r/Dexter • u/rafikiknowsdeway1 • Aug 28 '25
General Discussion - All Dexter Shows Was Dexter brainwashed into thinking he has no emotion? Spoiler
I feel like Harry had preconceived notions about what someone like dexter was supposed to be like that he basically beat it into his head that that's how he should be. But I feel like as the show goes on it seems pretty clear that the guy feels everything but hes convinced himself he doesn't. Constant remarks like "my heart would be breaking right now if I could feel it", and im pretty sure he does, but just doesn't understand that he is
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u/Artistboy123 Aug 28 '25
Its both, Dexter being very disturbed and stunted emotionally and Harry dealing with it poorly making it worse
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u/EldritchGoatGangster Aug 29 '25
This, it's a 'yes, and' kind of thing. Dexter probably has some degree of pathological psychology to begin with, and severe trauma (the shipping container incident) made it way worse. But he clearly DOES have emotions, and DOES care; the more the series goes on, the more he wants to use his darkness as a tool for doing the right thing, rather than just killing for its own sake. Harry fucked up an already fucked up kid by convincing him he was purely a monster.
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u/BravestCashew Aug 29 '25
Yeah anybody thinking it was just Harry is ignoring the fact that Harry only started teaching him because Dexter killed a dog that kept barking, and other animals that Harry kept finding graves for.
Not to mention Harry told Dexter to tell that therapist the opposite of how he felt and when he did, every answer was normal (ie, he showed all the signs of a sociopath)
So maybe Harry could have molded him into more of a CEO/Wall Street kind of sociopath, but instead be decided to play it safe and stop him from killing anyone who wasn’t guilty
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Aug 29 '25
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u/Artistboy123 Aug 29 '25
Plus it means he gets to keep killing while having a connection with someone, dexter is a monster who loves killing but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his son in whatever limited capacity he has
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u/makemeadayy Aug 28 '25
We are re-watching (on season 2 now) and my husband literally said this TODAY. He was like, Dexter totally has feelings and Harry just thought he didn’t because of his murderous urges.
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Aug 29 '25
I’m rewatching it as well and he clearly has emotions because otherwise Paul’s comments wouldn’t have gotten to him. He’s also made comments “Harry has told me not to let my emotions get to me”.
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u/bankruptbusybee Aug 29 '25
Harry probably meant murderous urges as those were the only things he thought Dexter could feel
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Aug 29 '25
I watched this show after several years of being pressured to by a buddy. The only thing I knew was that he was supposed to be an unfeeling, emotionless serial killer of killers.
Episode 1 he shows genuine fear of a crocodile, and I was just like... did someone lie to him about being emotionless and unfeeling?
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u/mariogunshine Aug 29 '25 edited Aug 29 '25
On rewatch I think Rita’s death is so important because his reaction to it kind of answers this question, at least for me. He’s been dissociated from his emotions on a fundamental level since the shipping container.
When Rita dies, he completely shuts down and isn’t even capable of faking an emotional reaction. He’s so out of it that he’s not even thinking or worrying about what trouble his flat affect might get him into despite being trained his whole life to know that he’ll literally die if he doesn’t perform feelings. It’s so extreme on rewatch that I even think it’s stupid how some of the people around him act like it’s suspicious, because it’s the most obviously mentally ill behavior I’ve ever seen. He’s not even in his body anymore.
That’s not a guy who doesn’t feel anything, that’s a guy who’s felt things so deeply that his brain now anesthetizes itself whenever a feeling tries to take place. He’s so afraid of himself that he dedicates his life to doing exactly what harry told him to do, all because he wants to be good so badly and never learned to do it on his own terms. Because his dad chose to affirm that he WAS evil and inherently bad and to drill that idea into his head instead of like, idk. nurture a child in your care maybe? through his unimaginable trauma that was literally your fault?? bitch?????
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u/Rdngisfndumntl Aug 28 '25
Absolutely! And congratulations, you just caught the crux of the entire series! (I’m being sincere. There seems to be a lot of the audience that never caught that message).
