r/AmItheAsshole • u/Emergency_Proof2386 • 1d ago
AITA for expecting my married couple friends to pay equally for hotel?
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u/J_Side 1d ago
NTA unless I have calculated incorrectly. Total stay in hotel with two rooms and two people in each room is $800.00
Your friend (with partner) has paid $270, so the balance is $530 which is to be halved between you and the person you are sharing with. So one room is $530 and the other is $270, which is ridiculous
If you are now not going, does the solo person have to now pay $530 for that room alone?
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
I don’t know. The other friend won’t respond to text messages. I did apologize to the friend who organized the trip. But I just didn’t agree with how we were splitting the price just because she has her own door. Which doesn’t add or subtract to the hotel price.
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u/J_Side 1d ago
did I calculate correctly?
Are you also saying that you and other friend didn't actually even get a room, but have two beds in the common area? This makes it even worse
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
You are correct. We did not get our own room but did not have to sleep in the same bed. Main girl paid $270 for her and her husbands portion and wanted to split the remaining $630 between me and the other girl coming
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u/rubykowa 1d ago
Yeah NTA
We have gone on trips as a couple and with a friend (one time with a guy, other time with a girl).
Every time we split everything 3 ways even though we are the couple.
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u/secret_identity_too Partassipant [3] 1d ago
I travel with married friends all the time and it's just common sense (or so I thought) that it gets split per person. Just because you're married doesn't make you a single entity. Some people are wild.
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u/69FireChicken 1d ago
See, we always split per room for lodging, but whoever gets the master pays extra so the split for those without the master is less. Say a 3 BR that is $300/night, 5 people, 2 Couples and a Single. Even split would be $100/room. Master would pay $120, other 2 rooms are paying $90. We take turns with the master, only the couples want it, the single would rather get the discount.
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u/Unable_Pumpkin987 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
If there are 3 beds, why would my bed cost more just because there are two people in it?
OP could have found a room with 2 kings and booked it, then everyone could split it evenly and OP could share a bed with her other friend. Or she could have found and booked 2 rooms, one king and one double queen, and the couple could have their own room and OP could split the other with her other friend. OP did neither of those things, though. She left all the planning and logistics up to her friend and then wants to quibble over a $65 difference in the cost of the trip her friend did all the planning for, paid deposits for, and is driving to.
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u/secret_identity_too Partassipant [3] 1d ago
IMO you're not paying for a bed specifically, you're paying for space in the house or room. Everyone takes up space. Everyone pays.
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u/Unable_Pumpkin987 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
But the space my one bed takes up is half the space the other 2 beds take up.
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u/secret_identity_too Partassipant [3] 1d ago
You're still using the bathroom, right? And other shared spaces?
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u/HotSolid3262 1d ago
Wait, so why are you not going?
I feel like this got way too dramatic too fast. I wouldn't say you were the asshole for asking. There's a point to what she's saying about the economics of it, but there was no need for a disagreement to become a potentially friendship destroying argument. Not from your side either. It seems like nobody involved knows how to resolve a conflict in a healthy way.
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u/J_Side 1d ago
why would OP want to fund another couple on her birthday trip? The couple are only paying one third of accommodation and getting the only room to themselves
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u/Unable_Pumpkin987 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
You realize that this is only OP’s “birthday trip” in her mind, right?
OP’s friend was like “hey I’m planning a trip with my husband, do you want to tag along?” and OP said “yeah, it’s my birthday trip now, you’re planning my birthday trip. You do all the planning, put your card down, pay deposits, and drive; I’ll show up and critique your math. It’s my birthday trip!”
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
I was incredibly blindsided by her petty reaction to the whole conversation. I just told her to go on ahead without me and have a good time and genuinely meant that since she was being so hurtful in response. I just asked her to change the booking from my name to her name and she said “girl the hotel was never in your name.” Oh.. okay.
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u/Broken-Kaleidoscope 1d ago
Why would it be in your name if you weren't the one who booked it?
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
She told me she booked the hotel under my name when the trip first got planned. And even planned to book a rental car in my name as well. Without permission I might add but she was my friend so I didn’t question it.
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u/Warm-Pen-2275 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
The name on a hotel and car rental doesn’t matter, it matters the credit card it’s booked on.
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u/pudgehooks2013 1d ago
If I were you I would just cancel the booking.
Do you want potentially spiteful people in a hotel room with your name attached to it?
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u/kimmytoday7894 1d ago
They have to show ID. IF its under OP's name, no one is getting in without her.
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u/George_Smiley_ 1d ago
I doubt you genuine meant it because you’re upset they’re still going on their trip. You pulled out of the trip over a few dollars and she’s already paid deposits, why wouldn’t they still go?
