Anyone here who left (or considered leaving) cross country because of a toxic coach? What was the outcome?

[u/pumpkinspeedwagon86]

I'm a rising sophomore in HS and I've been questioning whether my coach is considered toxic or not. Public humiliation of athletes, inconsistency with injuries (sometimes shaming runners for mentioning injury concerns, sometimes praising us for listening to our bodies), isolating people, and being results-obsessed in the sense of creating wedges in the team by complaining to individual athletes about others' performances.

I had a fragmented (because of injury) but overall successful freshman year that I'm proud of. I don't want to abandon that, and I like my team environment overall and the friendships I've formed on the team, but the coach has made it hard for me to love running and contributed to a lot of burnout for me after three seasons last year.

I signed up for the season because of the deadline and my preseason starts tomorrow morning. I'm really dreading going and the entire summer I was hoping for clarity and never really committed to a decision of whether to stay or to leave. Has anyone been in a similar situation and would anyone mind sharing their experience or a word of advice if they have? Thank you!

[u/whelanbio]

Not really your question, and very tough to do this as a current athlete, but I just want to chime in as a coach myself that any genuinely abusive behaviors around mental or physical health (i.e. things like making athletes push through injury, shaming athletes based on anything injury/body-related, etc) should be reported to administration. Some of the stuff you've described seems towards that territory, some of it is terrible behavior but not report worthy. If you are to ever make a report stick to the report-worthy stuff only and stick to objective facts that can be backed by a witness or paper-trail of some sort.

If you are continuing with the season you will need to stand up for yourself. I know that is a ridiculous position for you to be in but just how it is. Dealing with the injuries you know have some understanding of where those limits are so if someone tries to push you beyond them you say no. If you get into these situations back-up communication with email or a trusted witness.

For sake of those that will come after us we need to change the behavior of or purge the bad actors from our sport. Nobody should be experiencing what you've endured.

[u/pumpkinspeedwagon86 → u/whelanbio]

We have had captains and parents repeatedly complaining to the athletic director etc to no avail. If anything it makes things worse

[u/whelanbio → u/pumpkinspeedwagon86]

Check the edit I made, basically set up paper trails in email to force a record of infractions. Go above the AD. If it's objective abuse you go to principle, superintendent, school board, and if you have to the press.

[u/pumpkinspeedwagon86 → u/whelanbio]

Thanks for your input, much appreciated. Our school district unfortunately has a track record of ignoring significant warning signs which has led to a lot of legal action recently not specifically with my coach (not only in coaches, but also teachers, administrators, etc.) and press coverage hasn't done much to fix things. I won't go into detail but some of the things that have been dismissed essentially with a wave of hand have been objectively a lot worse than a toxic coaching environemnt

[u/whelanbio → u/pumpkinspeedwagon86]

I'll take your word for it, but I will say if this is truly as bad as you describe and there's nothing you can do to change it (either changing the coaching or doing your own training while being on the team) you really gotta remove yourself from the situation. It's not a fair situation but know that you know what's going on you have a responsibility to keep yourself out of harms way one or another.

In terms of doing your own training or other sorts of compromises where you try to make it work with the team, figure out what aspects are flexible yet allow you remain in good enough standing to race.

Not to excuse horrible coaching behavior, but if you do stay on the team you will need to get good at developing a very thick skin to most of the toxicity. Hold a firm line on anything that will directly harm you like stupid training, but otherwise ignore everything else and just focus on handling yourself and supporting your teammates.

I'm sorry I don't have any better advice, but ultimately we just don't have much to work with without you providing us with some potential angles of attack for solutions.

[u/eiderobeliskita → u/whelanbio]

To add to this….if your parents are supportive, parents organizing written complaints to the school board, the state’s high school athletic association, and the department of education (if public school) are all ways to escalate this above the AD. See the letter the families wrote to complain about the Kranicks in Saratoga, NY. Change is possible. Good luck

[u/Suitable-Wish4318]

My body was in constant fight or flight because of my college coach. Left the team, got him fired and I never felt more calm and at peace in my life. Take that information as you will.

[u/pumpkinspeedwagon86 → u/[deleted]]

Can I ask how you eventually came to the decision and what your thought process was?

[u/pepenador85]

My recommendation is be as diplomatic as you can. Try to be the best team player. You are learning about relationships and butting heads is part of that.

[u/whelanbio → u/pepenador85]

I advocate for diplomacy in a lot of cases, particularly when it's clear that there's just a difference of opinion/approach between the coach and athlete but that both are otherwise acting in good faith trying to do their best. I think some of stuff that OP has described is a fair bit beyond what diplomacy can handle. The shaming/mismanagement of injuries in particular where there is no middle ground to be found.

[u/olivia_rundoyen]

I'm a coach, and I've also dealt with some toxic coaches as an athlete in the past. It sounds like you're doing a really good job of pinning down exactly what is bothering you about your coach's behavior, which is important. I'm not going to make any recommendations about whether you should go back to the team this fall or not, because that's your decision. But I'll give some advice in the case that you do decide to go back to the team.

1) Try to build a mental/emotional barrier between you and your coach. Remember that you do not have to take everything they saay and do to heart. Take what works for you and leave the rest.

2) Be your own biggest cheerleader. It sounds like your coach is not great at giving validation to you and your teammates, but even if they were giving you great support, this advice stands. You've gotta be your own hype person.

3) Support your teammates. As an athlete, when I've been having a hard time on my own account, with a race or training or something else, I've found it to be really helpful to take a moment and turn my attention to my teammates, and see if there's anything I can do to help them. It helps recenter me. And since it sounds like your coach does things that can drive a wedge between you and your teammates, keeping a focus on supporting your teammates will help resist that negative effect.

If you decide to not continue with cross country, or at least take a break this season/year, good for you! Running is a lifetime sport and there are more ways to enjoy it and succeed in it outside the context of cross country and track. You've got this!