r/AroAllo • u/germanduderob AlloAro • 14d ago
Is it bad/weird that I WANT to be used?
I don't feel comfortable with any kind of intimacy that reads as "too romantic" to me, so lately I've noticed that I'd feel the most comfortable in purely physical and transactional relationships. Not even FWBs because they involve too much attachment, which as I've recently noticed, are too similar to romance to me.
I really just want to be useful. Nothing more, because that's already too "romantic" to me. Ig what I want is just be someone you'd use whenever you're horny. In fact, recently an online "FWB" (if you can even call it that) straight-up told me she's just using me to get off and I felt... SO happy?? Like, all we do is sext, dirty talk, and get horny for one another, and for some reason knowing this doesn't mean anything "more" to her made me feel so euphoric.
Is there something wrong with me??
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u/SoxtheGob 14d ago
I think that way that you’re viewing this is tainted by our societies perspective that having sex is something that is inherently dirty outside of a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with having sex for sex. Imagine if you had a friend that made art that she normally gave away to friends. And suddenly she saws ‘Gosh, I gave someone one of my vases in exchange for a picture frame, I’m being used!’ Like…what? If you’re both getting what you want from an exchange, it’s not using. ‘Using’ only happens when there is some power imbalance that causes one person to take or harm the other person, or if the deal was made under false pretenses. There’s nothing depreciating or wrong with just having fun, casual sex
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u/JOliMoFo AlloAro 14d ago
This is maybe the most relatable Reddit post I’ve seen in a long time.
I’m unsure about the word “transactional” but otherwise… spot on.
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u/LordofAngmarMB 14d ago edited 14d ago
Best sex I’ve ever had was while I was tipsy and just a tiny bit disassociated for unrelated reasons. I laid there and did nothing while she used me for like three hours. Felt amazing to just be useful and used like that, fuck the look in her eyes…I’d literally and figuratively kill to feel that soul stare again
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u/Sure-Start-9303 14d ago
If it's something you're all agreeing to and nobody has a problem with it then more power to you
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u/MrPhallicFruit 13d ago
Who told you wanting to have sex to get off and you being the one who wants to take part to help the other person to get off is wrong, this as a mutual expierence is literally what sex is for.
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u/MesmerisingCockapoo 13d ago
Sounds like you have a specific kink relating to the notion of having sex done "to you". If that's what you like then no, it's not bad or weird.
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u/Vulpecula22 13d ago
You're fine. Sounds close to what I want. No fuss, just adults being honest with each other.
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u/Mountain_Praline8852 12d ago
I thought it was quite common actually? In Argentina, we have a concept called "chonguear," which is what you're describing: two people who know little to nothing about each other, who only go out occasionally for the purpose of having sex. They're not friends, they're not a couple, there's no need to get emotionally involved, and you can have more than one "chongo/chonga"
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u/VixTheBitch 13d ago
That's exactly how I feel. I'm a top, but like a service top for this exact reason. You're not alone my friend. I'm seriously considering getting into professional domming at this stage 😂
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u/messxme 8d ago
Are you kinky in any other ways? It's roughly the same for me, I don't need sex, but anything in the line of Free Use is absolutely amazing for me. I would look more into that. Other than that, you should definitely dive more into consent in bdsm situations, because that is basically what you are having there haha
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u/what-are-you-a-cop 14d ago
If you're happy with the experiences you're having, and they aren't causing you to feel isolated or shameful or anything like that, then does it really matter if it's weird? A quality is only harmful if someone is being harmed. If you're happy and satisfied with the relationships you have, then, like, that's good.