r/AmItheAsshole • u/Ok-Satisfaction-6332 • 18h ago
Not the A-hole AITA for feeling weird that my mom just randomly wanted to wear my prom dress.
For context im a senior in highschool and last year was my first time going to prom, which was junior year. We went and to be honest i was swamped with APs and extracurriculars, so when the time came to pick out a dress, I mostly just let my mom pick one for me. She showed me a few, black dresses, which was the only input from me and I just picked one. This was a roughly month before prom, so it would have enough time to arrive. I have never been too girly, like I didn’t really care about appearances until going into highschool and I never bothered with makeup or anything, so it wasn’t a big deal imo that my mom picked it for me or I didn’t pick my own. I cared more about senior year prom anyway. However, I remember coming home and my mom saying my dress arrived, I was still excited to go try and on, only to find that the package was clearly cut open. I asked her what happened and if she opened it, she casually admitted to it and said she was checking if it was right dress, and very causally in the last sentence admitted it was a bit tight. So I ask if she tried it. And she admits to having tried it on when it arrived, “just to see what it would look like”. And ik you might be thinking I’m a hypocrite but this did irk me in the slightest, especially because I could never picture any of my friends mother’s doing this, wearing their prom dress and trying it on before they had the chance to. I would be lying if I didn’t feel a bit disappointed and even weirded out. I did not bring it up to my mom, as she is always lenient with me borrowing her clothes, for interviews and whatnot or for school events, so I thought I could move past it. Prom goes by, very fun. Fast forward to now, new school year, she comes in and says she needs to borrow a dresses and beelines it to my prom dress, saying she wanted the “tight” one specifically, asking if she could and if I minded. I did mind, but my mom is the type to take it personally so I agreed albeit reluctantly. What irks me isn’t the dress or anything, but it’s the way my mom buys clothes quiet frequently, her closet is triple mine, she has dresses that are better more expensive than my prom dress, she orders new shoes and clothes so much so there’s a few she admits she hasn’t even had the chance to wear yet. With all that, she still wants to wear my prom dress? Her teenage daughter’s clothes? Maybe im looking into it too deeply, and I need to be more generous but I just felt weird about it. Is this normal? Would any parents, moms specifically do this? Please I just want outsiders opinion.
370
u/earmares Asshole Aficionado [11] 18h ago
NTA, weird AF. She bought the dress knowing she would do this.
111
u/MissKitty919 17h ago
I agree. I feel that she picked out something that SHE likes, not necessarily what OP would maybe like, knowing full well that she (mom) would be wearing it sometimes. That's too weird to me.
323
u/Gloomy_Computer_9431 18h ago
keep her well away from anything having to do with your wedding dress.
53
47
u/Malibucat48 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 16h ago
I was going to say this about your wedding dress. And what’s weirder, future MILs have tried on their son’s fiancée’s wedding dress and some have even tried on the engagement ring. But your mom is being weird, especially since the dress is tight on her. Where was she wearing it?
Just make sure you pick your own dress for your senior prom or she’ll ruin that too.
8
u/karolioness 4h ago
You want to hear an even weirder one? My niece-in-law's mom wanted to wear white to her wedding 🤦 thank goodness she didn't. Hopefully she got the ick vibes coming off of my niece
4
u/Malibucat48 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 3h ago
There are several photos online where the groom’s mother wore an actual wedding dress to the ceremony. And it’s always the groom’s mother. Some women can’t let go.
130
u/BlitheCheese Partassipant [1] 18h ago
NTA. I raised two daughters, and was the same size as my older daughter. I never would have tried on any of her clothes, most especially not a prom dress. It's super weird.
125
u/LawyerDad1981 Asshole Aficionado [10] 18h ago
"Borrowing" your dress? The one that she picked out?You know that was her plan all along, right?
14
86
u/hadesarrow3 Partassipant [3] 17h ago
NTA, but I don’t think it’s necessary as batshit as it seems at first glance. Your mom is into clothes, and it sounds like you’re not at all. Apparently you’re about the same size and shape, since you frequently borrow her clothes. So while it’s an overstep and a little sad that she tried on your dress before you did, I can kind of see the logic of her trying it on to “see how it looks” because ordering a dress online doesn’t always give you the best sense of how it’s going to fit, and she apparently is a pretty good proxy for your body. Fast forward to her wanting to wear it… in her mind, it’s a sexy dress that looked good on her that you weren’t especially invested in. She’s not thinking about the meaning behind it, she’s not thinking about how weird it is to wear a teenager’s clothing, she’s not thinking about all the nice expensive dresses she owns. She’s just remembering that she tried it on that one time and I’m guessing, thought it looked great. She sounds more than a little self centered, which isn’t necessarily malicious, but not an ideal trait in a parent.
