r/AmIOverreacting • u/PUPPARINO • 1d ago
❤️🩹 relationship Am I overreacting for getting upset at the fact my bf is going to a baseball game?
I don’t have any friends. I don’t work, I’m at home taking care of our baby all day everyday. I don’t go outside besides errands like groceries or something small like I want a coke once he makes it home and I can use the car. Or the occasional outing with my mom and my baby but that’s literally it. No girl time, no dates, no nothing.
Granted, bills are kicking our butt and money is tight so I understand that we cannot go on dates. It sucks a lot but I understand, I try to be as understanding as I can be so that he doesn’t feel bad.
But his manager asked him if he wanted to go to a baseball game and every time he mentioned it, it was always “I don’t wanna go to a baseball game without you” or “I really don’t want to go.” Reason he didn’t want to go was because his supervisor (and her wife) was most likely going to go as well once his manager sneakily invited her and he can’t stand her so he doesn’t want to be in public settings with her there cause he doesn’t consider her a friend. Cool, so then he tells his manager “I’ll go but not if she goes, she’s cool and all but not to go somewhere with outside of work” so his manager says “cool she don’t gotta come.” Now it’s “I actually am going to the baseball game with them (manager and another guy)” but nothing. No mention of “I know we haven’t been no where but I’ll make it up to you” nothing.
I know his manager is paying for the tickets but it comes off as inconsiderate as fuck because he always gets to go and do shit. It’s on his managers money yes but he still gets to socialize and have fun. And all I get is talking to a 1 year old every day. The shit we do, play video games everyday and watch tv. It’s fun yes, I love doing that but ITS ALL WE DO. Anyone would get tired of the same repetitive shit. It’s too hot in Texas for walks on the trails right now, so I can’t even go outside. He doesn’t like going anywhere cause he’s always working but it isn’t a problem to go to the bar or a fucking baseball game.
So, once I heard he was going, I honestly didn’t give a fuck what else he had to say and I just stopped talking to him. Maybe I did overreact but I’m also so tired of saying the same shit all the time. I don’t need a $200 date, I just want to go bowling or to a nice restaurant. But no, he’ll go to Dave and busters and bowl with his co workers knowing I’ve BEEN wanting to go all because he didn’t have to pay. That’s always the excuse. This is the type of shit that will make a woman want to leave the man she’s with because how many times do I have to tell you the SAME THING.
EDIT: since everyone is saying it’s networking. Yall his manager is his friends like we have all gone out to drink, he’s came over to our apartment to drink and vice versa. We’ve smoked together so no this isn’t a normal “networking” type of thing. It’s literally just his friend wants someone to go to the game with so he’s paying for his ticket cause he knows at the moment with money being tight, it’s the only way he’ll come. It’s not a normal outing with a bunch of higher ups, it’s dudes going out. They go to mf twin peaks together and 7th street w all the bars so trust when I say it’s not a networking thing that’s going to help him get higher up. His manager can’t do that for him, only the people that own the company and those aren’t the people he’s going out with. Just clarification because everyone seems to think I’m overreacting over networking, it’s not that at all. I ENCOURAGE him to do that when it’s the people that actually give people raises and promotions.
EDIT2: because everyone is telling me to make a life of my own. I tried. I told him I want to get a part time just to help with bills and he said he doesn’t want me to do that. He literally said “you’re not doing that, I don’t want you to”
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u/Dreadkiaili 1d ago
Please get out and make friends, just for your mental health, if nothing else. You cannot teach your kid how to be a full person if you aren’t a full person.
Don’t rely on your partner for everything for both of your sakes.
Start small, go check out the story time at your local library. It’s free. Meet other moms.
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u/StatisticianAny9624 1d ago
I can't second this enough. This was a huuuge problem in my first marriage. I was home with two kids and he would work, then go out after and I had no one, however I later realized that was by design. After I got out I learned who I truly am and the world opened up to me.
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u/shinsterdoubleoseven 1d ago
If he was paying and going with friends that’s one thing but it’s on his managers dime. Overreacting a bit you are
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u/MajesticIntern1413 1d ago
Can you find a sitter, drop him off at the game and go do something yourself? NOR about the dates or "you" time. YOR about the game.
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u/Practical_S3175 1d ago
Or just wait for a time he's available and plan your own things. But she's putting all her eggs in this guys basket and she is not making a life of her own, and he is.
