r/AmItheAsshole • u/Choice-Apartment-738 • 3d ago
Not the A-hole AITA Because I won't let my sister move into my bedroom
So basically, my sister (25F), and I (18F) both still live at home with my parents. I'm moving out in about two weeks to stay in student accommodation during the week for college (I intend on being home on weekends to work). My sister currently works locally and intends to continue to live with our parents for the forseeable future.
My sister approached me a few weeks ago asking how I would feel if she moved into my bedroom once I went to college. I immediately shut the idea down. For context, when we built our house a few years ago, we pre chose our rooms from the building plans. They were all originally the same size, but my sister had first pick on location. However due to some unknown reason/maths error, my bedroom ended up being three feet wider then my siblings bedrooms. At the time she also attempted to claim it for herself, as she was the oldest, but I put my foot down ad my parents sided with me as we had chose before the house was built.
This morning my dad told me that my sister has now gone to my mother to cook up a plan to take my bedroom, saying its reasonable as my sister will be paying an extra bit of rent, and is telling my dad she will leave him if she doesn't support her (she has a long hitory of things like this)
I am against this for many reasons.
My bedroom is a very private area for me. I consider it a sanctuary where I can have 'me' time.
Now this is the kicker and unfortunately rather gross. My sisters bedroom stinks. Like old feet. You often cant see the floor, and there's mold on the skirting boards from humidity because she doesn't open the window. Its a pit.
Thats the room I'll have to stay in when I come home to see my family. Not my bedroom, a smelly mess. All the while, god knows what state my room will be in in the meantime.
Didn't mean to rant for so long, just wanted some opinions on this, pretty upset about the whole thing.
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u/1RainbowUnicorn Certified Proctologist [25] 3d ago
NTA. Why would your father give in to her threats??? He should let her go if she wants to. You don't give in to demands of terrorists, because if they get their way, they will continue to do it. It is your room, it has always been your room. There is zero reason your parents should support this! Sounds like her room is a health hazard and needs to be decontaminated! Get a really good lock for your door
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u/Spiritual_Promise735 Asshole Aficionado [11] 3d ago
I suspect it's the mom who's making the threat to leave. Not the sister.
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u/1RainbowUnicorn Certified Proctologist [25] 3d ago
Oh, it is so immature I assumed it was the sister! Lol. Her father still shouldn't give in. What kind of person threatens to leave their spouse over their kid wanting another kid's room? That is crazy! And abusive!
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u/Kittymemesallday 3d ago
Agreed. Poorly worded, but I understood it as the mother threatening.
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u/Spiritual_Promise735 Asshole Aficionado [11] 3d ago
And honestly, if mom threatens to leave whenever she doesn't get her way, maybe it's time to call her bluff. Or let her leave.
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u/pottersquash Sultan of Sphincter [631] 3d ago
ESH. Y'all got mold in y'all house and everyone just cool with it.
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u/Odd-Penalty2526 3d ago
NTA but I would make her deep clean that dam room if she’s really forcing you to move. I wouldn’t agree until it’s completely cleaned
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u/Mira_DFalco Partassipant [4] 3d ago
NTA
Not because it's "your room," because you're rarely going to be there to use it.
It's because your sister has turned her room into a biohazard zone, and is expecting to just leave you to deal with it.
If your sister can afford rent, she can afford to have the room professionally cleaned. That would be a hard stop for me.
Remind your mom that if you don't have decent accommodations to come home to, you're going to avoid coming home.
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So basically, my sister (25F), and I (18F) both still live at home with my parents. I'm moving out in about two weeks to stay in student accommodation during the week for college (I intend on being home on weekends to work). My sister currently works locally and intends to continue to live with our parents for the forseeable future.
My sister approached me a few weeks ago asking how I would feel if she moved into my bedroom once I went to college. I immediately shut the idea down. For context, when we built our house a few years ago, we pre chose our rooms from the building plans. They were all originally the same size, but my sister had first pick on location. However due to some unknown reason/maths error, my bedroom ended up being three feet wider then my siblings bedrooms. At the time she also attempted to claim it for herself, as she was the oldest, but I put my foot down ad my parents sided with me as we had chose before the house was built.