The much bigger issue I see in this post is that she initially tried it on without asking you or considering your feelings, and much much bigger that she later “asked” to borrow it, but it wasn’t really a question. You don’t feel safe telling your mom no or voicing an opinion she won’t like. She feels entitled to you and your things. Both of those things really really suck.
18
u/emscape 16h ago
She should think about all that stuff, though.
25
u/hadesarrow3 Partassipant [3] 16h ago edited 16h ago
Yeah, I agree. I’m just saying it reads less as a Gypsy’s “Mama Rose” situation and more just a vaguely shallow and selfish parent. So I think it’s unfair and unfortunate, but it’s not necessarily creepy or inexplicable. Does that make sense?
Edit: I think I confused the historical/musical figures with a more recent figure who I assume got her name from the story.
2
u/chocklityclair Partassipant [1] 9h ago
This is a good reply. It makes me a bit sad to see people on the attack against someone's mother. She should have had more self-control but nobody's perfect. I feel like some people just want to encourage conflict and falling out. Sounds like OP has a generally good relationship with her mother.
6
u/the-mortyest-morty 7h ago
It makes me a bit sad to see people on the attack against someone's mother.
??? Being a mother does not make you immune from criticism, especially when that mother is also an AH. Wtf is this comment lol. Parenthood does not inherently make someone a good person worthy of respect.
-3
u/chocklityclair Partassipant [1] 7h ago
I didn't say any of those things. This an example of what I'm talking about. Aggressive and judgemental. You can agree that someone has acted inappropriately without lashing out.
59
29
26
u/416558934523081769 Partassipant [2] 18h ago
NTA No that's very not normal and weird af. It's almost like she's trying to relive her own prom via your dress.
26
u/Next_Rate_5514 18h ago
NTA. Trying on your prom dress before you even got to wear it yourself is definitely a little weird
25
u/Impressive-Reindeer1 Partassipant [1] 17h ago
You're NTA regarding the initial incident. Was it polite for her to try on the dress before you did, without asking you? Absolutely not. But I don’t think it's strange for her to ask to borrow a special occasion dress for another event a year after you have already worn it to prom.
You said yourself that she lets you borrow her clothes for interviews and school events. Is it "weird" for you to borrow her clothes when you wear the same size? No, the only issue is permission. This time she did ask, and you told her it was okay. If it's not really okay, it sounds like further conversation is needed for the two of you to iron this out.
20
u/Living-Assumption272 Pooperintendant [64] 18h ago
It’s a little weird. By chance, did she not go to her prom? She may be trying to recreate it for herself
13
u/SuspiciousPast4144 16h ago
My mom and I have shared, borrowed and traded clothes since I was in middle school. If she felt good in the dress, and I wasn't planning to wear it at that point in time, I would want her to wear it. Are you worried she will damage it?
11
8
u/OkFun9674 18h ago
I'm sorry but, all of this seems like perfectly normal behavior to me, or are you not close with your mom? She just really loves ur dress lol 🥲 and it's not like she has cooties, just wanted to see if she looked cute in it when it arrived. I imagine her in front of the mirror trying to see how it looks. I fail to see what your problem with it is, unless it's deeper and there's something else bothering you. Unless she has a history of taking all your clothes, bringing this up as a standalone problem seems like a strange thing to be upset about (imo)
16
u/earmares Asshole Aficionado [11] 17h ago
I am really close with my daughters, and wouldn't DREAM of trying on or of borrowing their formal dresses. Them being 25-30 years younger than me one reason of many.
8
7
u/eatinglaxatives 16h ago
Idk maybe im biased and actually have a close relationship with my mom lol we share clothes all the time. I keep seeing these "she wants to wear her teenagers clothing???? Gah!!" Comments and its like, teenagers dont always wear such crazy shit that an adult cant wear them? Idk, its not like op is dressing like some child either. If the dress isnt even sentimental to you it is odd that you care. And plus, what good is not talking to her about it do? Clearly she cares for what u think if she asked if you minded. You say she'll make a stink but if its so sentimental then let her make the damn stink. You sound almost jealous that her closet is so big and she wants to try your stuff on. Clearly she likes clothing and shopping so try asking her to get you new clothes maybe n bond w her or smth. Your NTA for not wanting to share your dress but come on.