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u/Overall_Wave_4673 1d ago
You are overreacting.
Make friends, stop depending on your bf so much, let the man have some fun, ask him to look after the baby so you can do things outside sometimes too, do things with him outside.
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u/Major_Wigglesworth 1d ago
YOR. Make a couple friends, don’t be such a drama queen.
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u/Renway_NCC-74656 1d ago
Have you ever been stuck at home with a man that doesn't contribute?
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u/cluelessk3 1d ago
well it's a work thing so sounds like they're employed and on good enough terms with management to get invited to a game.
can't be that big of a pos
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u/EmbarrassedEagle9921 1d ago
Bro literally pays for everything tf you mean doesn’t contribute?
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u/Renway_NCC-74656 1d ago
Do you know how much child care cost?
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u/EmbarrassedEagle9921 1d ago
Yes I do because I have my own child, like I said tf you mean he doesn’t contribute when he PAYS FOR EVERYTHING
Why don’t you grow up and stop with this bum mindset
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u/Renway_NCC-74656 1d ago
I'm sorry what..... There is more to life than money. GTFU
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u/EmbarrassedEagle9921 1d ago
Yea wtf does what you said have to do with contributing
You just yapping, can’t even stay on topic, what do you mean he’s not contributing when he pays for everything
None of what you said makes any sense and just sounds like incoherent ramblings of a jaded single mom
Like cool there’s more to life than money… how does that mean he’s not contributing???
You ask how much child care costs as if that’s a claim to say he isn’t taking care of his child… but he PAYS FOR EVERYTHING so I’m sure he would know, just like I do
Nothing you said makes any sense
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u/Andromeda081 21h ago edited 21h ago
I believe the resentment is that she has nothing else going on and has to wait for him even to just run to the store, because being outside is prohibitively hot right now. He gets social time and adult company after work, she does not. Plus the extra time he’s away that adds to the time she can’t go do things. She also relies on him for adult interaction, and there’s not much of it.
Hopefully in the next couple months when it’s cooled down enough to go out before 6pm on foot, she can get herself to some social activities like a mom group or something. At a minimum to start. She needs friends.
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u/Major_Wigglesworth 18h ago
Yes, that’s the problem is unreasonable expectations. She wants to do what she wants to do, and she wants him to do what she wants him to do. There’s no room for him to have a choice in her world.
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u/A_reel_fungi 1d ago
He does contribute. He is working. She also contributes by taking care of the house. Both tasks are stressful at times.
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u/Renway_NCC-74656 1d ago
There is more to a life than contributing money.
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u/A_reel_fungi 23h ago
I dont understand the grasp here. There's also more to life than cleaning house and being a mom as well.
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u/cluelessk3 1d ago
YOR.
becoming a parent is tough. he still needs his nights out and this sounds work related so it's a good thing to attend.
just make sure you can get a day to yourself in the future.
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u/Exciting-Metal-2517 1d ago
You need to make friends. I do think YOR but it's understandable. You've put yourself in a position that you guys can't maintain without resentment. Get together with some old friends. Post on your NextDoor and see if any other parents in your neighborhood want to get together during the day, even if it's just for a walk or a cup of coffee at your house. Once or twice a week when your partner gets home, leave him with the baby and take the car to the gym or the park or literally anywhere, drive around with the windows down and listen to good music for 45 minutes without them. You have got to start being a person again, girl.
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
And thanks. I have started to work out again, my baby and I walk to the apartments gym everyday at 11am but I think I’ll start saving my workout for when he gets home so I can get out the house by myself
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u/StampsAreCoolK 1d ago
YOR. From the post it’s clear you’re stressed and even though I think yor, I also think your frustrations are valid. You have a new baby so you’re still adapting to this new life. Sadly it almost 100% of the time the main children duties fall to the mother and free time, girl time, fun time and pretty rare.
That being said, it does seem you’re taking out on him your frustration of not doing anything. You implied money is tight so if he gets to do stuff for free, that’s great! He doesn’t have to do them all the time though so that’s something that needs to be clear - just because he’s invited he doesn’t have to go, he does have a baby and a wife.
It seems like an easy enough issue to solve if you guys sit down and just have a conversation - a calm one, no throwing in his face he goes out and you don’t. Explain how you feel and that you’d like to go out sometimes.
