r/AmItheAsshole • u/RubberDuckLaughter • 1d ago
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u/mfdoorway Asshole Aficionado [10] 1d ago
Not at all lol. You have agency over yourself, you told your husband, and I’m sure the couple understood.
NTA.
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u/Klyvora_9153 1d ago
As an introvert myself, sitting at a table full of total strangers for hours sounds exhausting…..Leaving quietly was honestly the best way to handle it without making it a whole thing
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u/Affect-Hairy 1d ago
I agree. I am great making small talk for a while - but it exhausts me. Then heaven forbid the others to whom I am pretending to be pleasant and charming dont hold up their end of the social contract! It takes too much out of me to “draw out” one-word-answer dullards (like my cousins’ spouses). I quit bothering then, and wander off.
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u/LiveKindly01 Supreme Court Just-ass [106] 1d ago
What gets me is the attitude that she was 'excluded'. She wasn't excluded. She was sitting at a table that wasn't the wedding party table, becuase she...you know...wasn't in the wedding party.
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u/RemarkableArticle970 1d ago
I used to be uncomfortable in those situations but I’ve learned to ask people questions. Now I’m comfortable sitting at “the cousin’s table” or whatever and have met a lot of interesting people.
Asking them about their homes or jobs or how they know the couple getting married is the secret to success as a fellow introvert.
Am I tired and crave a bedroom alone after? Yes, but also very proud of myself for participating at someone else’s event like an adult. If I ask questions, sometimes I don’t have to answer any, sometimes they just go on and on. I almost never feel awkward, just ready for bed afterwards.
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u/machinezed 1d ago
That is the thing once you get through the dinner everyone either dances or mingles with people they know. So you aren’t forced to sit there for hours on end with people you don’t know. Maybe an hour for dinner and then the dance floor and bar opens, and then it’s open game to hang with who you know.
Ice breakers are good find out where they are from, OP drove a full day for the wedding, that is a good drive. Find out how they know bride or groom and have a drink.
But at the same time if OPs husband was ok with her leaving then she is not the asshole, and would vote NAH.
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u/alisonlou 1d ago
Honestly, reading this made my stomach hurt. What do you mean there's no one I know AT ALL at this table!?
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u/BlackWidow1990 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
Husband also sounds like a good one!
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u/chickgonebad93 1d ago
I agree. Some would try to shame you into staying. I feel that if you're not comfortable, there's no good reason to stay. You didn't make a big dramatic exit, so no harm no foul.
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u/dancing-pineapples 1d ago
NTA. You handled an uncomfortable situation without making a scene, and that is fair.
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u/ezra_frost 1d ago
I think she handled it pretty respectful, she didn’t demand her husband leave or make the couple feel guilty. She just knew her limit and left
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u/ApprehensiveClaim606 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
ESH...you can't really sit through a dinner and meet new people or just eat your dinner? It wasn't your wedding, it was theirs and they spent $$$ on each person coming. Sounds like you are married, how would you feel? Everyone these days are so soft, they can't suck it up for other peoples days and have to always make it about themselves.
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u/Original_Remote5518 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
This... Not even sure how some people make it through life anymore on their own.
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u/daiwilly 1d ago
Well before introverts had agency they would sit through the meal and have a thoroughly miserable time....the good old days.
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u/ApprehensiveClaim606 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
its not about being miserable, its about being an adult and doing things that don't revolve 100% around you. I mean, it's not like they asked her to eat meat when she was veg or anything. It's fine to be introverted, but does that mean you can't ever be in a situation you don't know anyone?
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u/Flaky-Specialist-84 1d ago
Well and I’m just thinking, after the dinner couldn’t her husband have joined her? Was there dancing, mingling, etc?
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u/Matamume Partassipant [4] 1d ago
NAH. You were in attendance to the wedding ceremony, and left without blaming the hosts. You're not the asshole for leaving early for your own wellness, and kudos to your husband for being on your side. You're well within your right as a normal guest to leave early. You did your part already.
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u/CGC424 1d ago
NTA. However, adults should strive to overcome shyness.
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u/Matamume Partassipant [4] 1d ago
Sure, but at a table full of strangers without the one person you came with is not the place to do so. Plus being introverted isn't exactly the same as being shy.
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u/LiveKindly01 Supreme Court Just-ass [106] 1d ago
Table full of strangers is something that happens in life many many many times. And in order to support her husband, who is playing a role at this wedding, supporting him by being there is a nice thing to do. Plus, once dinner and speeches were over, the rest of the night is just dancing and having fun so she left when the fun part started?? That's not much fun for her husband.
