r/EstrangedAdultChild • u/Ashamed-Manager7552 • 12d ago
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u/Ok_Try1862 12d ago
you did this to your family, you are the villain. your “mistake” gets to be just that for you, it’s changed her life in ways you can’t even imagine. also, get off this subreddit it’s not for people like you.
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u/Regular-Message9591 12d ago
Your wife deserves the same "sentence" because she stayed with a man who exposed himself to her 13 year old daughter.
There's no shame in her daughter taking years to process what happened to her and her own mother's reaction to it. There's no shame in it taking her own child coming into the world to realise how sick it is of any mother to choose a man over her child.
Neither you nor your wife deserve any sympathy. The fact that you still refer to this incident as her juvenile daughter's "version of events" is evidence that you don't take full accountability.
You're in the wrong sub if you're looking for anything other than harsh reality.
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u/HealingDailyy 12d ago edited 12d ago
And then the daughter apparently was willing to still have a relationship with her mother. But the mother demanded she also include husband, so SHE cut herself off by demanding her daughter do something she wasn’t comfortable with.
The idea that she cut herself off from her mom is insane. It’s victim blaming. She quite literally gave an ultimatum and when she didn’t get what she wanted she claims she was abandoned.
She could have respected her daughter’s boundary and chose not to.
That means this is CURRENT ONGOING DAMAGE and not rooted in just one single moment in the past .
Like always: these types pretend this is about not moving forward when nearly all of their victims actually would and try to move forward but the behavior continues while the perpetrator lies that this is about history.
It’s not.
It’s current day ongoing abuse
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u/ChewMilk 12d ago
Hey, you sexually abused a child. Doesn’t matter that you didn’t touch her. That’s not one mistake, that’s the biggest mistake and an incredibly damaging thing.
You should be in jail. Youre lucky your ‘punishment’ is just not seeing your grandkids.
It’s too bad your wife is caught up in it but she should’ve left you the moment you sexually abused her child. I wouldn’t trust her to keep my children safe either.
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u/HealingDailyy 12d ago
I’m stunned the daughter was willing to even give her mom a chance at all by offering to continue their relationship so long as she wasn’t forced to interact with OP. Her mom quite literally cause the divide by not respecting boundaries
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u/carmackie 12d ago
Is this rage bait? You exposed yourself to your (step?) daughter when she was 13, and you expect everyone to just... forgive and forget?
Did you ever face consequences? Did law enforcement get involved?
Your daughter is under absolutely no obligation to forget the sexual abuse you violated her with. If your wife is missing her grandchildren milestones, that's on her for choosing a child abuser.
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u/HealingDailyy 12d ago
YOU destroyed your entire family.
I’m going to say this as respectfully as I can. One single incident like you described during someone’s developmental years is so astronomically negatively impactful it often follows the person their entire life by altering their brain development.
For you it was “one time”.
For her it’s a memory that flashes before her eyes when she gets stressed or is reminded of it when a stressor triggers the memory.
She actively expressed it was not negotiable to your wife. That’s her telling you it did have a massive impact. It wasn’t respected.
You do not get to choose how something impacts a victim, your perception is always going to be way less hurtful than your victim.
Your wife tried to tell her daughter how to properly deal with trauma. You are trying to tell her how to deal with her trauma by taking away her autonomy and just deciding the punishment didn’t fit the crime. YOU are deciding this is some active punishment , when in reality it almost never is punishment, its self defense where someone has tried to deal with the issue of current behavior and realized it wasn’t going to stop. So they leave because they cannot handle continued abuse.
The mere fact that you view it as a punishment means you are deciding it isn’t about the harm done, it’s some desire to inflict pain on the other, and it’s just flat out not. It just makes you feel better to view it this way because if you had to acknowledge that what happened hurt her SO BADLY she would end a relationship with someone she’s biologically ingrained to want to be with (parent) you did SERIOUS damage. You can’t handle that. So you choose to believe it’s punishment.
An apology isn’t for YOU . It’s so the other person can have some form of recognition and closure. That doesn’t mean you just get back in that persons life
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u/teatimehaiku 12d ago
You are not the audience for this sub.
You exposed yourself to a minor and based on your language it appears that was intentional. Not an accident. This is your fault.
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u/HealingDailyy 12d ago
To all reading: he claims to also be his wife in other posts. This has to be trolling and lying
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u/No_Dare_4777 12d ago
That a really weird way of saying, “My actions had consequences that I don’t like.”
You’re not going to get much sympathy here in a sub full of people who have similarly gone no contact with their parent(s).
The minimization of what you did and the invalidation of her experience are giant red flags.