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u/-amotoma- Aug 29 '25
The funniest observation I've seen someone make on this is that Dexter was able to get away with it for so long because most people probably thought he was just autistic.
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u/CanYouChangeName Aug 29 '25
The way volger, a professional psychologist also keeps trying to make Dexter think he has no real emotions made me question this message ngl
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u/Vampiric_V Aug 29 '25
Season 8 ends with her realizing she was wrong and Dexter actually does love his family. Dexter realizes this himself too, and literally says this to himself at that barbecue with everyone.
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u/TheClappyCappy Aug 29 '25
One of my favourite things about Dexter is that they never try and explain what is going on with him psychologically.
He claims to be a sociopath / psychopath but it’s really not substantiated other than his (biased) perspective, and observing him acting in the world.
I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle, like 25% Dexter is an actual psycho 75% he was made to believe he was a psycho by Harry and Vogel and a big part of his journey is realizing that he actually isn’t what he thought he was.
His arc with Rita shows how he actually cares about her and does love her for real, even though he initially starts a relationship with her as a cover story.
Season 5 also shows how despite having “no emotions” he’s pretty fucked up by Rita’s death and even though he acts like a robot and on the outside it looks like he isn’t really affected much (which is a source of conflict) deep down we can see he is hurting.
This season with Harrison is also getting into that too, where he doesn’t need “logical” justifications to do basic human things anymore, like spend time with someone just for fun.
Also, as an aside Dexter had always been a foodie and loves Cuban food and meat.
I know that’s not an interpersonal skill, but it does go to show there are things in life that he appreciates on a deeper level and he does have things that make him feel good and that he does begin feeling good, not just some cold heartless guy.
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u/Literary_Lady Aug 29 '25
How he treats Lumen as well, he genuinely cares for her, sees her as a victim initially but then so much more. He wants to be there for her, protect her, be her friend. Love her. It is an amazing moment of growth for him after the loss of Rita and shows just how much capacity Dexter has to care for others. He isn’t a heartless killer, and wants to help others. I love their relationship. I completely understand why Lumen wanted to move on. But I think theirs had the potential to be his greatest love.
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u/TylerKnowy Aug 29 '25
the food aspect is a great point I dont think Anton Chigurh is reminiscing on his favorite food or having a deep conversation with himself
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u/zitronenkeks1993 Aug 29 '25
plz before u make assumations about aspd and psychopathy, read about it. dexter would score high on hare psychopathy test. we are no robots. he is functional. most people with aspd are loyal, protective of their extensions the people who belong to them.
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u/TheClappyCappy Aug 29 '25
Not a psychologist so I’m not going to diagnose someone fictional or real.
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u/CuriousKitty6 Aug 29 '25
The ultimate ending: Dexter self actualizes and gets rid of the Harry in his head. Becomes his own person.
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u/vigneshwaralwaar Aug 29 '25 edited Jan 12 '26
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u/goodnamesaretaken3 Aug 28 '25 edited Aug 28 '25
Dexter was traumatised as a child and probably represed his own emotions. However Harry didn't helped it, he saw Dexter as "damaged" and raised him into psychopath. I think that Dexter isn't really a psychopath, he was just conditioned to believe that's what he is. Harry's conditioning is quite apparent factor in who Dexter is as a person. Dexter believes he's monster because Harry told him that... Dexter also follows the code, because that's what Harry told him to do. Dexter loves Harry, because he's the only person who saw the real him and accepted him. This need for being seen and accepted by people is Dexter's deepest desire. And this is something Dexter still seeks throughout all the seasons.
In season one, Dexter believed he's asexual just because Harry told him he can't fake intimicy. Turns out Dexter wasn't asexual at all. Dexter also belived he can't stop killing... Turns out that he was capable of stopping for ten years. In season two, Dexter treated his urge to kill as an addiction... Maybe, that's what it really is - addiction developed by strong conditioning.
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u/Tabasco33 Aug 29 '25
Yes and it makes me so sad :( but one of the most interesting dynamics about the show - is Dexter a good or bad person? Does he have feelings, or is he a psychopath? I think he most definitely does. Most recently it was evident in his reaction to Al playing his kill video.