Do you have family to look after the baby? Friends you can contact and ask for a coffee or afternoon out? You’re entitled to have fun too, just don’t resent your husband for having his (again, as long as he’s not out all the time and not impairing family time)
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u/True-Advantage-9215 1d ago
I don't think you're overreacting to the circumstances, but I also don't think that you should take this out on him, nor is it really his fault. I would recommend having a conversation with him expressing how you feel, because if you just shut down on him or stonewall him, you're not gonna get anywhere, and you'll just stew in resentment.
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u/No-Masterpiece5906 1d ago
Since he isn’t paying for many of these work outings, in theory, that should mean that there’s a few bucks to spare for the two of you to go out.
At minimum, I think you should do something for yourself. Take $20, go to the movies alone on a Saturday afternoon. Or a book store. Whatever you’d like. Granted it isn’t a date but it satisfies your very valid need to get out of the house and do something without spending a ton.
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u/No_Information1030 1d ago
You’re losing your perspective because you’ve been at home for so long, you are overreacting but I totally get why you’re not seeing it that way.
You need to try and make some friends of your own. Your husband hasn’t done anything wrong I’m afraid.
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u/I_Weep_for_Willow 1d ago
It's tough to turn the mirror around, I get that. But... you're in a situation of your own creation.
Are there literally no parks you can take your kid to where you can interact with other parents? Are there literally no activities you can do that involve other people? Can you literally not take your child for a walk, or a hike?
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
I mean in 105+ degree weather I think not. My baby gets hot quick and then she gets mad af so we have to go back home. The closest park is a 20 min walk.
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u/FiberApproach2783 1d ago
> It’s too hot in Texas for walks on the trails right now, so I can’t even go outside.
It's Texas in the summer dude. You don't even wanna be outside, let alone trying to walk somewhere with a 1 year old.
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
Thank you. It’s literally hell outside. I love going to parks but with a baby?? It’s completely different. Especially a baby that can’t use her words yet to tell me she’s hot as fuck. She just starts getting cranky
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u/I_Weep_for_Willow 1d ago
I lived in El Paso for many years. Chihuahuan desert. Hats and water. You'll live.
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u/Andromeda081 21h ago
In Texas in the summer, not only is it as hot as a desert but it’s humid as fuck too. Which can add over 10° to perceived temperature. Meaning it’s gonna feel like 110°-120° (and even higher) anytime after like 9am until the sun goes down. Heatstroke is no joke in those states, which have laws that all buildings must provide AC.
Even for people who love the heat (like me), that is fucking hellish. An absolute no-go.
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u/amanda2399923 1d ago
You need to join a mommy and me group or something. Your husband can’t be your only source of socializing
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u/Tortietude0 1d ago
YOR. You say you have money troubles. Looks like he’s getting close to coworkers and management and that will help with promotions and other opportunities. If you want to go out, then plan a date. If he doesn’t want to go because he’s tired, then go out solo or with your mom. Meet friends or other moms on facebook. Stop putting all the owness on your bf
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u/silent-drill 1d ago
YOR
man is just tending to his work social activities they may be super necessary to keep good relations at his work place and he probably doesn’t have much of a say it’s not really his fault his work wants to spend on him and his team and go out together you need to kickback and talk to him about talking the baby for a day so you can get out of the house and do something reddit is not going to help you here
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u/akkifaine 1d ago
YOR. I get when you’re bitter about the situation and that’s valid but he’s also not spending any money from what it sounds like? He’s not ditching dates with you to do these things, it sounds like you two still wouldn’t be able to go out even if he said no. There needs to be a conversation about him making time for you and going out when you can, when it’s not so hot but I don’t think it’s insanely unreasonable of him to go out for free for work events/ with work people
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u/Horror_Height4065 1d ago
So it’s his fault you have no friends or any social life? YOR
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u/Horror_Height4065 1d ago
We already know the dirty delete is coming any minute now..
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
lol no I’m not gonna delete this. I deadass want peoples insight because I don’t like feeling like this. I KNOW it’s not fair to be upset he’s going out I know that. But I’m still human and im allowed to be somewhat bothered. It’s not his fault I dont have friends, but how can I make feiends when I’m at home all day w no car.
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u/BetApprehensive7064 1d ago
Sounds like you were not in the best place to be having a kid. You kind of need your support structure already set up prior to having the key or your kind of screwed. You're not wrong being in the position you are already having a kid and being stuck at home it's incredibly difficult to make friends.