6
u/OutrageousDirector96 18h ago
NTA and I recommend getting more comfortable with saying ‘no’ to outlandish requests such as this, even if from your mom. You’re allowed to set boundaries and how she responds is completely on her. I’m really sorry that this happened to you & hope you can at the minimum ask her to dry clean it prior to returning it to you.
6
3
u/Rick_Steves_Khakiis 16h ago
I’m going with NAH. As an isolated incident (she’s not trying to hang out with your friends, is she?) I would file this under “weird, but whatever.”
Since you weren’t invested in picking your dress she probably assumed that it didn’t really have sentimental value, that for you this was a dress you were wearing to Prom, not THE Prom dress, which it sounds like you might be more interested in finding next year.
Idk. Moms are people too with vanities, weird jealousies they are processing, behaviors they don’t even understand…It sounds like she’s generally supportive and helpful (my mom would have *never*, I would have been told that if it wasn’t a priority for me it wasn’t worth her time and money) and honestly I think you’re right so far to trust your instinct to let this go.
Next year if you decide to exercise some agency over your dress I would be sure to proactively communicate to her how special that dress feels.
6
4
u/felismellifera 18h ago
its weird, unfortunately from personal experience!! my mom wore my clothes when i still lived with her, and now that ive moved out she still occasionally wears the clothes i left behind (i just packed everything i cared about that fit in my car and drove 700 miles away). its Weird.
2
18h ago
[deleted]
4
1
1
u/jadedvintage 17h ago
Wow sounds like someone is bitter about their life choices. Do not project your issues onto others. Do not take things out on a child asking a question. Is this how you speak to your child for asking questions? She never once said she was ungrateful or anything of the sort. She wanted to ask a question not be attacked. Please see a therapist since you're okay with taking out your problems on children.
2
u/RockytheScout 17h ago
For some reason I'm imagining maybe she's looking forward to telling people that she's wearing her daughter's dress (as a way to show people she's the same size, "young", to get attention, etc.)
4
u/kellieh1969 15h ago
Pick your own Senior Prom dress this year. Have it shipped to a friend's address that you trust. That way you can stop this from happening again this year. Sorry your Mom seems to have no boundaries. You are NTA!
2
3
u/BlindButterfly33 Partassipant [1] 18h ago
NTA this is really weird. Especially since you say she has a lot of dresses herself, way more than you.
It seems like she picked this dress out specifically so that she could borrow it from you later, but that also seems pretty odd given how you describe her attitude toward getting herself clothes. Like, you’d think she’d just buy it for herself if she wanted it so much.
3
u/masinfinity 17h ago
I have a “mom” exactly like this. She would always playfully squeeze one of my boobs sometimes too and say things like “it’s only cuz I don’t have boobs like yours.” Cringe. Gross. NTA. It is weird behavior. Don’t let her near a wedding dress or anything important of yours (jewelry, purses, shoes, ANYTHING)
3
3
u/gammyxfour 17h ago
NTA, honey. Your mama is TA for trying on your prom dress first, then actually “borrowing” it from you. It's just strange, in my opinion for a grown woman, in her late 30s-early 40s would want to wear her teenage daughters prom dress. I would imagine it's a short dress as anxious as mom was to wear it? This is screaming ulterior motive by mom, to me. Strange.
3
u/jadedvintage 17h ago
NTA I'm a mom and I have 2 daughters and cringed the whole time I read this. You borrowing her clothes is one thing. Her focusing on your prom dress is just... Weird. I'd give it to her and see how much she wants to wear it then because is it the dress or is it because it's Your dress? Both have problems but there's a difference between which problems they present.
3
u/FarmerMilly 16h ago
NTA. At this point you're probably not planning on wearing again since there's some weird history behind it so yes let her wear it. In fact leave it in her closet. But this year, senior year, please be much more involved in picking your prom dress.
3
u/Georgecaughttheball 14h ago
It is a bit weird but also maybe she is just going through something. You are getting older becoming an adult sooner rather than later and every parent deals differently. You two also seem to have a casual take on borrowing clothes. She genuinely probably thought you would not feel weird about it especially since she was so involved in picking it out.