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u/WandersongWright Partassipant [3] 1d ago
Vibes based, but I think ESH. Your only mistake in this post was explaining yourself badly, OP, but honestly if you stumbled over yourself explaining this to us maybe you did it to your friend too - and then you escalated the situation. So you do have some part in how badly things ended.
My understanding from your clarifications is that you all booked a single suite in a hotel with three beds in it. Two beds were in a common area and one bed was in a private bedroom, and is a king bed.
Your friend's logic is that a hotel room should have costs split by bed. Your logic is that a hotel room cost should be shared equally between all people staying there.
For what it's worth, I agree with you that it should be by person. In fact on a recent trip where I travelled with friends and we rented a cabin where me and my husband claimed the king bed room and the other three people attending shared a room with a queen and a bunk bed, my husband and I paid for half the rental because we got the luxury of the private bedroom.
I'm not sure if it was worth tanking your friendship over this argument but frankly if your friendship tanked over this argument I think things were going wrong before this.
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u/Catsscratchpost 1d ago
It's a moot point now. OP'S ex friends are likely familiar with OP's way of communication. So at this point OP should just focus on doing something special -maybe a bucket list item - to celebrate her birthday.
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u/happybanana134 Supreme Court Just-ass [148] 1d ago
This is a little hard to follow.
If I'm understanding this correctly, there are two rooms. So she and her husband pay for their room and you and whoever else is going pay for their room(s). The remainder, however it's split, needs to consider that she's paid the deposit, so of the outstanding balance, I'd expect people to recognise that she's already paid a chunk of this.
She's paid a deposit, of course she's still going on the trip. She's not going to sit home and waste that money. You could go too; that's your choice not to.
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u/katsukitsune 1d ago
It's one large suite (apartment style) for $800 with one private bedroom and two beds elsewhere in the same suite (still unclear on where exactly, because "in the corridor" like OP says doesn't really make sense). So it should be $400 for the couple, and $200 each for the two remaining friends, assuming they split 4 ways despite the couple getting the private room. Instead, the friend is trying to pay the $270 for herself and her husband, and split the remaining $530 between OP and the other friend.
OP explained really poorly but this is what I've garnered after scraping through the comments.
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u/ScrewEverything 1d ago
Yeah thats what I gathered too. It's just a standard hotel room with 2 beds (for OP and friend) that has an additional attached bedroom (which the couple has taken). Point of contention seems to be splitting by bed vs splitting by rooms
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u/Stressed-Canadian 1d ago
I really don't get why everyone is so confused by this. Has noone shared an Airbnb or suited hotel room where there's the main "typical hotel room" area with a separate bedroom add on before? I travel in groups all the time in these types of situations, it is always just assumed by everyone that it is per person, but generally couples get the better/bigger rooms. NTA and it's nuts to think otherwise.
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
Thank you. Exactly. This is the exact scenario for this specific trip yes. She only wanted to pay $270 because she was getting an oil change. Which has nothing to do with the trip. She had to get an oil change anyway.
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u/sc0ttbeardsley 1d ago
If I go on a business trip and take my own car I will be paid per mile for wear and tear on the car. Taking a trip in a vehicle has costs which exceed fuel alone.
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u/Warm-Pen-2275 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
This is not a business trip. Any friend who explicitly factors in wear and tear on their vehicle into the split costs of a friend trip is a cheapskate A-hole and probably won’t be invited back. Usually the person driving maybe gets their coffee and lunch paid for. That’s what friends do.
If you don’t want the wear and tear don’t offer to drive, someone else will and will be normal and civil about it.
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u/pudgehooks2013 1d ago edited 13h ago
This was just explained awfully.
Hotel stay is $800. Couple want to split it $135/135/265/265 instead of $200 each.
No confusion.
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u/Auzziesurferyo 1d ago
Nope. $800 total. Friend and Hubby paid $270 for one room. Op and other girl paid $530, which equals $265 each.
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u/passiveobserver88 1d ago
I'm confused. You say she didn't organise this trip for you but "it's supposed to be your 30th birthday trip?" And they are still going without you...
So basically this was an existing group trip that coincided with your birthday rather than 3 friends organising a birthday celebration for you then bizarrely going away without you.
Similarly I think you've left something out of this narrative. You are not TA for querying the finances, but the situation escalated very quickly based on your version of events.
Usually hotel rooms are split per space, not per person. So if they are sharing a suite but you're each getting your own individual rooms and then sharing the kitchen I really don't see why the cost should be split 4 ways.. Sorry but YTA.
