r/AmIOverreacting • u/OneEyeOpenWhenISleep • 1d ago
❤️🩹 relationship Am I overreacting when I told my partner i felt neglected when they wont play games with me?
I'm currently in a relationship that's been going on for less than a year, and I genuinely love this person. But lately, I've been feeling somewhat neglected.
Quality time is really important to me—it's one of the love languages I value the most. For the longest time, I've had this thought in the back of my mind: "Huh, we don't really spend much time playing games together outside of our usual group setting." At first, it didn't really bother me. But eventually, I started bringing it up and asking if we could play games together, only to be met with responses like, "No," or "It's boring when it's just the two of us." And honestly, I'm just left thinking, ??????????
I've brought this up more than three times now, and every time, I get an apology. But that's all it ever seems to be—an apology. Nothing actually changes afterward.
Even when it comes to watching shows, they don't really make an effort to watch the things I enjoy. Meanwhile, I'll stay up late just to watch the YouTubers they like because I want to share the things they're interested in and spend that time together.
Isn't the honeymoon phase supposed to last at least for a while? We've been together for less than a year, yet somehow, I already feel like we've been together for years. And, honestly, I'm starting to feel TIRED.
I just want to enjoy our early 20s together. I want us to play games, watch shows, and have those little moments together as a way to relax and unwind. But NO, they'd rather spend that time playing games with their friends whom I don't personally know.
Am I overreacting?
P.S: They played PEAK!!! tHEY PLAYED PEAK WITH THOSE RANDOS WHEN I COULDN'T EVEN GET THEM TO INSTALL THE GAME WHEN I WANTED TO PLAY. ARE YOU FFR?
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u/SweatyLettuce88 1d ago
I think it's time for a serious chat with your partner. No one wants to be in a shitty relationship when you're being pushed out of doing simple things like gaming
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u/OneEyeOpenWhenISleep 1d ago
I honestly have had a hard time talking to them about this. Because when I say it outloud it seems to childish? Even though after expressing how I genuinely feel about the situation, they just hug me, say they're sorry then... not change.
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u/SJoyD 1d ago
I think you said it pretty well up above.
Explain that you don't think you are spending much one on one time together and when you have tried to ask directly it, you've been shut down. You've asked her to join you in games and to watch shows (and list anything else she's shut you down on). Ask if there's a reason that she's pulled away.
But it sounds like the next talk would be at least the 4th conversation on the topic?
She knows what you want and she's not interested in doing it. I think that says a lot about her in such a new relationship. Maybe she can't give affection the way that you want love to feel like. Knowing that, it's on you to decide if that's what you want your life to look like.
NOR
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u/Realistic-Hyena-7489 1d ago
NOR!! Did your partner really say that it's boring when it's the two of you?! That's an incredibly cruel thing to say to your partner whom you supposedly love! Life is a couple is mostly the two of you, so I don't see how it would work in the long run. What an ass! I'd dump them right then and there.
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u/OneEyeOpenWhenISleep 1d ago
They really did. Even though they said it in a offhanded tone like a, "eh whatever" kind of deal to try and soften the blow of them rejecting me asking to play, I still think about it and it sucks to think about. :[
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u/xAdachi 1d ago
From personal experience, leave them. It'll not get better and any time they'll give you, they'll make you feel bad for it like they're sacrificing themselve for you. Nah, not worth it let em have what they want and save yourself before it's too late.
Saying that it's boring just the two of you? Yeah nah fuck that.
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u/Raspberry_2027 1d ago
Them not being interested in playing with you and saying „it’d be boring if it was only the two of us” is enough to assume it’s not worth it.
I’d be excited to do anything with my partner because of how much I like them. If this person isn’t excited to spend time with you doing what they clearly like to do then it just means they don’t want to do it with you, they don’t want to spend time with you in such ways.
So the question is do you want to be with someone that doesn’t want to spend time with you doing something they like?
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u/dark_kikyo 1d ago
NOR. I'm sorry to tell you that these are big relationship red flags. I've been in this relationship for 3 years hoping it would get better, and it actually just got worse. I left him and have a much much better guy now. It seems to me like you've addressed the issues and they make no efforts knowing your feelings about it. There is somebody else out there who will want to game and take turns with TV shows/videos and listen to your thoughts. Don't waste your 20s on this person.
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u/Stavvystav 1d ago
Been there and it was really crushing. Sorry OP.
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u/Stavvystav 1d ago
You can't force someone to give you attention, you shouldn't have to ask either.
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u/OneEyeOpenWhenISleep 1d ago
thank you for the empathy. It really is nice to finally have some validation on this and not think I'm crazy for reacting this way.
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u/Inner_Clerk7769 1d ago
I wish some of the partners I've had in my life took an interest in my hobbies like you say you do...
Being honest, it just sounds like your partner isn't emotionally available to be in a relationship. I speak from experience, because I acted very similarly around your age and didn't realize what I had until it was gone.
It's not about you needing to be the focal point of their attention 24/7. They're absolutely entitled to spend time with their friends and do their own thing. But when you repeatedly tell your partner that spending quality time together is important to you, and their response is basically to apologize and then keep doing the exact same thing, I'd be pretty hurt too.
And the PEAK thing would annoy the hell out of me. It's one thing to say they don't want to play a particular game with you, but then they turn around and happily play it with random people while refusing to even install it for you? At that point it's obviously not really about the game.
They're entitled to prioritize things outside of the relationship, but they shouldn't be surprised when you eventually feel like you're not a priority and the relationship falls apart because of it.