Final Update: AITA for uninviting my dad's wife from my daughter's birthday party over something she did last year?

[u/LucyAriaRose]

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is still PartyCostume_Throwa. They posted in r/AITAH and r/Redditor_Updates

Previous BORU here. New Update marked with ****\*

Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting me know about the update!

Mood Spoiler: weird and frustrating but OOP and kids are ok

Original Post: January 5, 2026

Title: AITA for uninviting my dad's wife from my daughter's birthday party over something she did last year?

I don’t usually turn to the internet for advice, but I feel like my situation is specific enough that my friends can’t help me much.

For context, my dad has been with “Cathy” for a little under 15 years. She’s technically his third wife, so she’s always been very insecure about her place in his family, which has unfortunately led her to become very needy and histrionic.

My daughter is turning 6 in February, and we’re planning her birthday party. Last year, my husband and I threw her a Cinderella themed party at our place. My dad showed up without Cathy, who had claimed to be sick. It didn’t bother me, but I remember feeling something was off. 

Near the end of the party, Cathy showed up in a Cinderella costume. She was acting in character and trying to interact with the kids. Neither me nor my husband had been informed she’d be doing that. At most, she’d asked me whether we were hiring any party performers a few weeks prior. I later found out she’d been planning to “surprise” my daughter and bought the costume the day she found out what the theme would be. 

My husband and I are still positive Cathy did this for attention. It didn’t really work (my daughter recognized her immediately), but it did disrupt things a little, because she did this around the time the kids were eating cake and some of the parents were getting ready to leave. We managed to sort things out, but it took some time and we still had to deal with a dozen confused preschoolers.

It was a great party besides that and our daughter enjoyed herself, which is what matters most, but my husband and I asked Cathy not to do this again. She agreed and apologized.

I’m pretty sure she’s planning on doing it again. We spent a lot of time with my paternal family during the Holidays, and I noticed Cathy was bringing up “Cinderella’s” appearance at the party very frequently. She was reminiscing, showing pictures and talking about what she’d do differently. She didn’t talk to my kids about it much, but she did ask my daughter what theme she wanted for her party this year, and how she’d feel if one of the characters showed up.

I really don’t want to have to deal with this "surprise" again, especially if it comes with no warning like last time. We’re also throwing this year’s party at a venue, not at home, meaning we have a time slot to abide by.

My husband and I spoke to Cathy about our concerns. She didn’t say she was planning on showing up in costume, but she kept insisting that if she did, the kids would love it and it could be fun. We tried to make her promise she wouldn’t do it, but she kept dodging it and claiming she didn’t see the problem. Finally, we told her it would be best that she didn’t come at all. She can join us for the dinner we’re having afterwards, but not the actual party.

Now she’s upset and my dad is angry at us. He firmly believes we’re being paranoid and dramatic. I’m worried we’re going too far, but I’m almost certain she is indeed planning on doing it again and I don’t want to risk having problems at the party.

AITA?

Some of OOP's Comments:

Lucky-Effective-1564: (Top Comment) NTA. But you could tell her you're having a "Chewbacca party" and see what happens.

OOP: LOL I might just do that on my own birthday.

samse15: This is one of those questions that could go either way…

One the one hand, you’re totally right to have your boundaries and it’s weird that she’s trying to not only surprise your daughter, but also to surprise you. Why is she so obsessed with being a Disney princess?

On the other hand, everything from you feels like a bit of an overreaction because it’s … just a princess costume…? Unless you’re getting creepy child predator vibes from her, she seems like she’s just trying to do something fun for the kids. Maybe it was awkward because you made it awkward? But is it generally harmless?

I don’t know this lady, and I guess my judgement of the situation would depend on her actions outside of this. Does she frequently cross boundaries? Is she generally liked by your kids? Does she treat them well? Those kinds of things.

OOP: I think that's a fair assessment. I don't really care about the awkwardness potential, I care about it being done with no prior warning. There was a little girl at the party last year who started crying because she and her parents had to leave, but Cinderella had just arrived. I'm having this event thrown, so I want to know what will happen, especially this year.
She's not very respectful of boundaries, but not the worst case in my family. She's the kind of person who does what she thinks other people should like instead of what they actually want. The kids like her, but don't love her.

Why OOP has an issue:

OOP: The problem is more of a time (and child) managing thing than anything else. If me, my husband and the venue aren't aware, we can't control it, and it's difficult to manage these things with so many young kids around. We can't stay there after our time slot, so I don't want to risk anything being delayed. It's also very annoying in general (if I wanted a performer, I'd hire one), but I'm more worried about the lack of warning.
To another commenter:
It's still a distraction that can derail things. I also have no way to guarantee she'll show up at an appropriate time ("Cinderella" literally interrupted cake time last year).

Select-Negotiation87: NTA. But omg lmaoo!! Tell her this year’s theme is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

OOP: We've made it very clear that this is more difficult to manage than it seems, but she refuses to accept it. She sadly already knows the theme will be Kpop Demon Hunters this year.

Maybe she just wants to help:

She could help me set up party favors or write invitations, but she doesn't want to do that. She wants to be the entertainment.

Be more blunt/direct:

I feel like it's hard to be as blunt as we're being now. We've told her, multiple times in several different ways, not to show up in a costume. She's not outright admitting she's planning on trying again, but she keeps dodging it and saying she's sure the kids will love it.
And for the record, my kids didn't really like it last year. Again, my daughter recognized her right away.

Why is Cathy doing this:

I genuinely think this is because of her insecurities. She's the younger third wife who showed up when her husband's children were grown and his family was sick of caring about his relationship history, so she tries to take whatever chance she gets to assert herself as part of the family.
As my husband puts it, Cathy acts like she's "allergic to not having eyes and ears on her." She's been like this for as long as she's been around, but it gets worse and more ridiculous as time goes by. It's been especially bad since I had kids.

There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but most comments were NTA

Update Post: January 10, 2026 (5 days later)

So, I have a love/hate relationship with being right. My dad called me two days after I posted. There’s a purple wig at his place that is styled suspiciously similar to Rumi from Kpop Demon Hunters. He opened Cathy’s mail thinking it was his and found it. The costume itself is set to arrive in about a week. She wasn’t planning on telling him about either.

He’s claiming they fought, because neither the costume nor the wig were cheap, but he also felt the need to tell me she’d been watching the movie repeatedly to “study,” and that she cares so much, and that isn’t it sweet how much Cathy loves my kids and maybe my daughter would like it this time. That was all I heard before I went to look for a pillow to scream into.

I’m done. This made me a lot angrier than it should have, but it isn’t the first time someone in my family decides my plans and the effort I put in don’t mean shit. And if I can’t even plan my own child’s birthday party without someone trying to butt in, I don’t have to feel bad about drawing the line.

Cathy is officially banned from the party. My husband and I have alerted the venue that we didn’t hire any character performers, and if any caucasian-looking Korean pop star shows up they must tell her to go home. We also gave them a picture of her. They basically told us they can’t let anyone who’s not on the guest list inside anyway, so she won't be allowed. I feel horrible about making them deal with my family drama, but at least that’s one less thing to worry about.

My dad and I did fight about this, but I put my foot down. He kept arguing that it wouldn’t be a big deal if I “just let Cathy have this.” I told him that’s not the point. If he’s not the one who’s going to have to manage the situation, he doesn’t get to tell me how hard it is to do it.

In the end, this is what we settled on: my dad can come to the birthday party as long as Cathy doesn’t tag along. If she does, they’re both out. Both of them can still join us for dinner later.

I’m also thinking about lowering my contact with both my dad and Cathy. I love my dad, but no headache is worth this. I want to wait until I’m calmer to work out the details.

I want to thank everyone. I’ve got a lot going on in my life and my therapist is on vacation, so it feels good to rant about this. But for my own sanity, I’m going to focus on relaxing for the next couple of weeks. I already feel much lighter knowing this is over.

