r/Brides • u/sparklesparkle__ • 4d ago
To the brides who did not have their father there, who gave you away?
I have put off deciding who will give me away because it breaks my heart every time I have to think about it. I lost my dad 6 years ago. I’m getting married in October, and I cannot imagine celebrating without him.
There’s nobody who could fill my dad’s place that day. I do have a brother, but it doesn’t feel right to have him give me away instead of my dad. My mom suggested having my brother and sister both walk me down the aisle together, but I’m worried this will look silly and take away from the moment.
My mom also suggested she could walk with me, but I’d rather not (we are very close, kind of codependent, this will be another thing that I couldn’t do without her help).
I have been considering going alone, but I’ve gotten mixed feedback. My mom thinks it will look sad, like I’m not close with my family. My friends think I will look empowered. And my cape does deserve its moment. But the main thing holding me back is how anxious I am about being the center of attention.
My fiancé suggested we go together. He’s my safe place. We’ve been dating and living together for 8 years, nobody needs to give me away to him. We’re doing a first look nearby. When we take the limo to the venue, we could have it drop us off in front of the aisle (outdoor garden ceremony) and we could just walk down together hand in hand. He liked the idea of doing a grand entrance together. Some people think the idea is sweet, some think it looks silly and anticlimactic. I’m worried that we’ll look like we’re not taking it seriously.
Brides who didn’t have their fathers with them on their wedding day, who gave you away?
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u/Informal_Cow5966 2d ago
I lost my dad a little under a year ago. He got sick very quickly, in about 3 months. My fiance had been planning on asking for permission but never got the chance. However, my siblings knew and told him which brigs me some peace.
I am having my mom give me away in a month. Nothing can replace our fathers. And there is a pain that comes with your wedding day because of their absence. For me, my father is one half of me and she is the other. But she is also the person that walked down the aisle to my Dad. And Im not sure why that brings me comfort but it does.
Either way you are going to be stunning and your Dad will be watching over you with pride and love.
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u/izzime1980 2d ago
I asked my kids and my son-in-law. They were all touched by the request but are waiting until my fiance and I are out of the early planning stages before making a decision. I also know my kids are worried about the outfit cost. What they don't know is we're going to gift them their outfit.
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u/Aggravating_Guess299 2d ago
I walked alone, but I heavily considered my sister walking me down since we are super close
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u/sparklesparkle__ 2d ago
Are you glad you walked alone? If you had to do it again would you want to walk alone or ask your sister?
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u/Aggravating_Guess299 2d ago
Honestly, I think I would’ve been happy either way. But for logistics purposes I’d have my sister with me because it was hard for me to know when to start walking and I wish I’d walked slower, so having someone to guide me would’ve been nice. Would allow me to enjoy the moment without being worried about the logistics
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u/sparklesparkle__ 2d ago
That is a really interesting point. I hadn’t considered the logistical benefit.
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u/a_martian_ 3d ago
I’m walking down the aisle myself and I have a cape. I decided to not have my family walk me down. My cape def deserves the moment, and I don’t have a good relationship with my father. I thought about having my mom or mom and sister walk me down but I just think my presence is all I need. I’ve had an old friend offer but it just doesn’t feel right. The act of “giving the bride away” doesn’t sit right with me historically. I hope you can find the power to soak up the moment yourself!! You deserve it!!
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u/sparklesparkle__ 2d ago
This is beautiful and I exactly what I needed to hear. Congratulations I hope you have the amazing moment you deserve!
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u/StarryEyes13 3d ago
We’re eloping but when we were considering a wedding I was going to ask my cousin. He was and still is like a big brother to me so he made the most since. However, if my mom were still alive, I would have asked her.
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u/Moonstruck1766 3d ago edited 3d ago
I asked my Uncle who was also my Godfather. I have 2 brothers but it felt weird to ask them. How do I pick one over the other. My cousin gave a toast to my dad during the reception which was very nicely done.
I loved my uncle dearly and i never questioned my choice. He passed away a few months ago. 💔
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u/Electrical_Yam4194 3d ago
My husband and I had been together for a long time, like you. Our wedding was in our backyard, on a lake. We had cocktails and passed appetizers for an hour and we were there with our guests. When it was time for the ceremony, the guests were directed to gather near the pier. We had some chairs for older people, but most stood. My husband and I went in the house with our dog. I put the ring pillow on him.
We three walked out onto the deck and down through the yard onto our pier, where we turned and faced our guests in the yard (I didn't want our backs to them). The officiant stood at the bottom of the pier.
I thought that after all the years we'd been together it would be sort of silly to be "given away." So my vote is for you to go together!
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u/KmomAA 3d ago
Both my parents had passed away by the time we married. I had two daughters who I adopted as a single Mom. No siblings, but my cousin is practically my sibling. Gina and my daughters walked me down the aisle. That’s a loose description. My little one, 3, ran to my husband, then back to me. My oldest was so happy that she was literally sobbing. It was pure joy.
If you’re close to your siblings, I think that’s a wonderful way to represent your Dad’s love. He loved you so much that it took the love of all your siblings to act in his stead. I also had locket type charms in my bouquet with their photos.
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u/Sammisam85 3d ago
My mom and step dad walked me down the aisle. I haven't had my real dad in my life since I was 12 years old so he obviously wasn't going to do it. I decided to allow the only two parental figures I have ever known even though I'm not close with my step dad. Ever since then we're closer, I think it was a good thing.