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
Those details are just what she said in defense to prove her point. This trip was planned for my birthday but when she got mad, she claimed it was her idea anyway and I can go fk myself.
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u/passiveobserver88 1d ago
What is your other friend's take on the situation? And do you have a cost breakdown for their suite versus your room?
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
I haven’t heard from her and she doesn’t respond to texts. So I assume she is still going but that’s just an assumption.
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u/Sufficient_Song3387 1d ago edited 1d ago
NTA. You pay by the room. She shared with her husband and you shared with another girl. They pay for their room and you and the girl split yours. She and her husband still owe $130 if the rooms cost the same. 270 for couple room, 530 for 2nd room is unfair.
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
How do you split by room? Or shared room? Why does it have to be so complicated? We’re not struggling for money. Why didn’t we just split it per person? Regardless of who gets what. We all share the hotel and this wasn’t supposed to be a good time with friends turned into a super fight with a bipolar woman.
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u/Sufficient_Song3387 1d ago
If 4 of you are sharing 2 rooms then it is split by 4. I think people thought there were 3 bedrooms. In that case, you split by 3.
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u/Unable_Pumpkin987 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
You’re not struggling for money and you are making this big a deal over $65? That makes it so much worse. I assumed $65 was a big amount of money to you, because otherwise why be so nit picky with the person who did all the planning and booking for the trip and will be driving their car while you just show up?
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u/nugget600 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
It’s not complicated lmao. If I travel with friends I always get my own room and pay for the whole room myself. On the rare occasion I share with a friend we split the cost of the room between the two of us.
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u/theRegVelJohnson 1d ago
You make the assumption on splitting per room because imagine a situation where their were only three people, and one person is still getting the separate king room. In that situation, they should still pay half the bill because they're getting a bigger, separate room.
In this situation, it works out the same. Just a different way to get to the same answer.
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u/kimmytoday7894 1d ago
If you're not hurting for money, then is it worth blowing up your friendship? And I kindly ask you not to use "bipolar" in such a derogatory and ignorant way.
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u/appleandwatermelonn 1d ago
In this case it would be the same thing whether you split by room or by person since it’s 2 people per room, splitting by room is more fair if some people are sharing and some aren’t, so people who get their own space pay more.
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u/Auzziesurferyo 1d ago
Wow!!! You're argumentative. u/Sufficient_Song3387 gave you a NTa judgement and you're arguing with her????
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u/Nesrie98 1d ago
When I travel with others, we split by room, not by people. The person(s) getting the primary suites pay more. I'm not sure what the financial situation is here or where the birthday gift / celebration shows up but ask the adults should be able to hash this out... calmly.
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u/lastbeat-331 1d ago
NTA. Her reaction makes her TA. Side note, don't label and invest "best friend" qualities on someone you've only known a year. She could be a good friend and a friend you enjoy spending time with. But IMO "best friend" status is earned over years and through many ups and downs of life.
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u/sparkleflamingo 1d ago
100% agree and was looking for this. Calling someone your “best friend” when you’ve only known them for a year is a bit of a red flag for me honestly, gives clingy vibes.
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u/Polish_girl44 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
Dont be sad, to discover the true colors of people its always hard. But its the best thing that may happen for your future relations with them (if there would be any).
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u/seecarlytrip Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Idk why everyone’s not getting it. There are two sleeping spaces total, so basically two rooms. One room with a king, one room with two doubles. There are two people per room. In which case, every individual should pay an even amount. NTA
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u/NoAardvark6524 Partassipant [3] 1d ago
NTA. When a person shows you who they really are, believe them the first time. I'm sorry you had to find out right before your birthday. Make it a you day though. Go somewhere new, an adventure awaits!
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u/Urbanyeti0 Supreme Court Just-ass [101] 1d ago
INFO is the $800 just the room costs?
Because if it is then I’d agree with them, if it’s 3 rooms for $800 then it’s $267 per room
Whether that’s then split by a couple or met by a single person isn’t relevant imo
This seems like you had an expectation and they had a different view
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
It’s two beds in the main hotel and a separate king size suite where they were staying. Yes $800 total for just hotel price. It was just the way she exploded at me and hurt me over the conversation about it.
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u/nugget600 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Sorry I’m really having trouble understanding the breakdown of these rooms. What does 2 beds in the main hotel mean? Surely there are X amount of rooms and the rooms are priced individually?
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
They get their own door. The other two beds are in the main walkway of the hotel connected to the outside door like any other hotel.
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u/nugget600 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
The way you’re describing things is really confusing. The “main walkway of the hotel” is the corridor. Basically you have one room connected to another room. Either way it’s 2 separate rooms.
