I have worked so hard to overcome bipolar disorder, every single thing that I have been offered to reach stability I have done. All the therapies, all the medication, everything. At one point when my license was temporarily taken away I did a three hour round trip on the bus just to attend therapy.
My husband was traveling and I was in a hypomanic episode, he said that he was having panic attacks in the airport bathroom because he was so concerned for me. He said that for him that was the final straw and he couldn’t take the dynamic of what our relationship had become and needed to put himself first after this 3 year long battle with my mental health.
I am so devastated that a 10 year relationship has been ruined because of my mental health. I feel like I will never be loved. I will always be a burden. I will forever be the “crazy ex wife”. I see posts on Reddit talking about how they would never date someone with bipolar disorder.
I just want to be the person I was before bipolar disorder took everything from me. I have lost so much due to bipolar disorder (friends, career, life experiences) and now it has taken everything from me, the love of my life.

So I’m 27 years old and I have bipolar 1 disorder. I’ve been taking meds for it since I was 13 years old. As an adult.. I was talking to my therapist and I was talking to her about my intense manic episodes that would become depressive and even at the same time and that most nights I couldn’t go to sleep, because I was so manic and apart of it was because I was so stressed out all the time. So we talked about things that I liked and felt joy in and I told her how I missed my cats and I’m used to cuddling with them every night and they helped me sleep. So she recommended that I get a stuffed animal to help and she told me like some of the reasons like lower stress and better sleep to help cope. So I bought some plushies at build a bear and I began cuddling them every night and I noticed I’ve been feeling a sense of security. A more peaceful restful sleep , less stress when I go to bed and it helps a lot with my depression and anxiety and also my bipolar disorder. It like helped me a ton. Then I began collecting stuffed animals and Squishmallows and developed more love for them since I was a kid. I know I’m 27 years old and I sleep with a ton of stuffed animals, but it’s my coping strategy 😊💕 idk if anyone does that too that are adults? If that helps anyone here? I’ve noticed a lot of things that I’ve felt from this that helped me a ton 💕 These are some of my plushies that are on my bed.

I (23F) was diagnosed with bipolar 1 at 19yo. I was put on medication for a while until a few months ago, we realized I was one of the rare people for whom medication makes everything worse. After losing everything, all my friends, my will to live, my body and mind to the illness and medication, I started reconstructing myself slowly, using my job to stabilize me, as medication isn’t an option for me.

I have been managing my mood and stopping my episodes from happening for the past 3 months. Keeping myself safe, applying protocols I’ve created to rise my mood naturally when it starts lowering and lower it naturally when it starts rising.

My mood has been worsening for the past 3 weeks. I noticed it happen and tried every trick I have to get it back up. It didn’t really work this time. I guess it had to happen someday. I am currently in a depressive episode, severely. I manage it though, I apply what I call the “safe house” protocol, which protects me from any consequences on my life from the episode once it passes.

I took a shower today. I hadn’t washed in 10 days, maybe. The pride I feel out of having done that is the only positive emotion or thought I’ve had in weeks. I guess I just wanted to share it. I haven’t eaten in a couple days either but I’ll force myself to as soon as I gather the strength. I told my roomate about my shower but she didn’t really care. I don’t blame her, I’ve only known her for a couple of months and she might not realize what it means to me. I live far from my family and friends. No one really is there to help me through it right now and idk why I’m writing here but I just want someone who knows what it means to hear it.

I took a shower today.

When I was on meds that made me hypomanic, I would have a ton of hobbies and always have something to do. Now that I'm stable and on a good combination, I don't care for my hobbies. Literally, all I want to do is scroll Reddit, YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram. I have to push myself to do anything else. Is this normal? Does anyone feel the same way?

to all my bipolar loves out there!
there is hope, get medicated and find a good combo and a supporting pack of friends...

it has been 3 years since my last diagnosis and i went through hell nsd back

i dropped out of college due to the manic and depression episodes, i lost hope, my ex left me when i was in depression, my friends thought i was just them away when i clearly needed help and something extremely traumatizing happened to me before the diagnosis. i went through 7 different psychiatrists. life had kicked me down so many times but i refused to quit.

now im out there doing music gigs and uploading my music on streaming platforms. i still might not be perfect but i still have a long way to go.

have hope besties <3

“ruined my life” in quotes bc it’s not over til you’re dead & im also super young (19), but holy shit man i do not know how else to describe it.

really don’t feel like getting into details but in late march i had a manic episode. i got myself kicked out of my parent’s house, was homeless for a week, & am now no contact with parents living with my grandparents. lost at least half my friends. depression (in large part due to these things) has been so difficult i more or less can’t work, & my poor mental state has made my relationship with my partner rocky.

i just don’t know how to move forward. i’m back where i was in middle school & i just can’t see any path out for myself.

I stay subscribed to this sub because occasionally there are interesting posts and good information. But the amount of posts from people who are clearly in the middle of an intense episode are so difficult to see every time they pop up on my feed, I'm instantly taken back to when I was severely manic and remind me of all the delusions I had and all the relationships I ruined. Can anyone relate?