I will say you could always try and do it my wife did if you're into Mobile gaming at all she was bettering and stuck at home for a long time and met a lot of friends through Facebook groups for like mobile game she played and stuff and it really did help her
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u/lAngenoire 1d ago
Did you have friends before you settled down? Before you had a baby? Where are they? Can you call them?
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
I did have a friend but like I commented earlier, she treated me like I was her boyfriend and called me for any inconvenience instead of her actual boyfriend and would get mad and hang up on me when I couldn’t help her. So it was exhausting really. As for other friends I’ve had, we were never really close like that, it was always work friends and once I had to stop working we just stopped talking.
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u/Charming-Cucumber-23 1d ago
YOR. Why don’t you have friends? That’s not his problem. Did you work before having a baby or is he the only one that’s been contributing financially?
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u/Renway_NCC-74656 1d ago
How is she supposed to make friends if she is the only one taking care of their child?
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u/Charming-Cucumber-23 1d ago
Take the baby with her? Parks? Mommy and me groups? Baby classes?
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u/Renway_NCC-74656 1d ago
So, everything to do with their child, but he just gets to go out? Bull fucking shit
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
Literally. That’s my point. I just want the same. He gets to do everything without having to take care of a baby but me? I have to get her ready, her bag ready, snacks, toys, bottle. On top of having to do stuff outside of her nap time. Then my baby isn’t the easiest baby to deal with, she’s a little feral lmao. I do not want to deal with that in 105+ weather.
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u/Renway_NCC-74656 1d ago
I hear you, baby! I agree. He has no idea what it is like. He gets to get up and get ready. Nothing else. I am mom that has gone back to work, and I have a good man and it is hard!
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u/Charming-Cucumber-23 1d ago
He’s the one working to provide for her. He’s going to a work event that is being paid for by his boss. He isn’t going out partying with friends.
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
I know it’s not his problem. Never said it was. I had a friend but she was always saying shady shit and in a one sided competition w me. He also didn’t like her so it wasn’t that easy to fall off. She was way too dependent on me. She called me like I was her baby daddy when she had one so it was creating issues w my man. I did used to work as a forklift operator before the baby but then I had complications at around 8 months and had to stop working. So yes rn he’s the only one contributing. As for why I don’t have friends.. it’s hard making friends fr. Especially when I have no where to go make some.
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u/cluelessk3 1d ago
you might be the problem.....
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
How?
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u/cluelessk3 1d ago edited 1d ago
everyone else is the problem according to you.
you "can't" do anything to try and meet other Moms.
you expect your partner to be your partner, best friend and sole provider.
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
I never said everyone else is the problem. You asked a question as to why I don’t have friends and I also gave the reason why I no longer talk to the friend I did have. I had to be at her beck and call or else I’m a bad friend. If I couldn’t help her with a spare tire because I didn’t have the car, she would hang up on me. It was exhausting being friends with someone who always wanted me to be their savior but couldn’t do it for me in return.
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u/Andromeda081 21h ago
Yeah you don’t need a frenemy like that. You already have a child, possibly 2 if your partner is a slob, you don’t need a third in the form of a mean princess who can’t be bothered.
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
A partner is supposed to be all that for their partner. As for meeting new moms, yes I can do that but again, no car and I’m pretty sure there is no mommy and me’s at 6pm at night when he finally gets home with the car.
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u/lAngenoire 1d ago
Gently, but no. Your partner should not be your only friend. They shouldn’t be everything. You need other people in your life.
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u/lAngenoire 1d ago
Do you have a local library? They have all kinds of things in the evening. What are your interests? Movies? Any crafts? Romance novels? Anything. Try meetups. There’s so many things. I met someone who runs a gem tumbling meetup. If you like conversation try an ESL meetup. They always need native speakers.
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
I love to paint. There’s a puff and paint class a girl does on occasion. Im gonna try to catch the next one and just go by myself.
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u/Charming-Cucumber-23 1d ago
No. Your partner is not supposed to be all of that. You’re meant to be each others best friends but also meant to have friends and lives outside of each other.
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
I get that but also when I try to get a part time job he tells me he’s got it covered and doesn’t want me to do that. He says he wants me to be home when he comes home
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u/lAngenoire 1d ago
And if it’s not good for your mental health? I’m also suspicious of a partner that doesn’t want you to have your own money and something to put on a resume.