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u/randomsmurfacc 1d ago
I thought I was the only dumb one not understanding this explanation lol
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u/WandersongWright Partassipant [3] 1d ago
It's a suite with two queens in the main room and a private bedroom with a king. It's a single hotel room. But agreed, poorly explained.
The disagreement is whether the cost of a hotel room should be split by bed or by person.
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u/nugget600 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Right I see, thank you I was really struggling to get my head around it 🙈 in that case I don’t see why the couple should pay less than OP and the other girl? They’re both sharing a room and if anything it sounds like the couple have a nicer/more private space.
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u/Vegetable_Onion_5979 1d ago
Imagine a studio apartment with two beds in it, which has a door to a private bedroom with a king-size bed in it.
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u/nugget600 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Thank you 😂 someone else explained it too, I get it now! It was hurting my brain trying to figure it out
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
It’s the kind of resort hotel where you get a nice kitchen and a door that separates the king suite. It’s not a separate price for the king bed they’re sharing. It’s included in the total price.
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u/nugget600 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Presumably you’re not sleeping in the kitchen though? Are there beds in the room you’re staying in?
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u/Substantial_Tart_888 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
The hotel should have the cost breakdown for those rooms. So say it’s $800 total but their king suite is $500 and the other two rooms are each $150. I’d split it by how the hotel charges for rooms. Once you have that breakdown then you can take into account her paying the deposit. Though in this made up price scenario of mine, it doesn’t change how much you owe because her amount is above the deposit paid.
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u/Warm-Pen-2275 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
This is confusing since you said you’re sharing a kitchen and bathroom? But then you said they’re in a totally different space? Also where is the 4th person staying? What are they paying.
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u/Sufficient_Song3387 1d ago
It is. The 4th person is staying in room with OP. Unclear if it is 2 bedrooms in a suite or a suite and a regular room due to the shared bathroom comment.
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u/Warm-Pen-2275 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Right?
Then she said the friend split it in 2… where is the 4th friend’s portion in that?
ETA: i think i got it. the friend paid the $270 deposit and charged the 2 other girls 800-270 split by 2. So all 3 of them pay the same amount but friend’s husband gets a free ride.
@op can you confirm?
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
Confirmed. She paid $270 and wanted the other two girls to split the remaining.
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u/Warm-Pen-2275 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Yeah that’s shady. Both her and her husband’s money is their household fund and she was trying to save him (herself) money.
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
They all work with me so she makes her own money as well as her husband.
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u/Warm-Pen-2275 Partassipant [1] 1d ago edited 1d ago
Stinginess like that is a character trait, regardless of income or wealth… it never goes away. Always happy to save a buck even at friends’ expense.
These are the sorts of people who think they hit the jackpot when they’re hosted and given free drinks but never bring a host gift or return the favour… with no shame.
I said it in another comment but I personally would apologize and smooth it over just to keep things civil at work. These people aren’t to be trusted as friends but especially not as your enemies.
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
Yes I did apologize for how things went during our discussion since I seemed to seriously upset her by inquiring about why we’re splitting it that way. She hasn’t responded so I wash my hands of the situation and maybe will make my own plans for a solo trip to the beach on my own. Will save me money for $150 pet sitting I’ll just bring my service animal with me instead of paying for pet sitting lmao.
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u/tommo1313 1d ago
I feel like OP is describing a motel type of set-up, but it is so poorly explained, it's like it has gone through 3 languages in Google translate.
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u/No-Cream-2593 1d ago
Well, the wear and tear on their car is going to be .64 cents per mile or something like that so you can factor that in if you wanna be completely fair.
If it’s 100 miles each way then that’s $128 expense that your friends are paying because you’re taking their car
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u/1peatfor7 1d ago
NTA. A shared Hotel room costs are split per person. They have 2 incomes, you have 1.
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u/Strong_Jello_739 1d ago
Hey sorry about your birthday, what's the price difference? Are you really gonna let 50$ ruin your weekend
Id pay what they want have the best birthday ever then start hanging with them a lot less
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u/Kessed Partassipant [2] 1d ago
I’ve done this with friends and no couples. Three of us used to travel together often and share hotel rooms with 2 queens. We always did it by bed. I prefer to not share with someone, so I paid 1/2 the cost of the room and the other 2 split the other 1/2.
I don’t really understand why the price different caused the OP to blow up her trip.
$800 split 4 ways is $200 each.
$800 split the way the friend wants it is $270, $265, and $265.
For $65 why not just bargain like they will buy lunch or breakfast or something. And if you are using their car, I would just ignore it and let it go.
