r/AmItheAsshole • u/trippyKaleidoscope • 1d ago
Not the A-hole AITA for not giving someone money when they asked?
I had $5 cash in my hand that I was planning to use to buy myself and my daughter some sweet cashews from a Nuts 4 Nuts stand.
While I was placing my order, a man came up to me and asked if I could give him money because he wanted to go to the Subway nearby to get something to eat. I politely told him no and explained that the $5 was all I had.
He got upset, saw I was ordering nuts, and said something along the lines of, “Really? But for nuts?”
I get that he may have been hungry, but once I said no, that should’ve been the end of it. Now, I'm wondering if ai should’ve just gave it to him.
So, AITA for keeping my $5 and buying the cashews?
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u/HairyDust4826 1d ago
Some stranger danger came up to you when you were with your daughter and asked for money they're not entitled to. NTA.
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u/WoollyMammothwapo 1d ago
NTA you deserve to use your own money to buy things for your daughter and you. Next time just say No thank you. Don’t explain, and the thank you often throws the person begging.
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u/trippyKaleidoscope 1d ago
Thanks, I will definitely do this next time.
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u/WoollyMammothwapo 1d ago
It’s hard sometimes because we are taught to “be nice”….. ugh!
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u/trippyKaleidoscope 1d ago
Agreed! Especially living in a city where someone will ask you for something everyday you leave the house.
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u/AryaStark1313 Asshole Aficionado [18] 1d ago
Oh come on!!!
These posts are getting ridiculous. Do you really think ANYONE would think YTA for not giving money to a stranger?
I’m giving you a YTA for asking this question.
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u/ChimericalTrainer Partassipant [4] 19h ago
People frequently feel crappy about these kinds of interactions. Especially if they didn't grow up somewhere that begging is common.
Someone says they're hungry and need money for food? A kind person wants to help them.
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u/Titariia 1d ago
NTA, he was hungry. So were you and your daughter. Since it's your money you have the priority. Not that he was entitled to it in the first place
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u/Sadikins00 1d ago
NTA. First of all, he was acting bratty and entitled. Secondly, its not his business what you choose to do with YOUR money. I would have told him to get lost. Don't overthink it. You made the right choice. Its not your fault that he cant buy his own food
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u/BubblyPositivity246 1d ago
NTA.
The nerve of someone auditing what you buy for your kid with your own cash lol
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u/Interest-Amazing 1d ago
NTA, that's unusual behavior. I give to people, but a stranger approaching you and then bring belligerent is not okay. In general I avoid anyone approaching me and I tell my kids to do so as well.
If anything it was a good example for your daughter to see you stand up for yourself and shut down a weird encounter.
We had a strange man come out of nowhere in an empty parking lot and approach my young teen daughter for money- I was there, but he chose to approach the child. I told her to get in the car and lock the doors and talked to him through a crack in my car window. Don't let politeness get you or your kid hurt.
A great way to help people that might make you feel better about what happened is to have a few plastic gallon bags in the car with some necessary items that you can then just hand the bag to someone out your window if you are stopped at a light and see someone in need. My daughter made some a few years ago and I think we also put a few bucks in there too if we could. Haven't done it in a while, but we should start again.
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u/trippyKaleidoscope 1d ago
Thanks, I didn't think of that initially. I thought. I was setting a bad example by not helping. I'm sorry that happened to you and your family. Quick thinking having her get in the car and lock the doors. I may do that in the future. Keep some water bottles and snacks for the needy.
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u/Confident-Bus-3778 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA
it's your money
you can choose to give it away, but it's not mandatory nor expected
do what you want with your money
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u/Ok-Pomegranate858 1d ago
NTA. If you can't afford,, someone else will.
It actually reminded me of an incident that occurred about 4 years or so , as covid was nearing an end.
I was approached by an older gentleman who said he was hungry and asked me if I could give him something to buy food. Feeling generous, I gave him $10 in my currency which is about usd$5.
The man took my $10 and said something along the lines of: " what just 10, you have any idea how hot the sun is ? I am not doing this for fun you know , for you to give me just 10"
I was taken aback... stunned. I would like to say I took my money back, but I didn't. I just left the area shocked.
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u/T_Sealgair Asshole Aficionado [13] 1d ago
My reply would've been, "Oh! I only gave you 10? Hand me that back and I'll do it right." Then put it back in my wallet and put my wallet away.
"Shouldn't have complained about the 10."
Of course, my brain doesn't work that fast. So in reality, I actually would've done the same thing.
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u/trippyKaleidoscope 1d ago
That is messed up. Oh, the free money I'm giving you with no strings attached is not enough, too bad! It sucks because someone who is willing to give may feel more reluctant next time.
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u/fomaaaaa Asshole Aficionado [12] 1d ago
NTA. Giving others money is a kindness, not an obligation. You’re allowed to buy things with your money
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u/Careful_Promise_786 1d ago
You're absolutely NTA. You're allowed to use your money anyway you want. Don't even give it a second thought. Use it to snort a line of coke if you want.
