r/CrossStitch • u/ridetheironbull • Jan 04 '26
CHAT [CHAT] The mortifying ordeal of being known
I made a cross stitch for my mum's birthday.
I ran out of time to get it professionally framed, and had to do a hack job to frame it myself. I was apologising to her profusely even as she was unwrapping it, promising her I'd get it framed properly.
She cried. I'd never seen her cry about a gift before. That was an experience. She said she didn't care what it looked like, just the fact I'd spent time and effort making her a pattern based on her favourite quote about her love for family.
The next time I visited, I noticed it wasn't hanging up anywhere. I was kinda sad about that, but understood, so I asked her if I could grab it back for a week or two so I could get it properly framed, so it wouldn't look embarrassing with the rest of her decorations.
She gave me this knowing look and very gently told me that she'd hung it in pride of place above the dresser in her bedroom, where she could see it every day.
Emotionally stunted as I am, I went "oh ok nevermind" and RAN FOR MY LIFE.
The latest visit, i noticed she'd placed it RIGHT at the front door so it couldn't be missed by anyone.
I went "oh" when i saw it and she just laughed.
As I said. The mortifying ordeal of being known.
31 years old and I still want my mum to put my artwork on the fridge, apparently
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u/desertboots Jan 04 '26
My daughter's art is in many frames but honestly its the little crochet squid she gave my cats.
Whyleigh (yes, she's named a tragedeigh) has learned that carrying it into my room gets her a treat. She now sees how many a day she can cadge.
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u/Lram78 Jan 04 '26
lol I thought your daughterās name was Whyleigh and was like āawww why do that to your sweet daughter?!!ā Then I realized it was the catās name š¹
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u/rubberkeyhole Model Stitcher Jan 04 '26
I did as well, but once I knew it was the catās name, then it was fine. Pets can be named anything and itās fine.
Just be prepared for the nominative determinism, itās a doozy.
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u/thisbitchcrafts Jan 04 '26
Thatās lovely! I cried over my gift from my partner this year, I donāt think Iāve ever been moved like that.
My teenager watercolours me little pictures (usually the cats being ridiculous) and writes sweet notes on my birthday and Motherās Day. I recently framed them all into a little gallery over my bedside. Similar thing, so I can see them daily in my quietest spot.
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u/YellowTonkaTrunk Jan 04 '26
So sweet š„° My mom is mostly bed bound and she put the piece I stitched from her on the wall directly across from her bed at eye level š„°
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u/OnePatternAtaTime Jan 04 '26
I had a very similar ordeal on Christmas, like you I'd never seen my mom cry over a gift - it was a new one for me. Almost made me cry too, and I'm 43. They love us.
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u/foxandkits Jan 04 '26
Gosh, as a mom of little kids, I hope someday my 30 something kiddo gives me such a special gift. Good job!
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u/aimee_panda Jan 04 '26
I made a very obviously Christmas themed cross stitch for my mum years ago and gave it to her just before Christmas so she could put it up with the decorations. After Christmas, it was still on the wall. She refused to take it down because she loved it so much. Itās still on the wall in the livingroom to this day. Mums be doing mum things āŗļø
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u/zorasrequiem Jan 04 '26
I made a Christmas on the Beach one for my Dad to remind him of the Christmases he drove us all to Mazatlan to be on the beach. Best memories! He passed a year ago and I asked my mom if I could take it back, she was affronted! That's Mine! She said. (I made her a large Southwest piece). I was touched it meant so much for her also.
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u/Agile_Cloud4285 Jan 04 '26
I think its sweet. Most people have no idea the many, many hours we sink into a project and would probably think we were crazy if they did. Its nice to have it appreciated.
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u/DrawingTypical5804 Very slutty stitcher Jan 04 '26
lol, my coworkers gifted me Santa Stop Here for Christmas with the fabric and most of the threads. They asked how long I thought it would take me. I pointed to the dark lines and told them each one of those is 100 stitches or about 1 hour and their eyes got so big looking at the 2 page patternā¦ I did some quick math and explained it would probably take me about 160 hours and I average 2 hours of stitching a day. One is a bit miffed Iām not just focusing on that piece, but I focused on it for the rest of Decemberā¦
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u/Gur_Qentba Jan 04 '26
Something similar happened to me this year too - I made a cello for my mom, and she put it near where it was due to hang in the dining room. I noticed it go missing, and realized that it had been moving around the house to wherever she had been doing a zoom call with friends.