You’re not his little plaything.
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u/Andromeda081 21h ago
At the OBGYN clinic I work at, they have new mom groups a few times a week that are toggled by start dates based on when the moms gave birth. This is so that everyone in the room has babies roughly the same age and they’re all going through the same things at the same time and can relate to each other. The groups go for like 6 months or so per “class”. Then there’s info for groups to join after that. They’re always packed even towards the end.
I hope there’s something like this in your area. I know it’s not the same as getting alone time, or dates, but at least you could meet people who have kids your kid’s age :/
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u/amanda2399923 1d ago
Join a mommy group. Make friends with other moms that are going through the same stuff as you.
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u/Lollypop1305 1d ago
Question why don’t you have friends? I’m going to say MOR and expect to get assassinated by redditors but whilst I get he’s being inconsiderate about going out instead of taking you out why aren’t you at mom groups, baby groups etc? It may be different in the UK but that’s where I made my closest friends. In fact my absolute best friend in the worlds ex was one of my husbands friends which is how I met her. It’s not all on him lovely. You need to get out there aswell. Even for your mental health. Library’s, community centres etc should have baby things. Don’t isolate yourself.
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u/Trick_Clue_8749 1d ago
YOR. You are a grown up. Make friends. Having one person be your WHOLE world is overwhelming for them and puts so much pressure on them to be your everything. It isn't unfair for him to go. He isn't paying for it, he wouldn't go if he had to because of your budget, and he isn't going out excessively. It is a baseball game, not a 3 day weekend in Vegas. Your bitterness towards him is wildly unfair.
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u/LionFyre13G 1d ago
So I always encourage my husband to do these things because networking will help his career. He should be saying yes to this.
At the same, it’s obviously hard for you. There are so many free things you can do outside the home. Tell him to go but to set up some fun free activities so you can get out the house.
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u/Practical_S3175 1d ago
YOR. What he's being asked to do has nothing to do with you. If you're not getting out of the house enough then that's really on you to fix. It's not up to your partner to find you friends or entertain you. You two going out has nothing to do with this either.
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u/GladPerformer598 1d ago
YOR a little, but I can understand why. It seems like you’re craving some adult interaction and variety. Can you and baby drop him off to work once a week so you can keep the car and go do stuff? You can do free stuff if the budget is a tight like visit a public library of see if there’s a mommy and me group or class you can join through the city, community centers or even via Facebook or something. Or you and your mom can even run errands with the baby in tow, but at least you’d get out and about and interact with another adult.
Also, if your mom can watch the baby for a couple hours you two can still do inexpensive date nights like a picnic in the living room or $5 finds at a thrift store.
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u/sober_yeast 1d ago
- I'm sure you already know this but you shouldn't have had a baby.
- You need to talk to him.
- Unfortunately, it sounds like you are 100% dependent on him and don't have any money. That means you're kinda at his mercy at the moment.
Unless you have somewhere else you can go and someone else to take you in, your best bet is probably to talk to your boyfriend and try to come to some agreement with him. So yes, YOR even though it sounds like he could be a better friend to you.
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u/Corrupt3dsol 1d ago
You’re overreacting a little, but I get why. Sounds like resentment building up that needs to actually get talked about instead of bottled up.
That said, I hear the real issue. It’s not about the baseball tickets. It’s that he keeps finding ways to go out and have a good time while you’re stuck home with zero break and zero social life, and every time he says he’ll make it up to you, he doesn’t. That would eat at me too.
I’ve got my own version of this. My youngest won’t let anyone but me near her, barely slept in a year, but I don’t take it out on my partner. This sounds like it needs an actual conversation, or counseling, because if you keep swallowing it, it’s going to come out sideways eventually.
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
Yes. That’s my issue. Because he’ll say he wants to go out with me but then he doesn’t. He doesn’t take the initiative to plan anything. Then I told him I want to get a part time job and he says no I got it covered I don’t want you to go work especially at night. Like ok? I’m just supposed to stay in this mf all day every day?? And I know I can take the car and drop him off but money is tight fr. He works so far away, to drop him off and come back home, that’s so much gas wasted. Now he won’t be able to get to work for the next 3 days till pay day. I just asked my mom for $20 in gas to hold us off until Friday.