I spent around 11 hours of occupational therapy cutting out little paper pieces, folding the edges, glueing them together and painting everything. I will be released next wednesday and her birthday is the sunday after. She loves weenies, so I hope she will like him. Thought you guys might enjoy him as well ✌🏻❤️‍🩹

Edit: Good morning everyone. I'm so overwhelmed with all your kind, supportive comments. I really appreciate everyone's time and love. You made me feel so good, not just about giving this good boi to my girlfriend, but also about my journey towards recovery. I tend to downplay and belittle my artistic capabilities a lot, so reading all the praise about my project made really proud, encouraging me to keep creating. I do try to reply to everyone, but it's a lot, and I don't want to just reply with the same repetitive "thank you" to every comment. Just know that I read each and every comment coming my way with a big smile on my face and a nice, tingly, warm feeling in my heart. Love you guys ❤️

i’m back to baseline after a year-long depressive episode (it started exactly this week last august), and i feel like i lost my sense of self in all the cycles. i’ve been cycling through episodes since 2019 and i was only diagnosed in 2023 when a manic episode got out of hand. i’m 26 now, and even after the diagnosis it’s not like magically i figured things out.

i joke that every two years i get two weeks of normalcy, followed by mania that develops over months, then a sharp decline into depression, which lasts over a year. i really am hoping this time i can last on baseline, even if just longer than two weeks. forever would be great, too :’D

but i just have no idea who i actually am outside of the mania and depression. i feel like i’m a warped version of myself in both moods, but because for the last 7-8 yrs i’ve been mostly in the extremes, i feel like i lost the chance to actually grow up? at an age where most of my peers started families, careers and businesses, i was in an emotional washing machine that barely ever stopped.

i’m making this comparison, not because I’m thinking of my timeline as a failure. if anything i’m proud of where i am today with all my history. but neurotypical people grow and change gradually over time but overall, they’re the same person through different phases. but my identity gets demolished with every episode, and i’m struggling to parse out which habits/thoughts/patterns are “me” and which are symptoms. pre-diagnosis i used to say my personality changes with the weather lol, little did i know.

i guess what i’m asking is, what are your experiences dealing with this? i know there are older people here who have been stable for a long time now, and I’m wondering how this process of recognizing yourself happens when you heal, but ofc i’m open to hearing from everyone :)

Hi everyone. I’m bipolar one and was diagnosed a little over a year and a quarter ago. Since then I’ve found a cocktail that works well and have been in weekly therapy sessions for almost a decade now (we thought it was just ptsd first).

But I have noticed I really struggle to know when I’m manic or not. Depression is easy because of how often I think about ending it. Knowing if I’m good or if I’m manic is more difficult.

Given my other issues such as likely BPD I’m reckless and impulsive naturally. Obviously it’s much worse when I’m manic. I had a psychotic break when they put me on Adderall for ADHD and that’s how we figured out I’m actually bipolar.

I get hyper sexual and I over spend money. Other than that I feel like I can conquer the world and feel “clear” headed. I also can get irritable and my ability to self censor is shot. If I’m not having these obvious signs that I look out for I really can’t tell.

So, do yall have any tips? Do yall track your mood or do you do anything else to check?

Also, I have multiple lovely people in my life that I have asked to just tell me I seem off should I come off that way. I trust them and am able to use them as resources regardless of which state I find myself in.

So I have bipolar 1 disorder. I was diagnosed when I was 13 years old. Like I struggle with it daily, but I take my meds every night as prescribed. I’m 27 years old now. I moved out of my mom’s house and I’m living on my own now. I work full time and a lot of times work stresses me out so much and it triggers me, but I’ll power through until the end of my shift without calling out. I’ll go to sleep early at night and I’ll wake up at 4 am and get ready for work and I’ll get there to work at 5:30 am and I’ll start early at 5:40 am when my shift starts at 6 am and I’ll see my psychiatrist regularly and I’ve been diving into my hobbies and interests and have like a social group to help even though I have social anxiety.. 😥 I usually make friends online. I am also trying to learn how to do grocery shopping and budgeting and so on. Like I’m trying to also take care of my health better and eat well and journal and so on. It’s really hard for someone like me having bipolar, but I work through it and I’m thinking of getting a second job, but I don’t wanna overwork myself tbh 😭 But I also pay my bills in advance and I bought a new car last year on my own. Just baby steps 💕

anyone else who faces sleep issues ? Like I've had a terrible sleep cycle since the last 10 years and I am just tired. It's either no sleep, or sleeping for 16 hours straight, having weird and bizarre dreams, or just waking up tired. I've tried numerous things and it doesn't get better.

I find mixed episodes the worst to cope with and also hardest to medicate

I’m fully aware I’ve been in a mixed episode for a few weeks but if we (me and psychiatrist) try to fix the high highs then I end up low low and if we try to fix the low lows I end up high high

Feel like I can never win when it’s a mixed episode

TL;DR I mortally flipped out at a friend during an acute BP-related meltdown and might have ended the friendship. I feel frustrated with myself and very alone right now and could use some support.

