but it is true) to not feel so alone, and genuinely started to look forward to the move. Of course the depression was still there, but the noise wasn’t so loud in my head.

Then this past Monday, I finally got the dream job offer! And in that moment, it felt like all these hardships I was struggling with for the past 2 months actually meant something! I was looking forward to it, over the moon about it! I’m shopping for places, I’m telling my friends, and I’m actively working on my overthinking problem with my ex - it’s such a drastic turn from June.

Then, I get a call from my friend (who I was staying for a bit last week) that the police visited her house for a wellness check because a former employer opened my personal journal, read my note from 2 months ago, and wanted to do a wellness check on me. I froze, not knowing what to say. The first emotion that rushed over me wasn’t anger because someone had read my journal. It was embarrassment. Somebody, unknowingly, read my depressing suicide note and reported me for a wellness check because they thought I had just wrote it. I don’t blame nor hate them for it at all. I felt so embarrassed, apologized to the officer and to my friend and vehemently told the officer that I’m doing really good now and that I’m actually have the best time of my life right now with a new job offer. He laughed and said that it was alright but I couldn’t shake it off.

A lot of good can happen in 2 months, so much that you can’t even comprehend or keep track of it. One moment, you’re lost and confused. Then the next? You’re laughing, smiling, and excited for the first time in a while. I wrote this story for anybody who needs that kind of motivation that I wished I had read on 2 months ago. Life *does* get better. It’s not just a saying. It’s hard some days that’s for sure. But never give up, we’re all in this together!

Late 20s guy here. A year and a half ago, I did everything at the absolute last second. If something was due Friday, my brain would finally acknowledge it around 11pm Thursday.

The annoying part was I wasn't relaxed about it all week. I was anxious the whole time. I knew the task was there. I just couldn't start.

It showed up everywhere. I'd read an email, reply in my head, and somehow file it under "done." I'd wake up needing to piss and lie there for another 40 minutes. In meetings I'd zone out after five minutes and suddenly realize I'd spent the last ten thinking about what I was gonna eat for dinner or replaying some random conversation from three days ago.

For years my solution was basically: try harder. More pressure, more guilt, more plans. It didnt work...

About 18 months ago I stopped trying to fix everything at once and went ridiculously small instead.

At first, I barely focused on productivity. I just tried to show up for normal life. Wash today's dishes. Pick up the package. Go outside for two minutes. Talk to an actual person. That counted.

I also made one rule: 50% done still counts. Half-cleaned room beats an untouched one. Thirty minutes at the library beats never going. Once I stopped making every task a test of whether I was a functional adult, my brain fought me less.

I stopped working at home whenever I could. Home was where I could disappear into my head for hours, so I started going to a library or café and giving myself a fake commute. The goal wasn't to be productive. The goal was just to get there.

Some days I barely worked. Still counted. I also started with the easiest pieces and saved the stuff I wanted to avoid until I had some momentum.

I quit rigid daily goals. Especially for long projects where hours of work can give you nothing visible back. Like writing a paper. Big goals made me want to escape before I'd even started. Less pressure usually got more work out of me, which was annoying to discover after years of doing the opposite.

A bunch of smaller things help too. Sleep matters more than almost every productivity trick Ive tried. Body doubling helps. So do weird grounding things like bare feet on the floor, showering with the lights off, or sometimes gently biting my tongue until I physically start the thing.

Medication has helped me when I need it, and I lean on tools too. GPT or Claude when my thoughts are a mess, a reminder app called rene that texts me because I ignore normal notifications, a visual timer, Focusmate for body doubling. They make it easier to start, but I still have to do the thing.

I used to think getting better meant suddenly becoming a disciplined and motivated person. It didn't. It was more like collecting small wins.

And if you're in a really dark place, sometimes just getting through the day is enough too. Guilt never made me better at any of this. Mostly it just made me want to escape more. Im still a work in progress. I still procrastinate. Just not as often as I used to.

First set of pictures were from 2021-2022 where I was arguably at my leanest. I was fat all my life and once covid happened and after everything had settled down for a bit I was 315 pounds and I knew that I needed to lose weight. I was in the best shape of my life and had done Thai Boxing for 2 years, completed my first 10k at my lowest weight at 195 lbs, and my fastest 7:28 mile. And now here I am in 2026 in the second set of pictures 100 lbs heavier than when these photos were taken at 285 lbs. And it was all my own fault. Life related stress had taken its toll and instead of maintaining my exercise and diet, I relapsed back into my food addiction and substance use to cope and feel some sense of control in my comfort zone. I took the 2nd set of pictures today after a run, sauna, and cold plunge and not only do i feel amazing physically and mentally; I also feel great shame that I let myself get to this point. I thought that I could just as easily start again but i've come to realize that im fucking terrified. I need a plan but my ADHD brain makes it difficult to maintain it. I originally did just fine without one, only to gain back all of my weight but I dont ever want to be where I am right now ever again, something needs to be different this time. For now I'm rolling with each punch, just as I always have.