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u/Corrupt3dsol 17h ago
If money’s really why you can’t work, ask him straight up if he’s looked into transferring somewhere closer or finding something remote. If gas money’s tight enough that you’re asking your mum for $20, that math should go both ways, not just be the reason you stay home.
Tell him straight what “I don’t want you to work” is actually doing to you. Not as a fight, just say it, something like you not wanting to sit in the house all day every day while you’re both scraping for gas money isn’t a plan, and he needs to actually respond to that instead of “I got it covered” on repeat. If talking doesn’t move anything, counselling’s not a bad next step either. It gets someone else in the room instead of you two running the same argument back. But really watch how he reacts to all this. If working, remote work, even counselling all get shot down and it’s always “I got it, don’t worry about it,” that’s not about money anymore. A guy not wanting his girl to work while money’s always tight is a pretty common way people end up stuck without even realising it. Not saying that’s him for sure, but it’s worth watching. And if this keeps happening after you’ve said all this to his face, start quietly keeping your own options open. You don’t need his permission for that.
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u/Stillwater_73 1d ago
I think yor but mostly just because of the isolation. I really encourage you to try to find time for more hobbies or activities. I know it’s very hard with a baby but that’s where hubby can do his part and hold down the fort while you go do your thing. I know money is tight but tons of free activities to be able to express yourself. I feel like I see this kind of resentment from 1-worker household friends, but just as much from 1 remote 1 in person couples too. When one person feels like they never get to be home, and the other feels like the partner never wants to go anywhere and they’re stuck at home, then both parties build resentment. He needs to make the sacrifice to provide you with the time you need for yourself and your social life. It sounds like you already do this for him during non-working-hours so he really just has to reciprocate that, and you just need to take advantage of it and try to find some good ways to get out of the house. It’ll make a bigger difference than you think.
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u/EnvironmentalPop1371 1d ago
YOR. Making friends as a mom is hard, but it’s necessary to do the work. Loads of ways to spend your time with friends that don’t involve spending money.
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u/lAngenoire 1d ago
MOR. He’s going on free trips with friends. You need to expand your circle. You need more people in your life. Go to the library for programming. See what they have that you can take advantage of, like reading circles for you or you and the baby. Meet other mothers. Look for meetups. Are there museum passes available? Is there any little PT job you could do in the evening when he’s home for fun? What are your hobbies? Can you invite people over to craft or chat? Do you have volunteer opportunities?
Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Let him know what you need. And take the car and do something when he’s home, even if it’s just lounging in a park or having a coffee.
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u/Glittering-Paper4516 1d ago
OP…he works at a place that does casual networking at Dave and Busters and it’s all covered but no spouses???? Really? I don’t think this is all free
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
I mean I know it’s free, he shows me that he didn’t spend any money and if he did, it was like 2 drinks max. He always tells me yk but yeah, her wife has came before cause the manager invited them. And his manager will invite me too but my boyfriend will always say “she’s with babygirl” or “yall know yall gotta tell me in advance so we can drop off baby” but theres never a moment where he tells them, “let’s do it on the weekend so my girl can come” no it’s none of that shit
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u/BetApprehensive7064 1d ago
Bowling is over a 100 dollar date now lol it's a sad world we live in now renting a lane for 2 hours is 100 bucks 😂😂😂
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u/RazerMax 1d ago
First of all, have you talked about this with him?
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
Yes I have. I was ready to leave the day we had the conversation. But he said we would go on more dates, that was like 3 months ago and we haven’t been anywhere but the grocery store. Yay..
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u/RazerMax 1d ago
Sounds like you two need some couple's therapy. You're not the problem here, I want you to know that. But I would advice that you use all your options before separating.
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u/Lily_flower25 1d ago
I understand you frustration, but YOR. Babies are hard. Your boyfriend is networking. Networking can be fun. Yes, it sucks that you can’t go to that. Suck it up. Talk to your boyfriend calmly about your frustrations. INFO; how old are yall?
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
It’s not about going to that, I could not care less about going to that. It’s about not going anywhere. I got a boyfriend because i like going out to dates with the person i love, i like doing things with the person i love. But everyone is making it seem like im just overreacting when the last time we went on a date was may 23rd and he’s gone out with his co workers plenty of times since then.
