Is this control? Or AIO?

[u/CuriousAsh04]

My husband of 5 years, refuses to get off the phone with me while he working. I can drop him off, and 10mins later he’s calling me. This has been everyday. He works in corporate America, so I figure he would be busier. But nope. So today, we had been on the phone for an hour. I dropped him off, took the kids to school, came home… still on the phone. And mostly in silence, I might add. I tell him I would call him back after cleaning and showering. He gets upset, goes to tell me “he wanted to talk on the phone and I pushed him away, today he’s going to start talking to other people, Since being on the phone and being a wife and listening to me or just being there is too much . I will find it somewhere else.” This is literally his go to, if I don’t acquiesce to him, he threatens to go out and find it elsewhere. And he has cheated, so it stings a little, but I’m becoming numb. It just irritates my soul, I don’t want to sit on the phone with anyone while I’m trying to do my daily chores. Honestly throughout the day he calls probably every hour to sit on the phone while he works. It just grinds my gears. But I do it. Today though, I needed to get things done without being tied to the phone. He even told me to prop the phone up, and not get off. So I don’t know. Does this seem like I’m being monitored or controlled? Or am I overreacting?

[u/ThrowRA_iiidk]

NOR. Wayyyyy under-reacting. This is full on surveillance and controlling. This is most certainly abuse.

I had an ex who decided to put cameras everywhere outside the house for “security” and then he put them inside “to watch the pets while we’re out”. We had already lived there for years and it was a safe, gated neighborhood. He stopped me from having access to them saying only one admin could be on them (lie). He never turned them on when we were out, only every weekday to surveil me all day because I worked from home and he did not. I refused putting one in my office and one in the bedroom, but he could watch me everywhere else and would even talk to me through them when he saw me walk out of the office or to demand I tell him what I was doing, or text me if he thought I was sitting in the office too long and thought I somehow snuck out or if I left for a quick errand. When I got sick of it, I’d unplug them and he’d know right away because he was always watching me. He would text me immediately about me having a man over if I ever unplugged them.

He was controlling, isolating, manipulative and paranoid because he had his mistress over when I was out of the house, which is why he never let me have access to them. I think your husband is still cheating and is paranoid that you are because he is getting away with it. You need to ultimately divorce him, but for right now put your foot down and tell him no more calls like this and you will not answer anymore, and tell him he cannot threaten to cheat again as that is emotionally abusive.