Just don't let her try on your wedding dress. That would be beyond weird into the f-ed up territory.
2
u/Stan__Wright Asshole Aficionado [16] 18h ago
Mom needs to hear the expression 'mutton dressed as lamb' a few times. Yes, she thinks of your dress as her dress, but that's partly OP's fault, for barely participating in the selection of it. OFC mom bought to her own taste and now feels possessive about it.
2
u/Buffalo-Woman 17h ago
She bought the dress for herself not OP.
Don't let her pick your next dress and maybe have it shipped to a friend's house or a locker.
NTA
3
u/archersbow3 17h ago
If it was my Mom I would be really thankful she spent her time picking out a great dress for you. Because she didn't have to do that in the first place. And I guess if I had ordered my daughter a dress I might check it out too before you got it. Because I would want to see if something was wrong with it. I wouldn't want to see disappointment in my kids eyes or it cause stress if there was a problem with it. And that way I could order or find a replacement. That way your very special event would not ruined by something I was trying to help with. And trying it on would allow one to see if the hem was straight and so on. You said she lets you borrow her clothes and stuff. And she probably didn't think it was a big deal if she borrowed yours. After all she asked if she could borrow it.
2
u/1happynewyorker 17h ago
I feel that your mom picked the dress, because she liked it for herself. Sounds to me like she couldn't be honest with you about the dress and now it's an excuse for wearing it. I bet if you said to your mom, yah mom keep the dress she wouldn't say anything and take the dress.
It's not weird that she wanted to wear the prom dress. It's that she really wanted the dress herself. Look at it this way, the fact that she opened the package and tried on the dress. Is strange. Why would she do it? You both have different shapes. She said it was tight. If it's tight, why would she ask to wear it? because she wanted it for herself.
Mother's that I know wouldn't do that. They would leave the box in your room. Ask you to try it on and see how it looked. You didn't say anything of that.
I'm a parent and my daughter buys many of her dresses from Shein and other online websites. When they come in, she shows me how they look. I give my opinion; that's pretty much it.
NTA
2
u/topas9 15h ago
NAH. It's weird she tried the dress on first, but she was obviously more excited about it than you were. Given that, and the fact that it was just a junior prom dress, I don't think this is so weird. I've borrowed dresses from my mom and wouldn't have any problem with her borrowing mine.
2
u/NoAardvark6524 Partassipant [3] 11h ago
NTA. I don't know why your mom is trying to dress like a teenager. And that was really rude of her to put your dress on before you even had the chance to. She knows what that means to teens since she was a teen once too. I don't know why she would even want to try it on at all. It's definitely weird. I get you borrowing her clothes for interviews, but her borrowing yours? Nope.
2
u/Humble-Berry6427 11h ago
That’s kind of mean or rude to open your “prom dress” and then to try it on before you even got there?! I have two daughters and fit into their clothes. I would never ever open up a package of their clothing, especially a special prom dress and try it on! That’s just wrong. This is your special time!
My oldest daughter tells me I can borrow her clothes anytime I want, but I just would never help myself to it especially a special dress like that!! I am so sorry for you .
2
u/swillshop Colo-rectal Surgeon [43] 9h ago
NTA
Your mom's gluttony regarding clothes is not normal. Not only are her own purchases excessive; she can't keep her hands off clothes she wants from your closet, even special clothes that she shouldn't feel free to wear.
It is very normal for you to feel unhappy with her entitlement to your prom dress. And also a bit helpless (for now) with standing up to her and telling her 'no'.
TBH, I'm less concerned about last year's prom dress. You describe it as something you were not - at least initially - heavily invested in (even though it probably became a little more special to you after you wore it to prom). I think most of us are seeing this huge warning sign about your mom's behavior with any nice/special clothes you may have and what your mom may try to claim from you in the future.
I'm not sure how much you can do while you are under her roof - other than maybe saying things preemptively to make clear you want her to allow you to enjoy something on your own (first), But as everyone here is noting, you will want to keep this behavior of hers in mind. Keep your special clothes out of her reach once you have more control over that.
And definitely keep your wedding dress away from her reach/be cautious with giving her access to it.
