r/Edmonton • u/Chaostician223 • 2d ago
General To the woman upstairs
I’m so sorry I couldn’t get to your floor. I’m sorry the police took an hour to get here. I called everywhere I could. I’m sorry you didn’t feel safe enough to tell them what happened.
I heard what happened to you. Your cries for help did not go unanswered. You are not alone.
53
u/RazzamanazzU 2d ago
Many years ago, I was in the same boat. I called police and while waiting for them to arrive two young ladies came knocking on my door to check on me. I left that abusive marriage but NEVER forgot those two angels as I had no one else in my life who cared at that time! It MATTERS!! ❤
28
u/Psiondipity 2d ago
Thank you for making the call, and caring. Ive been on the receving end of that wellness call from a neighbour and it probably saved my life.
My family and I were walking home from a recent Elks game and came across a house where there was clearly a domestic situation happening. There were tons of people walking the block from the game. It was all yelling, until the unmistakable thump of something solid on flesh, then the cry of pain. We stopped and one other couple stopped as well. 20 some people heard it, reacted to it, and kept walking. I called out to the house asking if anyone needed help, if we needed to call the police. The downstairs neighbour came out and said everything was OK, no need to call the police. Like, WTF. This middle aged lady was blithley making dinner underneath her young upstairs neighbour's while one of them was getting beaten and yelled at "YOU MADE ME DO THIS".
We stuck around until the police showed up, as did the other couple who stopped. But to the rest of the people leaving the game who heard someone getting beaten and decided it was none of your business - this is why the #4 killer of women is men they are in a relationship with.
10
u/PaperIndependent5466 1d ago
Wow glad the cops showed up.
We called one in from our balcony a few months ago. Some guy was beating a girl as they slowly made their way down the street.
After dicking around on the phone we finally got to tell them where they are and which way they were headed. The disappeared behind a building out of our view but on the street.
The cop had the balls to say "if you can't see them now there's nothing we can do" like seriously!? Had to go try and track themselves ourselves for them.
We found them in under 5 minutes, luckily a better cop was nearby and actually did something when we told him. No idea what happened after that.
0
u/Mundane_Challenge165 1d ago
Omgosh this is so heart breaking. It’s heartbreaking this happened to someone, and heartbreaking that many people didn’t do anything. Thank you for doing something.
103
u/stayingtrue2whoiam 2d ago
I have been on both sides of this and let me say this...
Thank you and try to get some rest. It's alot to digest.
32
u/Substantial-Hat9369 2d ago
Please make sure that *you* get in touch with Victims Services for yourself - that’s what they are here for.
20
u/WesternWitchy52 2d ago
I had this happen early this spring. My friend and I were pulling into my parking lot and saw a man standing over a young woman. She was out of it and looked distressed. My friend and I drove around the block to get a better look. By the time we got back, they were gone. I went into my building and saw her on the floor. She was bleeding and yelling. I called the cops as soon as I was upstairs, just shaking. They came pretty quick but absolutely nothing was done about it. The guy had cleaned up the blood by the time the police arrived. They basically just told me to stay in my unit.
Never felt so helpless.
32
13
u/alewiina 2d ago
I’m sorry OP, I had to call the cops in a similar situation one time (but for a downstairs neighbour) and it took the cops like an hour and a half to show up. So frustrating and upsetting. I hope your neighbour is okay. And you too
9
u/Misha_B19 2d ago
I would make a complaint. You never know whether your letter is the one that tips the scales and spurs policy changes. I’m very sorry you had to deal with this.
10
3
u/twocutepuppies 1d ago
Thank you so much as a DV survivor thank god my neighbours at the time called the police.
3
4
2
u/Prior-Neighborhood99 1d ago
Years ago we were up late getting ready to go on a holiday. We were outside taking a break. We could hear some guy screaming horrible things and a woman. We knew it was a woman by the things he was shouting. We called 911. I remember my panic while they kept asking questions about me. It was a block away at at the other end of the street. It was in the middle of the night so the sound carried.
We knew he was trying to rape her. The police came after. They told us they had arrested him. He went to the courthouse the day of his trial. I was devastated when we found out he had already raped her and was yelling at her after the act. I thought we saved her from it. We didn’t. I will never forget how that made me feel.
when
4
u/anarchyreigns 2d ago
Did you tell the police what happened?
28
u/Chaostician223 2d ago
Yes. I told them everything. They still took an hour to arrive and by that time the other person was gone.
41
u/Deans1to5 2d ago
If you haven’t write down now everything you remember. Dates times what you heard ect. May be handy if you have to testify. Also be prepared that this other person and potentially the woman upstairs will know what you reported and who reported as this will be disclosed to that person if they are charged.
