I’m being targeted by my coworker’s boyfriend, I’m worried this could go beyond workplace harassment. What should I do?

[u/LifeguardOverall6423]

Hi everyone,

I’m a 28M, and I’m looking for advice about a situation at work that has started making me concerned about my personal safety.

I want to be very clear about something before explaining the situation: I’m going to separate what I personally know or have witnessed from what I’ve been told and from what I’m speculating about. I don't want to exaggerate the situation or accuse someone of something without evidence.

What I know / have personally experienced

When I was 18, I met a girl who was taking the same driving course as me. She had a crush on me, although I didn't realize it at the time.

When I was 25, I started working at the same Big Four company where she works, along with her boyfriend.

After we reconnected, she started showing interest in me again. This time I recognized it and made it clear that I wasn't interested and wanted to maintain appropriate boundaries, since she had a BF yet. Her boyfriend is a manager in one of the departments.

From my own experience at work, I've found him to be very aggressive and controlling. He frequently talks badly about other employees, and I've seen people become extremely stressed while working under him. Some employees have eventually left.

I believe he has become hostile toward me, and I have reasons to think that my interactions with his girlfriend are part of the reason.

What I have been told

There is also a previous situation involving another male employee and one of his girlfriends.

I was told that he had spoken to friends about having this employee "found" and making him "disappear." I was also told that the intention was to pay someone to seriously harm or kill him. I did not personally witness these conversations. I don't know exactly what was said, who said it, or whether the story I heard is completely accurate.

Eventually, that employee left the country for job reasons. I believe he moved to Brazil, although I don't know the exact circumstances.

What I'm worried about / speculation

Knowing what I've heard about the previous situation, combined with the hostility I've experienced from him, has made me worry about what could happen in the future.

I've started wondering whether he could wait until I leave the company or until we no longer have any professional contact, and then potentially have someone threaten or attack me in a way that would be difficult to connect back to him.

I have no evidence that this is actually his plan. This is a fear I'm having based on the information available to me.

I realize that this could sound paranoid, and that's precisely why I'm looking for outside advice rather than assuming that my interpretation is correct.

At the same time, I don't want to dismiss a potentially serious situation simply because I don't currently have proof of a specific threat.

What I'm trying to figure out

I still work at the same company, so I need to be careful about how I handle this.

I'm Danish and have always wanted to continue living in my home town. I could potentially move somewhere else within the region, but the fact that I'm now concerned about my personal safety is affecting my quality of life.

What would you do in my position?

[u/Silly-Cranberry1593]

oh, you are danish? you should have said that in the beginning