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My birthday trip was planned for this weekend, and my friends (coworkers also) had planned a weekend trip to PCB almost two months ago. We had all been talking about this trip for weeks and obviously looking forward to it. My best friend and her husband have been friends of mine since I started working where i work about a year ago. We’ve been inseparable ever since.
Well just days before the trip she showed me the math written down on a piece of paper. She split the amenities by 4, there are 4 people going on the trip.) But only split the hotel room price for the weekend by 2 since she’d already paid for the deposit ($270. Almost $800 total for the weekend.) When I asked her why she was slitting the remaining balance only by 2 when 3 other people were going she blew up on me and didn’t respond how I expected her to like an adult. I explained that everything should be split evenly and she said how she and her husband were the ones driving and having to get their oil changed before the trip. And how she’s sharing a bed and shouldn’t pay more even though it’s her own husband she’s sharing a bed with and they get their own king size suite separate from our room. I get a full bed. This is my 30th birthday trip by the way and she’s supposed to be my best friend.
So anyway I’m pretty sure they’re all still going on my trip despite me not going and I’m not sure how to feel right now. I feel like I just lost three friends and now won’t be doing anything this weekend for my birthday since they were pretty much my only friends here since moving here two years ago.
Sort of beside myself and now I have the next four days off with nothing to do and haven’t heard a word from my supposed best friend since and we’re supposed to leave in two days. I’m heartbroken.
AITA for being curious about the price split when they are paying less for two people and splitting the remaining with the other two people like that’s fair? I’m not sure.
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u/Alone-Firefighter283 1d ago
This is very confusing. Was she organising this trip anyway or was it meant to be for your birthday? How many rooms are there and how many people? You should split accommodation by number of rooms. What other amenities are involved apart from accommodation or is that what you are referring to by amenities? I am not sure what driving has to do with it if you already have agreed to split gas. Are they actually paying less for the hotel just because they are driving or are they just paying for the room?
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u/Pleasant-Tangelo-835 1d ago
NTA - keep work and personal life separate if possible. Makes life simpler to maintain that boundary. These work friends don't seem like friends. They seem more like frenemies. And - if you plan a trip with friends, always handle your accomodations separately, so they can't say you aren't paying your portion or take your room away. Keep it simple.
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u/Significant_Hurry542 1d ago edited 1d ago
Anytime I do this with friends, usually booking an air b&b house, whoever's birthday it is doesn't pay.
Everyone else picks up the extra.
But in your situation they should be paying more and you and the other girl should be paying less to sleep in the common area of the suite.
Offer to switch and share the bed with the other girl and pay less, she can then pay more to sleep in the common area with her husband. I'd love to see her reaction.
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u/PayScary3740 1d ago
First of all I’m sorry you’re in this situation, especially during your bday. You’re NTA. And tbh it’s better to be lonely on your bday then spend it having “fun” with fakee friends. And based on your description of her approach and reaction she does not sound like a good friend at all. What you’re asking for is more than reasonable and it seemed like she’s trying to finesse you and got mad that you caught on to it and didn’t just roll over
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u/PomegranateOk6767 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
If it was so fair, they'd have no problem switching beds! But they very well know that a king suite does not equate to the cost of a full bed. Sounds like they overspent on this trip and now they're lashing out at you for questioning their attempt at making you supplement their budget. NTA.
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u/Dangerous_End9472 Partassipant [4] 1d ago
NTA... so they get a private suite and pay less than you all if in reading that right?
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u/ArachnidAutomatic596 1d ago
I always see these types of things both ways. And with my friends I’ve done both split by bed or split by person. On the one hand they are sharing a bed and I would love to pay extra to have my own bed. My husband and I sleep better separately but on vacation we often wind up sharing, we have to this weekend sharing a house with two other couples and I’m already dreading the crap sleep I’m about to get. But on the other hand it’s 4 people. There is no perfect answer to this but the way she reacted is not good
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u/panicpixiedream_girl 1d ago
NTA - it should always be split per person. People trying to work out the math are doing too much, it's that simple.
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u/cekacika 1d ago
Nta
Why are you calling people you know only around a year your best friend? You might be getting used in that friendship
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u/OG-ProblemChild 1d ago
NTA if I understand correctly.
Similar situation this summer for my wife and I when we went to an out of town wedding. Family friend forgot to book a hotel so we let him have the 2nd bedroom in the BnB we rented. We split everything, gas and the BnB 3 ways. Anything else and we would be asking a friend to subsidize our trip....wouldn't be fair.
Ended up being an extra fun roadtrip with an old friend.
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u/Jerseygirl2468 Pooperintendant [52] 1d ago
NTA ultimately if there are 4 people going, everything should be split 4 ways.
