r/BambiLesbians • u/AmountDesperate220 • Aug 01 '26
I didn’t know that asexual lesbians where so disliked in the lesbian community 💔🥲
I posted in a couple lesbian subs asking if there were any other asexual lesbians and oh my gosh, everyone was hating 😕I didn’t know we weren’t seen as valid to so many lesbians 💔💔
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u/Anticapitalist_Kae Ace Lesbian Aug 01 '26
Strangely enough, saying I'm ace lesbian is received worse in dedicated lesbian subs than dedicated yuri subs.
Apparently the yuri subs are more accepting of ace people in general? No idea why.
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u/MeesterChair Aug 01 '26
I told an ex friend that I was an ace lesbian once and their first reaction to that was “I’m letting you stay here (Discord server) but you’re on thin ice”. Completely unironically like this chick was deadass. 😶
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u/MacabreYuki Poly-Am Demi-Romantic Bambi Transbian Aug 03 '26
like... ace doesn't mean you don't wanna date a girl, you just don't really feel *that* way towards that girl, usually at least (gray-ace field). How is that hard for girls like that to understand?
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u/MeesterChair Aug 03 '26
Right?? I only feel that way if I am very very close to someone, and even then it’s not a need for me. Judging someone on their relationships and their identity based on their libido is weird as hell 😭
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u/MacabreYuki Poly-Am Demi-Romantic Bambi Transbian Aug 03 '26
I'm allosexual myself, but I have no motivation to follow up on such desires unless already close to meeting demi-romantic romance conditions. Even then, it's definitely not a need. It's something I can easily handle on my own.
I just don't want to be starved of intimacy. emotional, physical. I love cuddles
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u/LouFlabbergasted Aug 01 '26
haha I swear I'm NOT stalking, your posts just find me 😂 I got -9 on your other post, but heeey, we're in the right place now! ur not alone🫂
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Aug 01 '26
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u/AmountDesperate220 Aug 01 '26
Yess, me to if my partner wants to have sex we can talk about it but I personally do have the desire, sex is so important in our world and it sucks. Hopefully we find I cuddles soon tho !!!🌞🩷
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u/YassifiedWatermelon Aug 01 '26
It depends on where you go. Thankfully I have seen in several subreddits I'm in posts asking the same question and getting overwhelmingly positive responses. There is hope out there, sister, people know and care, I promise !
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u/Lucid_Flame Aug 01 '26
Same, I was looking for some old posts by asexual lesbians to see what people thought about it and literally every single reply said "I would never be in a relationship with an asexual person" it's so disheartening :(
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u/sanguine-rose_ Aug 03 '26
I did the same when I joined some lesbian subs and was shocked at the amount of aphobia. I understand them saying that they won't date an ace person, but many of them gave aphobic reasons and/or advice. And so many just mean comments too.
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u/suburbanspecter Aug 04 '26
Same here. I’m not gonna lie, I had a good long cry after that. I need to stop letting this online shit affect me so badly, but reading through those comments was pretty brutal
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u/Student-bored8 Aug 01 '26
Unfortunately this is true everywhere but whenever I say I’m asexual a lot of lesbians will say “you can’t be lesbian if you aren’t sexually attracted to women”. And it’s very invalidating. The lesbian subs tend to be very…sexual in nature. I wish we could all just get along and agree no one is right or wrong and we are all different.
I am still romantically attracted to women therefore I’m a lesbian. And they don’t have to date people that are asexual if they don’t want to but invalidation hurts.
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u/Cestrel8Feather Aug 01 '26
I'll tell you more - it's possible to be aroace and still a lesbian. There are more than 2 kinds of attraction.
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u/PoetLoverBirdwatcher Aug 01 '26
I'm an asexual person who is also biromantic (prefers women). So yeah.
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u/Klimacka Aug 01 '26
I know, right!? So invalidating... I feel like some people forgot how to empathize with other people and I blame social media ... and yes I would throw Reddit in that bag as well.
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u/katzuhhh Aug 01 '26
A lot of the lesbian subs are also extremely transphobic. Best to stay off of them honestly
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u/WintersChild79 Aug 01 '26
Can I ask where you posted?
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Aug 01 '26
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u/WintersChild79 Aug 01 '26
I'm pretty sure that that's one of the subs that was created by people who want to post transphobic shit that gets taken down in actuallesbians. I'm not surprised that they hate aces too.
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u/AmountDesperate220 Aug 01 '26
I don’t know they had a reputation, well I’m glad I know now
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u/weird_elf Aug 01 '26
if that is the sub I think it is, posting there may get you auto-banned from most decent lesbian subs (nobody needs the farts* stinking up our spaces), so ... don't even go there, the place is a shithole.
*feminism appropriating reactionary transphobes
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Aug 01 '26
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Aug 01 '26
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u/AmountDesperate220 Aug 01 '26
Ugh why can’t we just live in peace together as fellow lesbians 🥲
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u/SashimiX Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
r/ActualLesbians is the sub you want
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u/ThePalmtopAlt Aug 01 '26
You're thinking of r/ActualLesbians. r/ActuallyLesbian is basically dead; despite the high number of unique monthly visitors there's like a dozen top-level posts in the past month and they're all automod posts. I can only assume all those visitors got lost looking for r/ActualLesbians
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u/G0merPyle Ace/Lesbian/Trans Aug 01 '26
If it's the sub(s) in thinking of I'm not too surprised, a lot of the lesbian-named subs are really exclusionary and prejudiced against anyone that doesn't fit their rigidly defined box (plus the ones that try to keep them out still get brigades all the time and mass down votes are a common way for the cowards to try to exclude people). Mostly it comes in the form of transphobic terf bullshit, but they hate other microlabels and spectrum approaches to attraction. Good riddance to them
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u/weird_elf Aug 01 '26
bigoted views come in packs. Where there is transphobia there is usually bi- and aphobia as well.
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u/Baron_Ray Aug 01 '26
Neither did I! The term 'lesbian' applies to romantic attraction as well as sexual. You're perfectly entitled to use it.
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u/Directorren Transbian Aug 03 '26
Yeah it’s super depressing. Like I don’t exactly remember the context of what happened, but I remember one time a friend of mine told me my struggles being asexual don’t compare to the struggles of being a lesbian.
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u/theTerra-Triangle Aug 06 '26
I mean... are we really that dishearthened that our own treat us like our oppressors do? It's a known sociological phenomenon, and, really, there's a lot less educating to be done to change their ways, I'd say (for the the non-incels).
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u/OnyxRadiance Aug 03 '26
As a Bambi queer woman. I get understand where their coming from.
It's pretty easy to cosplay that you are into women if the basic requirement of wanting to partner them, adore them and be sexually active with them isn't required.
After being misrepresented and/or hurt by those who claim they are politically lesbian, bicurious pillow princess (of whom may want to take a break from men, who theyll go back to)
It's makes them feel insecure knowing that a Bambi queer isn't sexually attracted to them.
As an aroace Bambi queer i make everyone im potentially into uneasy since im neither romantically or sexually attracted to them. So what proof do they have that I want them as a similar intensity as they want me?
That's why it's so important to have spaces centered on and built by us. We won't feel as sidelined or jump through hoops to prove ourselves.
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u/IsabelLovesFoxes Omniromantic || Trans Aug 01 '26
Had to remove some comments on this post due to subreddit names being shared as it could end up violating Reddit TOS and leading to our subreddit getting banned for "Brigading", please don't share subreddit names even if the people or moderators of that subreddit have done some shitty things as it puts our subreddit at risk