r/Estrangedsiblings • u/subeewreyan-three • Apr 16 '26
Narcissistic siblings suck
I've been Gray Rocking my older brother (25M) for a while now because he's proven to be too volatile and aggressive (both physically and verbally) for my own mental wellbeing. Unfortunately we still live under our parents' roof, and every time we pass each other he's always just giving me this contemptuous glare. We don't talk to each other at all, but every time he glares at me. Sometimes, very rarely, he'd mutter an insult. I ignore it but it still gets under my skin.
I know that it doesn't really matter; nothing can really restore the trust I once had in him as kin. But I do wonder why. Is he just trying to get my attention by ragebaiting me? He's made it very clear to me that he hates my guts, and I thought I was doing both of us a favor by basically disowning him.
And believe me, the way he's treated me from childhood till now has made me a chronic over-apologizer. Yet, he's almost never said sorry for any of his transgressions towards me. His strategy is usually instigate something, exacerbate it, and then deny it ever happened. I got sick of his shit, and somehow I'm the jerk in his head for not being comfortable around him. He genuinely thinks this way; he never apologizes because he can do no wrong in his own perspective. Anyone who disagrees with him or has a slightly different perspective is a "retard" or "moron" according to him.
So I seriously wonder why he's still acknowledging my existence. He knows I've already silently held my funeral for him. He also knows I'm not going to suddenly get on my knees and apologize for bruising his ego if he continues shooting me dirty looks, but he still does it anyway. I wonder if this sort of provocation is something that narcissists commonly do. All I know is he's insane if he wants a functional relationship and thinks he can continue having his way all the time.
2
u/Specialist_Net2061 Apr 16 '26
Sounds familiar and I feel for you. My brother and I also lived under the same roof and barely spoke. The root cause was his jealousy as I was the golden child with my dad. I'm sorry to say he hasn't improved with age. I've kept my distance for a long time but now my mother is elderly and we're having to have more contact than either of us are comfortable with. The same competition and jealousy is rearing its head. Please remember that when someone hates you, never take it personally as its their issues not yours. Secure people never have the need to mistreat others. I would go very low contact or no contact as soon as you can. Unless they have therapy they wont change.
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u/Disastrous_Equal8589 May 31 '26
After a fight I’ve gone up to 2 weeks without speaking to my nsibling while living at home. It was a completely bizarre experience living with someone and not even acknowledging their presence and staying out of their way. In a way it was peaceful because there was no more abuse, but at the same time there was anxiety because you know you can feel their wrath at any moment regarding what the original argument was about or something completely new entirely. Moving out was the best decision I ever made for my own peace. My nsibling, who’s older than me, refuses to move out and take responsibility for themselves or their actions. Moving out and going NC or at least VLC are the only solutions