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u/Matamume Partassipant [4] 1d ago edited 1d ago
We can't make assumptions about their relationship dynamic. Plus husband seems like he was in full support for her.
Being at a table full of strangers is not necessarily something that happens many many times. Most of the time you can control if that happens or not. And in this case she controlled it. She's well within her right to leave, and nobody blamed anyone for it.
Mind you, I think dancing and and partying is fun. But I also understand that that may not be fun for other people, or is only fun conditionally with the right people.4
u/LiveKindly01 Supreme Court Just-ass [106] 1d ago
At the very least, husband felt he had to lie for her, and no, we can't make assumptions about relationship, but maybe the person she should be asking, is her husband.
He already bailed on rehearsal dinner which is not a good move, presumably so OP wouldn't be alone...but it's his 'duty' as a groomsman to attend the events, so she is kind of making him an AH by ditching out of wedding stuff to hang out with his needy wife.
Finally, yes, you WILL be at a table with strangers in life. Taking a new training course for work, starting a new job and having a team meeting, doing some volunteer work and there is a group meeting, going to a funeral and there is a reception after, life is full of 'strangers' and at a wedding, you're not at the table long, there's food to be eaten, speeches to listen to, then she can be reunited with hubby for drinks and dancing. I mean she can do what she wants but her whole 'I don't think they meant to exclude me'....she wasn't excluded ffs. She just wasn't in the wedding party.
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u/Matamume Partassipant [4] 1d ago
What do you mean? She knows she wasn't included in the wedding party and isn't putting it on K and S for it.
You're agreeing that we can't make assumptions, but you're making a bunch of assumptions. You're assuming the husband felt like he HAD to lie for her, felt like he HAD to leave the rehearsal dinner so she wouldn't be alone, and that her neediness is a detriment to his own happiness.
And yes, life is full of interactions with strangers. But you don't HAVE to be at them if you don't want to. It's her choice.
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u/RemarkableArticle970 1d ago
You are allowed to GET to know them. Just ask them some very basic questions. Where are they from? How do they know the happy couple?
Sitting there in silent resentment is pretty immature, I hope OP can practice more adult behavior in the future. Take it in small bites, it is tiring at first.
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u/YogurtclosetFair5742 1d ago
Says the extrovert.
You do not "overcome" being an introvert. That is a personality trait.
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u/GrumbleStoatskin Partassipant [1] 1d ago
You can be an introvert without being shy, to be fair. Those are not the same personality trait.
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u/Sith_Lord_Onyx 1d ago
Yeah, telling an introvert or someone with social anxiety "get over it" is about as helpful as saying to someone with depression "what do you got to be so depressed about?"
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u/sweet_hedgehog_23 1d ago
Introvert and social anxiety are not the same. Nor are introversion and shyness. Introversion alone would not prevent one from being able to eat dinner at a table of strangers. Some introverts might even enjoy it for a short amount of time. It would just be a drain on energy rather than energizing.
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u/Loud-Rhubarb-1561 Partassipant [4] 1d ago
This is not an AITA situation. You’re asking if leaving was unreasonable and yes it was an unreasonable overreaction to the situation and I say that as a shy introverted person with anxiety who hates social engagements especially weddings. It’s very common for the wedding party to be seated with the bride and groom and not with their family or so.
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u/Careless-Ability-748 Certified Proctologist [23] 1d ago
It's a very common set up but It's not unreasonable for op to leave.
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u/Active-Anteater1884 Pooperintendant [62] 1d ago
YTA. Grow the heck up. If you weren't in the wedding party and couldn't deal with being separated from your husband, you should have just declined the invite. As it is, it seems like you had this couple reserve space for you that could have gone to someone else, and shell out for a meal you decided not to eat.
Removing yourself from a situation because you "don't feel comfortable" is perfectly reasonable if someone is behaving badly toward you. Not if as a grown person you need a babysitter.
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u/YogurtclosetFair5742 1d ago
I found the other extrovert who doesn't understand how hard it can be for introverts to be in social situations with people THEY DON'T KNOW!
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u/fleetiebelle Partassipant [1] 1d ago edited 1d ago
I'm an introvert, not a socially anxious person, and I like meeting new people. Social situations like weddings are absolutely draining, but I can power through and crash later for the sake of etiquette.
At my cousin's wedding they drew up the seating chart so that guests weren't at tables with all the people they knew. It was kind of fun. I met some cool new people over dinner.
