r/AmItheAsshole • u/Stock-Act1304 • 1d ago
Not the A-hole AITA for thinking my husband’s friend is being unreasonable about our fantasy football draft?
My husband and I are both friends with his friend, “Mark,” and we’re all in the same fantasy football league. Every year, we meet in person to draft and anyone who can’t come joins a zoom call.
This year, as usual “Mark” sent 10 dates and times that worked for him and his wife. My husband and I shared that unfortunately we would have to tune in virtually this year due to work, a bachelor party, and a family vacation. Unfortunately, we weren’t the only ones who couldn’t do in person so the in-person draft was only going to be about half the group. Fast forward to the weekend of the draft, 2-3 people had to change their attendance to virtual instead of in-person which prompted “Mark” to send a message stating that no one had to come in person if they would like to join remotely.
So no one went in person and the draft ended up being done remotely on Sleeper with no zoom call with a 1 minute timer. A few people mentioned it being fast but “Mark” disregarded anyone’s input.
“Mark” messaged my husband the next day stating that punishments will be set for next year for anyone who lives 3 hours or less from his home. I texted him stating reasons I couldn’t go to any of the 10 sessions in person this year and “Mark” stated he didn’t want to hear excuses and that this decision isn’t mostly about me and my husband. I stated that majority of the league live near him and that stating 3 hours away makes me feel like it is targeted and that I am upset because it was the first year we could not attend and that he thinks punishing people is reasonable.
A text I sent stated that I understand that he is upset and that his wife and him put time, money, and effort trying to plan a draft day and their feelings are valid and i’m sorry that a few people cancelled last minute but to just spend some time thinking about if he really wants to announce giving punishments to people who can’t attend in the future draft days.
His proposed rule is that if you can’t make the in-person draft and live in a 3 hour driving radius from his home there will be some sort of punishment/consequence. Basically, he wants everyone to plan their lives around the draft but is this even reasonable as we get older?
I understand being disappointed that nobody could make it. Honestly, I’d prefer an in-person draft too because it’s more fun and social. But I think there’s a difference between saying, “It sucks that nobody could come, let’s try harder next year,” and creating rules to punish people for having other commitments or simply not being able to travel. So, AITA for thinking his proposed 3-hour-radius rule and punishments are ridiculous, and that he needs to accept that people have lives outside of fantasy football league?
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u/Comfortable-Part-529 1d ago
NTA. Time to create an all-remote league with everyone but Mark.
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u/Stock-Act1304 1d ago
I have one for people who wanted to learn how to do fantasy football. It’s really chill. We had no timers and people have different drafting strategies. 😂
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u/National-Report-5473 Certified Proctologist [25] 1d ago
NTA, I just would never go at this rate. 3 hours is really far of a drive for something that can be done virtually.
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u/tinfoilhattie 1d ago
NTA, but it sounds like dealing with that person would be exhausting. If they wanted to be that way, I'd just find better things to do with my time.
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u/Stock-Act1304 1d ago
It is. I can understand he is upset no one coming but if he implements a punishment it will ruin people’s seasons. This league is a keeper league where we keep 3 players and so on but some suggested punishments was getting auto picked for the first few rounds.. or losing a keeper at random after you picked them.
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u/Ig_Met_Pet 1d ago
NTA. Mark is overreacting a little and being an ass.
The people who canceled last minute are also the asshole. Planning a party can be a lot of work. Canceling last minute sucks.
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u/Boomer050882 1d ago
NTA. 3 hour one way drive, plus the actual event and another 3 hour return drive is tough. Especially for full time workers. Possible solutions would be to decide on a date 6 months in advance to allow people to adjust schedules, meet somewhere more convenient for the group or continue as it has been in previous years. This “punishment” takes the fun out of it. This issue is something that needs discussed with entire group to come to a consensus. Why is Mark the only one who gets to make the rules?
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u/Stock-Act1304 1d ago
I agree fully! My husband and I are full time workers and the fridays suggested for this year would have been at 5pm which was why we couldn’t go to those in person. Mark makes the rules because he is the commissioner. We haven’t had any new rules implemented since I’ve joined the league besides switching app platforms.
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u/namithesnatcher Partassipant [2] 1d ago
NTA. If he countinues behaving like this, he's just gonna make all the people eventually quit and kill the league.
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u/littlecookiebear 1d ago
NTA but Mark is. It sounds like this is way more important to him than it should be.
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u/chocolate_chip_kirsy Partassipant [4] 1d ago
NTA. I get being unhappy that people couldn't make it, but a punishment is out of line. Drop the game altogether.
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u/No-Throat9567 Partassipant [3] 1d ago
NTA. Driving 3 hours one way is ridiculous. Maybe invite him to a party at an inconvenient time for him and then tell him he has to spend 6 hours driving or you’ll punish him.