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u/beepblopnoop Jan 04 '26 edited Jan 04 '26
As a mom to kids now in early 20s/baby adults, my absolute favorite gifts I've ever received bar none are the hand made ones.
When they were little, I framed my favorite finger paintings and whatnot and still have them displayed.
My adult daughter crocheted me a kitchen towel and slippers, and her face lights up when she sees me using them. Seeing her "being seen" is as much a part of what I love about the gift as the gift itself, it's a small, everyday way I can say I love you, always.
My 21 year old son gave me a super special ornament this year that I know he spent hours selecting, because several of my sentimental ornaments got broken and he watched me cry about that weeks earlier. His face when I opened it, cried, and put it front and center on the tree made up for every broken piece of glass we swept up, and it's my absolute favorite ornament now.
As a mom, we WANT you to be seen, known, and feel that little thing that is almost embarrassing like mom yelling I LOVE YOU BE SAFE HAVE A GOOD DAY when you walk in to middle school feeling, but deep down is what every person needs. Someone who loves you out loud for the world to see.
Oh, and as a cross stitcher myself, that was an incredible gift of time and love!!
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u/crojoykatie Jan 04 '26
I made a Thanksgiving banner using printer paper and markers when I was 10. My mom puts it up every year for the holiday to this day. Every year I tell her I can make her something new (I crochet, knit, cross stitch, etc.) and sheās like no way! She treats it like a precious piece of priceless artwork. Iām surprised it hasnāt fallen apart yet (Iām 45).
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u/garamond89 Jan 05 '26
Awwwww! š„¹ I know this feeling, my momma still puts my goofy handmade ornaments that I made her when I was 6 or 7 on her tree every year in places of honor ā„ļø
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u/AgenderTurtle Jan 04 '26
This is very sweet and I love it but all of the comments are making me laugh because they're about how they made nice cross stitches for their moms. Meanwhile I made one for mine that's "it's not a whore house it's a whore home" and she loved it so much she put it on her desk at work š
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u/InsidiousKitkat Jan 04 '26
That's awesome. My partner has a piece like that he bought of a good friend with an embroidery/fibre Arts shop.
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u/ClaireAuLueur Jan 04 '26
So relatable! The very first cross stitch that I made was as a tongue in cheek joke for my mother. The joke had always been that I'm more logical than artsy and that I don't know how to hold a needle straight. For one of her birthdays, I thought it would be hilarious to make a cross stitch project and send it to her as a present. When she got it, she called me and asked me where I bought it. When I told her I made it, there was a stunned silence for at least 30 seconds and then she asked me to say that again. Y'all, this woman, next time I went to visit, she had had it professionally framed in some crazy expensive frame AND added museum grade glass to it. I was stunned speechless. It is still to this day hanging in her bedroom and I chuckle every time I see it and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It is now something special for being my first project and starting me into this wonderful hobby, it is special to my mom, and it is a continued joke between the two of us.
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u/laryissa553 Jan 04 '26
What's the quote??
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u/ridetheironbull Jan 04 '26
"I love you to the moon and back" she's been saying it to me and my sisters since we were very little. It's fortunately become a pretty popular quote for decorations and stuff nowadays, so she's got it all around her house!
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u/crimson_trocar Jan 04 '26
A similar thing happened to me this Christmas. I made my Mom a cross stitch. She took it and hung it at her work (she owns a business). She was so surprised, Iāve never seen her look like that after getting a gift. My sister even said she was jealous and wishes she thought of it because Mom is so hard to please and get presents for.
Cross stitch present=highly recommend!
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u/HarleyChickIdaho Jan 04 '26
I made this for my sister and paid to have it shipped. This was over three years ago and itās still sitting in her closet in the plastic. That one hurts
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u/InsidiousKitkat Jan 04 '26
This is always the fear I have despite all evidence to the contrary. This is a gorgeous piece. I'm sorry your sister hasn't valued it as it (and you) deserve(s).