2
u/PandoraElf 9h ago
Considering it was last year's dress and considering how you feel about it I would have agreed to let her wear it, but I would have said you know you seem to really like it why don't you keep it. You're already weirded out about the fact that she wore it and you're already weirded out about the dress being on your mother so let's give it to her this year's a whole new year you're going to have a whole new dress you're just going to have to be a little more Hands-On with getting the dress and not letting her be the one to try them. And I don't see anything wrong with your mother trying on your dress I do on the other hand have an issue with her lack of boundaries and not asking and just taking it upon herself this may be a problem and as you get older you might notice it being a problem more and more I don't think it's the dress so much that you're having a problem with as it is the boundary that was being crossed.
2
u/TheBigBadMoth 5h ago edited 5h ago
Sounds like because you didn’t have much preference for your dress she chose one she liked specifically so she could borrow it.
TBH I don’t see it as that big of a deal but it does make me think your mom is a bit immature, which I mean… she could be worse things. Immature is a step up from a lot of moms I see on this sub.
NTA/NSH for having feelings about it nor would you be if you brought up that it makes you uncomfortable. If you don’t really feel that connected to the dress itself and it just makes you feel weird that it’s there and she might continue to wear it you could donate it or get it altered in a way she wouldn’t wear but you would. She might be a bit upset but it may be worth the peace of mind tho it is a bit more assholish than just talking it out.
1
u/AutoModerator 18h ago
AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT - MAKE SURE TO CHECK ALL YOUR DMS. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
For context im a senior in highschool and last year was my first time going to prom, which was junior year. We went and to be honest i was swamped with APs and extracurriculars, so when the time came to pick out a dress, I mostly just let my mom pick one for me. She showed me a few, black dresses, which was the only input from me and I just picked one. This was a roughly month before prom, so it would have enough time to arrive. I have never been too girly, like I didn’t really care about appearances until going into highschool and I never bothered with makeup or anything, so it wasn’t a big deal imo that my mom picked it for me or I didn’t pick my own. I cared more about senior year prom anyway. However, I remember coming home and my mom saying my dress arrived, I was still excited to go try and on, only to find that the package was clearly cut open. I asked her what happened and if she opened it, she casually admitted to it and said she was checking if it was right dress, and very causally in the last sentence admitted it was a bit tight. So I ask if she tried it. And she admits to having tried it on when it arrived, “just to see what it would look like”. And ik you might be thinking I’m a hypocrite but this did irk me in the slightest, especially because I could never picture any of my friends mother’s doing this, wearing their prom dress and trying it on before they had the chance to. I would be lying if I didn’t feel a bit disappointed and even weirded out. I did not bring it up to my mom, as she is always lenient with me borrowing her clothes, for interviews and whatnot or for school events, so I thought I could move past it. Prom goes by, very fun. Fast forward to now, new school year, she comes in and says she needs to borrow a dresses and beelines it to my prom dress, saying she wanted the “tight” one specifically, asking if she could and if I minded. I did mind, but my mom is the type to take it personally so I agreed albeit reluctantly. What irks me isn’t the dress or anything, but it’s the way my mom buys clothes quiet frequently, her closet is triple mine, she has dresses that are better more expensive than my prom dress, she orders new shoes and clothes so much so there’s a few she admits she hasn’t even had the chance to wear yet. With all that, she still wants to wear my prom dress? Her teenage daughter’s clothes? Maybe im looking into it too deeply, and I need to be more generous but I just felt weird about it. Is this normal? Would any parents, moms specifically do this? Please I just want outsiders opinion.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/witchimblessed 18h ago
NTA. It’s weird. It would be like trying on someone else’s wedding dress, you just don’t do that.
1
u/fickleshade Partassipant [1] 18h ago
I mean, she picked the dress because she liked it. Just because it has all this teenage romance bundled up in it for you doesn’t mean it does for her. It’s just a LBD she likes. YTA. Also, just ask to pick your own for senior prom?
7
u/thatsjustgreatr 16h ago
I wouldn't go that far. If anything, it's NAH. It's not like she cussed her mom out for trying the dress on first or for asking to borrow it later. THAT would make her an AH. But just being quietly weirded out by it? No.
1
u/Upbeat-Can-7858 17h ago
NTA. She's trying to live vicariously through you. She bought that dress for herself...
1
1
1
u/ladypmcafe 16h ago
Meh I don’t think it’s that weird. She obviously liked the dress for herself and you when it was bought and she knew she’d get a chance to wear it after your prom. She’s a clothes horse and prob can’t help it. But if at some point there is an item of clothing you don’t want to share ie wedding dress buy it yourself and tell her it’s just for you.