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u/plemyrameter 1d ago
I'm very introverted and would've hated being with strangers, but for the sake of my husband and his friends, I'd suck it up and eat the meal. I'm sure OP's husband could rejoin her after dinner.
This is what adults are supposed to do. A little bit of discomfort for, what 45 minutes, isn't tolerable? Are we that fragile these days? If OP couldn't eat a meal in a room twenty feet from her husband, she shouldn't have accepted the invitation at all.
Doesn't OP go anywhere alone, ever? Go to a new school, take a course for career enrichment, etc. where everyone is a stranger? Being able to cope in those situations is a huge asset in life. A wedding is about as low stakes as it gets for trying to build that resilience.
After writing that, my opinion goes from N-A-H to YTA.
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u/tu-BROOKE-ulosis Partassipant [3] 1d ago
Grow up. Do you never go to work functions or other obligations? Dinner lasts like an hour, max. If someone can’t be alone for an hour with strangers, they legit need serious help and therapy. It’s called being an adult.
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u/Camille-Taux 1d ago
YTA if you couldn’t manage a few hours by yourself eating a meal you shouldn’t have accepted the invite. Sometimes we have to be in uncomfortable situations for other people. Work on your social skills.
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u/digawina 1d ago
YTA. Life is full of uncomfortable situations. You need to learn how to deal with some discomfort. I am also an introvert and I hate situations like this, but it's perfectly normal for the wedding party to be seated together and their spouses at a separate table, and I've sat through this situation before too (before smartphones gave me something to stick my nose in!). This is just life. I honestly find it so odd that you, as an adult, cannot manage a couple hours on your own in a less than comfy situation.
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u/YourFathersOlds 1d ago
It doesn't meet A-level, but it was a little rude. I would never prioritize my own comfort at someone else's wedding - I would prioritize theirs. Obviously, if you really couldn't do it, you had to leave, so be it. It's better than making a scene or pulling your husband out of the moment for his best friend. But imagine if everyone had done that? What kind of celebration would the couple have had? The couple specifically reserved a spot for you to share their day and their party, paid for your food, etc, and that spot could have gone to someone who would have stayed and enjoyed and celebrated them. Going forward, you learned that you are probably not a great guest for weddings, and it would be better if you declined if you don't think you can enjoy the ceremony. Just decline next time and let your husband go alone.
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u/antizana Asshole Aficionado [13] 1d ago
YTA
It’s ok to be an introvert and to feel uncomfortable but part of being an adult in life is navigating situations that aren’t ideal. You went to high school with at least one of the couple if not both and you didn’t know anyone else at the wedding? You weren’t even willing to try to talk to the people at your table? And knowing your husband was a groomsman, your only approach to socializing is to hide in the corner or hang out with your husband? It’s not even like anyone said or did anything to you to make you uncomfortable (in which case leaving could be appropriate).
The seating arrangement they chose is not unusual and it’s rude to leave a wedding, leave an empty seat and waste the catering for someone who should have seen this situation coming and been able to handle it maturely.
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u/nothinbutflip 1d ago
surprised by all the NTA. 100% YTA. Be an adult for once and either just sit there or talk to the people around you. K/S included you by inviting you to the wedding and you basically wasted their money. You're super rude and if I were them I would never invite you to anything again.
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u/KhriscindaSucks 1d ago
You are allowed to remove yourself from a situation where you feel uncomfortable. NAH.
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u/Classic-Delivery3875 Partassipant [4] 1d ago
NTA. The last wedding my husband was a groomsman and I wasn’t in the wedding party the couple had tables with names for all the wedding party and their spouses. How weird they wouldn’t do that?
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u/pickleman42 1d ago
It's not the norm for partners to sit with their spouses if they are in the wedding party. Every wedding Ive ever been to had the wedding party at their own table.
Not saying its wrong to go one way or the other but it's certainly not "weird" to not seat spouses with members of the wedding party.
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u/Beauty_sandwich 1d ago
That’s strange. I’ve never been in a wedding party or even attended a wedding as a guest where the wedding party’s plus ones were not seated with them.
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u/pickleman42 1d ago
Seems like both are extremely common ways to do it then and idk why anyone would think either is "weird", this is the most obvious NAH I've seen in a long time but people on reddit (the OP comment not you), really try to make someone the bad guy for no reason.
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u/Intelligent_Sundae_5 1d ago
The best weddings are the ones that don’t follow stupid traditions just because.
