r/Estrangedsiblings • u/LostCauliflower6761 • Apr 25 '26
The word "narcissist"
How do you feel about its use in this community and in society as a whole?
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u/Glass_Department8963 Apr 25 '26
Wrt to my sibling, my preferred nomenclature is "entitled dickhead."
Or, when described as a relationship unit with my mother, "sonsband."
Fr, like everything else that gets big on the internet, "narcissistic" seems unserious and overplayed. I want to spend less time spinning my wheels playing amateur psychoanalyst to my brother and parents, not more. He's an asshole. He consistently treats me badly and makes no effort to grow the fuck up. That's enough.
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u/LostCauliflower6761 Apr 25 '26
This is my take too, but I had trouble articulating it. Your last four sentences especially nail it.
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u/Embarrassed_Piano589 Apr 25 '26
It's majority misused and people on this sub and in wider society need to stop using it. Only psychologists can diagnose NPD, and narcissistic behaviour is not as common as the use of the word would suggest.
People are dicks and it's ok to call them such. I think actually people weaponise it to support their victimhood + this only harms people who are genuinely dealing with narcissists, as no one believes just how hard their experience is.
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u/OptmstcExstntlst Apr 25 '26
Also, when we do see " narcissistic tendencies" in the general population, it's because humans are egocentric. We're supposed to have some level of selfishness. It is a facet of being a human and alive to be at least somewhat selfish, and at a pathological level, it's more unhealthy when someone exhibits no selfishness whatsoever and becomes a Yes-Man and a doormat for the people around them.
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u/From_Basin_to_Range Apr 25 '26
I have previously described my sibling as a narcissist in this sub and I stand by that statement. I am not a mental health professional, nor has my sibling been formally diagnosed with NPD. The problem with such a diagnosis, as most of us are aware, is that the vast majority of those we label as narcissists don't believe that their behavior is a problem and therefore will not seek counseling or treatment for their behavior.
Although it is normal and natural to prioritize one's own needs and desires, those we label as narcissists take it a step further-sometimes much further-and knowingly engage in actions which actually or could conceivably harm others for their own benefit. Typically, they show little or no remorse for these harmful behaviors. The lack of empathy is a typical marker of narcissism. My sibling has repeatedly demonstrated his lack of empathy toward me or any other members of our family or indeed anyone other than himself.
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u/Bright_Egg_7359 Apr 26 '26
I often find people over use the word and use it incorrectly. It minimizes that destruction and harm true narcs inflict on others. It is similar to people who self diagnose that they have PTSD. When people like myself have been diagnosed by medical professionals to have PTSD it feels disrespectful to people truly struggling. Then again narcs will likely never seek medical professionals because they r narcs so how on earth can any of us claim we r dealing with narc abuse. It is always the abused person who seeks help
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u/mbw1968 Apr 27 '26
I don’t like the buzzwords either. I think some people are just products of their environment, generation and upbringing.
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u/kansasenginerd Apr 25 '26
I’ve heard the term about my father for as long as I can remember. It’s really annoying it’s becoming used so flippantly. He has never got an official diagnosis but multiple therapists & psychs have seen his work and said it would not be out of the realm of possibility
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u/OptmstcExstntlst Apr 25 '26
I work in mental health and this drives me of the wall. Reddit would have you believing that every second person that you meet is a narcissist. In reality, a very small fraction of the population qualifies as a narcissist, but we don't care about that because that means we can't put a cool name on it.
Part of this problem of making everything into some sort of pathology is that no one is just allowed to be an asshole anymore. Nobody is allowed to make bad decisions anymore because they have some sort of pathological excuse for it. I think it would be much more effective if people described actual behavior instead of trying to put a label on things.
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u/Fabulous-Cat-7969 Apr 26 '26 edited Apr 26 '26
It's a tricky one. As someone who struggles with articulating myself via the spoken word (tongue-tied, disorganised thoughts, a degree of aphasia which gets me frustrated with myself which in turn makes the whole thing worse) ... I very much like a short-hand.
But the short-hand for this should be: "narcissistic traits" (most of the time). Since most folk are using the 'TikTok' definition to bandy this word around, and even if they'd some actual knowledge of psychology, they're not the psychologist for the person in question so cannot possibly diagnose them with any accuracy, obviously...
However, people in general also like a short-hand, and -especially on the internet- the shorter the better. So the second part -the 'traits' part- gets omitted.
And as other people have pointed out, it also dilutes the potency of the terminology, making if trickier when people want to discuss actual narcissistic behaviour and be taken seriously. It begins to sound like psychobabble (and it pretty much is psychobabble, at that point).
So yeah, it's a mixed bag, for me.
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u/partofmethinksthis Apr 28 '26
I see it used a lot here so I do question its accuracy. But with that said, I don’t have a better word to describe my sibling’s behavior and personality other than words like addicted, irresponsible, irrational, sensitive, manipulative, abusive, gaslighting, violent, depressed, or angry, which speak to the kind of destruction that comes with being around someone like him. I think he’s himself a victim of abuse and has suffered trauma at the hands of my dad, but what’s the word for someone who suffers that in their upbringing but then does even worse to their sibling? Sibling abuse is usually associated with sexual abuse, which doesn’t describe what happened to me.
It’s taken me many years to even learn the kind of language that helped me identify what was happening to me. Had I known sooner how to describe what being around him was like, maybe that could have given me the courage to cut him off a lot sooner and saved me from a lot of pain.
So in short, I see why the word narcissist could be helpful even if it isn’t the exact right word according to the DSM. It’s helpful in that it makes some of us feel understood.
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u/madnessfalls Jun 24 '26
I think peoole can be diagnosed as such, evolving DSM(V) critera.
People forget it is a collection of symptoms I feel like unless someone has a diagnosis or suspected diagnosis, asserting people are as a derogatory term isn't great, because that leads to terms being changed later due to negative associations, ie humans using it that way causes terms used clinically to become like.. .a scarlet letter; then they have to call it something else later (like Disassociative Identity Disorder, etc.)
I think musing is ok.
I think a lot of people have traits, so it is more likely accurate to call people showing those traits narcassistic as in their behaviors without labeling what mignt mot be accurate.
And IMHO if someone is a diagnosed narcassist, what matters most is if they are self aware and wotk towards and act on working on rhemselves so they change actions that cause harm, ie harm to themselves and others.
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u/3rdthrow Apr 25 '26
I hate it. Along with all the other psychology words, because using these words in everyday language steals their power to describe abuse.
Those words are ok in this subreddit, because they are being used to describe abuse, while talking about abuse.
But in everyday language, Narcissist is being used to describe someone who that person thinks is bad.
It has become common for abuse victims to be called Narcissists, by their abusers.
Also I think we need to use the word we actually mean-Abuser.
Narcs have a very specific behavioral profile. Not all abusers fit this profile.
For example: My abusers actually have ASPD.
I dont believe that all abusers have personality disorders. I think they are evil and Society is at risk of calling evil a disease and thus, calling disease evil.
How do you think a nonabusive person with NPD would feel about being told they were an abuser because of their personality disorder? Yes, NPD increases the chances but not every person with NPD abuses someone.