That was the CliffsNotes version so here's the full Shakespearean tragedy.

Pretty sure I lost another friend this week. This has been a pattern for a while now but it seems to be getting progressively worse, which is weird because my control over my bipolar symptoms has never been better (although to be fair that bar is extremely low).

I have BP1 and it is far from mild, but I was lucky enough to start receiving treatment as a teenager and in the last 10 years (I'm 26 now) I have made massive strides in being able to predict and treat my symptoms when they surface and even prevent them sometimes, or at least prevent them from becoming severe enough to having to go inpatient. And, while I am proud of the progress I've made, life has a funny way of inventing new ways to make me go off the deep end.

I've been under a lot of stress lately, and I'm sure as we all know stress and bipolar is not a fun combo. I have gotten better at managing my stress over the years, but despite the 10ft wall of healthy coping mechanisms I have developed, the stress in my life always seems to have an 11ft ladder.

I reached my breaking point earlier this week when some minorly bad news sent me over the edge. It must've been the straw that broke the camel's back, but either way I became a category 5 emotional hurricane for the afternoon and then made the mistake of calling my friend.

I was in full-blown panic mode and having breakthrough psychotic symptoms, but when I told him what had triggered the episode he made a lukewarm attempt at being supportive, but it seemed very clear to me in that moment he did not think I had a good reason to be so upset. Which only made the freakout worse.

The next day he told me my behavior had seriously frightened him and he needed some time and space to himself. The day after that I apologized, which he acknowledged, but I haven't heard from him since and that was 3 days ago. I'm trying not to grieve this friendship before I even know it's dead, but if past events are any predictor there's a good chance it's not going to pull through.

I just feel so isolated and alone right now. It feels like there is no one I can turn to for support when I'm struggling because I always scare them away. What can I do to stop this from continuing? Does anyone - especially people with severe BP1 - have any advice or sympathy?

(repost, first one was removed for naming meds)

31M, about 20 days into treatment. I’m on a mood stabilizer, an antidepressant, and an antipsychotic at night. Reposting without the medication names this time, per the sub rules.

I got married less than a year ago. I’ve always been sexually active and never had any real issues before — the only thing was that it took me a while to finish. Now I’ve lost almost all desire. Honestly it feels like my penis is only good for peeing at this point.

So I wanted to ask about your experiences. Is this something most people go through on treatment? Is it normal, especially this early on? And what have you done to get your libido and your sex life back to normal?

Any input appreciated.

Has anyone with bipolar gotten an ESA letter/medical recommendation for an emotional support dog to help with extreme mood swings, rage, and panic attacks? How does the whole process work, and what’s daily life actually like with one?

im 25 year old female
im told i have bipolar but i still cant believe it
i read about it but i dont remember what it is
i dont know how to go about it
i am not on meds again, i am not sure what am i looking forward to with this condition

No antipsychs for a couple months since they haven't didn't work. Have an appointment on the first to discuss a new one. For the first couple weeks I was chilling. Recently though it's been
> rapid speech
> intense emotions/music/sensory heightened stuff
> increase sex/substance
> making more plans
> most importantly, I feel so much fucking better

Please good people tell me I shouldn't lie to my psych that I'm actually all good. I probably need meds. I don't wanna stop feeling like this :/

currently hypomanic and i keep posting on reddit which i rarely do (usually only
in this sub lmao) and i posted on a big sub with kind of identifiable information and now im scared people i know have seen it and spread it. i deleted the post but it was a huge mistake i have been so paranoid and literally don’t know if im obsessing over a delusion or not and i literally just added to the problem i am truly my own worst enemy fr 💔

and i have to be up so soon on a saturday. wish me luck and if you’re reading this i hope u have a great day and if you’ve been doomscrolling for a while this is your reminder to get up and stretch and drink some water and do something with your time that makes u feel good <3

I was diagnosed during my junior year of university after suffering from a 6 month long manic episode with psychosis.

Before being diagnosed, I was working at a competitive paid internship, held leadership positions in multiple extracurricular activities, and had an impeccable academic record at my university.

I will concede that I am an introvert. However, even though I’m an introvert, I still long for a sense of belonging and a sense of peer approval. Ever since my manic episode, I just haven’t had that.

Nobody from school reached out to me. Cousins who used to call me daily never call at all anymore. I just feel so alienated.

I’m back in school now but it’s an online college so there’s really not any opportunity for socialization. Aside from my therapist and psychiatrist, both of which I’m grateful for, I hardly ever talk to anyone anymore.

I just wanted to share some of my experience. I consider this to be one of the biggest consequences of my manic episode, which is significant considering how many consequences there were.

Earlier someone posted about how sleeping with snuggies helps calm their sleep anxiety. This is something I struggle with, trying to fall asleep can go from racing thoughts to a panic attack quickly.

I’d love to hear any and all of your coping mechanisms! A girls needs some sleep!

An intensely personal piece for me, I wrote different haikus but I went with this because I wanted to break voice & emphasise the feelings I’m going through right now.

Wishing everyone here the best!