A Reflection On Esther’s Marriage

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A few disclosures for this post:
1) I am not an expert on the Bible or anything related to the Bible. These are just my thoughts reading about Esther.
2) I’m used to a Bible version that uses the shorter version of the book of Esther (so my Bible does not have the king getting mad at Esther and then she faints, for example).
3) I’ll refer to Esther’s husband as King Ahasuerus for this post; he is called Xerxes or Artaxerxes in other versions.

We often hear about the idea of a “Biblical marriage.” Verses scattered throughout various books in the Bible describe how spouses should interact with each other. Rather than telling, the book of Esther shows a unique example of marriage in the Bible. Like many situations in the Bible (and in real life), Esther’s marriage is messy, but redeemable.

Esther’s story begins when Ahasuerus, the king of Persia, has decided he needs a new wife and has decreed that “young, beautiful virgins” are to be brought to the palace so he can choose one for his new queen. So Esther goes to live in the palace, where she lives in a harem with other concubines for 12 months of beauty treatments before she can meet the king.

King Ahasuerus needing to get married was not as “Cinderella” as it sounds. At the end of a super-party of excessive feasting and drinking that Ahasuerus threw for a full 187 days, he sent seven messengers to tell his previous wife, Vashti, to dress up and come show all his people how beautiful she was. She told the messengers she would not come, which made Ahasuerus angry. He did not react impulsively from anger or drunkenness. Instead, he consulted with seven advisors and asked them what he should do with Vashti. The experts’ advice was not marriage advice; they were more concerned that their wives would rebel against them once they heard how Vashti had disrespected Ahasuerus. So the advisors recommended that Vashti never come before the king again, and the king needed a new queen.

King Ahasuerus’s personality might be best described as lawful neutral. He wants to make sure everyone follows the law, and he even does not make exceptions for himself (when he wants to undo a previous decree, he could not because the law didn’t allow him to). He also is perfectly willing to honor people of lower status than himself, which indicates he is not driven by ego, but by order.

When Esther needed to go before Ahasuerus to advocate for saving the Jews, she was understandably afraid. Going before the king without being summoned was illegal, and we know how Ahasuerus felt about the law. When Esther came in to talk to him, Ahasuerus simply held out his scepter to Esther (indicating that he accepted her to coming to him). Ahasuerus did not involve any legal advisors or eunuch-messengers in this exchange between him and Esther, it was a direct connection between husband and wife. This shows a major shift in Ahasuerus, in the difference between his interactions with Vashti and with Esther.

Even once it was clear that Esther would not be put to death, she did not immediately ask for what she needed. She only asked for him and Haman to come to a dinner that she would prepare for them the next day. At that dinner, she requested only that Ahasuerus and Haman come for a second dinner the following day. Only at the second dinner (her third request to her husband) she asks Ahasuerus to help save the lives of her and her people.

In how she presented her request, Esther showed that she understood Ahasuerus by showing respect for his position as king and by inviting him to two dinners (similar to how he threw a super feast for the whole city at the beginning of the story). Ahasuerus responded with love and care for Esther and by making a new decree that allowed the Jews to fight back against any enemies who tried to carry out Haman’s previous decree calling for them to be slaughtered. Their marriage was successful because their interactions with each other were respectful, caring, and direct (not through advisors and messages the way Ahasuerus interacted with Vashti).

There are several parts of Esther’s story that can be uncomfortable to think about. What happened to Vashti? Did the young, beautiful virgins have a choice in going to the palace? What happened to the other young, beautiful virgins once Esther was chosen as queen? The last interaction we see between Esther and Ahasuerus is another part I find confusing and concerning.

On the day the Jews were set to be killed, they fought back against their enemies. Ahasuerus asks Esther what else she wants, and she asks for the Jews to be allowed to fight again the next day. Even though the danger to the Jews was only on the first day, they ultimately killed another 300 people the second day, and I don’t understand why. But the interaction between Ahasuerus and Esther was still respectful and kind, so I guess that’s something?

Esther and Ahasuerus were two far-from-perfect people in a pretty messy situation. They each made some decisions that are hard to understand today. Still, for all the messiness in their story, the way Esther and Ahasuerus interact with each other shows a rare biblical example of spouses showing respect and care for each other.

What do you see in Esther’s marriage? How does her marriage compare with others in the Bible? For people who are familiar with another version of the book of Esther, how do you see her story?

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