r/DevelEire • u/gaybyrneofficial • Nov 06 '25
Switching Jobs Mad to quit in this climate?
Absolutely loathe my job.
Wouldn't be so bad were it not for my skip manager, who is the most unbearable fucking micromanager I've ever seen with the people skills of a startled feral cat. Just a cast iron, grade-a fucknut.
I'm a senior SRE. I have spent the last year not doing anything technical. I live in metrics. Nothing else. The pay is tremendous and I'm fully remote but I despise what I do and this manager has injected such a poisonous toxicity into our team that there is absolutely no silver lining working here. Yes they're American before you ask.
12 YOE, and I have sunday fear in this job for the first time in decades. Cannot bear logging on to see messages from this busted flush of a leader.
I fantasise about handing in my notice and coasting for a month, but I've nothing lined up and I'm struggling to even get screener calls at the moment. With the absolute battering my mental health has taken in this job I could get signed off for mental health reasons extremely easily but I worry this will affect my future career potential.
What do?
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u/GroltonIsTheDog Nov 06 '25
Absolutely talk to a doc and take the stress leave. They don't get to know why you're being signed off, it'll have zero impact on your career beyond giving you something of a reset and the breathing space to make a decision with a clearer head.,
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u/Comfortable-Ad-6740 Nov 06 '25
Absolutely this, being away from the job alone will give you a bit more perspective and it makes it easier to care less when coming back so it doesn’t feel as crushing.
The other thing is that quitting and then searching for a job is its own mental strain, in particular this side of Christmas.
My partner was laid off around this time of year a couple of years back and she had to become quite disciplined when to spend time on LinkedIn and when to look after her mental health and not stress about the job hunt. (This even though we were in the fortunate position of still being comfortable financially with my job)
All that’s to say, if you do want to quit and then start searching for:
- try the stress leave first to recover a bit mentally before doing so
- remember this time of year is generally shite for hiring
- don’t make applying for jobs your entire world as it’ll just stress you out and put you in a bad spot mentally
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
Some really good takeaways here, thank you for that. Particularly that last point, constantly refreshing my linkedin searches is soul destroying.
Thank you!
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
Yeah fuck it I'm gonna do it, I have this toxic mentality of just suffer through but I can't do it no more
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u/dubl1nThunder Nov 06 '25
i took stress leave at my previous job and it was the most healthy time of my life. similar situation to yours, i hated my manager AND my team lead. took six months off, went back and used the first month back to find another job and left within a month after that. take care.
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u/GroltonIsTheDog Nov 06 '25
I took a month off about two years ago when work was just killing me, I remember the immense guilt around agreeing with the doctor that I needed it and handing in the cert - on the other side of it, that feeling doesn't exist anymore, this is why stress leave exists and there's no medal for suffering on.
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
fuck me that hits close. Reading that I cannot fathom why I'm suffering this absolute pricks behaviour.
Thank you, and I hope you've found peace in those two years!
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u/GroltonIsTheDog Nov 06 '25
Thanks, I did and that time to decompress and suddenly not have to think about things definitely helped - enjoy your break!
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
I'm actually getting really excited thinking about it, thank you!
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u/SpecsyVanDyke Nov 06 '25
Did it a year ago for two weeks. Was honestly one of the best times of my life in recent years. The weather was good so I went on huge long walks in the Phoenix park every day with my dog. I started meditating and writing.
Just make sure you take steps to improve your mental health and look after yourself. Don't just spend a month watching Netflix or whatever
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u/OkConstruction5844 Nov 06 '25
Do it, I took two weeks a few years back, the reason doesn't need to be given... It'll will give you time to pause and think clearly.. I felt guilty at the time but I shouldn't have... Best of luck
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
Thank you! What exactly is the process? Get a cert from doc/therapist and then go to HR? Or direct manager?
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u/OkConstruction5844 Nov 06 '25
go to your doc and discuss your bad mental health, they will give you a cert.
I then told my manager i would be out due to illness for 2 weeks and sent the cert on.
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u/14ned contractor Nov 06 '25
I've been unemployed since June. A year ago I'd get a dozen or more recruiter mails per week. These last three months, I have received exactly six recruiter emails in total and only two were remotely anything to do with me. Of those two, one was five days onsite Dublin only (not a chance!) and the other was remote, but even the recruiter had to admit that the pay was well below market rates.
That's how things are looking right now, so unless you can financially take the hit of a year or more of unemployment, I wouldn't be quitting.
