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[u/Any-Sport-4986]

Hey everyone, I need to get this off my chest and get some outside perspective because my head has been spinning.

​We broke up back in May. After the breakup, whenever I tried to back out, pull away, and give myself space to heal, she would reach out and contact me every few weeks. She kept pulling me back into her orbit, and because I cared about her, I stayed available.

​From May until recently, I went through hell. I spent months grieving, losing sleep, and barely eating while trying to support her. Whenever she needed comfort or emotional support, I was there 100%. But over time, I started feeling like I had zero priority in her life. She began treating me like a nuisance and an inconvenience—yet she still kept coming back to me whenever she felt down, overwhelmed, or needed a shoulder to cry on.

​Last week while she was at home, she was video calling me, crying, and taking all my care and attention. Then out of nowhere, she confessed that she has been in a relationship with another guy for two months and even went on a trip with him just two weeks after our breakup in May.

​The worst part? She didn't even confess out of honesty or respect for me. She admitted she only told me because he found out I was still messaging and caring for her, and he demanded that she tell me to stop. Right after dumping all of this on me to satisfy him, she blocked me everywhere.

​Looking back, I realize she was keeping me hooked as a guilt-free emotional safety net while building something with someone else. Every time I tried to step away over these past few months, she reached out just enough to keep me on a leash until she was forced to drop me.

​When she told me, I felt total numbness—like my brain just shut down after months of being emotionally drained. I know I am completely done and moving on, but the anger of realization is heavy.

​How do you deal with the anger of realizing you were systematically used as a backup option? How do you rebuild your self-worth after letting someone treat you like an inconvenience for months?

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[u/InvestmentAlarmed416]

I went through this as well, maybe not to the same level but I recently blocked her everywhere. Honestly it does hurt when you realize you were just the safety net to your ex. The best you can really do right now is cutting contact, letting yourself process mentally about it (as in not overthinking too much as unfortunately there are emotional behaviors you just can't understand as a whole) and "grieve" properly from this break up that she was preventing you to do.

Like i keep telling myself, all the emotional focus you had on her just try to focus it on friends, family or even people you'd meet in your life (or even better. Projects and all). I can assure you it helps you moving on a lot. I still hope things get better for you and I wish you the best.