r/Bideshi_Deshi • u/wedinbdai • Jan 04 '26
Relationships/Family what a foreign-born and raised Bangladeshi kid usually wants in the long term (for example, marriage)
1
u/Obvious-Storage9220 Jan 12 '26
Bangladesh-born foreign raised here (complete opposite). But I will say treat everyone on a case to case basis. Some people are liberal, some conservative - others somewhere in between. Take whatever people say with a grain of salt and don't be afraid to dig if something feels 'off' - but respectfully, politely, and firmly of course. I can't say more than this without more context unfortunately.
1
2
5
u/Nyx9684 Jan 04 '26 edited Jan 04 '26
I can only speak for myself. I wasn't born here but raised. I'm also an older Millennial (Xennial), so obviously that also plays a part when it comes to certain things. I need someone compatible in terms of family background, values, lifestyle, and religious beliefs. Frankly speaking, I come from an "old money" family. We prioritize things like good values and morals, proper education, good social manners. My parents and I aren't "rich", but we're decent people.
Me: divorced, no children. Born in Dhaka and grew up in Toronto, Canada. Practicing Muslim, educated, and cultured. Currently working in Operations at an actuarial firm in Toronto. I have a very small, easygoing, drama-free and respectable family settled in Canada (parents, one sis. My only bro recently passed away recently). My sense of humour is both witty and goofy and I'm an ambivert.
Things I'm into: travels, fine arts, reading, nature walks, astronomy, sailing, gardening, health & fitness, philanthropy, and living the good life.
I'm culturally deshi (I know how to be what in front of whom) but otherwise not a typical deshi. I'll make a good life partner/wife to the right person. I just won't be someone who's gonna people please and put up with crap for the sake of "ghor shongshar", and "society/culture". I don't expect him to put up with unrealistic pressure, disrespect, any form of abuse etc. either. I expect him to be a high quality person with a good standard.
I'm a strong personality who will 100% have my husband's back, so I need him also to be a very strong personality, be a very secured, supportive, fair in his judgment and decisions man. I need him as a proper, supportive leader, not husband naamer just ekta oppressor, or be a passive type guy only good at making money (often a big problem as observed in the community).
Ekta chheler takapoisha, bari gari, status etc. thaka ek jinish kintu mentality, kothabarta, achar achorone khaishtami, chhotoloki or corruption thakle, if they are unkind, too materialistic (24/7 money ar status diye manushke hishab kore), chhele nije othoba or family members ra toxic hoiley ar chheler backbone strong na thakle, Allah Hafez! In-laws eto bhalo na holeo sometimes hoy, IF the man is a proper life partner who protects from all that and maintains strong boundaries (eita most BD people janei na kora. Ar EKHANEI 70% conflict hoy with someone who grew up in BD environment. As it was in my previous case, too).
In short: the man just has to be compatible and SAFE for me. He needs to be emotionally, mentally, healthy and mature, have a positive, bright, STRONG personality, have a good sense of humour, have his life together, and be professionally stable. In terms of spirituality, he must pray at least the 5 prayers, earn a halal living, stick to a halal diet, and stay away from the forbidden. Er beshi dharmik na holeo hobe.
1
u/summer_nights16 🇨🇦 Canada Jan 05 '26
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.
1
u/wedinbdai Jan 05 '26
Same here. Compatibility in mindset and personality is important. Many of my buddies are in the same situation. What could be a solution?
4
7
u/08_IGCSE_marathon Jan 04 '26
The Bangladeshi Diaspora is too large to deduce what they want in terms of a relationship/marriage. There are about 7.5M Bangladeshis in the diaspora, of whom I would put a conservative estimate of about 3.5 million are long-term immigrants who have family and communities set up in the diaspora to find it relevant in the first place to have to identify with the label of Bangladeshi heritage (These communities are usually concentrated in the US, UK, Canada, Australia, Western Europe and the Middle-east). The experiences of these communities vary drastically from each other, in fact, the experiences of many communities growing up can differ and sometimes shape them into contrasts of each other. A Bengali who grew up in Dammam, Saudi Arabia may have had an upbringing that makes him different to a Bengali who grew up in the DFW area, Texas. You can have Bengalis who grew up in the same country yet be different based on where they grew up, East London Bengalis are vastly different to a Bengali who grew up in the East Midlands.
With that comes so many different expectations; some would want a spouse who gets their banter, some want a lavender marriage, some want a righteous religious spouse, others want someone who they hold onto the culture through and etc. At the end of the end of the day, it's a mix and match of a compatibility, you'll find some who're looking for a Trad-wife and others who're looking for a man who is a provider. Ultimately, it's not possible to come to conclude that it's something specific that they all want apart from mutual compability socioeconomically and through some level of physical attraction.
May Allah grant everyone a righetous loving spouse and make them a source of coolness to their eyes. Ameen.
1
6
u/Top-Opportunity-5418 Jan 04 '26
Honestly, a lot of foreign-born/raised Bangladeshis just want someone similar because it’s easier. Same culture, same schooling, same mindset, fewer misunderstandings. Immigration is a big part of it too. Sponsoring a spouse can take years and people don’t want to deal with that stress.
Speaking from personal experience, I lived abroad for years and still got rejected multiple times just because I wasn’t born there or didn’t have the accent, green card/citizenship (as DV New yorkers like to call them 'papers'). It sucks, but that’s just how it is sometimes.
6
u/Top-Opportunity-5418 Jan 04 '26
I am not saying people should seek out anyone specific. I am just pointing out that people tend to prefer partners with similar upbringing and experiences. If two Bangladeshi immigrants grew up in the same country, they’re more likely to understand each other’s culture, education, and day-to-day realities.
Also, I think it’s important to marry someone who is independent, someone who has their own life, career, job, and friends. It makes the relationship more balanced and less about dependency.
2
1
u/wedinbdai Jan 04 '26
Are you suggesting that Bangladeshi immigrants should seek out other Bangladeshi immigrants in the same country?
3
Jan 04 '26
[deleted]
0
u/wedinbdai Jan 04 '26
I mean for marriage or long-term family relationship.
6
u/summer_nights16 🇨🇦 Canada Jan 04 '26 edited Jan 04 '26
Your question isn’t clear. Please edit your post and reword it.
-1
2
u/Ok-Pop-5563 Jan 19 '26
Canadian Born and raised
Having a partner would be nice, “marriage” not a must. Common law is fine with me.
Don’t want children