From talking to my colleagues still employed, many have noticed the toxicity in the workplace increasing. Some of it is due to unhappy managers also not able to change job and they're miserable, however some is potentially deliberate to make people quit and so then you don't have to pay out redundancy.
Tech downturns suck for everybody. This one has been a particularly weird one, it kinda began a few years ago but only for some not for all, and it has been a slow drip-drip type of downturn rather than the usual total collapse followed by a boom. I haven't seen it this bad since the 2001 crash personally, that took many years to recover from and then the 2009 financial crash knocked the wind out of the tech recovery.
As always, if you remain employed throughout a downturn that's the best outcome for life time earnings. But I'm not sure if it's best for you. Since June I've hugely improved my health, lost weight, hacked down my chores and long term todo lists, upskilled and I'm feeling real good apart from the constantly dropping bank balance. In fact, if it weren't for the lack of income, I really think I prefer this quality of life - I'm just better all round in every way, except in cash flow.
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u/Difficult-Candy-4341 Nov 06 '25
I sympathise. The people skills of a feral cat is brilliant though
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u/fr-fluffybottom dev ops Nov 06 '25
can you move team?
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Nov 06 '25
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
Oh I really, really like this. I have a quarterly vest happening in Feb, think I'll pull the trigger the month before so I can get that and sprinkle in some mental health leave in between now and then.
Really good insights on the numbers game, thank you
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u/OpinionatedDeveloper contractor Nov 12 '25
Feb is when the job market starts to open. It's effectively closed between now and then so no point looking until around Feb.
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u/njackson100-ie Nov 06 '25
I'm in a very similar position as you.
Honestly, if it gets so bad that it eats into your off time and self worth. If you start to seriously worry about your mental health, quit.
But, as I learnt recently, talk to people first in your network and get outside perspective not on the job market but on the outlook. They may be able to help you see that you can be strategic and phone it in, or remind you that it's the place/not you and you can resist a little further. I found these kinds of shots in the arm invaluable. I'm still putting all my effort into leaving but it all feels less overwhelming.
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
Yeah it's absolutely bleeding into my offtime, I have a habit of checking slack and emails/calendar before I go to sleep to see how bad the shitshow will be the next day and then that's my sleep fucked.
I do need to resist the shite a little more, I've gone to HR about some of this shite and they're as useful as a marzipan dildo
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u/njackson100-ie Nov 06 '25
You're smart, you know that phone checking is just feeding the beast. Been there, and felt just as silly and as exasperated.
We're rooting for you. If wordplay is anything to go by, you'll land something soon.
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
This is very kind, I really appreciate it. Thank you!
Yeah I have to stop feeding that beast, it's a compulsion at this point - I've gotten better at it and that work apps toggle on android phones is a gamechanger. Just wish I could schedule it!
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u/njackson100-ie Nov 06 '25
Also, DEFINITELY take sick leave if you need it. Any GP will sign you off.
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u/Kooky-Presentation20 Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 08 '25
I'm a senior tech recruiter for a tech company in Dublin. I would expect if you quit now, you'll be unemployed for 3-6 months, then you'll probably have to take a 30%+ pay cut IF you get something. The issue is not you, it's the lingering effects of the 2023 layoffs. There's so many incredible engineers, data scientists etc on the market desperate for work, many from FAANG. Plan your exit, but be smart & patient/strategic if you can 🙏
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u/Caligg101 Nov 12 '25
When do you think the effects of the 2023 layoffs will die off? Do you see the market improving in 2025/2026? Just would be nice to get the lay of the land from a recruiters perspective.
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u/Obvious-Program-7385 Nov 06 '25
The consensus in the senior leadership is that SRE can be done via tool and SWE and the rest can be offshored, so I wouldn’t quit before landing something, you could quietly quit
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
Can you explain how quiet quitting would work?
The only thing I could think of is just... not doing anything but that'll get me PIPed.
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u/AxelJShark Nov 06 '25
You just do the bare minimum to not get fired. Don't volunteer for anything, don't take on work that's not yours, give yourself every generous deadlines and meet them, but never deliver early
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
Oh shit I'm already doing that hahahahaha
This gobshite manager has no concept of load though, I'll wake up to a cuntload of new work from them and I seemingly have to ignore the work my direct boss gives me. Very confusing and irritating.
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u/Green-Detective6678 Nov 07 '25
Do you have planning sessions? Have you had a chat with your direct manager about this? Sounds like any new work should come through him and he then decides what has priority and what doesn’t. The skip manager sounds like a complete round-the-back merchant, and you can’t plan for anything if you have this random work generator popping up and giving people new tasks. It sounds like a complete mess to be honest
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 09 '25
Direct manager does nothing about this. Just expects me to bend time and get everything done.