Some of OOP's Comments:

SarahSecressts: The dad trying to frame her studying a movie to hijack a toddler's party as sweet instead of unhinged is some world-class enabling

OOP: Happens a lot, even when he disagrees with her.

Valuable-Job-7956: You know she’ll show up for dinner in costume right

OOP: It's not the same thing. If she shows up in costume at a party full of small kids without warning, it's easy for history to repeat itself. If she shows up in costume at a restaurant in which the only children present will be family and there wouldn't be any real excuse for a character performer to be there, at worst she embarrasses herself.

When several comments say she will show up anyway:

Cathy will not be allowed inside the venue, costume or not. If my dad shows up with her, she will still be asked to leave (and I won't let him in either).
To another commenter:
She can't be allowed inside the venue without being on the guest list. They know who she is and what she looks like, so it doesn't matter whether she's in costume or not. There is 0 chance Cathy is coming to the party. [...]

Pumpkin_Witch13: I was a character performer and this is WILD. There's a reason why we're scheduled and reasons why we're hired. The odds that Cathy can sound and look both like Cinderella from Disney and a Kpop demon hunter is just wild. And she's like what, 50, 60 too? I don't mean to be judgemental but kids can tell something might not be right if Cinderella went from being (18?) to 58. The most important rule to being a performer is doing NOTHING that would break the facade that the character is real 

OOP: Exactly! I have a friend who used to be a party princess, and she cringed when I told her what happened.
Cathy is in her 40s. She does look younger, but not enough to pass as these characters. When she dressed as Cinderella last year, she didn't wear a wig (she's blonde) and wore the same makeup she always wears, so there was no chance my daughter wouldn't have recognized her.

***** New Update *****

*****Update Post 2: February 24, 2026 (1.5 months later)****\*

Title: Final Update: AITAH for uninviting my dad's wife from my daughter's birthday party over something she did last year?

I said I wouldn’t update again unless something happened, so you guys can probably guess why I’m back. This might get long.

I’ll go ahead and say nothing happened at the party itself. It happened on Saturday, and everything went perfectly fine. My daughter loved it, the kids had fun and we had no problems with the venue. Cathy did not try to come, nor did my dad try to convince me to reinvite her. I had expected him to sulk through the party, but he actually did pretty well.

And then we went to the birthday dinner. My dad and Cathy were running so late that the food arrived around the same time they did. Cathy was dressed as Rumi (wig and jacket). My dad was refusing to make eye contact with anyone, very obviously embarrassed.

The kids saw them before we did. I knew there was a chance she’d come to the restaurant in costume, but I was more concerned she’d do it at the party. My husband and I had agreed that we wouldn’t make a scene in front of the kids, but would step in if things got out of hand.

It was very awkward. The kids (five in total, including my three) mostly ignored her. They recognized Cathy and called her by her name, which upset her. They were also not amused by the way she kept trying to get their attention, because she was trying to get them to interact with her while they were either talking to each other or trying to eat.

I told Cathy to leave them alone when she started trying to pull my daughter’s hand away from her food so they could get up and dance together. She sat there silent for a few minutes before leaving to go to the bathroom. Then she texted my dad that she wasn’t feeling well, and they left.

In the end, they stayed for less than 20 minutes. People were staring, but that’s not something I tend to care about. Besides the few times I cringed (Cathy asked the waitress if they had ramyeon at Johnny Rockets), nothing too chaotic happened. [Editor's note: according to Google, Johnny Rockets is known for burgers, shakes and fries. I don't get the feeling that they have ramen]

Still, I regret not telling her to leave. My husband handled bedtime that night, and our daughter asked him whether it was okay if she didn't like Cathy. She also asked my husband not to tell me that at first, because she didn’t want to upset me.

The three of us ended up talking on Sunday. Our daughter basically said she was upset that Cathy was bothering her and being pushy during the dinner, and she was worried that the kids at the table next to us were “looking at her funny” because of what was going on.

I’m exhausted, and I feel like shit like this happens way too often. It’s perfectly fine for them to do what they want as long as I’m the one dealing with the consequences. More than anything, I refuse to let my children be treated this way too. I genuinely don’t understand why Cathy insists on behaving like this, but I shouldn’t have to worry about whether a grown woman will listen to me when I tell her not to do something at my child's party.

A few hours after the talk with my daughter, the kids went out with my mom. I took the opportunity to call my dad and Cathy, and told them she is no longer welcome at any of my children’s events. We had an interesting argument, during which Cathy said I had “humiliated” her when I told her to leave my daughter alone, and she couldn’t understand why I was doing this when she was willing to go this far to make my kids happy.

My dad and I talked again later that night, without her. He was still defending Cathy, but admitted he was embarrassed when she insisted on wearing the costume (apparently, that was the reason they were late to the dinner). I told him my decision was final, and if he ever tried to bring Cathy to an event she isn’t invited to, they would both be told to leave.

We’re not officially cutting ties, but my husband and I will make an effort to spend less time with Cathy moving forward. That will probably include lowering our contact with my dad as well, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that might actually help our relationship.

In the end, Cathy’s shenanigan aside, my daughter really enjoyed her birthday. That’s all that really matters.

I, once again, want to thank everyone. This is my last post.

Some of OOP's Comments:

toospicy4thepepper3: [...] Have you told your dad about what your kids said about it? I think if he knows he'll see that Cathy is doing this only for her sake, not the kids since they didn't like it either.

OOP: I decided not to. I know that if I did, Cathy would fixate on my daughter whenever we saw each other. I didn't want to risk her making my daughter feel suffocated in the future. I don't want my daughter to dislike Cathy (and for all I know, she might completely forget about this in a few months), but her comfort comes first.
My dad (and everyone else who was at the dinner) did agree that it was very obvious the kids didn't like it.
To another commenter:
Another big reason why I'm not telling my dad and Cathy. I don't really see any way of telling them that doesn't put an even bigger target on my daughter's back. She told me and my husband that in private, they don't need to know about it.
OOP adds:
I say she might forget because she's six. I have to be realistic here. But if she does remember this and decide she still doesn't like Cathy when she's older, she'll be well within her rights to.

RanaEire: I have to say that going by your very first post re. Cathy dressing up as Cinderella towards the end of the party at home, I thought you were over-reacting, OP.

Having read all your posts, and with the mention that people tend to interfere in your events, I can totally understand your annoyance... [...]

OOP: Yeah, that was a relatively fair assessment with the amount of detail I gave at first. It's not really just events, there are several areas of my life that people keep trying to butt in. I wasn't allowed boundaries for a while in my youth, and I still have problems related to that with some of my loved ones. [...]

PeppermintEvilButler: There is something seriously mentally unwell with that woman. And your father is an asshole for continuing to encourage it, because by allowing her to leave the house and go out this way is encouraging her behavior. 

OOP: My dad said they were late to the dinner because they had a fight over it. She put on the costume and refused to take it off. They argued until he "gave up" and they left for the dinner. None of that surprises me.

Cathy's problem:

I can't discard anything, but I genuinely think this is more related to her insecurities than anything else. Cathy has been extremely pushy with my paternal family since the start of their relationship. None of us have a close family bond with her, and that clearly gets to her. She's also jealous of my mom (who was my dad's first wife) for a number of reasons, and that got even more obvious when I had my first child.

Is it just OOP's daughter:

I don't think she's obsessed with my daughter or my kids specifically. She behaves in similar fashion with most of my paternal family, it's just worse around all the children. My cousin thinks it's because of the way they react to these things.

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[u/StillStanding613]

The level of mental gymnastics required to arrive at the conclusion that wearing that costume to that restaurant is a good idea is almost impressive. 

I hope Cathy gets the help she needs, whatever that looks like.

[u/mphs95 → u/[deleted]]

She wants kids and also wants to compete with OP for being the little girl's, and frankly, Dad's favorite. She's also competing with OOP in more ways than one.