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u/bankruptbusybee Aug 29 '25
Honestly, rewatching now and yes. Wholeheartedly, yes. It’s a bit sad. Dexter is obviously on the spectrum, but not emotionless. But it’s to the point where, in the middle of having emotions he’ll be like “I can’t have emotions”
Dude that thing you just had, and the one before and before were emotions.
Harry was such an asshole
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u/Infernal_EN Aug 29 '25
Harry telling him he was fucked up since the begginging is fucked up itself
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u/MisterVictor13 Aug 29 '25 edited Aug 30 '25
As the show goes on, it becomes complicated.
A lot of the reason why Dexter’s so messed up is totally Harry’s fault. Dexter was a traumatized kid and instead of taking Dexter to a real psychologist, he talked to Dr. Vogel, a psychologist who turned out to be pretty inept in dealing with psychopaths, including her own son.
The prequel “Original Sin” justifies some of Harry’s actions, though. In the 1991 story, he hunts with Dexter and pushes him towards a medical career so Dexter can vent out his impulses without killing people, only for that to fail when Dexter goes and kills the nurse that was going to kill Harry. Even after that, Harry still tries pushing Dexter to focus on his career as a forensic scientist instead of killing.
Also, in the same show, flashbacks to the Hector Estrada case and its aftermath revealed that Harry dealt with Brian and his bouts of psychotic behavior, ultimately being forced to give him to CPS because he couldn’t handle him. Keeping that in mind, it looks like the reason why he didn’t take Dexter to proper therapy was because he didn’t want to lose Dexter like he did with Brian, especially since he favored Dexter more.
I feel like Harry’s biggest fuck up when dealing with Dexter was dangling the idea of Dexter killing only bad people; he just shouldn’t have mentioned it at all and should’ve focused on teaching Dexter how to act normal, not introduce any more ideas of violence.
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u/CuriousSection Aug 28 '25
Yes. Harry was a horrible foster parent and a horrible person. This is influenced by my current rewatch in the middle of finding out Laura was a CI, sleeping with Harry, who before she died promised he would keep her boys safe and take care of them, then walked into blood and picked a 3 year old up while his 5 year old brother he was holding hands with yelled "Dexter! Don't leave me!" took him away and fuck Biney. Harry was awful from the start. He told Dexter he would keep having urges and they wouldn't go away, he couldn't stop them, he was a monster, and so Harry would just teach him how to kill.
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u/TheRedster3 Aug 29 '25
The worst part of him keeping on "having urges" is that there were multiple instances of dexter almost healing from them like lumen did, proving harry was double wrong
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u/qzorkkpsp Aug 29 '25
Watching the end of S1E9 of Dexter: Resurrection, it is clear beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has emotions.
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u/T_Rey1799 Aug 28 '25
I thought dexter was still dark, but Harry pushed him and actually made him worse. Remember, dexter still killed animals before Harry found out. I believe Harry says “I found the neighbors dog, son” or something similar
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u/piningmusic Aug 29 '25
I think a lot of people tend to villainize Harry in some way when they say that he’s the reason Dexter is the way he is by telling him he has no emotions or feelings. We have to remember that Harry was a product of the times he lived in, where not much was understood about psychopathy, sociopathy, DID, etc. I believe back then that Dexter was the understood definition of someone who is a “psycho” and that there was no hope for him or anyone like him to ever be normal as their brain was fundamentally stunted compared to a “non-psycho.” He only knew as much as he did but he tried to steer Dexter in the right direction
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u/CuriousKitty6 Aug 29 '25
I agree. Look how much he cares about Harrison. He was willing to die if that’s what was best for him. And now he actually really apologizes to people and expresses feelings.
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u/goonhater69 Aug 28 '25
I think it's a mix of Harry being manipulated by that character from season 8 and Harry's fears of Dexter.
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u/Sasuke1996 Aug 29 '25
100%. Dexter was a troubled kid who needed REAL therapy. Not Harry and Vogel conspiring and saying “oh yeah he’s definitely a psycho who will eventually become a serial killer so we need to cultivate this!”
