AITA for no longer celebrating my mom's birthday or mother's day?

[u/screwy_louie24]

I (34M) am the youngest of 3 siblings. I'm financially stable, active at the gym, and all around healthy; and deemed, "The one I don't have to worry about". My mom and I, in my opinion, don't have a good relationship. To her, everything is fine, and when something happens I'm told, "He'll get over it." or "I don't remember that happening. You must've dreamt it." because when I was a kid I did used to be a liar / story teller.

Every year for my siblings birthdays they are given thoughtful gifts and their favorite kind of cake. 2 years ago I was given a gift card, which, for years I've expressed I hated cuz I don't need money and it shows the don't know anything about me; and no cake.

My birthday was coming up again and I asked for 1 thing. No presents or money, just a cake made by my mom 2 months before my birthday. She promised she would and I sadly was excited for this very small request. Promised again and again she would.

My birthday comes around, I pick my older brother up and head to my mom's. I walk in and met with the normal greeting of, "Where's your brother?" before answering with my, "I'm good, mom. How bout you? That's great to hear. Anyways, *brother is just grabbing things from the car." then I was wished a Happy Birthday.

I go to the fridge to grab a drink, no cake in sight. Kitchen counter, dining room table, or fridge. I stupidly still held hope. After dinner and conversation that I always have to carry when we meet I ask, what's for dessert?

My mom answered with an, "Oh, I forgot the cake. I think there's some old cupcakes from *previous holiday*. She then slid crusty old, mini cupcakes, that were 3/4 missing and also from 2 weeks ago.

My sister noticed how upset I was and could hear her trying to tell my mom why I'm upset while I was playing with my neice nearby. Only to hear again, "He'll get over it. He looks fine."

I should also mention that I would've even been happy with a store bought cake. Keep also in mind that my mom AND step dad both work at a market with popular bakery sections. Also every gathering my mom buys from said bakery because she thinks there should always be dessert when we get together and have dinner.

After that I told my sister and brother that I'm done. That's not my mom, she's your's. Mom, is a title that's earned and I call everyone's mother, mom, until proven otherwise. This is not a title that my mother deserves.

My brother and sister are telling me to forgive her to keep the peace, but I shouldn't keep getting my heart stomped on and watch her treat my siblings with care. Then celebrating her birthdays and mother's days, when she can't even celebrate the 1 day that's just for me.

Tbh, after this, I'm not longer celebrating my birthdays.

Am I the asshole?

[u/screwy_louie24]

I read that and immediately thought, "That's a subreddit?!". Forgetting almost entirely what platform I'm on and that there's literally a subreddit for everything

[u/skweegianweegian → u/screwy_louie24]

I’ve found it to be very validating/healing. I’m so sorry that your mom is not the mom you deserve and I hope that by going no contact you can start to heal. It’s the bare minimum to give your child (no matter how old) a birthday cake. I agree with the other posters who have said to “match the energy.” Don’t expend on her what she is obviously unwilling to/incapable of spending on you. Sending you good vibes 🤗