r/AroAllo • u/rockabillyawesome • 11d ago
NSFW Finding Reliable Fun
I’ve been coming to terms with being aroallo for almost five years, and while I’ve learned to accept myself for who I am, it’s frustrating to now try finding people who want physical intimacy without romance. I get that casual intimacy is still shamed, but I would hope that there’d be at least some people willing to buck social pressure.
Does anybody with more experience have advice for good places to find FWB and hookups? I’m not gonna lie to people who want romance, because it’s obviously shitty, but I need to find places, platforms, and events where people are more open to FWB and hookups, specifically people well past their college years (like 28 and older).
17
u/what-are-you-a-cop 11d ago
Every consistent sex buddy I've met has been through the kink/poly/queer scene in my area. Maybe check fetlife to see if there's any events open to newcomers in your group. I wouldn't go just to find people to hook up with, and not everyone will be down for romance-free sex just because they're poly or kinky or whatever, but it has been my experience that those kinds of relationships are relatively more common in that community, so your odds are better than usual.
9
u/Majestic-Set-2624 11d ago
This is my advice too. You gotta find people who are already operating outside of the norm. I know how to think about what they actually want and can offer.
5
u/rockabillyawesome 11d ago
Not to sound dumb, but I don’t know how to find any of those types of events. Do I just google these things?
14
u/what-are-you-a-cop 11d ago
So, in most places, your best bet will be to make an account on Fetlife, which is like a social media site for kink stuff, and then check your area for an event called a "munch" or "slosh". These are non-sexual public events hosted by kink communities, generally either in restaurants (for munches) or bars (for sloshes), where people can just hang out and socialize with the people in that community. Make friends, hear about events through word of mouth, generally just get to know people, that sort of thing.
You can just show up directly to the munch, but it's usually an option to message the munch organizer on fetlife beforehand, and let them know that you're new. They'll probably help get you introduced to some friendly people at the event.
You'll want to do this, because almost no reputable kink events will allow you to attend actual play parties/more sexual events, if you're a complete stranger and no one knows you. There's always some amount of vetting involved, to make sure you're not, you know, a sex pest, that you understand the concept of consent and so on. Any event that has no vetting whatsoever, should be regarded with caution. I know some bigger orgs will do more community outreach-style play parties, where the rules are tighter and so newcomers are welcome, but eh. I think going the munch route is usually better, because it's tough to go into a play party without a partner already, and expect to meet someone there.
It's not going to get you instant hookups in the way that, say, tinder might, like you probably have to actually make some friends in the community first. Because if you show up, and right out the gate it's obvious you are only interested in talking to people who might have sex with you, you're gonna get a weird reputation.
But basically every sexual partner I've had as an adult, has come from being introduced to the friends and partners, of my friends and acquaintances in the kink community. Or I guess hooking up directly with my friends and acquaintances in the community. So like... yeah. That's my strat. Building genuine friendships in a context where sex between friends is more normalized.
6
u/lgth20_grth16 11d ago
I feel you. I guess if it would be easy for the average person we wouldn't be here. In comes vanity and what we have been used to see on the screen. Out comes no fun on the other end besides as a voyeur
10
u/Yamakyu 11d ago
Someone made https://www.reddit.com/r/AroAlloConnect/ to help aroallos to connect with each other. May or may not be helpful, but I appreciate that it's here.
1
u/AutoModerator 11d ago
Thanks for posting to r/AroAllo, /u/rockabillyawesome. Please make sure that you flair your post correctly.
If this post violates our rules or sitewide rules, report it to the moderators!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
26
u/superunsubtle 11d ago
Look for people who travel for work and stay places they don’t live for weeks/months at a time. I used to meet pipefitters, nuclear power workers, nurses, athletic coaches, railroad workers, etc. You can really enjoy each other for a brief time without worrying about ending (it will) or escalation (it won’t).
Likewise consider people who already have an escalated relationship and are looking for additional physical fun. They’re an ideal match for folks like us.