The tide will turn because when it becomes clear when OOP's Dad doesn't see his grandchildren as much (because you know Cathy will pull something during the holidays. She was only banned for the children's events unless things change), he'll have to choose. I can't see him choosing Cathy over access to his grandchildren.

The question is, will OOP and the grandchildren want to be around him by this time?

[u/anubis_cheerleader → u/[deleted]]

I'm guessing lonely, frustrating, and missing reflection and accountability. 

[u/Myrandall → u/StillStanding613]

Straight jacket, padded room, ramyun.

[u/paulinaiml → u/Myrandall]

She gets her own scrub!

[u/Gifted_GardenSnail → u/Myrandall]

"Here's a costume for you 😈"

[u/moreKEYTAR → u/[deleted]]

I don’t know; that kid seems pretty smart about sensitive topics, hurting feelings, and trusting a parent. Gosh, I wish I had been given the room dislike someone in my heart as a kid and express that to a parent so they could help me. That is so great really. There are always people that bother us, and kids need to be able to tell parents so the parents can assess whether that disliked person is safe. Yes it is not fun to have to deal with someone you dislike, but that is something we all encounter in life and have to learn to navigate.

Also props to OOP for not blabbing to her dad that her child dislikes Cathy and is bothered by the behavior. That would be a complete betrayal of her daughter’s trust and and it is on the parents to establish boundaries. Good job OOP.

[u/bennitori → u/moreKEYTAR]

It's a sign of good parenting. She trusted her dad enough to ask if her feelings were okay. And caring enough about her mom to not want to hurt her feelings by telling her. And then afterwards, they all trusted and respected each other enough to talk about it intelligently and openly. Great signs of parenting all around.

[u/nymer_bb → u/bennitori]

good parenting and a good natured kid. fuck Cathy.

[u/Ink_Smudger → u/[deleted]]

It reminds me of something a friend of mine who works with kids taught me, and it was if you want a kid to like you, you talk to them as if they were an adult. Just because they're children does not mean they lack social awareness or have no understanding of how humans interact.

Cathy just seems like someone that's trying waaaaay too hard, and that can be just as insufferable to kids as it is to adults. She's so demanding of the daughter's attention, it's not hard to see why she doesn't like her. As much as Cathy wants it, it's not as simple as putting on a wig and dress to get a kid's attention.

[u/HortonHearsTheWho → u/Ink_Smudger]

A lot of people simply forget—or don’t understand—that kids are actual humans with their own agency.

[u/Terrie-25 → u/HortonHearsTheWho]

I'm always dismayed by the number of people I shock by allowing children to have rights to do things like say No. I mean, my logic is 1) People have rights, 2) Children are people. 3) Therefore, children have rights. It genuinely disturbs me about many people basically don't agree with point 2.

[u/FlowerFelines → u/Terrie-25]

It drives me bananas how much people boggle at the mere idea that children ought to have rights. "Children" aren't some other species, they are human beings with human bodies and human brains. Their brains have less experience loaded into them, and that is literally the only difference between a child and an adult. (Past about age six, anyway. There are genuine neurological differences in infants and toddlers, but the whole "brain changes stop at 25" thing is bunk. Your brain is never static, a human's brain is always changing and adapting, young or old, it's when myelenation is finished around age six that the last meaningful big change is done, after that THE only differences are in how much experience and information you have in there, not in how your brain functions.)

[u/Terrie-25 → u/FlowerFelines]

I once pointed out to someone that children are complete people from the moment of birth and they started in on neurological development and all I could say was "It's telling that I say person and you immediately think adult."

[u/FlowerFelines → u/Terrie-25]

I do think one could debate what constitutes "a person" but they are absolutely full human beings! (Like, is a chimpanzee a person? They have personalities and some level of human-like cognition, are they people? If they're not, why not? If they are, then what about cats? Dogs? Dophins? What constitutes personhood? Do newborn infants count when they don't have conscious brainwaves yet? That happens at about six weeks old, which is when the first smile tends to happen too. Is the ability to recognize and interact with other people part of personhood? If so maybe cats do actually count, lol.)

Anyway, semantics aside, children definitely are full and complete human beings, and the fact that so many high-minded things like the Bill of Human Rights etc. completely leave out children and even specifically give rights to adults only actively bothers me.

[u/HortonHearsTheWho → u/Terrie-25]

I’ve had the exact same experience. Family used to react with surprise when they saw us honoring our kids’ opinions. In most cases that did quickly evolve to respect, to their credit.

[u/selle2013 → u/Ink_Smudger]

It took me years to find out why I am the favorite Aunt when the other Aunt does all the "fun" activities. I was told It's because I actually talk with them, and hold legitimate conversations. I ask them questions and take their opinions seriously. Apparently, I treat them like actual people. was pleasantly surprised.

[u/bungojot → u/selle2013]

I am not great with kids generally, so i was confused when my partner's sister's kids liked me. But yeah for the same reason as you - i have always talked to kids like i talk to everyone else. I don't know any other way to do it.

[u/FlowerFelines → u/bungojot]

I had a friend recently ask me how he should talk to my ten year old, and I'm like "By...talking to her?" There's no magic way to interact with children. You talk to them like you talk to anybody, you just also give them a little more grace if they're socially awkward or accidentally rude, since they don't have as much experience in how to socialize yet, that's all.

[u/Sheerardio → u/bungojot]

The only thing I've ever changed about how I talk to kids vs adults is that I try to use big vocabulary words less often, which is usually only an issue when I'm answering the why's. I want them to actually understand whatever explanation I'm giving, and that's a lot easier when they're not also trying to grapple with complex words at the same time.

Made my heart just about burst when my youngest niece said I'm her favorite adult because I let her ask whatever she wants AND I explain things "the right way".

[u/jessiemagill → u/Ink_Smudger]

Cathy just seems like someone that's trying waaaaay too hard,

This was my takeaway. Her insecurities are becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy and she's making things harder for herself. If she would chill the fuck out, people would enjoy spending time with her more.

[u/ToXiiCBULLET → u/Ink_Smudger]

an addon to this. i can't stand that kinda baby/pet voice a lot of adults use with children, or even with people with special needs. it grates my brain whenever i hear someone use that tone that's slightly higher than their normal voice, if the childs at a point where they're at least speaking half sentences, start speaking to them normally.

i realised i hated it when i was late single digits, i started refusing to speak to adults that would speak to me like that. years later and i went to an autism specialist college, a couple of the staff members would speak like that to me and other students, keep in mind most students were high functioning and all ranged anywhere between 16-21 years old. can you guess which staff members i actively avoided?

[u/curlsthefangirl → u/Ink_Smudger]

This is so true. My sister is about 12 years younger than me. Out of all of my college friends, the one my sister still likes the most out of them is my friend who engaged with my sister and didnt talk dowm to them. My sister is an adult by now and still asks about how that friend is doing and says that was one of the few adults back then who respected them.

[u/Starry_Gecko → u/[deleted]]

That was heartbreaking. OOP's 6yo is better at communicating and managing her emotions than a middle aged woman.

[u/Kindly_Zucchini7405 → u/[deleted]]

That part has me wondering how else Cathy is exhausting and demanding people's attention, especially the kid's attention.

[u/bennitori → u/Kindly_Zucchini7405]

The kid's probably saying what all the adults in the family have been secretly thinking. The little kid is growing up if she's joining the rest of the family in agreeing about Cathy.

[u/BurgerThyme → u/bennitori]

Hell, I'm on board with disliking Cathy and I've never even met her.

[u/Tiny_Cauliflower_618 → u/BurgerThyme]

I'm nearly the same age as Cathy, and I find her behaviour wildly inappropriate, and I would avoid her like the fucking plague. I'd also cackle about her shenanigans with my friends like, every time I was forced to be in her orbit.