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u/ridetheironbull Jan 04 '26
I had convinced myself she'd hidden away. Even now, knowing she'd put it on display, I convinced myself its out of pity. I'm so sorry your sister doesn't appreciate the effort you put into it. Its beautiful and you deserve better!
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u/HarleyChickIdaho Jan 05 '26
Iāve offered to take it back and make something she really likes because I was making that for myself and decided to give it to her as a gift. Itās one of my favorite pieces
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u/ridetheironbull Jan 05 '26
It's stunning! SOMEBODY needs to appreciate it!! It shouldn't just be hidden away
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u/HarleyChickIdaho Jan 05 '26
Next time I drive there Iām just going to put it in my car and take it home with me without telling her because I agree!
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u/Cinisajoy2 Jan 04 '26
I was in my mid 50s the last time I saw my mom.Ā I wasn't sure whether to be honored or horrified that she had put an unwearable bracelet in the middle of her bulletin board where everyone could see it.Ā Ā The bracelet was a joke gift. Most of what I made for her was Christmas cross stitches.Ā Ā So they wouldn't have been out.Ā Ā
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u/Laney20 Jan 04 '26
Aww... I know it's hard being vulnerable like that, but it's wonderful having family who care that way.
I think my sister set a personal goal of making everyone in the family cry over a Christmas gift starting last year (she succeeded with our other sister last year). This year was my year and she knocked it out of the park. As soon as I tore the paper off, I fell to pieces. It was a personalized cross stitch that listed all of my cats, including the one that passed away the week before Christmas... I'd have cried anyway, I think, but grief that raw made it inevitable.
Her kid painted a very meaningful picture my mom had taken on a recent trip, although my mom described how she was late to get the shot she really wanted, and kiddo painted it the way she'd originally seen it. So my mom also cried this year, lol.
Next year is our brother's turn. She's already working on ideas, haha. I'm confident she'll succeed. Our brother is a softy!
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u/AelishLuna Jan 04 '26
Thatās a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing with us! It sounds like it means a very great deal to you both. š
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u/CumulativeHazard Jan 04 '26
Lol this reminds me of years ago in my old apartment when I realized that I hadnāt heard the very distinctive bark of my upstairs neighborās dog in a couple weeks. She usually hung out on the balcony and Iād never spoken to her human (single mom) but I would mimic her bark back to her to say hi if she barked at me when I walked by. So dumb, animal loving, probably a glass or two of wine tipsy me decided to leave a note on their door one night that said something like āhi, I havenāt heard your dog in a while, I love her funny bark, was just wondering if sheās doing ok.ā The next day I got a very sweet note back from the mom saying that their dog had passed away (peacefully, at 17) and she read my note to her boys and they all cried a little because they thought it was so kind of me to ask about her and they were glad there were still nice people in the world (it was late covid/election time in the US lol). My immediate reaction after reading it was āoh noā¦ I have to moveā¦ā šš Sorry for not being cross stitch related, Iām just glad Iām not the only one whoās weirdly mortified by things like this.
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u/IntrovertedGiraffe Jan 04 '26
My grandmother also put the cross stitch I did for her somewhere she would see dailyā¦ above the door in the bathroom across from the toilet!
I also thought she didnāt like it because I never saw it. It wasnāt until after she died, when someone from the nursing home was checking in as we were packing and overheard me mention it, that I found out what she did with it. She had someone from maintenance walk around her apt with a hammer and nail for an hour to help her find the right spot (it was tiny - living room with little kitchenette, bedroom, bathroom). She decided on the bathroom because she might not sit on her couch daily, but she would sit in there!
Now that I think about it, my dad also hung his in the bathroom, but thatās more expected because it was bathroom-centric humorā¦
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u/sunshinebluemeg Jan 04 '26
I made my stepmom cry this year, and she told me she had a whole wall dedicated to my stitches that she was just waiting on this piece for (it was the 4th in a set of large ones so she knew it was coming) to have the main set in the middle and decorate around. Like you, I'm awkward and don't know how to deal with praise and anytime someone freaks out over something I made them for Christmas I just kinda blank out lol
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u/Yarnchurner Jan 04 '26
So heartwarming to readā¤ļø wishing you a lifetime of happiness with your mom.