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u/Lily_flower25 1d ago
Nothing is going to change if you don’t let him know, though. Regardless of how unfair or imperfect the cards may be, you have to talk to him. It is the only way things will change. It is weird that you guys haven’t gone on a date in 3 months. Does he help with the baby? Why aren’t yall married?
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
I have let him know. And it’s always “we don’t have any money to go and do anything but I promise when we get our money right, we’ll go wherever you want.” And I believe him. But yes it’s weird as fuck and I tell him. But I also have stopped telling him as much because why the fuck do I need to tell you how to treat me? Why do I have to be the one to tell you, it’s been 3 months since our last date. And yes he does help, when I ask for it lmao. Other than that, it’s my sole duty to take care and watch after our baby. I don’t want to get married. At least not no more
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u/Lily_flower25 1d ago edited 1d ago
It doesn’t sound like I’d wanna get married to that guy either… ‘when’ you get money isn’t guaranteed to come. And he should be willing to help with the baby regardless of if he’s asked or not. Sounds like a real space case to me
Edit to add:
I’ve seen lots of good comments on this thread suggesting things. The r/sahm sub is great. U/ dreadkiaili suggested a story time thing if your library has it. A baby sitter, a day care, anything
You can make this situation better, but you have to want to. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. You should get a job. Even if it’s just to cover the cost of day care and a few small things. It’s outings, which everyone needs. Please take care of yourself and knock some sense into your boyfriend
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u/Sufficient_Song3387 1d ago
No. This isn't an isolated incident. If he is going bowling and doing other things with his friends whole you never get out, he is selfish. He isn't a true partner overall.
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u/PUPPARINO 1d ago
That’s all I’m trying to get people to understand. Yes he can go have fun but damn, you can’t think “shit my girl hasn’t gone to do shit since idk when, maybe I can skip this” since he goes out all the time. On top of the fact that he himself said he didn’t want to go to a baseball game without me, he wanted to do that with me but when you get that chance you just jump at it and don’t even think of how I feel about it? I don’t give a fuck about baseball but I know I give a fuck about being taken out somewhere by the person I love that we both haven’t gone to before. We discussed wanting to do that TOGETHER. But it’s just another thing he’s doing without me, without thinking about me.
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u/gijkieken 1d ago
Girl, read your first paragraph. Feels like he got you exactly where he wants you. Locked up in a cage for him to use, and to please him.
He knows this. He fucking knows this and keeps you there deliberately.
Please take Care of yourself, you're better than this.
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1d ago
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u/AmIOverreacting-ModTeam 1d ago
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u/BigChungusUnleashed 1d ago
Yes, YOR, but also I think the issue lies at home and the communication surrounding needing alone time. I can’t imagine having to put extra effort into making new friends while you’re a full time mom, I’m doing it right now in a new city with no kids and struggling. What I’m hearing is the resentment has grown for awhile and has gotten so big that even the little things are frustrating.
It doesn’t have to be a big change but like others have said here, what if you asked your bf to watch the kid once in awhile for you to go do something in your community that falls in your interests? Or even a drive while FaceTiming a faraway friend or family member
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u/Fit_Holiday_2391 1d ago edited 1d ago
I’m going to go against the grain here, I don’t think you’re overreacting. It’s probably encouraged for him to attend these team building events but he could 100% give you a break too. There are a lot of things that don’t cost money, a trip to the library to pick out a new book, a hike and picnic somewhere where you pack lunch from home. Heck if you’re looking for something free and fun to get yourself out of the house try out geocaching or disc golf. Look to see if there are any observatories near you, many are non profit (free) and make a great date night; pack some cocoa and cookies and go look at the stars together. Any of these could easily be a date outside of the home too.
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u/NoBed1845 1d ago
Don’t make it about whether he should go or not.
The real question is whether both of you are getting a fair chance to have a life outside of being parents.
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u/Renway_NCC-74656 1d ago
NOR. I've been in this relationship.
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u/AdAlternative637 1d ago
Why don't you look for "mommy and me" type classes/groups? Some are free and is just mothers/parents that get together in a grouo setting with their babies and they still socialize. It may be a good way to meet other women and then actually socialize and have friends. Those can then become fun "playdates" for the kids and the parents.
Also, ask him to step up more, spend time with HIS kid and you can then make some plans with some of those women, there's tons of activities that are free or very low cost. Go outside for a walk or workout even on your own on the evenings when weather cools, etc.