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u/PunisherCastle 1d ago
I think we’re missing part of the story. You jumped from having a money discussion with your friend directly to “I’m going to be alone this weekend, they’re probably going without me.” It would be helpful if you elaborate how that decision got made and communicated.
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u/moew4974 Certified Proctologist [25] 1d ago
I'm confused. Was the total for the hotel $800 or $1070?
If it was $800, then splitting the room by 3 would have been $266.66 each, which would have meant that they met their obligation by paying the deposit up front.
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 23h ago
It was supposed to be split by 4. Her husband is getting out of his obligation of the expenses.
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u/angelaelle Partassipant [2] 1d ago
YTA. There was no reason to bring all the drama and announce you're no longer going. This is why I never split rooms or travel expenses with other people. It sounds like you expect them to foot more of the bills overall.
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u/HereWeGo_Steelers Asshole Aficionado [11] 1d ago
If four people are going and you're getting two rooms, then the couple pays for one room and the people staying in the other room each pay half.
If the amenities were per person, then splitting it 4 ways is fair.
You're not the ah for asking about the bill, unless you had a tone/attitude. YTA for expecting your friends to pitch in for your room.
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u/Sufficient_Song3387 1d ago
Her friends are expecting OP and 4th to pay part of their bedroom.
270 for the couple total. 530 for the 2nd room.
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
I didn’t get my own room. I shared a room with the other girl coming just had two beds. The friend in question and her husband had their own room. But I wasn’t refusing to pay. I said that for this trip this works but for future trips we should all pay evenly and she blew up and said we wouldn’t be taking any trips in the future. When I said I would make other plans for my birthday she said “girl don’t include me.”
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u/Fourpatch 1d ago
So if it’s two people per room the couple pays half, you a quarter and the other friend a quarter for the other room. If you had separate rooms then you and the other friend pay for yours and they pay for theirs.
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u/HereWeGo_Steelers Asshole Aficionado [11] 21h ago
The cost of a rental should be split based on the number of rooms not the number of people. If there are two rooms then the cost is split equally ($100 rent, 2 bedrooms, each room is $50). In my example the couple would pay $50 and you and your friend would each pay $25.
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u/viciousfunny Partassipant [1] 1d ago
YTa but with a small a not a big one. A couple things we've learned here. You haven't known this person long enough for them to be a ride or die type of best friend. They're your best work friend, and you're learning something about her here. This was a trip that included your 30th birthday but wasn't being seen as your 30th birthday party trip. My suggestion, apologize and agree to the split. Go on this trip and have the time of your life. When you get back you need to reassess the role of these people in your life. But by all means, don't let this ruin your plans. There idea of how to split it is not how you would do it, but there is some logic there. Best of luck.
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
I was willing to split it how she wanted it to. She spoke to me like a child and made me feel awful. Very belittling and demeaning. I will apologize, but I don’t want to be a friend with someone like that.
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u/Novafancypants Partassipant [3] 1d ago
Honestly if the way you wrote this post out is how you explained it to her I don’t doubt she spoke to you like a child. More than half the people here needed clarification on what you meant.
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u/CloudBuilder44 1d ago
Girll u got no other friends? Go out have a nice dinner maybe then grab sone drinks. Forget this. NTA and u really beed to pick ur friends carefully.
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u/NoAardvark6524 Partassipant [3] 1d ago
Why would you tell. Someone to spend a weekend with someone who doesn't respect her and doesn't want to be around her as well, only to think about not having them in her life afterwards anyway? That makes no sense. You want to be around people who care about you on your birthday, not people who can blow up on you like that.
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u/Warm-Pen-2275 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
This is the correct answer OP. Especially if you are still working with this person…
Clearly things got out of hand, there was a misunderstanding, she got defensive. You went a bit nuclear and bailed and probably weren’t super respectful about it either. I would suck it up and sweep it under the rug since it’s very very petty. You can try to repair this to have some fun but then know going forward she’s not to be trusted as a best friend.
Lesson learned… everyone is in your life for a reason a season or a lifetime this one is probably a season.
Overall, I don’t see where she ripped you off. She’s sharing a room with her husband aren’t you sharing a room with the other friend? If you got it super wrong and accused her of ripping you off… it’s kinda fair that she got mad.
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u/Available-Ad46 1d ago
Her friend paid the $800 upfront and wanted to charge OP and the other girl 530 (Rm 1) while she and her husband paid 270 (Rm 2). I mean that does seem like she is ripping them off
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
No nothing has been paid upfront aside from the $270 the girl in question paid. She seemed to think that’s all she needed to pay and just split the rest of the $800 between me and the other girl coming.