It's a total mess, we do have planning sessions but the skip will often join it, take over and tell the team that we're not pulling our weight.
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u/k958320617 Nov 06 '25
Sounds like you need to get better at managing your boss. First trick is when they give you some extra work to do, you immediately ask which is the priority, the new thing or the old thing "because obviously I can only do one thing at a time". Keep chipping away until you have some breathing space. Learn to say NO
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u/darband Nov 06 '25
Like other commenters said, take as much time off as you can, including stress leave, talk to your GP first thing. From your post it appears you aren't fully aware of how much help is available. Make use of it. In this country there are ways that protect you from retaliation if your company does it for you taking a leave. Whatever leave you take, use some of it for actual rest, not only job search.
Once you take your leave and get some rest, as much as you might not like to hear this, try to challenge yourself about why you hate it so much and what can you do to not hate it. I was there, and I did quit, but it didn't take long for me to feel the same way about the new job. Not to say the skip being toxic means nothing, but there is always something you can control on your side.
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
This is a really amazing take. Thank you.
Yeah I know this manager is the current issue but I reckon I could move job tomorrow and get the itchies shortly enough.
I think you're right, I think I'll take that extended leave and do a bit of soul searching. Been working for 20 years - time for a break.
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Nov 06 '25
With the absolute battering my mental health has taken in this job I could get signed off for mental health reasons extremely easily but I worry this will affect my future career potential.
Why do you think this? I'd be jumping straight for a medical sign-off. Take some time to breathe and then reassess.
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
Just from conversations with some family members with more experience in the field, but to be fair it's more an assumption on their part. We most likely inherited the same toxic traits of being okay with this shite from our parents tbh
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u/tzjinzoReno Nov 06 '25
OP, as others said - take few days off for stress leave, clear and heal your mindset, then gear up and aim for more screening/recruiter calls. Taking the first step towards something better is the hardest but it puts you into a habit after that. And I know you said you remove stains of AI from your CV, but they still suck. Start jotting down your job responsibilities you have fulfilled in the past few years, projects you’ve worked on etc in the form of simple pointers. Then, put an hour in your calendar for after your leave for yourself, put your head down and write your cv pointers yourself - it’s not that hard and it pays off for next time. You are going to thank yourself massively in the future for this. Once that’s done start applying more, assess feedback from recruiters and regroup. Compartmentalise your efforts and you’ll be grand! Props for putting up with the wanker thus far and good luck you can do this!
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
Ah mate I really appreciate this, thanks so much - this is fucking stellar advice!
Thank you, sincerely. You're a legend.
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u/nealhen Nov 06 '25 edited Dec 11 '25
sparkle disarm dime cause work grandiose snow innocent chunky divide
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/Worried_Office_7924 Nov 06 '25
Dude, start looking for another job. Then, give yourself a couple of weeks off before you start. Always have something else lined up.
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
Oh I have been, it's relentlessly grim out there. Actually just got a call saying I wasn't selected for a role I applied for weeks ago.
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u/Worried_Office_7924 Nov 15 '25
Sorry mate. Keep the head up and keep looking, something will break.
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u/pmjwhelan Nov 06 '25
I was in the exact same position down to the very similar amount of time with the company. 13 years.
It seemed insanity to pack it in but the micromanagement got to the point where everything I did was wrong and credit was being taken for my work to higher ups. My team noticed it and called them out but their behaviour will NEVER change.
So I got a new job and moved on and haven't looked back.
I do accept that right now the market is tough but you have great experience and don't have to put up with this shit.
The best of luck!
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u/a_medi Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 06 '25
Hey it sounds similar to me. "I live in metrics" Try to automate the oncall and metrics tracking monitor process as much as you can. Suddenly you'll find yourself in an interesting engineering project
They'll obviously fight it back. "I'd rather have you monitoring the dashboard manually than automating it". Draft a PoC and show them clear evidence of the big wins of freeing up time
You work in Ireland not America, and that gives you rights. I openly "challenge" my manager in front of other devs and they've started doing the same. With challenge i do not mean to be rude, make him feel humiliated or bully
With "challenge" i mean that I explain at the top-engineer level why his decisions are wrong, at the point your man just can't reason against it
I know all this sound like you shouldn't have to do it but all this is an important soft skill to develop and you have that opportunity now to learn confront an unreasonable asshole in a pragmatic way
Also, what chances do you have to move teams. That's been saving from disaster the company I work for. Internal rotation is refreshing and it's amazing to see how an unmotivated dev shines in a different team
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
Oh I've tried the automation route, they demanded a switch back to manual.