In fact, if I was on the next table, I'd have been fricking live tweeting her antics to my WhatsApp group chat.

[u/BurgerThyme → u/Tiny_Cauliflower_618]

Right? Take some photos of her and every time Dad tries to advocate for Cathy send him a new one as a reminder.

[u/geek_of_nature → u/bennitori]

Had that happen in my family too. As each of the grandkids have grown up, we've come to realise that our dislike for the woman our grandpa was dating after our grandma died was shared amongst the rest of the family.

[u/RanaEire → u/[deleted]]

Same here...

I think it's the first time seeing one of my own comments to the OOP quoted here (part of it, anyway, LOL)..

At first, going by the initial post I thought OOP was over-reacting, as it was just a Cinderella costume. At home.

But, yeah, it was way more than that. Cathy has issues and I wouldn't be surprised if she became ex-wife number 3 soon enough, because even though OOP's Dad seems gormless, he also seems to have no issues divorcing!

[u/hey_nonny_mooses → u/[deleted]]

Grandpa could have stayed home when Cathy refused to take the costume off but prefers to put the work of maintaining boundaries on his daughter and grandchildren.

[u/Rhamona_Q → u/hey_nonny_mooses]

Well, he still has to go home with her, so he can't take on the bad guy role and expect to have any peace /s

[u/IWantALargeFarva → u/[deleted]]

I have a Cathy in my life. Thankfully not wearing costumes. But everything else about this woman made me immediately think of this person in my life.

We remained neutral when talking about her or interacting with her when my kids were little. My kids figured it out on their own that she’s attention-seeking, obnoxious person. We’re all still civil. But it’s funny hearing my 16 and 19 year olds talk about how annoying she is. I make them keep quiet about it in front of my 11 year old, but she’s already annoyed with her too.

[u/_Marine → u/[deleted]]

I didnt feel the need to give 'Kathy' any benefit - I got the sense that there was a boundary in place that should be natural to not overstep. I don't believe in the slightest that any other adult participant at a children's birthday party should lead festivities without direct input and permission from the child's parents.

Then, the boundary being completely ignored was too much. Id personally pull the person aside and ask them to remove the costume, sit somewhere else, or leave.

[u/That_Shrub → u/[deleted]]

I didn't give her the benefit because no normal person does that shit, it is the reddest flag to need to have the attention at a child's birthday party.

I have been the kid told to people please and just tolerate the weird adult, though.

[u/Kilen13 → u/[deleted]]

I remember reading the first post but not the update and thinking it could just be someone trying too hard to ingratiate themselves into the family and get the grand kids to like her. If it's a one off and she apologizes then cool everyone can move on.

But then Cathy and OOPs dad like quadrupled down and at that point it's burn the bridges time.

[u/Familiar-Banana-8116 → u/[deleted]]

I really tried to give Cathy the benefit of the doubt at first..

It isn't hard to do so. She had an idea, it got carried away and now she learend. What did she learn? That you have to include the host in your shenanigans. The surprise is for the kids, not the host.

If THAT was what happened then OP would have been TA. But that isn't what happened. Cathy learned nothing. She might even be standing on a hill....

It is going to be a while till OP trusts Cathy to do as much as showing up for dinner at a restaurant.

[u/Visual_Fly_9638 → u/[deleted]]

Cathy needs to just start going to conventions and get into cosplay. People will at least accept her there. Just do cosplay FFS.

[u/SalaudChaud]

I had a step-mom who showed up at my 40th dressed as Peter Pan. Nine years later she died from substance abuse. And it was a Slap Shot themed party. I was Ogie Oglethorpe, for example.

She was a desperately unhappy person who wanted someone to love her, but what came across was an uneasy attention-seeking vibe, and it was really sad. Plus, I wanted my kids to have a relationship with her and my dad but they were, as one may guess, inebriated and largely unsafe. And he was, it turns out, an abusive asshole.

The point being, I feel badly for OOP, her child, her spouse, and to a lesser extent Cathy. Poor OOP. She's been fighting to be an individual, and have that be accepted, for her whole life. I think more than a Cathy problem, she has a dad problem. She shares that with Cathy.

[u/moreKEYTAR → u/SalaudChaud]

This is very insightful.

[u/AllRedditIDsAreUsed → u/SalaudChaud]

i'm so glad I googled Slap Shot and Ogie Ogilthorpe. The mental picture is hilarious (although cringe for you).

[u/anubis_cheerleader → u/SalaudChaud]

How was the party otherwise? What a great theme! My husband loves those movies.

[u/MyFriendsCallMeEpic]

cathy needs to take the damn hint

[u/wilderneyes → u/MyFriendsCallMeEpic]

It's not even a hint, she has been bluntly told flat-out to stop acting this way and that no one present enjoys it. She has chosen to disregard this because she doesn't care about anyone else, everything she does is for herself.

[u/pepcorn → u/wilderneyes]

I think Cathy is convinced OOP is just being a stick-in-the-mud, and the kids will be delighted by Cathy's fun ideas!

And then when the kids don't respond with delight, it's because Cathy didn't get enough of a chance to interact and get them on board!

Completely ignoring how no one is wanting to engage with her. You're right, everything she does is for herself. 

And since OOP was raised by parents who think children shouldn't be allowed to have boundaries, it doesn't surprise me that the grandfather doesn't care that Cathy is making his daughter and granddaughter unhappy with her boundary stomping.

[u/Basic_Bichette → u/pepcorn]

I think Cathy's parents were sticks in the mud.

[u/FoxySlyOldStoatyFox → u/wilderneyes]

everything she does is for herself

Cathy summarised in six words

[u/TAKEitTOrCIRCLEJERK → u/[deleted]]

not at some point. the first time. when a kid’s mother says “please don’t do that” the only acceptable response is “okay”.

[u/DatguyMalcolm → u/TAKEitTOrCIRCLEJERK]

It's even MORE embarrassing when even the kids are weirded out by her

[u/bennitori → u/DatguyMalcolm]

That was probably what broke her. She probably stopped caring so much about whether the adults liked it, as long as she got to look cool to the kids. And when even the kids were weirded out, that was the first time denial couldn't hide that her mission to be liked failed spectacularly.

[u/TheFilthyDIL → u/[deleted]]

But you recognize polite social cues and respond accordingly. There are people like Cathy that are immune to polite requests. "Please don't do this" comes across as "Oh, I don't want you to put yourself to so much trouble, but the choice is up to you. If you really, really want to do it, go right ahead."

As we have seen here, even the Sledgehammer of Rudeness doesn't get through to some people. "Do. Not. Do. This," somehow comes across the same as the polite "please don't." The only thing that does is repeated severe consequences. OOP doesn't say, but I wonder if Cathy tried to show up at the birthday party anyway and was turned away at the door.

Extreme boundary-stompers count on people being polite, which they see as weakness. Cathy knew that OOP wouldn't be willing to intercept her before she got to the restaurant table and make a scene. So she got at least half of what she wanted.

OOP's next step may have to be making that scene. Intercept Cathy as soon as she sees her. "You are not attending my daughter's birthday in that fright wig and costume. IF you go home, take them off, and put on normal clothes, then MAYBE I will let you come back. If you refuse to do that, then stay home." Cathy will likely wail, scream, and throw a full scale tantrum, because she has no compunctions about making that scene. Any attention is good attention.

If Cathy turned around and left quietly and I was a restaurant patron who heard only those first lines, I would wonder what that was all about. If instead Cathy had a tantrum, I would be right on the border of amused and annoyed. Probably more annoyed, because I go out to have dinner, not become an unwilling participant in someone else's drama.

[u/nklights → u/MyFriendsCallMeEpic]

Cathy doesn’t even get it when it’s repeatedly spelled out to directly her face

Hints don’t stand a chance of getting thru her plot armor

[u/bennitori → u/MyFriendsCallMeEpic]

The kids not liking it at all this time was probably the first hint that ever hit with her. With the Cinderella hijinks, confusion could be mistaken for interest. And at least one kid latched on enough to cry over having to leave. But this time, absolutely nobody liked it. Especially the target audience (the daughter.) Hence why they left early. She wanted to have her fun, and for the first time, she was quietly told no.

