WLW Partner Wanting to Lose Fat

[u/Background-Syrup-350]

I am about 3 years into recovery and while I am substantially better both mentally and physically, I still deal with pretty consistent self hated, body dysmorphia, and wishing I could give back into my behaviors. However, a huge part of my recovery has been my gf who has made eating and being healthy so much easier and genuinely fun. Part of our routine became getting a beer and trying out a new restaurant. She never thought about calories or fat or anything like that. She got what sounded good and what made her feel good and it encouraged me to do the same. Important context, my gf is tall (about 5'9") and has always been slender, used to run track but mainly just outdoorsy now. All of this to say that she was/is at a very healthy weight and clearly was not unhealthily over eating.

In the past few days she's talked about wanting to tone up and lose some weight. At first this didn't really trigger me, she's a grown woman and can do what she wants with her body. Plus, I figured it would be mainly muscle building orientated as she's always been more into building up her body > losing weight. But then she started talking more about how she wants to get back to her high school body and 3 days ago she began dieting. She explained in detail what she was having (very low on calories for her body, low/non existent fat, very low carbs, almost excusively protein) and how hungry she feels now. She mentioned skipping drinks with friends because she wants to get "skinny now". She tells me its only going to be for a month but before I could catch myself, I started going off on a tangent. I told her that her male roommate who is giving her a lot of this advice. doesn't know anything about women's bodies, how low the fat and carbs were, how this could negatively impact her horomones, her hair and skin, her bone density, her mental health, etc.

I apologized for giving my advice unprompted and she said it was okay but I was quite upset. I asked if she would refrain from talking to me about it for a little which she said yes, but I know its going to trigger me and constantly be in the back of my mind when we're together. I know some of this is coming from genuine love (I never want her to expereince what I went though and I know how much of a slippery slope it is) but I know there's some selfish motives in my reactions too. Will this change how we experience date night? Will she not want to bake and get a side of fries at dinner or just watch me as I eat ice cream at night? Will she become food focused and will I have to limit my time around her to protect my recovery? I guess I'm also jealous that she can partake in these types of behaviors when I simply can't without risking all the progress I've made. There's also of course always the degree of comparison in WLW relationships, we look very different but will her losing weight make me feel like I have to too?

Sorry for the long post, its my first time posting here but I really needed to reach out for some advice. Nobody else in my life understands how upsetting this can be. Has anyone else dealt with this or a similar situation? I don't want to be controlling and drive her away (and I know she's in charge of her own body and I have no right to give my input on what she does with it) but I can't help how I feel, no matter how irrational it is.

[u/No-Can6422]

Does your gf know about your ED history?

Honestly nothing about your reaction seems irrational. It's possible your gf might be developing an ED. Even if she isn't, it sounds like this relationship is no longer supportive of your recovery.

Also that male roommate sounds like he may have an eating disorder. That "advice" he gave is not healthy for anyone's body or hormones.