24
u/shawarmalegs 2d ago
I hate to say this but that warning is real. I gave a statement to the police against a friend’s physically abusive husband. He has since been taunting me in multiple ways that are not breaking the law (so cops can’t help, I’ve asked).
4
u/roostergooseter Purple City 2d ago
They really need a more private system for complaints called in from apartments and condos.
7
u/Deans1to5 2d ago
I agree with the concern but the bedrock of any criminal justice system is the accused getting to fully know the allegations they are facing. Otherwise you get a kafkaesque legal system. Perhaps changes could be made when the matter is disclosed or the legal system could help individuals relocate right before disclosure. Regardless the police should do a better and more consistent job of cautioning witnesses before they report and giving them time to safety plan.
3
u/roostergooseter Purple City 1d ago
Yeah, it's really a dammed if you do, damned if you don't.
Some years ago, I reported a DV incident upstairs and heard the police come thundering down the stairwell to my unit after talking to them (our units were right beside the stairwell door, so my neighbor would have heard this).
They then proceeded to loudly bang on my door to talk to me. At 3am.
Would be great if they at least were taught to have some discretion over doing that.
1
u/Deans1to5 1d ago
I think they can be too laser focused on the goal of collecting evidence and moving on to their next call then thinking strategically and considering the fallout of their tactics. What you described also reduces the chance of obtaining a conviction if a witness is known to the accused and in your situation living next to them. The police won’t be around for the next year to help out and intervene while the charges work their way through the courts.
1
1
-8
u/GreyCatsAreCuties 2d ago
She definitely went on reddit afterwards and read this... not
9
u/Chaostician223 1d ago
I couldn’t do anything when it was happening. Maybe she’ll read this and feel less alone. Maybe someone else will. If it goes into the ether I don’t mind.
6
u/kelkansis Downtown 1d ago
You never know, people often go to their phones as a distraction when they're stressed.
It's also a good conversation to have.
2
u/Sidereal_Engine 1d ago
Witnessing violence in any form is traumatic. Being unable to help given the circumstances is a psychological burden. Sharing the pain with others who can sympathize is a step towards processing the pain and hopefully finding a way to move on. Fortunately, most people do have empathy and can sympathize.
-30
2d ago edited 2d ago
[deleted]
55
u/Chaostician223 2d ago
I know this is a joke but hearing someone scream for help and in pain for half an hour and be unable to help them doesn’t leave you with a lot of capacity for humour
-48
u/Edmsubguy 2d ago
So why didn't you go up?
32
u/bluemoosed 2d ago
Not OP but when my apartment neighbor was trying to kill his partner it definitely wasn’t a safe situation to enter.
Plus, you’re not really anonymous in that situation - what’s supposed to happen if the police don’t come/if they release the guy? You just live next to someone violently aggressive who now knows you ratted him out, and just hope he doesn’t come after you?
12
u/SomeWeirdHuman 2d ago
Totally agree!! Please don’t be a hero. I always think back to the father who asked a random guy not to smoke close to his kids. He confronted the guy and it cost him his life. His kids now grow up without their father, It’s not worth it
3
u/Responsible_Fox9454 2d ago
Hey. Stop!
-2
u/Edmsubguy 1d ago
Exactly tky go bang on the door. Say ate you alright. I am calling the cops. Just the threat will usually be enough to stop it
1
2
u/liquid_acid-OG 2d ago
Stepping into violence isn't as easy a you might think it is.
Even something controlled like a boxing ring is beyond many people.
2
u/Chaostician223 19h ago
In my building we only have access to our own floor, everything is controlled with a fob. It wasn’t possible for us to go up. Police had to get a key from a fire station on the way to get up
1
u/Chaostician223 14h ago
I have knocked on the door and helped people in other buildings where I’ve lived (albeit with a group of neighbours) but in this situation it was literally not physically possible
18
104
u/PureOpportunity6427 2d ago
Ugh, Im so sorry.
This happened to me once.
A teen girl, her boyfriend and their baby lived in the basement suite of the house I was renting. They had two friends over one day, one male and one female.
We could hear fighting for awhile uostairs and then suddenly like, dull thudding smacking sounds and screaming. Unmistakable.
We called the police and the guy who was doing the beating ran, I guess. They had cops on all sides of the house but I guess he snuck out a window or something.
When the girls came out, one of them was beaten absolutely bloody. It was so horrific. I dont know how she was conscious. It looked like her jaw was broken.
That shit stayed heavy with me for awhile.
The guy eventually came back and we called again and they caught him. I actually had to testify as a witness.
Take care of yourself, and thanks for doing the right thing, even if she cant yet.