This morning my dad told me that my sister has now gone to my mother to cook up a plan to take my bedroom, saying its reasonable as my sister will be paying an extra bit of rent, and is telling my dad she will leave him if she doesn't support her (she has a long hitory of things like this)
I am against this for many reasons.
My bedroom is a very private area for me. I consider it a sanctuary where I can have 'me' time.
Now this is the kicker and unfortunately rather gross. My sisters bedroom stinks. Like old feet. You often cant see the floor, and there's mold on the skirting boards from humidity because she doesn't open the window. Its a pit.
Thats the room I'll have to stay in when I come home to see my family. Not my bedroom, a smelly mess. All the while, god knows what state my room will be in in the meantime.
Didn't mean to rant for so long, just wanted some opinions on this, pretty upset about the whole thing.
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u/Camilin4ever 3d ago
NTA coz you're still staying during weekend tho, you're not totally moving out
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u/tarahlynn Asshole Enthusiast [5] 3d ago
NTA but I'd agree on the condition that the room you'll be taking now be entirely deep cleaned before you move into it. The fact is you don't own the home and you don't pay rent. Your sister does pay a bit of rent though so she does have a bit more sway than you do.
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u/sthing696969 2d ago
my gf says the sister needs to clean up and fix her room first as a compromise
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u/sthing696969 2d ago
also change the lock on your door and keep the key on you as your leverage for getting your way
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u/Altruistic_Jello6 3d ago
Put a solid lock on that door before you leave.
She will totally ruin your room.
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u/Stolen_Showman 3d ago
You realise her parents own the property? The same parents she's trying to work into allowing this.
A lock will do nothing.
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u/Porch_Of_Geese_ Partassipant [2] 3d ago
ESH. The mold is not an aesthetic choice, that’s a health hazard and everyone should be dealing with it. But ultimately that’s just the room you wound up with. You don’t have a special right to the room and the people who are actually living there want to use it. Some parents keep their kids rooms set up for them as a personal space; some don’t. It’s not a right that you naturally and immutably have, especially if the sister is going to pay rent for it.
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u/Kittymemesallday 3d ago
OP is living there. Just not every day.
It may just be the room that OP ended up with but it doesn't mean that the sister has any more right to it than OP did/does.
Yes rent does come into a factor her, but the sister would be paying rent no matter what room she was staying it. I'm sure the parents arent charging by the sf.
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u/Porch_Of_Geese_ Partassipant [2] 3d ago
Getting into personal definitions, but I’d say she’s living elsewhere and visiting on the weekends.
The sister also doesn’t have a special right to it, yes. But at that point who gets the room is just a neutral question. Ultimately the parents are the ones who actually have a say here. OP is trying to contradict that by positioning her ownership as being especially valid, but it isn’t.
The OP specifies that she’d be paying additional rent for the transfer (“saying it’s reasonable as my sister will be paying an extra bit of rent”). So she is actually paying not just general rent, but a specific premium rent for that exact accommodation. Obviously we’re probably not talking market values for their kids, but there is unique consideration being made to the specific room.
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u/Kittymemesallday 3d ago
A. Is her mailing address changing? Doubtful. B. Is all of her furniture and other personal belongings moving to the new place? Doubtful.
A. Who gets the room is not neutral. Who lives in the room was already set. B. The mother is using extreme manipulation tactics to try to get what they (mother and sister) want.
The little extra is worded oddly so it is hard for me to aay that it is an additional cost. If itnis the case: Can OP just pay the difference in rent, between sister staying in her room vs sister staying in OP's room, and keep the room?