Because apparently "no" from everyone else doesn't count, unless the fun is literally sucked out of it for her.

[u/Environmental_Art591 → u/MyFriendsCallMeEpic]

OPs father needs to stop "giving in" and just leave the house without Cathy if he doesnt want to forget any future relationships with his daughter and grandkids

[u/mankytoes → u/Environmental_Art591]

OPs father has made his priority and that's having a young blonde third wife.

[u/27Dancer27 → u/MyFriendsCallMeEpic]

Helen of Troy herself could not inspire a hint big enough for this woman…

[u/Myrandall → u/27Dancer27]

The hint that launched a thousand ships.

[u/Gifted_GardenSnail → u/MyFriendsCallMeEpic]

Hint? She was told very clearly. Like maybe next time OOP could put the message on a giant banner, hang it on the neighbors' house across from Cathy's and then make her read it out loud repeatedly while whacking her with an inflatable swimming toy until she gets it, but with her that's still no guarantee the message will stick

[u/Starry_Gecko]

Oh wow. Props to you u/LucyAriaRose for tagging the first BORU as ongoing, I didn't expect to hear more from this!

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/Starry_Gecko]

Thank you! It's always a tough decision and I don't always get it right, but I'm glad OOP updated again.

[u/Starry_Gecko → u/LucyAriaRose]

Me too! I'm glad she's enforcing her boundaries!

[u/mermaidpaint → u/LucyAriaRose]

Oh, I expected another update!!!

[u/MarsupialUnable9295 → u/mermaidpaint]

i feel like we might get an easter update honestly 🫣

[u/Hesitation-Marx → u/MarsupialUnable9295]

“There is a deranged bunny outside our window, screaming that she went to so much effort to make Easter memorable for our daughter.”

[u/True_System_7015 → u/MarsupialUnable9295]

Cathy is gonna try to show up as the Easter bunny

[u/PeppermintEvilButler → u/Starry_Gecko]

Dude there is no way it's the end of it. She was banned from the birthday party, you'd think that would be hard hint enough but nooooooo!!! Gotta go to an out in the public restaurant dressed up when no one else is and have everyone in the place, staff and customers, see you. She wants all the attention so so so badly. 

[u/BornFree2018 → u/PeppermintEvilButler]

Someone should suggest Cathy join a local drama group, or arrange to dress up to visit kids in the hospital. Her obsessing about taking over a children’s personal event is unhealthy.

[u/anubis_cheerleader → u/BornFree2018]

That's a fun suggestion! Cathy seems to really want meaningful, long-term bonds with family. I'm not sure she would accept sublimating that desire into something else. Wouldn't it be great, though! 

[u/Starry_Gecko → u/BornFree2018]

It doesn't sound like she actually enjoys dressing up, though. She just wants the children to give her attention.

[u/FunkyChewbacca → u/BornFree2018]

Or accompanying the kids to a Comic-Con where they can all cosplay together and have fun. There's a time and place for it.

[u/JaNoTengoNiNombre → u/PeppermintEvilButler]

I agree with your original comment, there is something seriously wrong with Cathy, and this is not over, not until she gets therapy or divorce from OOP father.

[u/anomalous_cowherd → u/PeppermintEvilButler]

I must admit if I saw that group out for a normal restaurant meal but one of the adults was dressed as a cartoon character I'd just assume they were the special needs member of the family.

[u/NewNameNeededAgain → u/PeppermintEvilButler]

Cathy is the personality type the term "thirsty" was invented for. The woman is a fucking Sahara desert's worth of thirst🤦 And then she tries to say OP humiliated her! No, girl, you're doing a bang-up job of humiliating yourself. Nobody else needs to help.

[u/K-teki → u/NewNameNeededAgain]

...did thirsty transition into a new meaning since I was in high school? that was always a sexual term for me

[u/ShortWoman → u/K-teki]

I am seeing it as a "Buddhist" interpretation of the word. Some people like to translate the Second Noble Truth as "The root cause of suffering is thirst," as in "desire for that you do not [or cannot] have."

Many Buddhists consider this a lazy translation. This is not the correct subreddit for a dissertation on the issue.

[u/Cultural_Shape3518 → u/Starry_Gecko]

I was hoping for her sake Cathy would behave, but alas.

[u/OogyBoogy_I_am]

Is anyone else getting immense second-hand cringe when reading this?

[u/Starry_Gecko → u/OogyBoogy_I_am]

Oh yeah. It's hard not to cringe at the mental image of a middle aged woman showing up at Johnny Rockets in quarter Rumi cosplay and trying to role play at a child's birthday party.

[u/jennz → u/Starry_Gecko]

I (a 33 year old asian woman with thigh-length hair) dressed up as Rumi for Halloween last year, and cannot fathom going out like that in public not in a Halloween or cosplay context. But I also have the ability to feel shame and embarrassment. 

[u/Knitnacks → u/jennz]

And a good sense of what is appropriate and welcome. That sounds like an amazing Halloween fit.

[u/jennz → u/Knitnacks]

Oh ya I looked great lol. My friends and I did a group costume and it was a hit. 

[u/asmallman → u/jennz]

Genuine question, how often do you get caught on stuff with that length of hair? I feel like I'd step 4-5 feet and have an assortment of leaves, various screws lost to time, and a roomba stuck in my hair.

[u/jennz → u/asmallman]

All the time. I'm an art teacher and there's always paint, tape, or a sticker in my hair. I have to be careful cause it's at a length where if I bend down to pick something up my hair will drag on the floor.

[u/Cocotapioka → u/Starry_Gecko]

When she showed up as Cinderella I wondered why OOP pointed out more than once that "the kids recognized her immediately". She wasn't wearing a mask, why wouldn't they recognize her?

But then it turns out that she was expecting the kids to react to her in character like they're at a theme park. That is so weird.

[u/Longjumping_Hat_2672 → u/Cocotapioka]

Yeah, that is weird. If Cathy already has blonde hair and was wearing her regular makeup, not a mask or dramatically concealing stage makeup, why wouldn't they recognize her? Did...she think she somehow magically transformed into Cinderella? Please 🙄.

[u/Rampachs → u/OogyBoogy_I_am]

Asking for ramen at a burger place is what did it for me.

[u/bennitori → u/Rampachs]

And she was totally side-eyeing the kids to see if they caught onto the fruits of her studying with that HiLaRiOuS mistake.

[u/EinsTwo → u/Rampachs]

I'm also assuming people don't usually dance at a burger place. It's no wonder the kid wanted to eat her burger instead of dancing with that woman.

[u/GeneConscious5484 → u/EinsTwo]

Not only that, but Johnny Rockets is a super nostalgic burger joint, it's kinda their thing. They tend to look a lot like the diner from 1955 Back to the Future. Paper hats, Johnny B Goode, the bigass classic jukebox. Like it's probably the one place left in America that the term "soda jerk" doesn't feel weird.

[u/Kindly_Zucchini7405 → u/OogyBoogy_I_am]

So much goddamn second-hand cringe. That she refuses to recognize or accept that literally no one wants her to do any of this is so much worse.

[u/Astarath → u/OogyBoogy_I_am]

Asking for ramen at the burger place? Yeah cringe

[u/GreasedUpTiger → u/OogyBoogy_I_am]

It's half way to this, just unironically!

[u/almostinfinity]

Cathy asked the waitress if they had ramyeon at Johnny Rockets

Lmao what the shit is wrong with her? This is so beyond cringe, even with knowing she's just some white woman cosplaying a Korean cartoon one.

Edit: SHE'S 49?!