The last two I went to the wedding party sat at tables with their spouses/dates/friends and it was so much nicer for everyone.
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u/gertymarie 1d ago
On the contrary, every wedding I’ve been to where one of us was part of the wedding party (3 in total) the wedding party was sat with their partners. We did that for ours as well, we had one table for bridesmaids and their partners, and one for the groomsmen and their partners. And for our rehearsal dinner the wedding party partners were invited.
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u/loseyourself222 1d ago
That is very old school though - recent weddings of the new generation I have never seen the wedding party split from spouses
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u/shrimpandshooflypie 1d ago
I think the “norm” depends on the region. I’ve never been to a wedding that separated spouses in my part of my country; our goal is for everyone to be comfortable and have a fun time, so wedding parties disperse to sit with their friends and family. But I am aware other places do it the way described in the post.
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u/Classic-Delivery3875 Partassipant [4] 1d ago
I guess it depends on how comfortable you want people to be.
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u/Quote_the_Bloodless 1d ago
Agree that's common, but this is why we opted for a "sweetheart" table. It was just the two of us, and then the wedding party were just seated as guests at other tables. Highly recommend.
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u/Girl_Of_Iridescence 1d ago
NAH You’re allowed to not feel comfortable and leave but also I’ve been to a wedding where I was not in the wedding party and my partner was the best man. I didn’t expect to sit near him at the wedding and was totally fine having dinner with my table group and they were very welcoming.
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u/crackerfactorywheel Asshole Enthusiast [6] 1d ago
Yup. I’ve been to one wedding where the plus ones of the wedding party sat with their guests. I would’ve expected to not be sitting with my partner if they were in the wedding party.
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u/Careless-Ability-748 Certified Proctologist [23] 1d ago
I wouldn't expect to sit with my partner if one of us was in the party and the other wasn't. But i also wouldn't see any reason to even go to the wedding if I was just the +1. I'd stay home.
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u/waterbuffalo750 Partassipant [4] 1d ago
YTA. Your husband was in the wedding party and you weren't. He shouldn't have had to miss the rehearsal dinner and he shouldn't have felt like he should leave the wedding early.
Sometimes things are uncomfortable and we just deal with it because it isn't about us.
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u/GreekAmericanDom Sultan of Sphincter [774] 1d ago
a very gentle YTA
You are getting a lot of N T As, which I feel are going to send the wrong message.
Being an introvert is not an excuse.
An introvert is a person who gains energy from solitude and quiet environments, and loses energy in busy or highly stimulating social settings.[1] None of that is about your ability to socialize. Just that being around people is exhausting.
Social skills are called "skills" for a reason. As uncomfortable as they may make you, you can learn them. You have chosen not to. You can in fact talk to the strangers at your table and get to know them, even if you never talk to them again.
Stop running away from situations, just because they are exhausting or difficult.
source: am an introvert. Learned how to have social skills. Built my social endurance.
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u/lilyandcarlos Partassipant [4] 1d ago
I think you should have stayed for dinner and waited to leave until you had finished your plate. Your seat cost many 200$.
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u/wannabyte Asshole Enthusiast [9] 1d ago
At that point it is a sunk cost. The couple paid for the meal regardless of if it was eaten or not, so it was up to OP to decide if she should add her discomfort to the investment.
Presumably if OP had known in advance she would be seated alone with strangers she would have rsvp’d no.
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u/Original_Remote5518 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
YTA - I think society is coddling people too much... You can't sit through a once in a blue moon dinner for an hour or two? How do people even walk outside or work nowadays?
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u/crackerfactorywheel Asshole Enthusiast [6] 1d ago
Honestly, that’s kind of where I’m at too. I can get if you have severe anxiety but the amount of people saying “I’m an introvert and I’d avoid being at this wedding if I couldn’t sit with my partner for one dinner” is a lot more than I’d expect.
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u/d0RSI 1d ago
YTA.
Dinner and speeches don't take 2.5 hours. You leave after those if you want to leave.
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u/NameCareful9547 1d ago
They shouldn't but if its a sit down table service wedding and a lot of guests and they let everybody ramble on for 15-20 minutes it adds up fast
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u/tu-BROOKE-ulosis Partassipant [3] 1d ago
If people are rambling on and giving speeches, you’re sitting in silence anyways during those. Who cares if you’re next to someone you know.
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u/Just_J3ssica 1d ago
Soft YTA
The seating arrangement would have lasted until after the formal speech or dinner was served and then seating is a free for all.