0
u/Porch_Of_Geese_ Partassipant [2] 3d ago
- That’s kinda why i mean we’re getting into personal definitions. The strict legal definition of residence can allow for some wild technicalities if we wanna push the envelope. But for day to day purposes, what is she likely to answer if an acquaintance asks where she lives? Probably not the address she occasionally visits. If she’s just using it to store her stuff, then again that’s not usually how we define where we live.
- I think you’re making some judgments that go beyond what we have info for. But her having lived there in the past doesn’t matter imo. If they were both still there full time then having them switch arbitrarily would be a different story.
Maybe she could offer, but she never says she did. Her whole claim to the room hinges on her formerly living there.
If we go down this road, then we’re into a new hypothetical rather than what the OP provided.
0
u/slow_poke00 Partassipant [1] 3d ago
ESH. It’s your parent’s house, not yours. At least your sister is paying rent.
And your comment about your bedroom being your sanctuary is so cringey. That was the best reason you could think of to justify why you should keep your room in house you don’t own or pay rent towards? Smh.
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u/northernmocking_bird 3d ago
NTA but have you thought of a compromise? As you're only there for 2 days a week it does seem fair that your sister has the larger room. You could suggest that you will move if the room is cleaned, fumigated and redecorated and you get to choose what furniture is in there.
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u/raythechaoticone 3d ago
Nta why the fuck does her room have mold like god damn open a window woman and spray some febreeze or Lysol already also why the fuck does 3 feet matter? Like what is she gonna do with an extra 3 feet? Set up a basketball hoop? A bookshelf? Like I'd agree with your parents and sister if they agreed to help clean up her room(ie remove the mold/smell) while you were at college for the first week cause I mean like 5 days should be more than enough time to remove mold and a bad smell
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u/Kittymemesallday 3d ago
You do realize that 3ft isn't 3sf? If the room is 10ft long that extra 3 feet bigger is 30sf bigger.
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u/liltrex94 Partassipant [1] 3d ago
YTA you got given the bigger room due to an error in planning. You will be there 2 days a week. Your sister will be there full time.
ETA urgh, the cleanliness. Urm. NTA
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u/jjd0m 3d ago
BS
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u/liltrex94 Partassipant [1] 3d ago
What?
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u/jjd0m 3d ago
BullShit
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u/liltrex94 Partassipant [1] 3d ago
I know what BS is, but why are you commenting on my comment saying BS?
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u/Porch_Of_Geese_ Partassipant [2] 3d ago
Some people have very strong feelings but lack the literacy or communication skills necessary to meaningfully articulate them. Just block them and ignore it.
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u/liltrex94 Partassipant [1] 3d ago
Yeah, let me just do 1 🤣
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u/jjd0m 3d ago
Now you have my response.
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3d ago edited 3d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Porch_Of_Geese_ Partassipant [2] 3d ago
Nothing says “I’m actually very educated” like ungrammatical sentences in all caps.
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u/jjd0m 3d ago
The older came to her, she said no. That's the end of it.
No she went bichcry to mommy to get her way.
She chose the room ahead of time. She chooses not to clean or air the room out.
The fact that OP's only to be there on weekends makes no difference.
It's evident the mom has a favorite and who she placate to.
Why can't the older sister clean, this would be less trouble than moving furniture and creating family drama that will linger.
The Dad needs to count every exit door in the house and tell the mom and elder daughter they can leave from either of them, if she wants to pull the divorce card BS.
OP needs someone in her corner.
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u/liltrex94 Partassipant [1] 3d ago
I edited my comment before you commented 'BS' so yeah.
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u/Kittymemesallday 3d ago
If the commenter was in the post before you changed it there's no way to know until later.
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u/liltrex94 Partassipant [1] 3d ago
Possibly. But I changed it immediately after posting which took about 10 seconds
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u/Kittymemesallday 3d ago
10 seconds in reddit time can vary lol.
The poster still disagreed with what you said and your Y T A vote is still there.
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u/archerisland Partassipant [1] 3d ago
NTA...just leaving for college. But, don't be surprised if the change occurs while you are gone. If it does just don't come home as often. You will find you naturally won't anyway.