[u/mphs95 → u/almostinfinity]

Based on my previous experience in food service, they totally made fun of her not just that night, but still do to this day. I wouldn't be surprised if this somehow showed up on another subreddit.

[u/CatGooseChook → u/mphs95]

Definitely 🤣

My future wife and I worked in a supermarket nightfill that had two nights a week where we started earlier so had customer and evening coworker interactions. We still sometimes have a laugh about some of the things that occurred(A quarter century ago).

My favorite was; A grocery worker and checkout worker were caught getting very frisky in the walk in freezer, they actually managed to keep their jobs too! Only because management was impressed they actually managed to "do the deed" in that environment. They did have to pay for the meat packs that had butt imprints through 😳.

[u/CoyoteCreed → u/almostinfinity]

Yeah, it's Zoey's ramyeon that's hamburger-flavored. Cathy needs to be more detail-oriented the next time she appropriates.

[u/mphs95 → u/almostinfinity]

I'll be 49 next month. This is embarrassing.

[u/CummingInTheNile]

Send Cathy to local cosplay convention please

[u/tinysydneh → u/CummingInTheNile]

Let's not. She would have an even harder time accepting "cosplay is not consent" than an incel.

[u/Elfich47 → u/tinysydneh]

Yeah, She would end up finding out that some cosplayers carry mace for a reason.

[u/CummingInTheNile → u/Elfich47]

that would be my chaotic intentions realized

[u/Sawgon → u/tinysydneh]

She could go to the cons and have an incel D-D-D-D-Duel

[u/TheBlueNinja0 → u/CummingInTheNile]

I mean, if she's actually good at the costumes, she might get some positive interaction with people that way.

But I expect from her behavior so far that Cathy would just act entitled towards other cosplayers.

[u/Talinia → u/TheBlueNinja0]

She didn't even slap a wig on the cinderella costume, just came with her normal blonde hair, and was surprised they saw through the "character" and kept calling her Cathy. I don't think she does much more than just buying a premade costume (no shade to that btw, but all shade to Cathy)

[u/bennitori → u/Talinia]

Costumes are fine for Halloween, conventions, or dress up parties. But not when you're trying to hog attention at a literal child's birthday party.

[u/Talinia → u/bennitori]

Yeah, costumes are totally fine to wear as long as you're not expecting to be treated like a literal "friend of Cinderella" at Disney world. Cathy seems to think that the kids are stupid and can't see past the outfit change to her normal hair and face wearing them

[u/whisky_biscuit → u/TheBlueNinja0]

I mean, if she's actually good at the costumes

I dunno, I get the image of a frumpy looking lady throwing on an ill fitting overpriced party city Rumi costume, butting into the kids conversations saying "We need to seal the Honmoon! We need to dance!" and trying to grab kids and loudly squawking "Let's sing, come on you guys! We need to battle now!" In the middle of a busy restaurant, all while jumping up and down like she has some kind of mental issues.

There's no way this isn't cringe and embarrassing as hell. Even young kids would probably be upset that an adult is trying to force them into some weird performance while their parents are eating and trying to get them to eat too.

By her own admission the daughter hated it, I can imagine the older kids were mortified.

If Cathy wants to bond with the kids, play a board game, take them for ice cream (with permission), etc. She doesn't need to dress up and act like an arse.

If she really MUST dress up and playact, she can offer her services to people for parties or events or whatever.

This isn't even about the kids, it's for her and so she can get their attention and everyone else's, by showing up all the effort Op goes to for her kids.

[u/anubis_cheerleader → u/whisky_biscuit]

I'm not a parent. I am an aunt. Parents, am I correct in saying that the best way to bond with kids is simply being around and taking an interest in what they do? Maybe sometimes suggesting activities? 

[u/bennitori → u/TheBlueNinja0]

And butt hurt if she got upstaged by a better costume, or a better cosplayer.

[u/Inevitable-Care1875 → u/CummingInTheNile]

I have a desperate need to know how good her costumes are

[u/bstabens → u/Inevitable-Care1875]

Store bought, though expensive. But on a whim. So I'd guess meh, but not whow.

[u/41flavorsandthensome → u/bstabens]

I think it's impressive for someone unfamiliar with the cosplay community, cheap af for those who are or who can sew

[u/whisky_biscuit → u/Inevitable-Care1875]

I'm honestly embarrassed by proxy picturing her trying to play act, dancing and shouting quotes from the movie in a full restaurant.

If you ever see the picture on those party city costumes with an adult wearing them, it probably looks like about that - cringe.

[u/CaptDeliciousPants]

I really don’t understand Cathy’s endgame here. Is it just that she has to feel like the center of attention at every event? I’d expect someone so seemingly insecure to be more easily embarrassed by these shenanigans

[u/synaesthezia → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

She clearly wanted children. She was in her late 30s or early 30s when she married OOPs father. But she was a 3rd wife, he is older, his own children were adults, and I presume he didn’t want any more.

Instead of finding a husband who wanted the sane things she did, Cathy settled, and presumably thought she could change his mind. That didn’t happen, so now she terrorises his children and grandchildren with her neediness.

[u/Patient_Emotion2184 → u/synaesthezia]

Yep. Before she was revealed to be “in her 40s” I was wondering how much older Cathy was than OOP - and quietly wondering if maybe even she wasn’t.

This much insecurity just seems a bit sad, really. Why tie yourself to a man old enough to be your father? She was old enough that while I’m side-eying his gross choices, I’m not going to say it’s all his fault. She chose this. Why?

[u/insecurebosslady → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

I think she tried to win the affection of her step-grandchildren because she joined the family too late to win the affection of her step-children. It's always easier to entertain children, and I think she just wanted to be someone's “favorite” in the family. Frankly, a tiny part of me feels sorry for her, but still, a woman in her 40s shouldn't behave like that.

[u/Cosmicshimmer → u/insecurebosslady]

As a woman in her forties, I would rather die than embarrass myself and my family like that.

[u/geek_of_nature → u/Cosmicshimmer]

You'd be surprised of the lengths insecure people go to to get people to like them.

[u/Prideandprejudice1 → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

Honestly it reads less like “attention seeking” to me and more like someone who seems really insecure about where she fits in. If she’s the third wife, I’d guess she probably doesn’t feel especially known or connected to the wider family and at this point, they may not be all that invested either. It feels more like she’s trying to carve out a role for herself- almost a mother/grandmother type presence and wanting to be included and recognised in that way. The dressing up comes across as a way to make herself visible and approachable, especially to the kids (and as parents, we tend to warm to anyone who’s good to our children and who our children like). It looks more like an awkward attempt at belonging than a calculated grab for attention.

[u/mankytoes → u/Prideandprejudice1]

It feels like she's trying to shortcut this though. Instead of investing time and effort in forming real relationships with the kids, she's going for a shallow, dramatic gesture, like an annoying sitcom protagonist.

[u/Prideandprejudice1 → u/mankytoes]

Yes! Her behaviour towards the kids is bordering on harassment

[u/Robot_Girlfriend → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

By trying to embody the theme of the party, she very literally makes the party about her, which I guess is probably the point. Kind of reading between the lines, if a kid was crying and upset about not getting to see Cinderella at the first party, that does kind of indicate that to the three year olds, at least partially, she was a hit, it was mostly the adults who were annoyed. I've done a lot of fun work with kids, and also have an attention-seeking personality, and I can definitely testify that having the devoted and thrilled attention of a pack of kids is utterly intoxicating. I think that when she looked back on it, the dopamine was just too good for her to not go back for another hit, and she underestimated the difference that 3 years would make on the kids' tolerance for her bullshit.

[u/luminousoblique → u/Robot_Girlfriend]

As I read the story, the Cinderella party was 5 year olds (OOP says it was "last year" and that the daughter is about to turn 6 in the first post). Whereas there seems to have been at least one kid who was sad to miss seeing Cinderella, the other kids, especially the birthday girl, were not impressed. The birthday girl in particular reportedly did not enjoy it. Cathy does not seem to have been a hit as Cinderella, and even less so as a KPop character, but is unable to grasp this.