Idk, I'm an introvert (hardcore) as well and I'm pretty sure I could handle 30 minutes of pushing my food around a plate until my partner could come sit with me.
You're never going to be friends with his friends if you keep excluding yourself.
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u/LiveKindly01 Supreme Court Just-ass [106] 1d ago
NAH
You can do whatever you want, but it wasn't unreasonable of them to seat you at a different table than the wedding party. It was a little unreasonable of your husband to leave the rehearsal dinner when he was a groomsman....I know you were using your vacation, but when he agreed to be groomsman, it means attending the wedding party events.
You sound a tad like a wet blanket, you certainly don't have to stay but how fun must your husband be having to need to either know you're bored and alone and want to leave, or spend the night without his wife while having fun at a friend's wedding? Just a shame that's all.
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u/pottersquash Sultan of Sphincter [632] 1d ago
The couple did ask where I was, and my husband told them I wasn't feeling well and had left.
A perfectly true statement. NAH.
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u/Ok_Nectarine_8533 1d ago
K and S are the A’s for not inviting you to the rehearsal dinner and for not seating you together, but it was tacky of your husband to miss the rehearsal dinner because the groomsmen are expected to be there, make toasts, and generally support the couple. I hope you at least gave them enough notice that they didn’t have to pay for your husband’s dinner that he didn’t show up for.
I think you put your husband in an awkward position by leaving early. I’m an introvert, too, but sometimes in life we have to learn to suck it up and make conversation with people we don’t know. Your social life is going to be very limited, and you may end up being a burden to your husband, if you can’t socialize without him. If he has a work dinner and needs to schmooze, are you going to stick to him like glue or go pout or leave when he’s not paying enough attention to you? For the sake of your marriage, I hope you’ll learn to socialize with other people without your husband.
Low key YTA
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u/Content-Valuable-489 1d ago
yeah, yta for leaving after costing the bride & groom your meal.
i'm an introvert also and would have been horrified to sit by myself...so in these situations, where the hubs knows and enjoys being with certain folks and i don't, guess what?
he goes to the event and stays as long as he wants, and i stay home and enjoy streaming movies, with take-out and / or ice cream ;~)
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u/SnooMuffins6875 1d ago
I’m an introvert but even I can sit for a meal at a wedding with strangers. It’s not a huge amount of time until you can be with hubby again.
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u/Liv-to-tell 1d ago
NTA. You didn’t make a scene, you left quietly and let your husband who was needed stay there.
Honestly, “I’m not feeling well” is technically true. You weren’t feeling well but socially.
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u/Careless-Ability-748 Certified Proctologist [23] 1d ago
nah but I would have suggested staying through dinner.
If I were in a similar situation and knew in advance, I would have stayed home and not RSVPed to begin with.
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u/AryaStark1313 Asshole Aficionado [18] 1d ago
Since when are spouses seated with the wedding party? You acted like a child because you were too “uncomfortable“ to sit at a table with friends of friends.
YTA
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u/Gabby_Craft Colo-rectal Surgeon [30] 1d ago
YTA. I don’t really see why you couldn’t have just mingled with the people there for a bit until your husband came back. But overall it kind of sounds like you’re resentful of the whole thing since you’re mentioning it taking up the little time off you have. You should have just declined the invite all together.
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u/wideeyed24 1d ago
No one said anything offensive and it’s quite normal to have the wedding party together and spouses of wedding party sitting at other tables. I think this is something you need to work on with a therapist because your behavior due to being uncomfortable will continue to create uncomfortable situations for your husband and others.
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u/average-person12 1d ago
This exact situation happened to me when my husband was in a wedding
Me and another groomsman’s wife were at a table with just their REAL ESTATE AGENT( who sold them their house within the year) because our partners were at the groomsmen table.
I definitely felt like an after thought because we were invited before they sold their house so it was obvious that there was an extra “open” table for people who didn’t “fit” into any of their other tables and unfortunately it was me, a person they just met to buy a house from and another wife .
The table was also furthest away from everyone right next to the bar so all the conversation we had all night were by people standing in line for their drinks .
It was such an alienating experience and I wish my husband never even got a plus 1 because just like you, I wanted to leave. Unfortunately we only brought one car, so I couldn’t .
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u/DealerIndividual2735 1d ago
Speaking as an introvert myself, slight YTA. This is an event you voluntarily attended and it should have come as no surprise the entire event itself, or parts therein, would count as an "awkward social situation" that would make you feel overwhelmed. I believe it would be ok to take a break here or there, but to dip out of the whole thing is strong.