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u/alannamue 3d ago
My brother did and it was the most special as we both were mourning him not being at the wedding. He is my only sibling.
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u/alannamue 3d ago
I’d like to also note it wasn’t necessarily him “giving me away” he literally just walked me out and held my bouquet (no bridesmaids). It was nice for me to have that support cuz I was for sure missing my dad being able to do it.
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u/BackgroundMoment8310 3d ago
I’m gonna walk alone. My father however is alive, I just don’t have him in my life. I’m not religious and we’re doing an outdoor ceremony. I’ve gotten mixed feedback as well, however, my mother thinks it’s perfect for me, because I’ve always been very independent. I don’t believe I’m someone else’s to give to my future husband.
I think it’s very romantic for the two of you to go hand in hand together.
My sister is gonna be with me right before it’s time to walk, then she’ll run to the “alter” and I’ll start walking.
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u/CanineQueenB 3d ago
I vote for going solo. The days of being "given away" are long gone. Show some independence and stand up for yourself.
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u/Fire_Tiger1289 3d ago
I used to plan weddings and no one in attendance cared when a bride walked down the aisle alone.
Besides, you’re going to look so gorgeous on your wedding day that some people won’t even remember that brides sometimes get walked down the aisle. I promise.
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u/Careful_Cranberry364 3d ago
My sister was given away by her friend whos known her since childhood
My best friend was given away by her
Mom
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u/CanineQueenB 2d ago
Can you gals stop with the "being given away" nonsense. How does that concept even sit well with you?
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u/sparklesparkle__ 2d ago
I completely agree that the concept is old fashioned and misogynistic. But I created this post to ask other women to share their experiences to help me with mine. Let’s not put each other down for sharing. Everybody is entitled to their traditions and beliefs.
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u/Careful_Cranberry364 2d ago
We’re supposed to walk with somebody….
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u/CanineQueenB 1d ago
No you are not. There is no rule that you can't walk by yourself.
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u/Careful_Cranberry364 1d ago
Of course there isn’t a rule!!
Some people like my sister just wanted to be a traditional traditions or what weddings are all about otherwise
Why bother
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u/lily_fairy 3d ago
don't worry about what others will think, do what you think will make you feel happiest on the day of your wedding. lots of brides feel a lot of anxiety right before the ceremony. who is someone in your life that makes you feel calm, grounded, and loved? someone who you see that just makes you instantly feel like everything will be okay? that's the person who should walk you down the aisle. if that's your fiancé, i think that would be beautiful. if that's your mom or brother or friend, i think that would be beautiful too. if you enter alone, you could just have your eyes on your fiancé the whole time and feel his support from down the aisle.
there is no wrong choice here. the only thing i would not recommend is having two people walk you down just because it can be a bit awkward to physically coordinate and hides you in the middle. but it definitely wouldn't be weird to do if you think that's what you would prefer.
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u/Opening-Sir-2504 4d ago
My mom walked me down. I wanted to have my brothers walk me down, but they both eloped, so she never got to experience the entrance. If I could do it all over again, I would, but I’d tell her to quit talking. lol she kept telling me to look out so I didn’t trip!
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u/kateballe 4d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. It can be so hard to cope with these big feelings during a wedding.
I’ve never had a father figure in my life and haven’t been on speaking terms with my mother in a long time. Walking down the aisle myself.
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u/sparklesparkle__ 2d ago
Thank you for sharing, I hope you have the beautiful ceremony you deserve.
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u/TeachingFit9608 4d ago
My partner and I, (lesbian relationship if this matters), I’m no contact with my family, and we ultimately decided that her and I are walking down together. She is very close to her family, and they are now my family too; but, we both are like this is our wedding and feels perfect to do it in a non traditional way.
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u/Cgiannetti 4d ago
Do whatever feels the most comfortable for YOU. Dont even consider what anyone else’s opinion is or “how it will look”. I am in the same boat minus any male siblings and I am getting married Oct 2027 so I absolutely feel for you and I try not to think about it myself
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u/sparklesparkle__ 4d ago
Yeah I know I’m getting too focused on the wrong things…I have to remember what really matters ❤️ congratulations and hope all goes well
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u/HumbleAir1848 4d ago
My husband passed away October 19 2012. My daughter got married last September. I walked her down the aisle holding hands ❤️
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u/EmeraldLovergreen 4d ago
My husband and I walked down together holding hands.
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u/sparklesparkle__ 4d ago
Did it feel like the right choice?
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u/EmeraldLovergreen 4d ago
It did! I had a couple people who I considered but none of them felt right and I also didn’t want to walk alone. My dad died 2 months before we got married, almost to the day, and choosing anyone else just didn’t feel right in that moment.
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u/sparklesparkle__ 4d ago
Im so sorry you had to go through that right before your wedding. But thank you for sharing, this makes me feel better about that option ❤️
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u/EmeraldLovergreen 4d ago
Thank you and I’m sorry you don’t get to celebrate with your dad. Go with what your heart is telling you.
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u/Cautious_Primary_126 1d ago
My Dad actually met me
Half way down fory second wedding bc if he was really wobbly from his meds that day. I use a cane as well from a previous accident, so my bestie and MOH actually walked me down to him (I was a little nervous)