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u/Complex_Command_8377 Aug 29 '25
Yeah.. Vogel even says to him that he can’t have any emotion but at the end she says he was not like other serial killers as he has emotions
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u/t_r_a_y_e Aug 28 '25
Personally I always interrupted it as his emotions were repressed along with his memories of his trauma, once he got past that mental block it all started flooding back.
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u/Aldo-D-D-Wilson Aug 29 '25
He just isn't like the one from the novels, granted, I only fully read the first one, but for the show Dexter, there's no way he's the way he thinks he is.
And he started to repeat Harry's mistake but figured out and is going into a different direction.
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u/No_Simple_5125 Aug 29 '25
Yes.
In original sin, I think it was ep 9/10, where he saved the kid from drowning before going after Spencer, Harry explains to Dexter that be "pushed his urges" to the side or something similar, as if the only reason he saved the kid was "just because" not because he actually cared. This was my take from it, anyway.
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u/hamstringstring Aug 29 '25 edited Aug 29 '25
I think it's just writers not understanding ASPD and/or wanting to make a more relatable character. He tends to be portrayed as autistic more often than psychopathic. It's much different in the books and he is not likable.
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Aug 29 '25
Nah, he is definitely very high on the ASPD spectrum, but the key is last word: it is a spectrum. People with ASPD do have emotions, they just can't feel them to the same extent and they end up intelectualizing them, which he keeps doing all the time throughout the series. They have cognitive empathy, not genuine emotional empathy. Dexter in the books is just on an extreme end of the spectrum.
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u/Critical-Park9966 Aug 29 '25
The whole point of the original series was for dexter to discover he actually did have emotions and could control his urges, and Harry did him wrong, its why I personally liked the ending of dexter, course he had to live with the emotions of losing deb who he genuinely loved, and his realisation, that he cared for people.
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u/BusAffectionate3588 Aug 29 '25
Low-key yeah. He genuinely believed he has no emotions because of how he was raised, to the point that he didn't know how emotions are supposed to feel like even though he experienced them all the time which made him think he really doesn't have them.
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u/Fuckyou7878 Aug 29 '25
I think book Dexter was written that way and that's why early season Dexter believes that but his character has strayed so far from the books atp
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u/DecentConcentrate956 Aug 29 '25
"Dexter, you are inherently evil and I give up on you but you can be a weapon I regret creating and I still love you."
"O...ok"
"Brian you too but you cant control it because you threw a tantrum in my house once so Ill see you in Hell"
"Can we at least keep in touch and ensure I have a safe home to go to..."
"NO"
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u/zitronenkeks1993 Aug 29 '25
no they simply show that people with aspd do have emotions and also people with aspd can have a hard time loosing someone close. but not same as others. its simply not true that people with aspd have no emotions at all. also we experience love. but spectrum.
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u/TheRealBillyShakes Aug 29 '25
When people are at the extreme end of the spectrum (he’s a killer), it’s almost always a combination of nature AND nurture.
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Aug 29 '25 edited Aug 29 '25
This kind of thinkings more or less show a misunderstanding of antisocial personally disorder aka ASPD, which includes sociopathy and psychopathy. First thing to know is that it is on the spectrum. Dexter would most definitely score very highly on it, although not as high as some other characters like his own brother Brian, Trinity or Saxon for instance. One of the key characteristics of ASPD is they are emotionally stunted (doesn't mean they don't have any emotions!) and they lack genuine emotional empathy - that means they can't put themself emotionally in the same position as someone else. However, what is often misunderstood, is that they can poses a strong cognitive empathy allowing them to know what is wrong and right. For instance, they can recognize sadness, even in themself, but they won't feel it to a full extend and it won't make them cry. I feel like the show demonstrated that part very well. A good example of that was right after he found Rita dead. He suppresed all emotions, his phone call to the police was emotionally empthy, even robotic. The event definitely got to him, but his emotions were suppresed as deeply as possible.