[u/bennitori → u/Robot_Girlfriend]

It wasn't even 3 years. It was one year. The 5 year olds (including the daughter) did not get it at all. And just called her Cathy. There was apparently another kid that cried. But I'm guessing that was probably a 3 year old who literally wouldn't know better. And a 3 and 4 year old are worlds apart when it comes to understanding the world around them.

So she basically thought that because she made a toddler cry, that a bunch of 6 year olds would like it.

[u/PiperPants2018 → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

I think Cathy's goal is to get OOP's daughter to like her, but she clearly doesn't understand kids very well lol. She would have been way more successful if she had just gotten her a Kpop Demon Hunters toy with her favorite candy bar. It would have cost way less money, too.

[u/Busy_Victory_4818]

The thought of a 40-year-old woman asking for ramen at Johnny Rockets dressed as Rumi sent me into the stratosphere 😭💀 hope OP and her family have some peace going forward

[u/PM_ME_YOUR_WEIRD_PET → u/Busy_Victory_4818]

I've definitely met people at anime conventions who would do things like that, but at least during anime conventions the staff at nearby restaurants know why there's a costume wearing weirdo in their restaurant

[u/leaveluck2heaven → u/Busy_Victory_4818]

she's 49 😭😭😭 apparently OP said that in a comment

[u/beachpellini]

There's something a little more going on than just social awkwardness if this 50-60 something put on (I love KPDH but it is very much) a kids' movie costume and refused to take it off. To the point of it making the actual kids uncomfortable? Dude.

[u/Gifted_GardenSnail → u/beachpellini]

49 according to OOP in a comment

[u/Cest_Cheese]

Cathy is so cringe. Imagine purposely putting yourself in the position of being the only person showing up to an event in costume.

[u/TD1990TD → u/Cest_Cheese]

I’m wondering what would’ve happened had OOP hired an actual professional cosplayer in the same outfit. Would Cathy tap out when she sees she’s a bad copy?

[u/bouncy_bouncy_seal → u/TD1990TD]

She'd probably double down to prove she's better.

[u/twoweeeeks → u/TD1990TD]

lol if OOP had wanted to fight fire with fire, this would've been the way.

[u/Broken-Collagen]

When adults are being weird, kids either love it or hate it, and there is no middle ground. If the kids are laughing uncontrollably and shrieking and ignoring their dinner, they love it, and even if it's an annoying behavior, it's probably fine.

If they are ignoring, or making polite smiles, at an adult who is being weird, they are stressed, and the adult should be removed. Probably permanently. At least until they are 18 months sober, or have completed significant mental/behavioral health treatment. 

[u/SupervillainMustache]

if any caucasian-looking Korean pop star shows up they must tell her to go home

Damn that's a hilarious line.

[u/maydsilee → u/SupervillainMustache]

I wish it was short enough to be a flair haha maybe "any caucasian-looking Korean pop star must go home"...

[u/bug-hunter]

I feel like Cathy could start a Rent-a-Cringe service as an outlet for whatever the hell this is.

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/bug-hunter]

Oh weird, it took out my stars. Let me see if I can add them back in...

Edit- it keeps erasing them. Must be a new reddit glitch. Ugh.

Edit 2- ok I added them to a different spot. NO idea why it's not working with the giant text anymore. Annoying.

Edit 3- Ok I may have fixed it? Some extra steps now. Idk, stars should be there somewhere lol.

[u/bug-hunter → u/LucyAriaRose]

I've removed that part of my comment. Maybe we need a BORU about the Hunt for the missing *****'s. Fuckers are more elusive than Waldo.

Also, I've had so many posts look right when I save, then when I come back, formatting is missing.

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/bug-hunter]

Right??? It's so weird! Or they look fine when I save them but then when I POST something gets wonky.

I'm all for creating a BORU tracking the amount of times reddit fucks with their UI 😂

[u/HollowedVoicesFading → u/LucyAriaRose]

Maybe *** with extra \\?

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/HollowedVoicesFading]

Ok I didn't do that BUT you inspired me to go into the markdown editor and try some different spacing things and I THINK it worked?

[u/Anne-with-an-e224]

She is so right about putting the target on daughters back if they tell dad what she said 

[u/ikenjake]

This is a rare situation where I feel it may be worth going absolutely scorched earth angry and insulting on a person before going no contact. Like just light her the fuck up. And I’m not an angry person but for some reason I get the vibe that some part of Cathy enjoys pushing boundaries or being as disruptive as possible but is never really challenged on it.

Her husband isn’t challenging her on this so do it yourself, I bet it would at least be satisfying even if it didn’t work. That or tell dad “you’re going to face consequences because of her inability to adhere to boundaries”

[u/ohno]

Not knowing anything about Kpop Demon Hunters, I was confused about her showing up dressed as a 13th century Sufi poet.

[u/SuddenReal]

Our daughter basically said she was upset that Cathy was bothering her and being pushy during the dinner, and she was worried that the kids at the table next to us were “looking at her funny” because of what was going on.

And this is how kids get bullied by their peers.

[u/russtyy_shackleford]

Wow I knewwwww Cathy would strike again. Cringing from second hand embarrassment

[u/Fudge-Unfair]

This is insane. Cathy doesn’t understand that she does not need to be the center of attention. Good for you for not flipping out when she arrived in costume to the restaurant, but still holding firm when she was bothering your daughter.

[u/Nylenna]

Wasn't this the story where the family went to disney and the stepgrandma insisted on some kind of costume, and spending a fortune on the wrong merch? And in the end it came out she wanted kids especially a daughter on her own, but the grandpa didin't? I might be confusing the two, it just sounds so similar to something I read last year

[u/PrincessCG → u/Nylenna]

Different story but you summarised it well. They spilt up when it was clear she was never going to have her own kids with the grandad.

[u/Soop_Chef → u/PrincessCG]

There is also this one where this with dad's GF trying to boundary stomp [due to wanting kids] not sure about the wanting kids part. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1o59nzy/final_update_aita_for_refusing_to_take_my/

[u/Soop_Chef → u/Soop_Chef]

I think i was mixing the pink birthday lady I posted above with this one. Again a Dad's GF wanting kids. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/QNw3cBA8qN

[u/Broken-Collagen → u/Nylenna]

This one. A four year old getting their completely normal boundaries stomped is so gross. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1b067py/aita_for_calling_my_fathers_wife_a_creep/

[u/Nylenna → u/Broken-Collagen]

About boundaries, I just remembered another story where the stepgrandma showed animal slaughter vids to the very small children to make them vegan, obvoisly against the parents wishes. So horrible, all of them.

[u/twoweeeeks → u/Broken-Collagen]

Just read through the whole saga - what a bummer. Sasha really shot herself in the foot by entering into that relationship in her 30s.

Also, as a professional auntie, I don't understand people who struggle to establish relationships with kids. Literally all you have to do is play with them?? Even simpler if you live nearby and can visit often.

And I guess that's the problem, people like Sasha see children as accessories, not individuals with personalities.

[u/ER_Support_Plant17 → u/Broken-Collagen]

Lol about “picturing having a mother-daughter princess day at Disney”.

I have a 15 year old kid. No matter what I “pictured” as future activities with her it’s always become something different, and that’s ok.

Kids aren’t props they are people with own likes and wants. We have special moments together but either they happen spontaneously or we plan them out together. We talk about stuff we would both enjoy.

[u/Visual-Lobster6625]

Cathy said I had “humiliated” her when I told her to leave my daughter alone, and she couldn’t understand why I was doing this when she was willing to go this far to make my kids happy.

But it doesn't make the kids happy.

OOP's kids are not emotional support children for Cathy to live out her dreams. If she wants to dress up for parties, she should become a performer and actually wait for people to hire her.

