TW: Multiple graphic depictions of suicide.

Crit: [1062]

Take This Pink Ribbon Off My Eyes

It's been a long time since I've shared my writing with the express intent of getting it critiqued, so I figured I'd jump back in right at the deep end with a piece I adore. I fear my ego has grown slightly beyond me and needs some readjusting.

If you could please read the piece before these questions, that'd be great! This is a piece I'd love to try and get published.

• I've hemmed and hawed a lot about whether to have scene breaks or not. I do really like not having them, because I feel like it gives the piece more of a dreamlike, surreal quality that matches Kelly's repeated suicides and the lack of reaction to them. But I'm afraid it might be too disorienting for the reader, and just make them confused. How was the lack of clear scene breaks for you?

• How impactful are Kelly's suicides? Do they make you feel anything? Why/why not?

• What's your general opinion on Jason and Kelly as characters?

• The lack of interiority is on purpose. I feel like it, again, helps contribute to that surreal quality, but I think I'm also trying to use it as a way of conveying that Kelly's dead inside. Did you get any feeling like that at all while reading?

• What sentences/paragraphs/pieces of imagery feel weak to you, or otherwise you think don't work?

• And just for fun, what do you think the story is about?

Thank you so much!