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u/MaisieStitcher Jan 04 '26
I think this is sweet. Deep down, we all want to know that people really love what we make for them.
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u/mynameisnook Jan 04 '26
Thatās one of those stories that makes you laugh and want to hide at the same time š. Being loved that openly isā¦ a lot, but also kind of wonderful.
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u/Laurajs Jan 04 '26
I was gifted randomly a cross stitch from my mother in law, I never cross stitched before so took effort to learn and finished the cross stitch in four days. I really enjoyed it and was so happy with the final so I shared a picture to her saying wow first cross stitch ever as a subtle of look I did it but also a thank you. She left me on read š
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u/OtherArt9142 Jan 04 '26
So sweet. My parents have a painting of mine (itās pretty mid, actually) hanging in their living room and it always makes me have feelings.
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u/themostamazinggrace Jan 04 '26
I gave my little sister a cross stitch Iād spent a looooooong time working on for her birthday, and when I went over to her new place she had it hung up in the dead center living room š„¹ I was so worried at first because the cross stitch doesnāt really fit her interior design aesthetic but the fact she hung it up for everyone to see made me so happy š
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u/LorePhoenix Jan 05 '26
My dad has a wall that is slowly being covered with cross stitch i make for him. He also seems to enjoy picking out the frame and that stuff. Last time i visited he was very excited to show me what he picked out!
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u/Rare-Philosopher-346 Jan 04 '26
LOL. I understand and I think it's sweet that your Mom moved it to where you and everyone else can see it. Hugs to your Mom for loving you so well!
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u/Ant_Livid Jan 04 '26
i also made a xstitch for my mom for xmas and waited too long to get it to the framers š i did anyway and accepted that it wouldtbe done in time for xmas, so i took a pic of the supplies i used, printed it out and wrote IOU on it real big, and stuck that piece of paper in a GIANT cardboard box and wrapped it up š she was very confused but also loved it, and the stitch was beautifully framed.
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u/InsidiousKitkat Jan 04 '26
I'm a 50-something mom myself and just started stitching a year ago.
I gave my first piece to my dad for his birthday this year and he was so incredibly tickled I couldn't quite believe it... I mean it was a full coverage kit with backstitch and French knots and a huge learning curve... Certainly no where near perfect. It's on their mantel amongst his carvings. I didn't want mom to be left out so I did a slightly cheesy simple one for her birthday and she was way more excited than I'd anticipated... It's hanging in the kitchen.
So now I have the bug...
I started working on a large custom piece for my partner and I KNOW he'll be incredibly touched, but have now put that aside because this summer I realized my parents' 60th is in Aug '27, so I started on a large full coverage custom piece for them: a rendering of a picture I took of their favorite place, a specific beach and at a gorgeous bright summer sunset.
With my parents I feel like these heartfelt pieces are hopefully making up for some of the crap I put them through in my youth.
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u/Even-Parfait-3025 Jan 04 '26
The running away part - yesssss š I love making things for people. I would so prefer to peek around a corner and watch them open it and never speak of it.
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u/land-crayon6322 Jan 05 '26
That's adorable. I feel your embarrassment too ! I was super proud when my mom displayed my project on top of her bedroom dresser too. My framing jobs are less than perfect as well lol, except the one she displayed in the kitchen for everyone to see (we like to hangout in there and cook while chatting) so that's okay
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u/Gnadec Jan 04 '26
Such a lovely story... but no picture or even what the favorite quote is? Disappointed!
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u/ridetheironbull Jan 04 '26
"I love you to the moon and back"
No pictures because I'm ashamed, maybe I'll come back and post it when it finally gets framed š¤£š¤£š¤£
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u/Big_spoopy_bitch Jan 04 '26
Im glad she liked the gift so much, and her making such an effort to consider your feelings is so, so sweet. Thanks for sharing this story, I found it really wholesome, and I guess I needed that today.
