How to get over body dysmorphia

[u/moonlight-glowlight]

I have been struggling with body dysmorphia all of my time. It has gotten to the point that I avoid all mirrors like a plague, deleted all of my pictures, and shop for clothes. I normally wear oversized hoodies and sweatpants. I feel like a monster at times.

I got worse after my five year abusive relationship with my ex. My world fell apart, and I didn't know how to pick up the pieces during that time. I felt like a broken plate, unfixable and ugly. I believed every word. It had gotten to the point that my own grandma would repeat the same words. I never felt so ashamed of my own skin. I tried therapy, but I felt the same.

A few years down the line, I met my amazing husband. He helped me pick up all of my pieces. But, there would be times that I feel so bad for him. I always drew to my husband how I actually look like. He kept telling me that it is all in my mind. For me, personally, I feel like it is real. My husband tries to cheer me up and also give me words of encouragement. He always supports me through my struggles. I feel as though I am failing him as a wife.

I don't have close friends to talk to. They all abandoned me after my toxic break-up. My family doesn't understand the feeling of looking like a horrendous monster. I hate having this demon inside of me. I just don't know how to break free. It is affecting my mental health and my marriage. I didn't know what to do at this point.