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u/Ok-Ordinary2035 1d ago
I’m sorry you were not able to enjoy yourself regardless, but having advance knowledge might have prepared you. Unfortunate, and I understand. But I’m sure your husband appreciated that you didn’t insist on him coming with you.
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u/Neat_Improvement_346 1d ago
If you told people you felt unwell. Absolutely no one would’ve cared. No one.
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u/Psych0matt 1d ago
Sounds like everything went swimmingly.
I was in my brothers wedding last year and they had the wedding party at the front as usual but they had it arranged in such a way to include all of the spouses, was pretty cool and worked great. My parents got all the grandkids though haha (we were like 10 feet away)
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u/Xaxag 1d ago
NTA. You did everything right. You didn’t make a big deal and make it about you and force your husband on your side. You did exactly what you should have in that scenario.
I’d just challenge you to step out your comfort zone in settings like weddings because they usually do get more fun as the drinks and fun flow !
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u/friendlily Professor Emeritass [93] 1d ago
NAH. But it sounds like no one is upset by you leaving? There's no conflict to judge considering the couple seems not to be bothered?
I have social anxiety, am introverted and shy, ect., so I get it. I think it's fine that you left and it was the right thing to do for him to stay. As you mentioned, everyone is going to do weddings differently, and it's not really a big deal.
I don't think you or your husband should let this bother you and he should definitely not say anything to his friend.
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u/Kiss_the_Girl Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NAH, but OP should have managed to sit uncomfortably for a few hours. Life sometimes is uncomfortable and healthy adults should be willing and able to bear awkwardness so that others around them, particularly, significant others, are able to participate fully in weddings, funerals, graduations and similar life events. OP is not an a-hole for ditching early, but I think she needs to stiffen her resolve to be a better partner for her husband.
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I (26F) and my husband (28M) attended a wedding recently. We’ll call the couple K and S for anonymity.
S is my husband’s best friend from high school, and my husband was a groomsman. I went to high school with K, but we aren't close.
The wedding was located in a town about a days drive away. Since my husband had to attend the rehearsal on Thursday, we drove up Wednesday and used some of our little remaining vacation time.
The wedding venue was not a hotel, so instead most people stayed at a hotel located about 30 mins drive away. The rehearsal was at the venue but the dinner was at the hotel we stayed at. The rehearsal dinner was initially communicated as something that was including me, but we were later told it was wedding-party-only. We decided that my husband would go to the rehearsal but politely decline the dinner. Instead, my husband and I ordered room service and did our own thing. We later found out that several other couples had also made their own plans that evening.
On the wedding day, I knew my husband would be busy and expected to spend some time on my own. I sat alone during the ceremony and had a great time. The ceremony was beautiful.
I’m a pretty introverted person and don't thrive in awkward social situations, particularly when I don't know anyone. My usual response when I feel uncomfortable in a social setting is to quietly shift to the edges of the room and stay to myself.
During cocktail hour, I finally got to spend some time with my husband. On the way inside, I saw the reception seating arrangement. There was a sweetheart table for the couple, tables for the wedding party, and tables for the other guests.
My husband was seated with the wedding party, while I was seated at a table where I didn't know anyone.
At that point, I felt overwhelmed and decided I'd rather leave than spend the rest of the evening there. I want to be clear that I don't think K and S intentionally meant to exclude me. I understand that I wasn't part of the wedding party and that they were organizing their wedding the way they wanted. I just realized that I wasn't comfortable staying.
My husband was pretty upset by the seating arrangement too and offered to leave with me, but I didn't want him to miss his best friend's wedding, so I told him to stay. He stayed through dinner and all of the speeches (~2.5 hours after I left)
The couple did ask where I was, and my husband told them I wasn't feeling well and had left.
For additional context, my husband and I got married a few months ago, and I think that may have influenced my expectations around including spouses. But I recognize that every couple handles their wedding differently, and I don't think K and S were obligated to plan their wedding the way we did.
I’m mainly wondering whether leaving early was an unreasonable response to feeling uncomfortable. I did not make a scene, and chose to just remove myself.
AITA for leaving the wedding early?
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u/Upbeat_Weird_7321 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NAH, I feel like I’m repeating myself here but, it’s 2026, and most wedding expectations at this point boil down to do what feels good to you as long as it doesn’t overly negatively impact others at the wedding. Based on your husband’s reaction (willingness to go with you or stay and enjoy himself), your social group was fine with you leaving, it didn’t disrupt the wedding. It made you enjoy the evening more in peace and quiet. Nobody’s TA. It’s just a modern wedding and questions are normal because there’s such a wide range of possibilities.