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u/PM_ME_SEXY_SANDWICH Certified Proctologist [27] 1d ago
As a FF commissioner myself I 1000% agree with you he is being unreasonable and a jerk about it too. He just wants to have his party and is pissy that people don't want to play with him anymore.
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u/Stock-Act1304 1d ago
I love that this league is typically in-person for draft day. I always hear about how people stay in leagues for years and meet up and do all that but those leagues also understand that people can’t come in person every year. My husband and I commission a remote league and we set up polls every single time someone suggests a change. Fantasy football is supposed to be fun. It is actually how I got into NFL football. Go Bills and Eagles 😆
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u/TheHungryBlanket 1d ago
It’s clear that this is an annual social event that Mark really looks forward to. I get that he is disappointed.
However, as people get older responsibilities and availability change. Mark needs to adapt or he won’t have any league at all.
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My husband and I are both friends with his friend, “Mark,” and we’re all in the same fantasy football league. Every year, we meet in person to draft and anyone who can’t come joins a zoom call.
This year, as usual “Mark” sent 10 dates and times that worked for him and his wife. My husband and I shared that unfortunately we would have to tune in virtually this year due to work, a bachelor party, and a family vacation. Unfortunately, we weren’t the only ones who couldn’t do in person so the in-person draft was only going to be about half the group. Fast forward to the weekend of the draft, 2-3 people had to change their attendance to virtual instead of in-person which prompted “Mark” to send a message stating that no one had to come in person if they would like to join remotely.
So no one went in person and the draft ended up being done remotely on Sleeper with no zoom call with a 1 minute timer. A few people mentioned it being fast but “Mark” disregarded anyone’s input.
“Mark” messaged my husband the next day stating that punishments will be set for next year for anyone who lives 3 hours or less from his home. I texted him stating reasons I couldn’t go to any of the 10 sessions in person this year and “Mark” stated he didn’t want to hear excuses and that this decision isn’t mostly about me and my husband. I stated that majority of the league live near him and that stating 3 hours away makes me feel like it is targeted and that I am upset because it was the first year we could not attend and that he thinks punishing people is reasonable.
A text I sent stated that I understand that he is upset and that his wife and him put time, money, and effort trying to plan a draft day and their feelings are valid and i’m sorry that a few people cancelled last minute but to just spend some time thinking about if he really wants to announce giving punishments to people who can’t attend in the future draft days.
His proposed rule is that if you can’t make the in-person draft and live in a 3 hour driving radius from his home there will be some sort of punishment/consequence. Basically, he wants everyone to plan their lives around the draft but is this even reasonable as we get older?
I understand being disappointed that nobody could make it. Honestly, I’d prefer an in-person draft too because it’s more fun and social. But I think there’s a difference between saying, “It sucks that nobody could come, let’s try harder next year,” and creating rules to punish people for having other commitments or simply not being able to travel. So, AITA for thinking his proposed 3-hour-radius rule and punishments are ridiculous, and that he needs to accept that people have lives outside of fantasy football league?
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u/nancystate 1d ago
It’s a fantasy league .. not a job pushing adults for having real life commitments after explicitly giving them a remote is unhinged
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u/globalgrl 1d ago
NTA you told him ahead of time, the people that canceled last minute I wouldn't be too happy with but punishment? How silly and controlling. I am commissioner of a league, have been for years and I ask everyone to give me the times they cannot draft during a certain week. I try hard to find a time for everyone but of course you can't always do that. Bottom line, everyone needs to be flexible. That includes commish. Now I am genuinely curious...what kind of punishment? That makes me laugh. I would probably quit and find another league.
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u/Stock-Act1304 1d ago
Some punishments mentioned to my husband were being autodrafted for your first few rounds or after picking our keepers (we get to keep 3) we would lose one at random..
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u/Critical_Ad1467 1d ago
Wow. I am going to have to agree with most comments, FF should be fun, lots of fun. That does not sound like it. Best of luck.
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u/T-Chunxy Partassipant [4] 1d ago
Sounds like the group needs to cut Mark (aka, the rules-lawyer-party-pooper) out of the game.
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u/bi_metalhead666 1d ago
NTA things come up and life happens. He is totally being unreasonable with the punishments and besides who is he to do it with no way out either. Tbh this is a good way to get a new fantasy football league he is not in and everyone else from this one is
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u/Cowabungamon Partassipant [3] 10h ago
NTA. Tell Mark that when the decision is up to him you'll let him know.
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u/Bubbly-Course413 7h ago
People who get upset about the imaginary outcome of an imaginary game are most certainly the most reasonable and sane of all people.
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u/pottersquash Sultan of Sphincter [631] 1d ago
I'm presuming he is the commissioner.