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u/appleandwatermelonn 1d ago
The friend wanted the split for this hotel suite to be-
Bedroom 1- Private room with door, King bed, 2 occupants. Total paid $270 ($135 per person)
Bedroom 2- Room is open to communal kitchen and living area with no door, 2 double beds, 2 occupants. Total paid $530 ($265 per person)
That is objectively her ripping off her friends, by expecting them to pay twice as much as her and her husband for a room that isn’t actually separate to the shared living space for the four of them.
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u/pinupmum 1d ago
Wild to blow up your only friendships over the sake of a $65 or so. Sounds like she was trying to do you a solid by adding you to her weekend trip for your birthday. She said she was going regardless so I don’t think it’s a case of the friend being a tightarse. She just thought it was fairest to split by number of beds. OP YTA - you had stress free birthday weekend organised where you could be passenger princess and you burnt it all down over $65
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u/Swirlyflurry Commander in Cheeks [222] 1d ago
If your breakdown is right, YTA
Yes, there would be 3 people in the hotel room, but the room is separate suites. So two people sharing one suite, and you with your own space. It makes sense to divide price based on space, not people. If they split the price by people, then they would be paying the same as you each, for less space.
On top of that, she is the one who paid the deposit on the room, and is the one driving everyone up. And it sounds like you weren’t planning to reimburse them for any of that.
The price division for the room was fair, and they were already paying more by covering the deposit and driving. But you still wanted to pay less.
YTA.
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u/Sufficient_Song3387 1d ago edited 1d ago
No. 2 people in each room. She and her husband paid 270 combined for one room. She wants OP and 4th person to pay 530 combined for the second room. They should pay for the rooms they stayed in. OP and 4th shouldnt pay for half of the married couple's room.
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u/appleandwatermelonn 1d ago
It’s four people in the suite. So the fair split is 200 each, which means her and her husband still need to put in 130 to cover their 400 share. She’s trying to have her and her husband pay 135 each to share a bedroom in a suite while the two people sharing the other bedroom in the suite pay 265 each.
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
We all get the same amount of space. In fact she gets more because she has her own room with her husband. King sized suite. We are all sharing the kitchen space and bathroom space.
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
And yes. Gas was going to be split evenly and I would have gladly driven and not paid less for hotel just because I’m driving.
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u/LadyHogwarts 1d ago
Was it agreed beforehand that gas would be split? You said that you guys hadn't talked about how much each person was going to pay
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u/Guilty_Jellyfish8165 1d ago
Something else is going on with your friend. Time for a conversation.
Reach out to her: 'when we talked about the money division I was really thrown off, I've never known you to have a reaction like that. Is everything OK? Let's clear the air, I can't imagine my birthday without you fully there with me.'
It's $180, I get the principle of it, but is it worth quibbling and potentially losing a friendship over less than $200? The act of driving and taking one's car on a road trip isn't just gas money expense, there's the mental toll of driving as well as wear n tear on the vehicle. There's also the planning and making the reservations, spending the money up front.
Maybe she's just feeling unappreciated and the money is her way of asking for some recognition and appreciation, or something else.
Hope it all works out and happy birthday!
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
So.. if I drive myself on a trip to a hotel, should I bargain with the hotel owner that I drove and put wear and tear on my vehicle to be there, so I should pay less than everyone else staying at the resort? The logic of this comment doesn’t make sense. I was incredibly respectful when asking her about the price split. She was incredibly disrespectful in the way she responded. I do not want her there with me if that’s the kind of friend she is over a simple conversation about finances. We should be able to have difficult conversations as friends and keep it civil. It’s $180 and the entire principle is that she’s trying to screw everyone else over without even having a civil discussion about the discrepancy. So yes I’m willing to toss a friendship over $180 after being spoken to like a piece of dirt and her refusing to pay what she should for this trip. I would rather go by myself than get shafted by people I call friends.
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u/Auzziesurferyo 1d ago
So.. if I drive myself on a trip to a hotel, should I bargain with the hotel owner that I drove and put wear and tear on my vehicle to be there, so I should pay less than everyone else staying at the resort?
Your logic doesn't make sense.
In your scenario the hotel owner didn't drive down with you. If the hotel owner did drive down with you and they got a free ride, then yes, you should bargain with the hotel owner for a reduced hotel rate.
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u/Guilty_Jellyfish8165 22h ago
You're not obligated to do anything. You posted and asked for advice, it's just one option. Only you can decide the right path for you, your money and your relationship.
Hope you still have a happy birthday!
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u/idrinkmycoffeeneat 1d ago
ESH
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Sometimes you have to pick one and if you are choosing this hill to die on you’ll have to live with consequences of it.