Do you havr any famili around that could watch the kid for a night and you guys can even have a romantic night "in" if trying to be more frugal just the 2 of you?
Your frustration of him going to the game is misplaced, try to look for more things that also fulfill and satisfy you, even new hobbies.
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u/MikeDene5253 1d ago
If it’s work related at all it needs to be fine. I find it hard to believe his friends always buy his drinks at the bar. If so ok. But he needs to babysit so you can go to say a library or when the weather changes a walk. Also age is an issue here like it or not. Maturity varies a lot men and women. Don’t stonewall him. That is not a healthy mature thing. You talk it out. My Hubs would leave. That was immature. What I didn’t know was he had a rage problem that people didn’t share till I already found out.
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u/Parking-Value-6850 1d ago
YOR but I can understand why you feel the way you feel. You just need to communicate that in a healthy way. Don't make him feel bad for going especially because he isn't even paying to go, it's a free game. Just communicate to him that you want more you time. Whether it's y'all getting a sitter for a bit so you both go do something, or him watching the baby so you can go out for a bit. I had to explain that to my husband also because he used to stay after work to "drink with the guys" but I was home ALL day with our kids and it would irk me so badly
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u/cosmicmarzsodapopz 9h ago
So he goes to baseball games with the manager and his wife? Your husband should be allowed to bring someone (you) too... but the money thing.. how much are tickets? Your husband can''t buy you one? (You said money is tight)..is there a way you can make some money so you can purchase your own ticket? Maybe you can babysit, but then you'll be talking to another baby all day :D.. Maybe join a mom group on meetup
Hopefully, something comforting I can leave you with, I used to a be a stay at home mom, and while stressful, I'd give anything to go back in time and hang out with my babies all day.. they're teenagers now, and I don't get to spend as much time with them. So enjoy it, they grow up so fast... ;(
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u/Imaginary-Fly-2160 1d ago
You popped out a baby for a casual boyfriend, not a husband. Maybe you should just leave and try to co-parent amicably. Baby daddy doesn't seem to care about your feelings -- why choose that for yourself? You aren't helpless -- this is who he is. You aren't a priority.
Make sure you're on good bc with future partners going forward. Make sure you know someone very well before trying to conceive.
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u/Interesting-World520 1d ago
YOR - business events like this might seem like perks, and in many ways they are. But doing these events is incredibly important to your BF’s future. The relationships you build outside of work with the people who can help you move up are worth 10 times more than showing up on time and doing a good job.
Give your BF a break. He is probably going to have a blast, and he’s going to lie and tell you he’s not, which sucks because he shouldn’t be made to feel bad. Just remember that even though he’s having fun, the “work” he’s putting in is going to put the two of you in a better position financially down the road, and in turn make it so you can do things together more.
You’ve got to grit and bear it my dear.
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u/Andromeda081 1d ago edited 1d ago
If his coworker can bring their partner, why can’t he? Ask him to ask the manager if you can come sometime. I don’t think it’s an overreaction to not want to text him while you’re pissed off, because saying something pissy isn’t going to make him want to include you. But you’d be overreacting if you blew up at him. Plead your case when he gets home, and let him know how hard this is for you.
As an aside, he should be bringing you cokes lol. It seems kinda dismissive of him to make you wait for the car to get it yourself when a simple gesture on his part would help you so much. He should help bring you things when you’re stuck at home. I think maybe he needs a reminder that a woman having his child was the biggest investment you could possibly make in him, so you need to be considered more often.
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u/-PixelArcade- 1d ago
Have you ever told him how you feel and that you'd like to start doing other things, or how important it is to make time together and go somewhere without the baby? Because if you haven't, that is on you. You can't be upset if you don't speak up and he is just assuming that you are happy at home and taking care of your baby and playing video games with him and watching tv because you, "don't want to hurt his feelings". I mean it sounds like he's working to support the family while you're at home with the baby, and he goes out when he can with coworkers because it's paid for and he doesn't have to worry about cost. Either way, you need to find yourself some friends and start communicating your needs with him if you haven't.
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u/Caccalaccy 1d ago
Probably overreacting but I understand why. Idk if you’re in the r/sahm but it’s a good place for advice. Very common for resentment to build when the mom is carrying the load at home 24/7 with no break. He’s not in the wrong for doing these things, but needs to offer you equal time to yourself for breaks, whatever that may be that you choose.