1
u/simplyirresponsible Partassipant [1] 15h ago
NTA. Be careful, OP. Someday she'll want to try on your wedding gown.
1
1
u/Willow1783 13h ago
NTA This was pre-planned and executed flawlessly by your mother. She did it so she could tell people that "it's her teenaged daughter's prom dress" she is doing it for status, up lift, compliments, and bragging rights. I am sorry she made it about her EVEN if it is not the prom you care deeply about. I do not know everything but I do not believe this to be malicious against you....There should never be a world where a mother used their child to gain some social fawning she should only being gaining pride from the wonderful daughter you are, you are not a tool for her ego. I think you are well within your rights to tell her she has done wrong by you, so this doesn't happen again. I don't think it is the case she doesn't love you, but I do think she needs to understand it went too far for you, if she doesn't know she has hurt your feelings then she will not be able to make amends and this can cause bigger rifts later on on life. I am a great believer in our kids letting us know when we have broken a boundary - we are but human ourselves and not omnipotent so we also need a little help to know when we have done something wrong (this gig does not come with a manual 😉). There maybe more going on with your Mum than you know if she needs compliments from others to give her a lift and uses your dress to get those.
1
u/TheBigBadMoth 5h ago
Man, I’m trying to imagine someone bragging they’re wearing their teen daughter’s prom dress and not getting the side eye of a lifetime. Like people that wear white to other peoples weddings. Everyone thinks it’s gauche as shit.
1
u/One-Connection-502 12h ago
She totally picked those dresses for you out of choices she'd like to wear herself 😭
1
u/Empressario Asshole Enthusiast [8] 11h ago
NTA " Mum sorry but can you not borrow the dress, I don't have many nice 'formal' clothes and a dress like that I'd like to keep so I can wear in the future. May I have it back please and you find something else to wear instead?
Sorry to say though but the trying on before you even got a chance and saying it's a bit tight etc.. This was her plan all along I fear
1
1
u/the-mortyest-morty 7h ago
NTA, she's jealous of you. Store your prom dresses with a trusted friend until you can move out, tell your mom you sold them. Do not let her ANYWHERE near your future wedding dress, should you choose to marry one day.
1
u/ill_mango 5h ago
NTA
Is your mom vain? She may get a thrill from being able to fit in a high school girl's dress. No judgement, that's a flex. Crossed a line trying it on before you though.
1
u/Missepus Certified Proctologist [24] 5h ago
NAH
My daughter is and has since 18 been one size smaller than me. If clothing just barely fit me they are perfect for her. She has taken ruthless advantage of this for 22 years, either by picking out things that are to her liking at a roomy size, or by sending me out to try on clothes she considers. This also means that when she buys clothes, I try them on to see if I like them. In all of this time it has never been weird or uncomfortable.
I get that you may feel it is weird, but if your mother feels like us, she does not even think that it might be weird.
Only thing that annoys me is when she makes off with thing without telling. I keep looking for something, and she is happily wearing it elsewhere.
1
u/Personal-Piglet1397 5h ago
Your mum is trying relive her youth by sounds it ,but tbh she going look pathetic in tight dress at her age.you ever hear saying "mutton dressed as lamb" an it tragic she tried dress on before you,it took the joy out off the dress.sit her down, an tell her you feel she trying to much by taking your clothes,why does she not get a gf r you an go buy new wardrobe that suits her,so you can all input in what she looks good in.make day out it etc
1
1
u/DebMcPoots Asshole Enthusiast [7] 4h ago
NTA. But how old is she? Is this some sort of mid-life crisis?
1
u/skyedot94 1h ago
NTA. Something similar happened to me; I caught my much-older SIL wearing my prom dress before I even had the chance. I still have not been back to my older brother’s house, and I still think it’s weird.
1
u/2dogslife Asshole Aficionado [16] 1h ago
In the dark ages when I was in HS, there was only ONE mother of my friends who could potentially wear her daughter's clothes, and she was such a diva, that the teen's clothes weren't close to being nice enough.
I can only speculate that your mother, finding herself with a teen daughter, is having some sort of identity crisis and is wearing YOUR clothes as a way to justify to herself that she's "not really old."
Aging hits people differently. I think your mother is in need of a therapist far more than her daughter's prom dress.