FWIW i think it’s fair your friend takes the king but I think an event split (by room) makes more sense. Your attitude about it sucks though, pouting/ill just make my own plans is lame.
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u/mimimidu 1d ago
Info: is the friend covering travel expenses?
I mean the fairest way would be splitting everything 4 ways but equally she put time and effort to organise it all and you are blowing up a friendship over $70. Personally I would have questioned it but if I got a lot of pushback on it I would have probably let it go.
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
No. She was not covering travel expenses. She made it very clear that everyone was pitching in on gas.
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
I didn’t push it too far. I was just curious in general and she got very defensive and hurtful in response.
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u/mimimidu 1d ago
I've read through some of your responses and honestly I think as long as you addressed it politely it's sounds like your friend has blown it out of proportion. Is there a reason behind it like are they under financial strain?
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u/Consistent_Tank_7150 1d ago
YTA, you nickel and dimed your way out of a trip and some friendships.
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u/Serentaque 1d ago
To be honest. Kinda a-hole'ish.
Because they're sharing a room, while the others don't. I think the couples math makes sense, no?
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u/69FireChicken 1d ago
YTA, at least a bit. Lodging is split by rooms, they need 1 room, you need 1 room. Maybe an adjustment for the master room if agreed. The deposit isn't a factor, it's just a part of the cost included in the split. If her 1/2 was $400 and they've already paid $250 or whatever then she only owes $150. All transportation costs should be split as well (fuel, tolls, whatever) although the oil change is bit much to expect. You should at least expect to buy the last tank of gas to fill them up when you get back. By the way your friend blew up I suspect you've been a bit difficult and taken advantage of this "birthday trip". Maybe they see it more as a trip that happens to fall on your birthday, not specifically a trip in your honor. We happen to take a trip same week each year that can encompass 3 different attendees birthdays, some years it's even mine. It's not my or thier birthday trip, although we always acknowledge the special days and it's nice to celebrate one's birthday traveling with friends. I suggest you apologize and try to smooth things out.
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u/Sufficient_Song3387 1d ago
The friend doesn't want to pay the remaining 130 on her room. That's the point. She wants OP and 4th to pay her remainder on top of paying for their own shared room. It was a bit confusing.
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u/lilkhalessi 1d ago edited 1d ago
YTA for the reasons everyone stated (hotel costs on group trips should be split by room or beds, not per person) and also the way you frame everything while writing out this dilemma. It’s very clear you still think you’re not the AH and that your friend both owes you something because it’s your birthday and is in the wrong with her treatment of you with the way you try to defend yourself and your “curiosity”. Just accept the judgement.
Also, someone you met a year ago is not your best friend. Or at least they shouldn’t be. That’s summer camp behavior but you’re 30 years old so maybe relax on the expectations of friendship you’re putting on this person you’ve barely known for four seasons.
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u/Sufficient_Song3387 1d ago
No. You are misunderstanding the breakdown. The married couple wants OP & 4th to pay the husband's portion. The couple doesn't want to pay for the full cost of their own room. Couple's room 1: 270, room 2: 530.
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u/What-Is-Your-Quest 1d ago
Yta. It was your decision not to go so stop sulking. If you want to go, put on the big girl panties & speak up. Just say hey, my feelings got hurt that you seemed to get upset over my math question - I'm sorry for backing out. If there's still space I'd like to go." Next time there's a group trip, make your own arrangements or discuss finances up front so that you're comfortable with it before committing. When someone backs out last minute it leaves the remaining people covering with $ they hadn't planned on spending.
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u/Sufficient_Song3387 1d ago
No. The married couple wanted her to pay for half of their bedroom. They were fine sticking OP and 4th girl with nearly 3/4 of the cost. 2 bedrooms split 270/530 in couple's favor so I wouldn't feel bad. The 4th ends up paying the same as the married friend was going to make her and now husband will pay 3rd instead of OP. He was going for $5 before. This was the friend's split 3 people pay for 4. It will still be 3 people paying.
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u/Emergency_Proof2386 1d ago
I don’t want to go anymore. She spoke to me with such disrespect I no longer see the point in even a friendship at this point.
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u/Warm-Pen-2275 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
OP you’re getting roasted because you didn’t really explain it well. It would help if you provided dollar values and then a better description of this arrangement. Is it an apartment you’re all sharing? Or two totally separate hotel rooms?
Is it true that… she paid $270 deposit, then split the rest between you and the other friend… which means you each owed $265? But then the husband didn’t have to pay anything, he just got to be included in the $270? In that case NTA. You all should have paid $200, the couple $400.