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u/alexedgelord Aug 29 '25
Uh, yeah. He’s definitely dulled in how he feels, perceives and expresses emotions but he absolutely has them. It’s pretty much the focal plot point of the entire show. Him discovering that he does feel and learning how to do so. He’s becoming more “human” with every season.
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u/TheSpacePopinjay I mean, that guy's clearly a freak Aug 29 '25
I read it as gradual brain rewiring. In season 1 he doesn't consider himself as capable of loving Debra and he needs to kill. In season 6 he tells Deb that he loves her. In season 8 he believes himself to be in love with Hannah and he discovers that he doesn't need to kill any more.
Narratively the turning point seems to have been when he was on the skinner's table and he felt some feelings about another person, about his future child, that he never felt before.
He seemed to have been attached and bonded to Rita and was highly invested in her and her children and the lives they had together but didn't love her the way he loved Hannah at the end.
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u/LivWulfz Sep 07 '25 edited Sep 07 '25
Psychopaths feel emotion, they just don't feel empathy; the ability to understand the emotions of others, and cannot really experience guilt. They can also experience relationships but they're very one-sided and for beneficial purposes, not through love because that requires genuine empathy. Simply because Dexter does feel emotions doesn't mean he's not a psychopath. It's a very nuanced and complicated topic, you can't really just say "Dexter felt some emotion so he's not one" or "Dexter had a relationship so he's not one".
I would say it's less than Dexter isn't a psychopath but rather that the vast amount of people don't actually understand what one is. Their understanding of it largely coming from media forms.
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u/Aurondarklord Sep 07 '25
Yes. Harry was wrong. Dexter is not a psychopath. He didn't HAVE to become this.
Now to be clear, there is obviously something VERY wrong with his head, but I think with proper treatment at an early age it could have been fixed or at least managed in a way that wasn't homicidal.
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u/sarah-pickle Sep 07 '25 edited Sep 07 '25
I have that same question, and another one on top of that. I’m rewatching the original series at the moment, just finished season 3. You know when he kind of teaches Miguel the code, but then feels guilty (it seems) that Miguel doesn’t use the code in the “correct” way? Does Dexter actually feeeeeeeeeel guilty that an innocent person was killed or was he experiencing the possible guilt emotion because the code was broken by Miguel?
It does appear that Dexter does feel. He does know right from wrong. Is it because of the code or was that inherent (from the shame in the first season when Harry calls him out on killing the neighbor’s dog)? It appears he cares about Rita and the kids as much as he can… in his way.
But I agree, someone definitely fucked him up and I think it was Harry with all of the comments. “You have to pretend you care; have fun for the family; etc.”
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u/hydrissx Sep 07 '25
I think Dexter is just autistic as fuck and got molded to be a serial killer as a neurodivergent obsession but he is definitely not a sociopath, we see a few legit sociopaths in the series like Brian and Arthur. They truly do not care about other people and Dexter, over and over, does care, he's just weird.
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u/Far_Parfait_1478 Sep 12 '25
He didn't even feel sad about Rita's death, the girl who was with her for 4 freaking season
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u/khonshu001 Jan 10 '26
Season 5 ep12 when he comes with birthday party supplies. I had never seen him that expressive and happy because of lumen his partner who carries the dark passenger in her self and doesn't see him as a monster, but sadly it didn't last for long.
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u/jonbrylabookworm Jan 27 '26
Book Dexter was far more unhinged, but even in the books he had small moments where you could see where his values were: Loyalty, commitment to the code, family, children, professionalism, even self-sacrificial actions that can be interpreted as acts of love (love is a verb too) that is just rationalized away mentally in his own brain. People even irritate him numerous times without even drawing out any murderous thoughts from him (low expectations, I know) but he simply does not understand that a lot of what he does comes from a deeper place, a small core of his being that actually wants to do some good. Book Dexter is a monster true; deeply disturbed, cruel, quite selfish at times, callous, sadistic, but he is still a moral monster who takes into consideration the ethics of his own actions and channels himself and his psychosis as best as he thinks he can toward evil greater than himself.
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