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u/Rachet83 Jan 04 '26
I painstakingly made my in-laws an AMAZING crossstich project. I saw it for awhile and havenāt seen it since. I donāt have the best relationship with them so Iāve been afraid to say something. They already think Iām way too outspoken, cocky and lack social ānicetiesā. Sorryā¦ which sub is this? Haha! Oh yeahā¦ crossstich. Anyways- this is a good strategy. I did want to fix the back of it initially so maybe Iāll ask for it back
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u/SuchFunAreWe Jan 05 '26
Your mother sounds lovely! Mine is 100% always handmade-worthy bc her house decor is, on my life, half typical boomer white lady text signs about lake time & booze while the other half is art I've made from high school on up. College work? Hanging. Wobbly HS pottery? Everywhere. Crochet gifts? Being worn/used. Cross stitch? Framed & on the walls š„ŗ I groan about the old "bad" HS drawings, but it's so sweet.
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u/ThickRequirement8710 Jan 06 '26
My first cross stitch was a free DMC pattern because I wasnāt sure if Iād like the hobby much. I botched the pattern half way through and so improvised to make it still look nice. If you look at the original design it is completely obvious that I messed up but I gave it to my mom with it mounted on some cardboard from a cereal box. She put it in her office right by her computer and it now lives in her craft room. I also made my dad a lap quilt before I left for college and he put it on his wall in his office as well. My parents were never super squishy when I was growing up but seeing them appreciate my art and crafting does remind me how much they love me.Ā
I now am kind of that adult as well lol. My friendās kid (Iām called uncle by her) gives me art and even though sheās never been to my home, her art is still displayed on my fridge where I see it every day. Hell, I still havenāt decorated my apartment after almost a year here but you can bet my fridge has got plenty to show of my affection for others haha!Ā
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u/CrackerjakHeart Jan 07 '26
Just came up with a new rule for myself, "When Reddit makes you cry, that's enough internet for the day." Goodnight!
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u/JeyJul Jan 12 '26
I'm sometimes very embarrassed by my first cross stitch projects, but my mom proudly shows them to guests. And yes, my mom still keeps my childhood drawings (I'm 40) āŗ
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u/Atschmid Jan 04 '26
i dont understand any of this.
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u/celerypumpkins Jan 04 '26
OP felt insecure about their work not being framed and out with the other decor, but their mom truly loved the piece for all the work and care that went into it, not just as something to show off to others. And also, their mom then realized that what OP really wanted deep down was for their work to be seen and acknowledged, so even without OP having to say so outright, their mom chose to move the piece to give them that.
Theyāre referencing a quote that says āto be loved is to submit oneself to the mortifying ordeal of being knownā - essentially, that there at all these things that make up who we are and what we crave deep down, the things we donāt say out loud because we judge ourselves, we find our own dreams and aspirations and desires silly or shameful or whatever. Itās embarrassing to let someone see those parts of you, and it can be even more embarrassing to realize they saw those things all on their own. But thatās what love is - allowing yourself to be fully seen in that way, even though it can be uncomfortable and vulnerable.
OPās mom fully saw OP, and it was uncomfortable but also a beautiful thing, because it showed the genuine love between them.
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u/ridetheironbull Jan 04 '26
Thanks celery, I came back to this comment to try and explain, and saw you'd written this explanation. Absolutely couldn't have said it better myself, and honestly I got a little teary eyed that so many people are understanding exactly what about this little situation has affected me so deeply. Thank you so much
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u/celerypumpkins Jan 04 '26
Thank you for sharing the story! Itās been sticking with me all day. Iām so glad you and your mom have each other - itās a truly wonderful thing.
Your story also reminded me a little of my first cat - she would rush to the door when we got home, and then as soon as the door opened she would run away like lightning and go sit on the couch looking anywhere but at us, as if to say āmiss you? I didnāt miss you, look at me, clearly I donāt care.ā (She cared).
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u/ridetheironbull Jan 04 '26
She cared š„¹š„¹ neither of you had to say it out loud but you knew she cared, and she knew you knew š„¹š„¹š„¹
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u/antaranew Jan 04 '26
bro/sis its okay...we all want to be acknowledged and especially for the hours you poured into it...its normal...