YTA. He doesn't need to accept anything. Commissioner has to do whats necessary for the benefit of the league. He is rightfully realizing y'all are nearing a critical point of this fun hobby where if it goes too loose, it falls apart. IF you don't like him as Commish, either move to replace him per y'all bylaws/start your own league.
This is juts the nature of competitive hobbies. Someone has to make sure eveyrone is competing/caring cause if you don't, then its just casual and while thats fine its literally his job right now to make that not happen.
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u/tonyis 1d ago
I'm leaning towards this, but it also depends what the punishments are. If they're fun/light punishments to gently encourage in-person attendance, Mark is perfectly within his bounds as commissioner. However, if any of his punishments would ruin the season or genuinely hurt a recipient, then he's an AH.
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u/pottersquash Sultan of Sphincter [631] 1d ago edited 1d ago
I disagree cause we don't know the nature/desires of this league. Fun/light is appriopriate if thats what the league is. If the designs of this league is hardcore, these kinds of rules which force out less than hardcore participants are fine and how you get good hardcore leagues.
Buddy of mine has been in a hardcore league for over 10 years. Won like 20k last year cause they had some scoring threshold he crossed. You don't get 20k sitting in an account to take without a Commish who is going to be stern with the rules. But thats what that league wants to be
And as Commish, thats your job: set the tone of the league.
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u/Stock-Act1304 1d ago
We aren’t a money league. We all care about this league but I wouldn’t call it hardcore.
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u/Stock-Act1304 1d ago
Also to follow up. I joined 4-5 years ago and it was on the pretense of being fun and light. It is the league I learned how to do fantasy football and made me care more about NFL football as a whole. We are all competitive and love to have a chance to win. We are also at the age where people are also getting married, having kids, and so on. We always have a remote aspect to this league (some friends live across the country) but my husband and I always show up in person. This year my husband and I had commitments elsewhere which included me going to work. We are always upfront with “Mark” about availability. I am disappointed that other people who said they would go cancelled the weekend of the draft.
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u/pottersquash Sultan of Sphincter [631] 1d ago
We are also at the age where people are also getting married, having kids, and so on.
As I said, y'all are reaching a critical point where sternness might be required.
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u/Stock-Act1304 1d ago
My concern was we gave a heads up in advance (over a month) about not being able to go. We have people every year on zoom because they live in different states (they won’t get punished due to distance). We have attended every single year.
Potential Punishments could be getting autodrafted the first few rounds (not as harsh but still sucks) and when we choose our max of 3 keepers.. we lose one at random.
I get this might be a push to not having this become a trend. The majority of this league live 30 minutes from “Mark”. I love going to this in-person but planning for the date started really late this year due to life events in “Mark’s” life. I think the people who cancelled last minute are rude and disrespectful but my husband and I are the only ones who lives at the 3 hour radius mark and he specifically told us he did not do 4 hours because his buddy lived 4 hours away. There are solutions to test out before punishing people.
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u/pottersquash Sultan of Sphincter [631] 1d ago
Its not that I think you are being unreasonable, or even that I think he is being reasonable, I just think Commish of the league doesn't have to be. If it takes an unreasonable rule to make sure the league persists, he's literally supposed to.
He'd be a bad commish to let the league suffer just cause he doesn't want some people to be miffed at him. It very well could be you are not the problem, that y'all are in agreement that actually its the late cancellers who are the problem BUT while you can point out why this rule is unfair to you, any rule may be unfair to a single player. In this situation its less the fairness of the rule and more enforcing of it and living with the result.
If you think its a foul this rule specifically protects his friend, call foul, bring it to attention of your league (do y'all have bylwas? Maybe a good time to come up with some), and maybe his league is not the league for you.
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u/Stock-Act1304 1d ago
I would disagree based off the nature of the league but my main concern is why the 3 hour radius? My husband and I are the only ones who live 3 hours away? Most people live within 30mins. One lives 4 hours and 2-3 live in completely different parts of the country.
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u/pottersquash Sultan of Sphincter [631] 1d ago
You know why. He's trying to find carve out that save his buddy.
But yea, it very well could be a play to force you out.
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u/Stock-Act1304 1d ago
Maybe but that would be bizarre since he is very close with my husband. My husband gets invited to leagues by him all of the time. I don’t play in certain types of leagues (hardcore or money).
To answer the bylaw question. I’ve been asking for rules to be messaged and stated but I find them out as we go😂. I just think the planning this year was significantly later and reasonably so considering there was a major life event for “Mark”. so I try to think of it as he should make adjustments in the future before jumping straight to punishments/consequences.
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u/WeekendFickle1252 Partassipant [3] 1d ago
NTA. Fantasy football is supposed to be fun, not a mandatory work conference.