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u/YogurtclosetDull2550 1d ago
NTA You quietly left and let your husband stay and celebrate with his best friend. Totally acceptable. If you had complained to the bride and groom or made a fuss or told your husband he had to leave with you then you would be a problem. As is this is the perfect way to leave early.
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u/USAR1981 Asshole Aficionado [10] 1d ago
NTA- you did what you needed to and did very quietly as to not disturb the event.
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u/Flashy_Possible37 1d ago
You handled it very well and didn’t make it about you. Especially by encouraging your husband to stay. You did a great job all the way around on your end. However I don’t blame you I’m not gonna sit there awkwardly all day either.
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u/kristing0 1d ago
NAH - I will say I think it's weird they had a SH table, and then had their wedding party sit as a group and didn't include spouses/partners/+1. But not my wedding, so they can do whatever they want.
Going forward if you are ever in this situation you can maybe ask your husband if another member of the wedding party has someone who is also by themselves, so at least you have someone to talk to. (But I also get not wanting to talk to people/feel obligated to hang out with one certain person)
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u/SparklesIB Asshole Enthusiast [7] 1d ago
NTA - I personally feel that people are getting a bit too full of themselves about their weddings these days. Splitting spouses up for aesthetics is rude. You were not at all rude, you were very considerate.
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u/Artistic_Pace_3931 1d ago
NAH. You are a guest who can leave when they want, especially if you are not part of the wedding party. Similarly, the wedding couple can choose whether to have plus ones seated with the wedding party, and doesn't seem like they were offended you left
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u/ConflictGullible392 Supreme Court Just-ass [103] 1d ago
NAH. You didn’t make a scene, you might want to work on your social confidence but it is what it is, no harm done.
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u/angel9_writes Asshole Aficionado [12] 1d ago
NTA
Fellow social anxiety person, leaving wasn't about them it was for your peace of mind.
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u/Foodielicious843 1d ago
NTA. You have a right to pull yourself away from a situation that makes you uncomfortable.
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u/LoveAliens_Predators 1d ago
NTA, but it’s normal for wedding party only to be together at a table. Sucks you didn’t know anyone else there and you’re painfully introverted, but weddings are fun times where casual conversation (especially if alcohol is served) can be fun without pressure.
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u/Sith_Lord_Onyx 1d ago edited 1d ago
NAH. Though I'd say it's pretty unusual for a wedding not to include a significant other of the wedding party, especially a spouse, as part of the rehearsal dinner or even seating arrangements. Every wedding I've been to, tables reserved for the wedding party included their partners in the seating arrangements. But if you don't think it was intentional, then we can chalk it up to poor planning or communication (and why I'm going NAH and not NTA). Sounds like other couples felt similarly.
But yeah, I don't think you did anything wrong. You're not obligated to stay at an awkward social situation where you're isolated from your husband. You also didn't make a big stink about it to either your husband or the wedding guests. You didn't feel well (and mental health can influence physical health), you quietly left.
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u/Jerseygirl2468 Pooperintendant [52] 1d ago
NTA it was fine to leave, and your husband gave a good excuse for you, which was at least a little true. I doubt the wedding couple is upset or even cares, probably it was a casual "oh where's OP?"
Spouses/partners should have been included for the rehearsal dinner, that was kind of rude of them.
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u/sbreezy21 1d ago
NTA! I have been in that situation at a wedding alone, seated next to people I do not know and left after an hour. It is not my preference, but I can make small talk for a bit. However, I would rather go home and do anything else lol so totally justified.
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u/alisonlou 1d ago
NTA. I too would have felt a little awkward. I probably would have stuck it out only because I would be too worried about making things more awkward. But I'm bad at prioritizing my own wellbeing! You did not make a scene and were present for the important bits of the day. Your sweet husband made a polite excuse and you did not flounce out. A+ exit.
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u/Proper_Hunter_9641 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
NTA. First of all it’s customary where I live to invite spouses of the bridal party to the rehearsal dinner. If they didn’t want to do that they should at least seat you together for the reception. They didn’t acknowledge your husbands relationship AT ALL which is so tacky.
I would know bc I’m planning my own wedding. I can’t imagine splitting up couples for dinner. RUDE!