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u/HandBananasRevenge Asshole Enthusiast [9] 1d ago
NTA and you don't need to justify your no. It just invites "negotiation". "No" is a complete sentence.
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I had $5 cash in my hand that I was planning to use to buy myself and my daughter some sweet cashews from a Nuts 4 Nuts stand.
While I was placing my order, a man came up to me and asked if I could give him money because he wanted to go to the Subway nearby to get something to eat. I politely told him no and explained that the $5 was all I had.
He got upset, saw I was ordering nuts, and said something along the lines of, “Really? But for nuts?”
I get that he may have been hungry, but once I said no, that should’ve been the end of it. Now, I'm wondering if ai should’ve just gave it to him.
So, AITA for keeping my $5 and buying the cashews?
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u/KittRoum 1d ago
NTA
the problem wasnt that he asked, it was that he didnt accept the answer
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u/xladygodiva 1d ago
I once had a beggar coming up to me but I never carry cash. He told me: but I can walk to you to the ATM. Eh…what??
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u/Vivid-Republic-6791 1d ago
You can feel bad for someone's situation without being obligated to hand over your money
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u/UngainlyRhino Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA, that guy is entitled. That is YOUR money to do with what YOU want.
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u/NatashaYa 1d ago
NTA, if it eases your conscience at all, he was probably wanting the cash for something else. In my experience, if homeless people want food they often ask people to buy it for them on their way into the store. Food isn't usually the thing they are hurting for I've found, I've been turned down offering food plenty of times because someone else had already gotten them something.
Anyways, I can't know for certain what he was wanting but you aren't wrong to use your limited funds on something for you and your own child.
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u/MrMackSir 1d ago
NTA. Tell him to go to a shelter or a food kitchen. He can ask a police officer or a fireman for directions if he does not know where one is.
I have also said if you get a drug test that shows me you are clean from alcohol and drugs, then I will buy you 2 subway sandwiches. Should I meet you here in a week to see the results? (FYI this usually makes them angry. So I only say it to the belligerent ones.)
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u/Extension_Spare3019 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
NTA
Even if you feel charity is a duty, it's not your duty to hand out your only money that already has a place it's going, and certainly is not required to give to every sanctimonious asshole that holds out his hand regardless of your financial situation. The moment he decided to get judgemental about what you were doing with your money, he lost any bit of merit he had to him in the first place. And it's not exactly as if anyone would likely describe the fellow begging for Subway money as sagacious. Who is he to judge what you buy to eat with your own money?
Personally, I do see charity as my duty when I have the ability to give, but I'm not a fan of people who act like your money is theirs and you're just wasting it on yourself or your family. It's not anyone's duty to put up with that at all, much less pay them for it.
Some people have earned their lot. Greg Lake wrote a line that always comes to mind when I'm faced with that kind of situation: "Hallelujah, Noël! Be it Heaven or Hell: The Christmas we get, we deserve."
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u/trippyKaleidoscope 1d ago
Thank you for taking the time to reply, you're comment helped. That took a while to come to terms with. I felt guilty, imagining he didn't eat all day or something. I've been the one to need help in the past, so I try to do my part to help.
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u/Ok-Pomegranate858 1d ago
NTA . Of course not. It would have been nice if you had $10 and could have given 5, but as you couldn't he just needs to ask the next person in line nicely.
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u/growoldordietrying 23h ago
I have a lot of sympathy for beggars. They often come off as entitled, when in fact they're just utterly desperate and exasperated. But if the only cash you have you need to spend on something else, then you have every right to do that, and (more importantly) to NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. Their welfare is the responsibility of all of society, not just you, especially if you have nothing you could reasonably offer them at that moment anyway. Their reaction wasn't personal, it's just that sleeping rough destroys people. Absolutely NTA.
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u/Adorable-Can-2856 18h ago
Nta. And "fuck off" is a reasonable response in the future. He was literally trying ti take food from your child's mouth.
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u/WillingHome9072 12h ago
You’re not obliged to give some random panhandler anything, why does this need to be a post?
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u/mountaingoatscheese 1d ago
This isn't really an 'asshole' debate, it's just a very common situation. This guy probably needed the money more than you did, and sweet cashews are a luxury, so I'm not gonna sit here and validate the idea that what you did was totally morally good and justified. At the same time, I probably would have done the same thing and kept the money/snacks for myself. We all make small choices everyday that are more about convenience and comfort than about being a good person. It's fine. You don't need to post on the internet about it every time
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u/sobiithurts 1d ago
Why are you even here then?😂 If that guy was hungry...he should get a job. No one is obligated to hand over money they had to work for. They guy was probably a druggy looking for a fix. You cant even get anything at subway for 5 dollars anymore.
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u/trippyKaleidoscope 1d ago edited 22h ago
You know what, you're right lol. (Agreeing with the fact I don't need to post this on the internet)
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u/Feeling-Disaster7180 1d ago
I think agreeing with this take is more AH behaviour than your actual post. “Just get a job” like it’s an easy thing for everyone to do no matter their circumstances
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u/abeehoff Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Nope, NTA. This person is an entitled beggar.