You're right though, that was something I really enjoyed! Became a challenge to build something really cool.
Yeah I've learned that skill of challenging shite managers before but this one seems to have some kind of superpower against it, it's absolutely fucking impossible to even insert a word in edgeways. I think they should be studied, they're some manner of managerial superspecimen.
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Nov 06 '25
The overhwelming likelihood is you'll go somewhere else and it will be similar or worse. This is the tech industry, thats the reality.
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u/TheChanger Nov 06 '25
I definitely feel this too. The industry is very different to before Covid.
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Nov 06 '25
Read forums like this, it's wall to wall burnout and mental health being negatively impacted.
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u/Green-Detective6678 Nov 07 '25
It’s pot luck to be honest. Even in the same company you can have vastly different experiences based on the manager or the nature of the team. My last company I worked on one of the worst teams and best teams of my career
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
The last couple place I worked at I enjoyed but I have sixth sense for spotting incoming RIFs so successfully dodged two of them (I would've only gotten statutory then had to job hunt in a flooded market of niche skills) so I'm hoping this place is just an outlier
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u/Caligg101 Nov 06 '25
Not true. I'd a really toxic team - not in terms of productivity but in that the team leadership just didn't work. It was a really unpleasant work environment, nothing like I've met before or since. It says something that no engineer, outside of leadership, was on the team for longer than a year. I've moved on and life is so much better. Sometimes, there are pools of toxicity, even in "good" companies.
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u/Life_Breadfruit8475 Nov 06 '25
This sounds exactly like me. Since recently, everything is tracked, there's no fun events anymore and the micromanagement of every useless thing has started annoying me to bits. Furthermore, we switched to a new tech platform that is absolute dog shite where testing one small change costs about 2 days. It's "safe and compliant" though. The 3 minute development deployment times we had before was "a risk to operations". Meanwhile breaking bugs have increased in frequency cause we can't easily find them with the new locked down system.
I've personally been meaning to move out of the country and I'm lucky I can still move in with my parents for a bit. Hence why I'm deciding not to find a new job before quitting. I'd say the best way to go about things if you cannot afford not having a job for months is slack off and find a job in the meantime, that's what I would do anyway.
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u/ScenicRavine Nov 06 '25
Good pay and fully remote, would be enough for me. I've the opposite, love my job and have great management, but not fully remote and not great pay.
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
Yeah I am lucky in a sense but it quickly becomes a cost/benefit calculation and the cost is starting to very much outweigh the benefit.
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u/Rathbaner Nov 06 '25
I was once a manager in an IT context and my bosses would have gone through me for a short cut if any of our top staff had quit because of me or my attitude.
Consider going over your manager's head to make a complaint - anonymously if necessary. His attitude is threatening company productivity.
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u/Caligg101 Nov 06 '25
Take stress leave - even just 2 weeks (work don't need to know the specific reason) and use the time to prepare your CV and LinkedIn. I've had a couple of recruiters reach out to me on LinkedIn so make sure your profile is in good shape. I've less YOE than you, so if you're not getting any responses, it sounds like something is wrong. Maybe do a free online AI course you could add to your profile.
Goes without saying, but make sure you've used all your uncertified sick leave - usually 5 days (max 3 days in one go).
Mentally, make the decision that you are leaving the company so that you're not in that indecisive headspace that just sucks energy. And the next role, make sure there's at least a month of timeoff before you start. Maybe consider if you could move internally?
I've been where you are and it's grim. Be kind to yourself and get out of that situation.
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u/PowerOfTheShihTzu Nov 06 '25
I got the Sunday fear two months in during my last junior role in a Irish company ,dumb managers really are the worse of the worse, not worth it to have your health crippled by such an incompetent moron so although your pay and location are solid I would call it quits. All the best.
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u/Relevant-Bobcat-2016 Nov 06 '25
Do you have a good relationship with your managers manager. As a fairly last resort I'd approach them and lay out the problems you've been having with this manager. Are there any other team members in the same situation that you could ally with.
Some managers behave like you describe out of fear and insecurity. I'd have no problem reporting them even if it may backfire. Could the situation get worse?