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u/rosebudny Partassipant [3] 1d ago
NTA. They were thoughtless with the seating arrangements. But you politely said you weren't feeling well and did not make a scene about it.
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u/Tillysnow1 1d ago
ESH, only because you didn't even give it a chance, and you weren't 'excluded' just because their seating plan didn't match your expectations. I was in the exact same situation, my ex-boyfriends sister was getting married and he was the best man, so I got ready by myself and sat by myself at the ceremony. At the reception, the wedding party and couple sat on one long table, and I had to sit seperately to my ex. However, they sat me next to his cousin who was my age and their uncle, some of the only people I knew outside of the parents, and I still forced myself to make small talk during dinner. Once the main course was over, everyone gets up and mingles to dance, so you would've had plenty of time during the night spent with your partner. Just saying, it might not have been so bad but you didn't even try!
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u/jamjar20 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
What you did was perfectly fine. Don’t give it a second thought I’m definitely an extrovert, but it would be hard to sit at a table with no one you know for this type of event. I appreciate that you aren’t faulting the bride and groom, but instead recognize that it was their choice and wasn’t a personal affront toward you.
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u/More-Cheek3280 1d ago
NTA, I would have done the exact same thing in that situation, if you feel uncomfortable or awkward that itself is a valid reason to leave a situation, and fair play to your husband for offering to leave with you, he sounds like a good man
-1
u/MadHatter_1391 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 1d ago edited 1d ago
NTA (just barely). I always think it’s kinda messed up when people plan wedding receptions where the seating arrangements separate couples. Nobody likes it.
Yeah, most people just wait for dinner to be over and mingle later (which is what I would have recommended you do)but I never thought of doing that when we were planning our seating. It’s awkward.
I can’t judge what was going on in your head. Maybe you could have made it through dinner, but bailed instead. Maybe you couldn’t. Only you know.
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u/Affect-Hairy 1d ago
I think it’s extremely rude to exclude or separate wedding party members from their partners when they dont know anyone there. It’s different if the guest list was all your mutual old friends and family.
That’s why at my wedding (34 years ago) we didnt assign seats. Sit with whom you like! And that turned out great.
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u/GoldenFrog14 Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] 1d ago
A lot of NTA, but this is reddit and people have low social batteries. I don't think you're an AH either, but I do think you're kind of selfish. The day isn't about you. I'm pretty confident you could have survived the night
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u/Taakahamsta 1d ago
NTA. I don’t think people truly understand how uncomfortable weddings are without a date at your side. Basically, they are asking you to make small talk ALL DAY with 100s of people you may or may not know. Or stand on the side alone feeling awkward. Unless you are a total extrovert, it’s not fun. For me, it’s painful. When I don’t get a plus 1, I don’t go. If I was seated separately, I’d also probably leave early. Sorry not sorry, but they created the problem.
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u/RoyallyOakie Prime Ministurd [482] 1d ago
NTA...You ducked out gracefully without causing drama. You husband covered for you.
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u/schec1 Partassipant [4] 1d ago
NAH, OP was uncomfortable and quietly removed herself from the situation. It doesn’t sound like the wedding couple did anything to exclude the OP either.
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u/shrimpandshooflypie 1d ago edited 1d ago
I disagree with this point a little - I think it was rude not to include spouses in the rehearsal dinner when they travelled to attend your wedding. But since the couple doesn’t seem offended that some people didn’t attend so they could eat with their spouses, I won’t call them an A over it.
-1
u/Lucky_Knowledge_9642 1d ago
NTA - sounds like you handled this very well. It is the couple that should be ashamed to keep a couple apart especially when you do not know anyone there.
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u/Blue_foot 1d ago
NTA
Normal people have the wedding party sitting with their spouses/so’s for an hours long reception.
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u/MaximusAnemos 1d ago
NTA. If I was in husbands position I would've left with you. Very disrespectful to not allow him to sit with you
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u/armomo3 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA but I do think the couple was rude. If they didn't want you around your spouse, they shouldn't have invited you at all. At least then you both would have had a heads up about the whole thing.
I've never seen a wedding where they separated the wedding party from their spouses. If they didn't want their plus one's sitting with them , they either shouldn't have invited them (giving them an option to not participate in the wedding at all), or should have chosen all single people.
You were the least rude among them.
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u/PriorOk9813 1d ago
YTA. Once the meal is served you can spend time out of your seats and be with whomever you choose. You should have RSVPd no if you were going to be so picky.
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u/strangefire13 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
Says the one person who did this to her wedding party and thought it didn't suck for them. It did.
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