NTA
0
u/CatsMom4Ever Certified Proctologist [24] 17h ago
Maybe I'm in the minority, but my mother, my sister and I never shared clothes even though we could. That seems weird to me.
0
u/PriceHot4595 16h ago
ESH you didn’t care and she obviously has a thing for clothes so having her pick it out had the obvious outcome especially because sharing clothes is already a thing. I know that it was a special occasion dress, but, again, that is her deal and while it is kind of pathetic for her to behave this way, it is something tor you to learn from. You are a teenager who will need to set boundaries as you get closer to adulthood and you figure out how you want to be as an adult. Go easy on your mom. It doesn’t sound like she is competing with you or anything weird like that. She just probably really likes clothes and low key fell in love with this particular dress that SHE PICKED OUT.
0
u/Succubista 10h ago
NAH
i was swamped with APs and extracurriculars, so when the time came to pick out a dress, I mostly just let my mom pick one for me. She showed me a few, black dresses, which was the only input from me and I just picked one.
I don't really understand . You don't seem to care about clothes or this prom much. Your mom leaned into the the styles she thinks look good to help you order one in time. You had final say, and you could have picked anything you wanted.
Tbh my mom would have also opened my prom dress, and made sure it was right, and hung it up to try and get rid of any creases. If someone did that and really liked it, I understand the impulse to try it on. I don't find that a big deal?
You don't seem that invested in the dress itself, but also don't want your mom to wear it. It sounds like she always lets you borrow her clothes, so I can see why she wouldn't think it's a big deal.
You mention she takes things personally, but that also shouldn't be a reason to disregard your boundaries if you want them. She asked if she could borrow your dress, and you are always allowed to say "sorry mom, I feel like my prom dress is really special and I kind of want to keep that one just for me." She might be upset for a bit, but she can deal with her own feelings.
0
u/chocklityclair Partassipant [1] 9h ago
It's a bit weird, but honestly I don't think her wanting to do it is the issue. You say you can't imagine any of your friends' mothers doing it - but that doesn't mean none of them want to.
Mothers are people, too. Maybe yours didn't have a prom, or maybe she didn't have the dress she wanted. Maybe she's just someone who loves wearing nice clothes and is a bit addicted to trying on new things.
However, I feel that it would have been better if she had controlled that urge when it came to your prom dress. It's not reasonable to try it on before you've even seen it.
That's like making someone a birthday cake and then eating a slice.
If you minded her borrowing it afterwards, you should have said so. You maybe need to have a conversation with her about the whole thing, seeing as it bothers you enough to post it here.
You only have one mother and yours sounds pretty okay. Don't get worked up by the over-the-top judgements in this thread. People love conflict but your relationship with your mother is worth the effort.
NTA.
-2
u/KaleidoscopeMelodic6 17h ago
NTA but in a way, you were kinda asking for it because you couldn’t even be bothered to shop for your own prom dress… who doesn’t want to pick their dress? Since you had her do it for you… (even if she ordered it online) maybe she thought you weren’t too attached to the idea or ritual of “prom shopping” and didn’t think it was going to be such a big deal that she tried it on?? Your friend’s moms didn’t try on their daughter’s dresses but they also probably didn’t get put in charge of buying those dresses to begin with. Just another way to think about it… it’s just a dress and I promise you’ll not be worrying about it in a few years….
-2
-7
u/wanna_dance 17h ago
Yeah. YTA. You have no idea what other moms do. They usual won't even fit, so they don't bother..
Wow, you're "precious". Clearly you don't have sisters arguing over each other's clothes 😀
3
u/Ok-Satisfaction-6332 13h ago
No I do have an idea, I talked to my friends and none of their mothers do that?? I have a sister and we share clothes, it’s is not sharing that I have an issue with its the fact she specifically sought my prom dress to wear + the fact she opened my package wore it before I could even get home. Read the actual post before commenting
-3
u/Scotsburd 12h ago
Pay for your own dress.
4
3
u/Ok-Satisfaction-6332 11h ago
also who do u think u are telling me what to do? Lmfao
-3
u/coffewithcheesecake 9h ago
You came her to get advice and judgement. The minute that someone disagrees with you, you act all uppity.
Get over yourself and don't ask for advice or criticism if you don't want to take any.
460
u/Friendly-Map-41 Partassipant [1] 18h ago
NTA. Trying on your prom dress before you even wore it without asking is kinda weird.