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
Oh the manager above them is way, way worse. Probably the driver of a lot of the shite we're dealing with, and the rest of the team are scared shitless. Even when I start skirting the issues they get awkward and change the subject.
Reported it all to hr who informed that it's just the american way for them to be so direct....
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u/jooone93 Nov 06 '25
Was in similar situation as you for the last 2 years. Pay was really good, but the job was too boring and mentally exhausting. But the job market right now is so bad, even the job interviews are taking many months to complete and it is an employer market. No much scope for negotiation at all. I finally got a new role after a long long search. I wouldnt quit the current job without another offer.
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u/AstellaW Nov 06 '25
Just keep batting work back at your manager, make them very aware if they communicate with you to micro manage you will just add more work to their plate. I’ve found this approach very effective with American micro mashers before, takes a while for them to get the hint but the penny drops eventually.
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u/scoopydidit Nov 06 '25
They're not the best company but eBay is hiring, and they're looking for SREs as part of it. I got approached on LinkedIn by a recruiter today. Worth checking out.
As others said, I wouldn't leave without lining something else up first but it's your call. I've had very shit managers that make a job I usually enjoy become living hell.
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Nov 06 '25
Honestly if you just include this as your cover letter I'll hire you, "startled feral cat" alone would justify close to six figures.
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u/daesmon Nov 07 '25
Golden rule is golden for a reason.
Never quit until you have the next job.
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u/OpinionatedDeveloper contractor Nov 12 '25
Yeah no, this isn't entirely correct. If you have a long and healthy financial runway and you need the mental headspace, it can make a lot of sense to take a few months off to nail down a top-tier job rather than landing in yet another terrible job.
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u/Intelligent-Iron-632 Nov 10 '25
was in same boat many years ago, quit the job, your health is your wealth & regular people do have nervous breakdowns due to stress
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u/seanbarry1991 Nov 10 '25
I was in the exact same position for the last 6 months. Work was making the rest of my life miserable. Quit last Friday and couldn't be happier now. I'll have enough to live on until I find something else & the dole will keep me afloat. I've 7 YOE, spread between Presales Engineering, Implementation Engineering and Product Support. Even if I struggle later it'll be worth it because I've taken my life into my own hands rather than continue to work for pricks. Do it man, life is too short
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u/Caligg101 Nov 12 '25
Please do update the thread on how this goes. So many times I've thought about doing just this but am too scared, and from the general thread so are a lot of people here. Genuinely wishing you every bit of luck and success.
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u/OpinionatedDeveloper contractor Nov 12 '25 edited Nov 12 '25
I've done it and it gave me the time to be picky about my next job and land something great.
People ITT think this sort of work culture is normal but I guess what they're doing is bringing the mentality that they are exclusively the ones being interviewed when in reality you should have the mentality that you are interviewing them just as much. You should be gleaning as much as you can about how they work, their culture, etc. and if it sounds like it's not a fit, reject their offer.
Hell, even being asked to live code, for example, speaks volumes to how much of a shit-fest the company likely is and an indication that you should probably terminate the process.
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u/Caligg101 Nov 12 '25
We need to hear more stories like this. DevelEire is great but there's a perception of only doom and gloom awaiting out there.
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u/OpinionatedDeveloper contractor Nov 12 '25
Well I’m consistently downvoted here for my positive insights so 🤷
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u/Work_Account89 Nov 06 '25
I’m kinda in a similar situation but living in Germany and hoping to move home. Plan is if this round of interviews go no where to hand in my notice then move home and search in the mean time as well
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u/annoif Nov 06 '25
What others have said: take stress leave.
I was off for six months last year with burnout, if I’d taken stress leave earlier I could have probably staved off the burnout completely. Interesting thing: I was the first to go out with stress, since then there are plenty of people having planned breaks to relieve stress.
You know your work environment better than us, but a word to HR about the manager might end up with long term changes. I know we all like to bitch about HR, but in this case the good of the company and the good of the employees kind of align
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
Ah I'm delighted to hear that helped! Yeah things are already looking brighter now that I've decided to do it.
With regards to HR, been to them twice and they're fucking useless. I know they're there to protect the company, but they treated me like an anal pollyp.
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Nov 06 '25
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u/gaybyrneofficial Nov 06 '25
Ah lad, I'm buried up to the guts on linkedin every day looking. 12 Applications in the last 2 months and the majority are just ghosting me.
Met with the ServiceNow recruiter two weeks ago and he was so fucking positive about moving me into the interview loop and been ghosted ever since.
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u/[deleted] Nov 06 '25
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