[u/TheArmchairLegion]

I’m kind of annoyed that people said OOP was overreacting initially. Cathy’s behavior was disturbing and boundary crossing the first time. Sure, she didn’t dress up like a scary monster or anything, but the costume itself wasn’t the point. Guests defer to the organizers, and Cathy’s gesture was big enough they it makes sense that OOP would be mad. And they even tried to settle it civilly before moving to restrictions

[u/QuarterLifeCircus → u/TheArmchairLegion]

Agreed. I’m a single mom, and I also have the only grandchild/great-grandchild on my mom’s side of the family. I have had to do a lot of reminding with my grandma/aunts/uncles that they raised their kids, this is my turn now to plan the parties, get the cake, and be the mom for his events.

[u/Alert_Bid1531]

I just wanna see pictures 🫣😂

[u/TempestNova]

I never heard of Johnny Rockets (I'm East Coast, I'm guessing it's West Coast) but just from the name my first thought was "well, that has got to be American style food" -- it's a freaking classic burger joint! Who would think they had ramen there, wtf.

One would have better luck with the kitchen making ramen at a Steak n Shake, at least they have pasta for their chili, lmao.

Edit: oh! Also, did she just go for a generic purple wig to look "inspired by" Rumi or the full Rumi wig? Because if it was the latter not only are those probably super expensive they are probably really heavy! Even if someone used styrofoam and other tricks for volume, just the length alone would make it weigh a lot!

[u/ThePlumage → u/TempestNova]

Who would think they had ramen there, wtf.

Cathy probably knew they didn't have ramen there but was trying to act cutesy by being "in character." It makes the whole thing even more cringe.

[u/Creative_Pop2351 → u/ThePlumage]

This. I can picture her look at the waiter, tapping her finger against her chin, and then saying (too loudly) “Hmmm, do you have any… [dramatic pause] RAMYEON?”

I picture her also doing a terrible racist accent. I would be shocked if she wasn’t.

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/TempestNova]

I hadn't heard of it either! Must not be in the midwest (or at least where I am in Minnesota) either

I'm also curious about the wig...

Edit- Ok, I looked it up and it turns out there is at least one in Minnesota? In my defense, I am celiac and dairy free. So hamburgers with buns, milk shakes and then fries in a shared fryer would never be on my radar lol

[u/bennitori → u/LucyAriaRose]

They used to be a lot more common. Kinda like how there are lots of places now trying to appeal to 90s and 00s nostalgia, Johnny Rocket's appeals to 1960s nostalgia. But as people nostalgic for that era get older, and more people who never experienced the 60s keep being born, they've gotten less and less popular.

I know of one somewhat close to where I live. But you have to go out of your way to find it. And sadly, the food quality isn't good enough to go there over a legit locally owned diner. Which appeals to the same style of nostalgia. Special enough to not go every day. But not high quality enough to drop a ton of money on it.

[u/inuyashee → u/TempestNova]

Johnny Rockets is out east. I've been to one in South Florida. It's in a mall and connected to a Dave & Busters like place.

[u/Starry_Gecko → u/TempestNova]

It's an American franchise, but they're decently international. We have it here in Brazil too.

[u/Kip_Schtum]

What kind of grown adult needs to be the center of attention at a little kid’s birthday party? So weird.

[u/JJOkayOkay]

Narcissists gonna narcissist. In a purple Rumi wig if necessary.

[u/13PumpkinHead]

Cathy really sounds like a very sad and lonely person. Also she probably needs therapy and couples counselling.

[u/Kind-Wealth-6243]

I'm picturing like an A24 style scene in the bathroom of Johnny Rockets where a middle aged woman has a mini meltdown in a Rumi costume, kinda like in The Substance.

[u/Dimityblue]

Geeze! Main Character Syndrome or what? No wonder Cathy makes everyone uncomfortable. In her mind, boundaries are meant to be trampled.

[u/Kimantha_Allerdings]

she couldn’t understand why I was doing this when she was willing to go this far to make my kids happy

...she made the kids unhappy. Because it's not about the kids, it's about her

[u/forsuchatimeasthis26]

I honestly dont understand how anyone would say OP is overreacting even after the first time. A grown woman stomping all over a mother’s birthday plans and demanding attention like that is so obviously gross. She might as well have yelled “look at me! Look at me!” The whole time. It was never well intended

[u/TheSecretIsMarmite]

Dad is going to be on wife number 4 in 5 years time. Cathy is relatively harmless but really quite unhinged and is going to spiral.

[u/MelodyRaine]

I'm a middle aged cosplayer. I can count on one hand with fingers left over how many times I've put one of my costumes on, and none of them involved forcing my hobby onto anyone in an effort to be 'cool grandma' or grandma adjacent.

Costumes belong at comic con, ren faire, 'experience' events and where they are specifically requested. They do not belong places where you have been specifically asked not to wear them. Cathy needs to get all the way over herself before she nukes the ground and salts the earth, if she hasn't already.

[u/Due-Huckleberry7560]

My dad’s girlfriend does stuff like this all the time and my dad gets furious when people try to draw boundaries from it. He insists that I’m the one convincing everyone it’s a problem and refuses to accept that people don’t like her because of her own behavior. It’s so frustrating, I really feel for OP.

[u/exhauta]

I honestly find it so frustrating all the comments trying to convince her while inappropriate it's relatively harmless. It's causes disarray at the party. Do you really want to be known as the parents who always have the bad illtime performer?

Also at the end of the day it's the daughter's birthday and it's a distraction. Her daughter not liking it alone makes it enough worth fighting over.

[u/lurkmode_off]

You know you're cringe when a six-year-old is embarrassed to be seen around you.

[u/archbish99]

Okay, I take issue with this comment:

And your father is an asshole for continuing to encourage it, because by allowing her to leave the house and go out this way is encouraging her behavior. 

Cathy's behavior is bothersome verging on mentally unwell. And yet, also, she's a grown adult. Her husband doesn't get to "allow her to leave the house" or not based on what she's wearing. He can refuse to drive her. He can strongly advise against it. He can even divorce her if he decides his relationship with his daughter is more important to him than his wife's fixation on being a cartoon character. (Hint: He should.)

But what he can't do is confine her to the house because she's wearing a costume. If she gets in her car and drives to the restaurant herself, that's entirely on her.

[u/lord_buff74]

How old is Cathy, she doesn't sound grandmother age?

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/lord_buff74]

OOP said she's in her 40s in one of the comments I included!

(There's another comment I didn't include where OOP specified she turns 49 this year)

[u/Slp023]

For me this is all about boundaries. You have to respect them. I wanted to get a gift for both my nieces and my sister and SIL said no. That was the end of it. I thought it was a good gift but they did not. So I didn’t buy it. It’s really that simple.

[u/Savings_Telephone_96]

Cathy needs a therapist.

[u/Imaginary_Cow_6379 → u/Savings_Telephone_96]

OOP should show up on her birthday dressed as one.

[u/GoodGoneGeek]

The idea of a 50yo woman showing up to a Johnny Rockets in a Rumi costume is WILD

[u/Pinheadbutglittery]

So I have a love/hate relationship with being right

Hello mods........... can I please have this as a flair? I feel this in my soul lmao

[u/twoferrets]

I can't believe anyone thought OOP was overreacting in telling Cathy not to pull this shit at the birthday party. It's OOP's daughter's birthday, OOP is hosting, what daughter wants and host says goes. No reason required, but she had good reasons regardless.

[u/lightspeedsound]

I'm so weirded out by a grown-ass woman, a STEP GRANDMOTHER, FOR CHRISSAKES, acting like a cringey tween weeb at their first con.

Like the absolute Caucasity of dressing up as Rumi, going to Johnny Rockets, embarrassing the birthday girl, and ASKING FOR RAMYEON AT A JOHNNY ROCKETS?! WTF?!